Full Transcript
What’s up, Gatriarchs? We are still taking our much needed vacation. I think Gavin is uh at some bathhouse in the Bahamas. Uh for now we are gonna throw back.
Gavin:
But I’m here. Oh, oh, no, here we go. Oh, no, he’s here.
David:
Oh, welcome back.
Gavin:
There’s a great connection here down here in the Bahamas. It’s very, very strong. He’s he’s just covered in semen.
David:
Um, so uh we’re throwing back this week to episode 21. The legal episode, the legal episode with MX Domestic.
Gavin:
MX Domestic was a fantastic find. It was somebody one of the first times we reached out to somebody that we did not know on the gram, and they have uh a really, really special way of spreading light and joy. They’ve been through a lot in their life, and they don’t have any problem telling us about a lot of that, and how parenthood has given them so much more uh meaning, which is something that we can all relate to.
David:
And also they’re very funny, very funny. So enjoy this uh throwback to episode 21 with MX Domestic. We’ll see you on January 3rd with all new episodes. Can’t wait.
Gavin:
I’m sure that there are people who are into casual conversation. Actually, are there, or are they into like steamy conversation because somebody else is letting a steamer, I suppose? I don’t know, but I’m cutting all of that. Yeah, okay.
David:
None of that will go public whatsoever. And this is Gatriarchs. So we’ve been doing this thing with my son where he will give me a prompt of what to draw, and then I’ll draw it, right? We have this like little kind of like it’s like a little drawing tablet you can kind of push a button and erases, like a super fancy etch a sketch. Sure. And so we’ve been doing that, and it’s really fun, right? He’ll be like, you know, draw a spaceship, draw a fire truck, whatever. The other day, he was like, draw a woman on fire. And I was like, I had that moment of where I just like looked around the room for the closest escape route. I was like, I I or the cameras. Is this kid gonna fucking murder me? No, a woman on fire? But he’s like, do it, daddy. So I’m like, I’m like, how did you do it?
Gavin:
What part, what part of her was on fire?
David:
I I just drew a woman and like a you know, a like a 1950s woman, right? Like a paper doll dress kind of a deal, and then just like flames in the background. But I just was like, this is some fucking dark shit.
Gavin:
Well, wait a minute. Now, elemental, the Disney movie is out, and I believe like it basically it just looks like uh um oh god, what’s the Oh I know what you mean, yeah, where it’s like their bodies on fire, but it’s not like they’re burning a lot of them. And it’s a lady, like the it seems like the main thing.
David:
Yeah, like yeah.
Gavin:
Oh, I see that too. Yeah. But maybe maybe have you already taken him to see Elemental? Maybe that’s what he was uh I have not.
David:
Asking about your future. That was my week.
Gavin:
Um, I am constantly trying not to compare my kids. But when you have a kid who does A and a kid who does B, and one kid does A very well, but B badly, and one kid does B very well, but A badly, how do you avoid comparing them? So anyway, one of my kids is very much like, don’t you dare compare me to the other kid, and I’m trying very hard not to identify their identifying um uh elements. But I’m like, listen, just stop being an asshole, like your sibling, you know? And I’m able to go back and forth with both of those things. But the idea of being able to compare, sometimes I do want to be like, you know, if you just did it a little more like a sibling, it everything would be easier. That’s why you should always have a second kid.
David:
It’s a backup kid. Because if one kid breaks, the other one’s already. And I honestly, sometimes I feel like when one kid’s being an asshole, the other one usually isn’t. So I’m like, yeah, okay, fine. I’m just gonna leave you in here crying. I’m gonna go hang out with a good one.
Gavin:
Yep. Absolutely. And we the uh bringing that brutal honesty is gonna make everybody stronger in the end. So or an artist. With damage, I mean, how can you be a good artist without being a little bit damaged, right?
David:
So one of the things that I wasn’t prepared for when I became a parent was how every single relationship in my life changed. Um and and I would say on the majority, most changed for the better, whatever that meant. Um, but every relationship to the relationship I had with my mail carrier, to my mom, to my kids, to my friends, to like literally everyone in my life. Like I was not expecting mail carrier to come out first there. Her name is her name is Miss Penny, and she’s amazing.
Gavin:
M-A-I-L-O-O-M-A-L-I-L-C.
David:
No, not M A L E, but that’s that’s clever. Um, so I just thought, I don’t know, it’s it’s something interesting that we could talk about because I don’t think I was ready for that. Um, and the only thing I thought I was ready for was like, oh yeah, maybe people without kids would not want to hang out with me as much. Was that your long guy just driving by? The hot one or the old one? The old one? You’re you’re muted right now. Yeah.
Gavin:
Sorry. Um, yeah, I didn’t hit mute fast enough as he zipped by. It was not the hot one. I mean, and I’m all about old hotties too, but this guy is not uh regardless of his age. So, so did did relationships change in your life when you became a parent? It’s a fact of life that it’s hard for all of us to sometimes rectify that relationships do change all the time, but they go in hyper speed uh when you have parents, uh when you have children. And I mean it reminds me of being in middle school and being disenchanted with the kids in my freshman year or in uh high school, my freshman year, my friend group changed by my sophomore year, and I think I just wanted to be like it was. And then when you have kids and you’re like, wait a minute, I just want it to be like it was, but you’re the the all of the change, all of the relationships change so quickly. And um, and we do admittedly, it’s fun to just commiserate and complain about your kids and compare and whatnot, but it is exasperating and as we know, exhausting for people who don’t have kids, and also people who have the wherewithal to be like, can we stop talking about our kids? But it’s also fun to talk about kids too. I mean, that’s why we’re here because we have fun doing it. But what exactly something’s sticking in your craw, I have a feeling right now, about friendship change.
David:
I wouldn’t say it was sticking in my craw. It just it I was surprised. Like, so one of the examples is like prior to my having my first kid when we were telling everybody, oh, we’re like pregnant, the reactions I got, right? Some people were like, Oh, that’s so cool. I had one of my closest friends in the world um say to me, Oh, first words out of his mouth, oh no, we’re not gonna get to hang out anymore. And I get that’s so sex in this. Yeah, but I get the idea, right? It’s like I know you’re gonna be busier, so it like our friendship will change or whatever. But it was, it was a it was a little bit of like a shock. Um, and then of of course, like the the opposite, right? People were like super excited or whatever. Um, so one of the things is like with your own family members and your like your parents, uh your siblings or whatever, I found that on the whole, um, the relationships deepened, they got better. Uh, I don’t know if you felt that way, but like with like my relationship with my mom and my my aunts and my uncles and everything, it just it deepened those relationships.
Gavin:
That’s interesting that you’re the one who’s all like profound and sincere here. Because my thought is actually it’s interesting how my uh I feel like I have more friendships that are transitory and change based upon the circumstances. Like I have a lot of elementary school, but elementary my kids’ elementary school friends’ parents from New York, and I don’t live in the city anymore, and an awful lot of those people have dropped off the planet. And it’s not because we don’t like each other anymore, it’s just out of side out of mind. Or I have my soccer friends, I mean for my kids, my soccer friends, and then I have the lacrosse friends, and then I have the just academic friends, and some somewhere um I love the parents, but our kids don’t necessarily get along that well, and I’m like, tough, we’re gonna all gonna hang out because I like the parents, and uh, this is about me. It’s not about you either. But it is transitory where you kind of have to make peace with sometimes you have the playground friends and then and then not necessarily friends, and it makes you examine like, well, is this a real friendship or is it not if it’s so transitory? And yet it’s a real friendship, it’s just a kind of different kind of real friendship, I think.
David:
So, yes, I think part of that is due to the fact that we’ve grew up in the arts, right, as actors, and so our lives have been very transitory, right? Because you know, we go to a regional gig and then we do a national tour, and then we do a Broadway show, and then we go to Europe and whatever. And so your your best friends, your family members are the people around you. Um they’re intense and totally. So I just thought, yeah, I don’t know why. I just thought like my family family, like my my mom, dad, and siblings and stuff, it deepened the relationship there because it was fun to watch them as a aunt, uncle, grandma, whatever. Um, and then I found the only really negative is I I felt like a lot of my friendships that that I wished had continued or adjusted to my new life, really, because my life is the one that changed, didn’t. And and they they were just that connect because parenting had become such a big part of my life, that that our friendship suffered for that. And I think that’s normal. It did, it, it, it saddened me because part of me wanted to like reach out and be like, no, no, no, no. Uh we still have the same relationship. I my time is just a little different. Let’s just schedule it. We just have to schedule, right? And like, which is you know, very like, you know, I’m I’m busy, I’m busy. But that is the the one downside was that like I had friends who just that was they they were just like, yeah, he’s busy now, and they just kind of figured away. Yeah, but I think that’s the natural part of becoming parents is that like relationships ebb and flow and and whatever. But um, yeah, but then then there’s the last thing I want to talk about, which is fucking hilarious to me, which is when you become a parent, you are forced into these bite-sized relationships with other parent people. That’s either at the daycare or at the birthday party or at the park or whatever. And at the worst, it’s like you’re forced to stand awkwardly next to this other dad at a barbecue and make conversation about things. So much small talk.
Gavin:
How do people do it if they don’t drink? Also, I feel like if if you bring them and which is terrible also because I feel fortunate that I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, but there are, I mean, the idea that we have to drink everywhere to be able to have any kind of social lubricant is kind of too bad. But I I can’t imagine going to I I I hate birthday party kids’ preschool birthday parties if there’s not booze. Come on, because this is just torture for everybody.
David:
But I will say, surprisingly, two we have we have kind of befriended two parents of kids in my kids’ social circle that have become really fucking cool. Like I was like, I we said this the other day, which I think is a really high mark. I would be friends with you even if we didn’t have kids that were friends with each other. And so like we’re already planning like a night out where we all go hang out and go to a bar and get babysitters. Let’s move on to our top three list, shall we?
Gavin:
Yeah. So this is your I know it’s a little nebulous, but I want to know what the three things that are hotter than summer. So let me go first. Number three, Aperil spritzes. For me, an Aperol spritz, you know what an Aperol spritz is, right? I do. It’s a drink. It’s an Italian drink, and it is like two parts prosecco, or just cheap champagne, a little bit of seltzer on top, and a spritz of alt april. Uh the like the the liqueur kind of like campari. Super bitter. But it is a quintessential Italian drink, and for me, it is a Vespa and uh short shorts and uh thick 1960s eye makeup and big ol’ high heels, and it’s just like sex in a drink. I just want to hop on a Vespa and ride around in the summertime in the Italian hills. So for me, I’m telling you, an Aperol spritz. It brings um hotter than hotter to me. Then also hotter than summer to me. Then uh number two, the Banana Republic catalog with short shorts. I was just flipping through the other day and I’m like, yes, God bless short shorts. Because that’s what I need. And number one, hotter than hotter, the Spotify Pride 2023 playlist. I just want to hear all of that good time music that makes you smile and makes you want to grind up against another boy or girl or just like dance and dance and dance. It makes me really happy, and I think it’s hotter than summer. What about you, David?
David:
Well, I I feel like I was misled on what I was doing. No, there was no misleading. It’s just whatever you want. I uh yeah, but now that you’re saying all these like sexy things, now my list is fucking stupid. My list my list is literally hot things. That’s all right. Make your hot tell us what your hot things are, David. Well, well, okay. So in number three, that one empty subway car in summer.
Gavin:
Yes. Okay.
David:
If you live in a big city and it’s rush hour, and every car is full, and there’s that one car that’s empty, that is hot. That is hotter than summer. Good. Uh number two, it’s in the title. Hot pockets. There’s no such thing as a hot pocket that is not molten goddamn lava. Oh shit. Okay. And uh number one, thing hotter than summer? Zoos. Why are zoos always fucking hot? So hot. There’s no shade. There’s no every zoo experience from the fucking parking lot all the way through the it is hot, hot, hot. So number one, zoos. And now, now I feel like I have to add like a bonus one because it was sexy. So I’ll say number one hotter than summer sexy edition is like when you’re on a plane and you’re sitting down on the aisle seat, and some hot guy comes up near you and then starts putting his bag above you, and his shirt lifts up a little bit, and you just get to see like three-quarters of an inch of belly or underwear line or whatever it is. Wow, you came up with that on the fly.
Gavin:
That was a that was a really good one. I mean, there were Kevin.
David:
But the amount of things that are going on constantly in this head would really terrify most people. So, uh, so next time, let’s do our our list for next week will be our top three things that aren’t a big deal as a parent.
Gavin:
Love it. Let’s do it. Our next guest is an influencer of a different kind, a leader in parenting, in gender identity advocacy, in political statements, and social justice. But they’re most known as an outspoken, transparent, relentless thought leader in what crafting. Welcome to the show, The Vimper of Sewing and Crafting, Matthew Boudreaux, best known as NX Domestic. Matthew. Welcome to the book. When the hell are you talking to us at 7 a.m. your time? What?
unknown:
No.
SPEAKER_01:
I get up at four in the morning. I just do that. And so, like, I’ve already been up and about and laid on my couch and took my first nap. So I’m good to go. Yeah. This is when it gets going for me. Why are you up at four in the morning? It started. I mean, part of it started with the daughter when she came into our life, and then she took over my bed. Then this is why nobody should be a parent. But then then I got we got no, we got dogs during the pandemic, and then like now my spouse, we like my spouse is kicked into another room. And so, like, the dog what if the dog sleeps with me? And it started when she’s a puppy, and she’d wake up at four, and I didn’t want her to pee all over me. So I would just like take her outside, and now it’s my body just doesn’t.
Gavin:
But the fact that you have the self-control to be like, you know what, rather than going back, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking I should do something, but you just lay there, like I do, you get up and you take advantage of the day.
David:
But does your kid get up at four, or does your kid get up later?
SPEAKER_01:
No, like she’s still asleep and she’s out of school now, so she’s asleep. That’s the only quiet time I get to myself.
David:
I was just gonna say that’s the only time you get to yourself where people don’t need things from you.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, that part and my my mom was like that, and I never understood. I was like, that’s so weird. But now I’m like, no, there’s no noise. No one except I become my mother.
SPEAKER_00:
What the fuck?
SPEAKER_02:
As long as I’m not like a racist bigot, then that’s good.
David:
There’s still time, there’s still time in the papers.
Gavin:
So, Matthew, so Matthew, you are about to head um give yourself a self-imposed summer break, but I’m curious, what are you working on craft wise today? What are you trying to finish up?
SPEAKER_01:
Right now, I’m working on my Lone Star Pride quill that I started. I taught this in a class last weekend, my first class, since I had my psychotic break and mental breakdown last year. I wanted to see if I could do it, and then they’re all the fabrics I designed, and so the class was really graceful and like I did it. I was like, Yay, my brain works again. But I’ll probably finish this up before I start my my vacation just because it’s it’s pride time, and so I sew and craft through pride as opposed to the parties.
David:
By the way, have you always been a crafter? Like, has that been a a staple of your life, or is this like a relatively new phenomenon for you?
SPEAKER_01:
It’s a newer thing. It’s like the story of Mixed Domestic, it formerly known as Mr. Domestic, is that like when I was growing up, I always wanted to learn, and my mom wouldn’t teach me because I had the wrong genitalia. And so like I would sit there pining and on the floor, wanting her to like teach me all of her ways, and then she would like look over my head, wishing my sisters would want to learn. So like I yearned for it and I wanted it. And so whenever my daughter was born, my spouse bought me some sewing classes, knowing I wanted to connect with my parent that way. And then I just like jumped in, and with my kid as my inspiration, like the sky was the limit, and I was like so much better than I ever imagined I would be, and then put that on social media and with this personality, and it blew up and totally unexpected. But yeah, it was always inside of me. I just never got to do it until about I mean, same for me, just something different.
David:
Um, but also when I was in middle school, I took one home at class. That was the first time a home at class was taken. I was the only boy in the class, of course. And I remember sewing a pillow, and it was uh remember shirt tails, like the cartoon shirt tails. It was like a shirt tails animal pillow that I made. And I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life than this pillow. Just this gay little seventh grader walking around school. You know, people spitting on me and call me faggot, but I was so happy with this pillow. Also, in that class was a girl, I won’t say her name, but she got pregars and she disappeared. Okay, that was I went to school in rural Florida, so like this is expected, but I remember her her just like she was like kind of my friend, and then she was starting to show, and then she like told me, and then she just disappeared, and I never saw her again. Anyway, uh, welcome, welcome, Matthew.
Gavin:
You know what? Things have changed. Things have changed though a little bit in that um in my kids’ uh middle school, everybody takes home ec and everyone takes shop, everybody takes you know, shop class as well. Everybody like in seventh grade, they all do cooking and whatnot. And so um she came home with um a teddy bear that they all had to make at the end of the year as their um sixth grade project. And I thought, I’m so glad everybody’s learning these skills, whether or not you love to do it, whether or not it’s an art and a craft for you, but like literally being able to sew up a patch is an important life skill.
SPEAKER_01:
It’s a life skill, it’s super important. Like, I mean, yeah, I’m like my kid understands it, but I do know how to like like woodworking and that kind of stuff too.
David:
So for those of you who can’t see, they just did this like like like like masculine, burly, like I’m wearing a red flannel.
Gavin:
Matthew, just put on leaderhosen and just did a little dance.
SPEAKER_02:
It’s very much an a-gender situation. I cover all the bases. Yes.
Gavin:
Matthew actually pulled out some quilting material and just made some suspenders right there that look super German. Right now, it’s fabulous.
David:
Have you ever seen the cutting edge, the movie about figure skating?
SPEAKER_01:
One of my favorite movies. I’ve seen that at least a hundred times. Oh my god, when they’re swinging her and she’s almost hitting the up and down, up and down.
SPEAKER_02:
It’s one of my favorite, it’s one of my favorite game movies.
David:
David just said leaderhose, and my first thought was do you remember when the team before them were skating and he goes, and they Fell and their sitsman, and the the commentator goes, I’m not sure, but I think she got caught on his leader hoses.
SPEAKER_01:
Leader hose. Yes, bury that. Are we all the same age? I’m 47. I’m assuming I’m older than everyone, but like our reference is.
David:
Gavin literally lived through the Great Depression. I’m 43, but we’re all in our 40s. Really?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, right on. Okay, so we get each other. And nailing this.
Gavin:
Wait, so okay, so back to the back to sewing crafting and your daughter. Does uh she appreciate what you do and does she do it as well?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, she has been a part of it since the very beginning, and that’s part of how we bonded. Is like I would take her to the fabric stores, and even as a baby, whatever fabric she would touch, I would grab, and then her taste was horrible in my opinion, but I would grab it and then I’d bring it home and I’d make something with it. But what I learned and empowered her to do is that, yeah, just to trust her instincts because I would make it cute, and it kind of pushed me further than I would, because I would be pretty basic if I picked everything, but with what she would pick, it would just like take me out of my comfort zone. So that’s how it started. And she got frustrated like towards the early part of her like kidness because she wanted to be able to make things at the quality that I could, but she just couldn’t. And of course, I didn’t have the patience to like teach her to get there because I wanted to create myself, and now she’s like into like beads, so she’s found her like little place, and she does jewelry and beads, and she has her little station in my room that’s just for her that she can come in because I want her to be integrated in this without forcing her, like if she chooses not to do this. Like my spouse, like they fish, so if she goes out right route and wants to do that, fine, it’s okay, just don’t bring your stinky ass into my room, and that’s totally I just want to point out your like your voice and your body change when you’re like fish, like you became like all of a sudden, like there was like met yeah, the leader.
David:
Leaderhosen came back out. Wait, but how did you become a parent? Because we all have that like origin story as uh as as queer people. Like, how did you become a parent?
SPEAKER_01:
I always wanted to be a parent my whole life, and so I talked about it to anyone that would want to listen, and then it’s like you visualize it, manifest it, it will happen. But yeah, I um we have been married as part of why we moved to the Pacific Northwest from first we were in Texas, emigrated from Texas, went to California, um, to Los Angeles, and it was way too expensive. Moved to the Pacific Northwest when we got married, and um I was getting my master’s in business, and everyone was so young. And I there was one person I connected with that was closer to my age. And of course, I tell everyone, yeah, I want to adopt a kid. I’m very much interested. Like, that’s what I want to do because people want to know you’re married or you’re gonna have a kid. That’s just the next, especially if they’re a straight person, they want to know because that’s the model. And so I’d be like, Yeah, I want to adopt a kid. I always want to have a kid. Like, I would be an amazing dad. And so the one person I connected with, she reached out to me randomly and like sent me a text, hey, are you serious about wanting to adopt? And I was like, Yeah, absolutely. I always want to, like, not knowing what she wanted. She’s like, I actually have an employee that just came up to me and told me that she’s two months pregnant and she wants to give her kid to a same-sex couple. And I was like, What?
SPEAKER_00:
Time like this is easy, right?
SPEAKER_01:
Right. Well, the birth mom, her aunt is a lesbian, and it took her aunt seven years to adopt, and so it’s just something she always wanted to do and didn’t want to be a parent herself. And so, yeah, we connected with the birth parents, um, who were married at the time. We hit it off, and like, yeah, I was like, You’re not allowed to back out of this, like, not in a threatening, menacing way or anything, but I was like, no, this is happening, not with like a knife in your hands, yeah, yeah. And like, so we were a part of it from her being in the birth mom’s womb two months in till in the the delivery room where I cut the cord, and I was the first one to hold her, and we did skin to skin, and we had a room next to the birth parents, and like hung out for like the entire week until we went our separate ways, and then I was a parent. So it was very serendipitous, very me sharing too much information my entire life, and the right person having a conduit in.
Gavin:
And yeah, I mean, it it it that doesn’t exactly mirror all of the other uh challenges that you love to be able to be transparent about and let the world know hey, life’s hard, so let’s all get in on those together. But being a parent is totally easy. Getting babies is totally easy, huh?
SPEAKER_01:
I mean, it was it w it clearly. I was like, oh. But I but that but that’s also been part of my journey as I realize I’m I’m perpetually grateful. Because did I ever think it would happen? No, I was 37 when it happened. I was reaching the end of my my eggs were drying up. So I was like just little grapes on the vines. Yeah. There’s just not.
Gavin:
Now, now I’m sure that your your your parenting story is amazing, but tell us how your daughter has screwed up a craft or two. What horror story has terrible taste, which is terrible to laugh out loud. And you said you’re basic, but I bet I that’s a basic fabulosity, I would imagine. But please tell us.
SPEAKER_01:
Well, she’s she I never said she was horrible. Don’t rewind it or play that. No, I did. I said her taste was yeah, her taste was suspicious. No, it’s she just questionable. She just would like a kid would just grab stuff that was like I don’t know, shiny and sparkly. And mean no, I’m I’m nervous about that kind of stuff. Like I can put three colors together and that like right now I’m wearing black on black on black. That’s my clothes. Yeah. But she pushed me out of my my comfort zone. Screwing up. Ah yeah. No. Her coming in here when I’m working on stuff and then touching it and getting her grubby hands on it as far as it goes. But like you won’t ruin every part of your life. Yeah, as far as her mess and epicraft, nah, she doesn’t really. Because I don’t I don’t ever put a standard on anything that she creates, as well as mine. So whatever it looks like, yeah, that’s great. Because it to me, even with my creations as a grown human, it’s like it’s not about the end result. And this is something that she is she’s ingrained in herself. It’s about the process. So when she was done, I’d always be like, So, how’d you feel going through that? Did you enjoy the process? Did you hate it? Was it was it gross? So as long as she enjoyed the process, I was like, Yeah.
David:
Does she put a half-loop stitch on China silk? No, she doesn’t feel she doesn’t know how to but you know what she did.
SPEAKER_01:
She just told me recently that she was done making bracelets. And I don’t know how I feel about that. Because then I’m like, that’s our connection. Like, does that mean we’re done? Like, is this how it starts? Is this the beginning of the end?
Gavin:
Because she’s just gonna start fishing from here on out instead. Well, I don’t know about that part either.
SPEAKER_01:
But I think it’s because it was her pandemic um thing. Yeah, her time. And like she’s always done crafts and stuff, like she still comes in here and creates, but it’s like that was her obsession. We all had our thing that like kind of got us through not wanting to like go totally crazy.
David:
Like, what is your number one thing? Like, if you if it was just like a day and you’re like, I have three hours, I just want to make something, what would be that thing?
SPEAKER_01:
Probably crochet right now. Yeah, I’m more known for quilting for some reason. It’s like the conservative women all over the globe like latched on to me, even though it’s not my dominant like medium. Crochet, it’s easy. You grab yarn, you grab a hook, and you can stick it in there and make anything.
David:
You just wiggle it a little bit and then like a like a blanket comes up.
Gavin:
I mean, there are so many double entendres, like threading that needle and shoving those and and poking those holes and darning those socks and everything. I mean, would you say as an asexual being, is this your sexuality coming out through your crafting?
SPEAKER_01:
Absolutely. I am full of double double entendre and I try to pretend like it’s not intentional because I’m like, oh me? No, I’m not that way at all. But yeah, I’m I I’m it’s just such a part of me, the double entendre, that it just comes out and I let other people have fun with it.
David:
But wait, you have a huge social media following. Do you have a lot of conservative women following you? And why are they following you? Are they not offended by everything you do?
SPEAKER_01:
That part, yeah, probably. But what’s because in the very beginning of this whole thing, I basically discovered that my first iteration of followers were like my mother, over and over and over and again. And I knew how to like do that, be the little the like outwardly like super flamboyant, not that I’m not like gay version of rainbow, it’s like that palatable, the the good kind of gay that they would say. So I would do that. And I found that I had that part. So I had a bunch of them, and those conservative women love you if you’re listening. You probably aren’t, but like they don’t realize they’re not supposed to fuck with us, they just don’t realize. They see us as like, oh, oh my god, you’re shiny and new, and you’re fun, and you’ll deal with me, and you’re not like too offensive. And so I I want to be a part of you and take what I love from you, but then the rest of it fuck off.
SPEAKER_00:
A little sideshow, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so I had a bunch of that, and like I played into that, and that’s and that’s I had a bunch of brand deals being in that character. And and but once I started to speak out on social justice and be more like myself, a bunch of them stuck around. So I would say most of my following is not conservative, but I have a bunch of them that appreciate the fact that I push them, and I do it for the most part in a way that like brings them along and doesn’t make them feel like like they’re totally horrible.
David:
But you have a unique access to them, which is really weird, like you have a unique access point to them, yeah.
Gavin:
That part, and it’s impossible to get away from them if you’re a crafter, like they’re ever and also this goes along with your um non-bear non-binary identity, I would say too, is that it’s not all just black or white, blue, red, and whatnot. There are nuances of the people who are following you and who are being creative. And I mean, we so often write off people who don’t believe the same things we do, but maybe you know, you’re reminding us that in humanity there are there is evolution and people want to learn.
SPEAKER_01:
I know, I know, I know, but I’m trying, and it’s it’s fucking hard. And that’s part of my like the I’ve been speaking out on shit for three years, and the very beginning I wanted to make everyone feel stupid, which is most of what people do on the internet when they talk about issues. It’s like your virtue signaling to the people that think like you, and it’s not so much about trying to bring people on. But like, as I alluded to, like, I had a nervous breakdown and I uh tried to kill myself last year, and it was horrible because I was dissociated, psychotic break. I don’t I can’t do that anymore, and I wasn’t reaching anyone, and part of it was just the constant backlash from people. I can’t, my spirit can’t handle it. That it’s like I I kind of like put my big my big human panties on, and I was like, you know what? What am I really trying to fucking do here? Am I trying to get as like a million followers or am I trying to like help people as a grown grown up? So so I realize my vulnerability is what brings people in more. And like trying to find the human connection to where it’s more we as opposed to you. And that’s what I’ve been doing this year, and my account’s been growing even more, which it’s always surprising when I lean into myself and I grow bigger. It’s um it’s what that’s what they said. That’s what they said. So it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s where I’m at now is instead of attacking, um, I want to find the humanity in someone before I even get in front of my phone to record. Because if I can’t find that humanity, I’m not doing it for the right reason, and that could potentially like cause me to spiral and like I don’t want to risk that. And so it’s it’s been a learning, but I think that more of us need to get out of our fucking silos because for me that caused me to have a breakdown. I felt so isolated. I had like three people in my life, and so it’s like we can’t exist that way, which doesn’t mean I want to fuck with people who go to church and call me a sinner and all that kind of stuff. Like, I’m not interested, but I can I can try to talk to everyone else who’s not on the the extreme edge.
David:
And I imagine you also like there was a probably a version of you prior who was sanitizing certain parts of yourself, and now that you’re being more authentic, that is more engaging to a lot of these people because I find and this is my personality, but the people on the internet have these like high-key, glossy, fake, like very veneer accounts, which have a ton of followers. I’m like, there’s nothing there for me. But people who have texture and are gross sometimes, but also classy, but also fail all the time. I’m like, yeah, because like that’s me.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, because vulnerability is the key.
David:
Yeah, because I’m disgusting, so I look for disgusting people, which is why you’re here. Welcome, Matthew.
Gavin:
Yeah, thank you. I fit into that. I fit into that. Do you ever um work in X-rated crafts into the things you do? Like, do you ever put like queer sex toys on quilts or vulvas on Velcro or dicks on Doilies?
David:
I want to point out that he wrote those words in our outline. So that wasn’t just coming to the top of his hands.
SPEAKER_01:
I mean, it was it was it was eloquent. It was clearly well thought out. Like the way that those words flowed out of your mouth. Have I ever gotten into no, I haven’t. I’m very I’m also neurodivergent, so I kind of just like I’m perpetually like just what like a dog going to the next thing. But one day, who knows? Dicks on quilts might be what I want to do, and it might be a thing. Um, but then I still would need to be the why. What am I trying to what am I trying to do? Like, is it that I want to show the diversity of dicks? And so each dick is gonna look and feel different, and but then that might be something different.
Gavin:
I mean, that would be a great learning experience.
SPEAKER_01:
But but just but just doing it to be gratuitous and like the shock value, it’s like I’m I’m not 20, I’m 47.
David:
So there’s gotta be a we’ve seen dicks before.
SPEAKER_01:
That’s gotta be an important reason to do to put dicks on a quilt. So once I find that reason, then I’m there.
David:
For those of you out there who have any ideas of like a really clever way to put dicks on quilts, you know to reach out to MX because brings meaning and joy and makes the world a better place.
Gavin:
And then more because hey, that part. I mean, I think it it’s educational around, especially for uh the folks at the conventions and whatnot. Do you go to conventions or conferences to talk um crafting and quilting?
SPEAKER_01:
I have in the past, and I took a break. I kind of took a break from all of it. I kind of not I didn’t say fuck you to like all of it, but I kind of did because I just reached a point where I was tired of being used and I didn’t know how to get out of it. And I did become that sanitized version, and there were just way too many people that that wanted to still try and control me. Because it’s like with every brand deal that I had, someone was like telling me not to do something and to to do something different. And the biggest one was Michael’s, like I was on their pride display, and like all over the country, every single country, and then in Canada, I was on their pride display, and before it came out, they asked me to remove some posts, which I did because I was like, sure. But then after that, once I started speaking out on like the the don’t say gay bill and like trying to use my platform, they stopped working with me altogether, and I’ve worked with them like so much, and there was like so much of that, like to where the the conservative women who didn’t want me to speak out would then use things that I said to reach out to my brands to try and get them not to work with me anymore. It was just like, yeah, and it was the same with the whole circuit, the quilting circuit. There’s some conservative women in my local area that caused me harm and like told the local shops not to work with me anymore. So it was just a bunch of petty bitch stuff, and I just needed some space from it. But enough space has gone by to where clearly I’m in a a healthier place and others are resonating that they’re reaching out now. So I just had a guild reach out if I wanted to like present, and I was like, you know what I would do? I would present on gender and my career in sewing and crafting, and um that would be the topic. I would love to talk about that, just to to apply that because so often they they there was too many people telling me the only reason I got attention was because I had a dick. Oh, so and they would say that to my face. The reason you’re getting attention right now is because you have a penis. That’s the only reason.
Gavin:
Which has nothing to do with gender or sexuality. Literally, they just needed a person with a penis to show diversity in the crafting world.
SPEAKER_01:
But if I’m honest, in the very beginning, I got way more attention than I probably should have gotten. So, like so much I was asked to work a I was a headliner for a quilt exhibit. Uh no big deal.
David:
You kind of lean in the camera. You’re like an headliner.
SPEAKER_01:
But it was one year, I was one year in of me quilting, and I didn’t even have enough quilts to show. Uh-huh. So I had to make some more quilts to where now in retrospect, I’m like, huh. I shouldn’t have done that. I see that now, but don’t blame me for taking an opportunity because queer people don’t get all the opportunities in the world. Don’t blame me. Blame the people who hired me, blame the system, blame all of that. So I want to talk about that shit.
SPEAKER_00:
So if people want me to like do the circuit again, yeah, fuck yeah, I’ll do it.
SPEAKER_01:
I’ll do it, and I’ll put it in their face and I’ll be like, yeah, this is what happened. How do you feel? Is this really why? Because I think I’m fucking amazing. The quilts I make are awesome. Like maybe not in the beginning, but it was not cool to hold that against me and cause me harm, like literal, actual harm in my area. Like, it’s just that’s lame.
David:
Does the smell of a craft store make you also have to immediately poop? Like, I walk into a Joann’s, and the second those doors open, I’m like, I gotta poop. Is it just me? No, I’m gonna go.
SPEAKER_01:
I think it’s just a you situation. I think it’s the opening of the doors. Like, let’s go. It’s the opening of the doors, might remind you of an anus where you’re like, oh, it’s opening, prolapse, uh, poop, coffee, like a little bit of mold to me.
David:
A little bit of a smell of like wicker baskets. Something about the smell of the wood wicker baskets. You that is uh that is a tough one.
SPEAKER_01:
David, I think you’re on I think you’re on an island with that one.
David:
I I I am literally adrift in the Aegean Sea at the moment.
Gavin:
Um Luckily, Matthew, being an influencer, being a crafter is not your primary job. You’ve had several jobs in the past. And what is actually uh theoretically paying the bills right now?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, I’m in HIV um pharmaceuticals. I’ve been doing this for eight years. I’ve been in pharmaceuticals for 20, so that’s my main gig. And as a little as a wee as a boy growing up in the 80s and 90s, I always wanted to work in HIV. And I started volunteering in 1994 when I turned 18, and my parents couldn’t tell me no. And so I’ve always been in it, and now I’m working in the field. So that’s my gig, and it’s really satisfying.
Gavin:
Um I’m really feeling bad about myself here now because of the like your your complete commitment to all you believe in. And I’m like, uh, yeah, but Gabriel, you know everywhere to rent.
David:
So that’s the same thing as working at HIV pharmaceuticals.
Gavin:
And legally blonde, which basically adjacent.
David:
Basically adjacent.
Gavin:
Um but then also you alluded earlier to having been an asexual uh uh sex worker. Do you mind talking about that? Like where I would imagine you were like a therapist for people helping them achieve their better sexual heights through your your association. Tell us about it.
SPEAKER_01:
Well, back then I didn’t know. It’s not like I did it when I I realized who I was sexually. I was 20 and I went to an all-meal college in Indiana, my um undergrad. I thought it was more progressive than Houston, and it wasn’t. I didn’t know. I was like, it’s up, it’s Wabash College. Oh my god.
Gavin:
Matthew, my dad went to Wabash. Nah.
David:
Wait, did you fuck Gavin’s dad?
SPEAKER_01:
Maybe no, but I didn’t do it there. I did it in my junior year. I was able to intern in New York City and uh I interned at the Lee Strasberg Theater Institute because that’s what my undergrad was in.
Gavin:
We we know Lee. I mean, you know, more or less.
SPEAKER_01:
And then I um I ran out of money because I had a full scholarship and I grew up poor, and my parents were not gonna help me. And so I ran out of money like three weeks in because I was like, New York.
SPEAKER_00:
Totally.
SPEAKER_01:
And then I was like, Oh, I can have sex, I can do this. Well, how can I make pay for money? Because I had to work throughout the day at the Strasburg Institute, and so I needed something I could do. And so I called up the the I looked at one of those gay magazines and it was wow, was the agency, and I looked it up and I was like, hey, let me come visit you. And I went and I did my thing and I I got the spot, and um, I was there, and um, even in that gig, I wanted to be the best. I was the number one escort in the agency the whole time.
Gavin:
Overachievers, overachiever from if you need somebody to deliver you, come to a gay guy and and like this was yes, this was late.
David:
What you said this was in the 90s?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, it was 1997.
David:
And so wait, so how does somebody access the time? Because there’s like no Craigslist then, right? There’s no grinder that we’re gonna do.
SPEAKER_01:
I had a pager. I had a pager, and they would call the agency from the magazine and say, Hey, this is what I’m looking for, and then I’d get paged, and like I got in good with uh the the madam of the agency, and so they would text me and like I’m likable and I was more than just a good lay and so then I would get repeat customers and um it was cool but that but how the axes asexuality plays into that is that I didn’t realize that sex wasn’t just transactional for everyone. And so that’s how it’s always been like even when I in New York City I was also I don’t I dated a drug dealer so I had so much Coke and I did so many drugs and for me sex was just a way to like like do that where I would like like I I mean the drug dealer we would hire escorts ourselves and I wouldn’t it wouldn’t be for the sex. That would just be the activity so I could do Coke the whole time. And um so it’s like that’s how sex was for me. Oh that was a hard year. 1997 like coming back from that and realizing the harm that I did to myself I didn’t know.
Gavin:
And then you still were in college.
SPEAKER_01:
You went back to Indiana I did and then I went back to Indiana and like the addiction came with me and like I was a I some of my clients called me up and I would go on like extended weekends with them and just tell everyone oh I’m doing a modeling gig. I’m doing this when that’s not what I was doing.
David:
When you were doing the boyfriend experience.
SPEAKER_01:
That part that part and I was a stripper at a this really seedy Indianapolis um joint called the unicorn my last semester to get the money so I could graduate. I barely graduated I went from being like full scholarship like dean’s list to like bureau just crawling over the finish line.
Gavin:
Yeah but I did it in last college. But you did it. And you’re here to tell about it and truly I mean uh destigmatizing and opening minds and eyes to all sorts of the ways that we’re just trying to get by in life which isn’t so easy you’re doing a great job of doing that I would say thank you because I mean it’s sex work.
SPEAKER_01:
Who fucking cares? Like it’s a job you gotta do what you gotta do.
David:
People are guessing is work and yeah yeah world sold as profession.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah could I do it now? No I couldn’t do that now. That’s so much work. Like the cleanup alone is just too much.
Gavin:
Yep but but but you might have a future I’m still thinking in the various dicks on quilts still you would be helping uh educate and inform people as well.
SPEAKER_01:
It might help me process that experience if I go back.
David:
That might be the this might be the angle and I’ll call it 1997 show oh my god I already see the lighting and it’s like night we have 90s grunge music happening and it’s just dicks coming out and there’s some famous dicks in there too. Oh I love a famous dick guess who this is so this is unfortunately a parenting podcast so tell us about um some parenting horror stories because we love to trade like the days where just nothing went right oh my god it’s like it feels like it’s every day I mean it’s like every day and we’re on the precipice relatable being a horrible day totally relatable.
SPEAKER_01:
My kid’s pretty easy but in the beginning it was just like the not sleeping the the shitting all over the place the on your quilt getting in the way the it was a bunch of that I don’t know that I have a horror story per se my kid’s real easy but it’s she’s 10. Oh yeah it’s it’s less horror stories than trying to not give up my entire identity to being a dad while um not totally like neglecting her at the same time.
David:
All kidding aside like that is literally why I wanted to start this podcast was like I found that like being a parent and being a person were so separate in every one all these other parents’ lives where I was just like why are we not also talking about your career and your sex life and what you want to do also being a parent and it was always like no no no I’m a parent I’m a parent I’m a parent and that always like bugged me so I was so I’m so happy to hear you say that because that is a weird struggle we all go through is like I wanted to be something else other than a parent.
SPEAKER_01:
I loved being a parent but also can I also be into quilting can I also be a sex worker can I also be want to watch this movie or whatever it is and so yeah because it’s like I saw I saw my mom lose I mean it’s the model it’s the American model of parenting you lose yourself and your kids and you live vicariously and everything you couldn’t accomplish like you try and push your kids into doing it even if they want to and I’m like fuck no and that’s a weird gold standard it’s like if you are so much protect with your kids and you are only a parent then that’s the gold model.
David:
It’s like no that’s that’s a broken system.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah yeah so that’s been the the horror of it for me has been getting when I get it wrong and I realize how much I fucked up. And so it’s less about anything that she’s done because really she’s such a good kid and me saying like I I mentioned be on off whenever we were chatting that like we were talking about things that like we really got hooked on me and my kid and like like that took us away from each other and hers was like an innocent thing. I forgot what it was and I was like I wonder what about me and she was like don’t you remember when you used to live stream all the time and I was like oh fuck I felt horrible because there was a period when I was doing I was obsessed and I did like five live streams on TikTok a day because I wanted to grow because you could grow back then. And I was like yeah and so it’s it’s a perpetual battle with me wanting to be a famous influencer um knowing I need to be on there but then hyper focusing and seeing if I’m growing and stuff and knowing that it takes away from her that’s why I’m so stoked to finally get away for a week and I’m I my family doesn’t believe that I’m gonna be able to stay off my phone but I’m gonna stay off my phone.
Gavin:
I’m really because you’re gonna be the best you’re gonna be the best out of disconnecting.
David:
Uh-huh I’m gonna be the best out of a whole week it is isn’t it amazing like when you your phone is like restarting or you leave it in the other room and you’re like I’m just gonna jump in the car really quick and you have three five ten minutes away from your phone where you’re physically not close to it and you’re just like suddenly you’re like oh there are birds in the sky like suddenly you’re you’re you’re like it literally happened the other day where we were in the car and I went to go pick up my kids and I was like you know what like I left my phone at home I’m not turning around I don’t need my fucking phone and the drive I was just like looking at the street and looking around and looking at my kids in the mirror and I was like okay this is really fucking sad and I’m not a famous influencer. I am a little ask Gavin I am nobody nobody also always into my phone.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah but that’s that’s how we live now it’s it’s it sucks to your career moment the brief moments that we’re like oh there’s a world out here and like I’m reminded every week whenever my phone lies and tells me that I’ve been on it for for 13 hours on average every day.
Gavin:
And I’m like they’re manipulating us as always. Well Matthew I think it is time for you to go be the best vacationer you possibly can and the most disconnected from your phone but in the meantime damn it was great to hear all of your honesty and transparency I want you to bring all of your gay chaos there.
David:
I want you to just make it in your vacation just make it gay chaos.
Gavin:
I’m bringing my chaos to the um the the red woods watch out redwoods it’s not gonna be the same and then when I kinda this person knows how to take a big tree so on that note Matthew thank you I was the best is a this is a church going Christian podcast why would you say something like that?
David:
Matthew have an awesome summer thank you for joining us thank you so my something great this week I think is going to make you very happy Gavin oh I’m so excited. So my mom was in town and my mom was basically asking like you know you know what are you trying to encourage your son to be or to do and uh my husband said I just want him to be grateful.
Gavin:
And your eyes your head started spinning your eyes rolled you were like I gotta take a walk.
David:
It was too many things and so he my husband came to me he was like I think Gavin’s gonna want to hear what I just told Ramal and so I’ve been saving it for a while and I was like Gavin should know that my husband wants our son to be grateful. So you have influenced our family.
Gavin:
I I mean hey listen every single day I bring you up and you bring me down so that is okay. Well you know what along those lines kind of along the lines of hoping for gratitude and manipulating your kids’ behavior so that they will do the things that you hope they will do. My something great is my iPhone app controls because from a distance here in the middle of the summer I’m able to absolutely control my child’s iPhone usage and I have oh I’m holding her absolutely hostage. Our agreement in the summertime is that she can have a half hour of screen time in the morning but then after that she’s got to read for 45 minutes. I mean she’s going into seventh grade this is not too much to ask 45 minutes and then an hour of creativity. And that creativity can be like cooking or playing the piano which she of course she refuses to do all these things because she doesn’t want to do any of it. She just wants to be on her goddamn phone. But I can control how long that she’s on her phone. And you know what? Even though I am essentially terrorizing her entire summer in the grand scheme of fucking things we know that that’s not too much to ask and she can earn her screen time so thank you for my app control from a distance and that’s our show. If you have any comments suggestions on how to manipulate my kid even more or general compliments you can email us at gatriarspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
Or you can DM us on Instagram we are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere and Gavin is at GavinLodge on Pornhub.
Gavin:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts and sign up for our weekly newsletter. Thanks and we’ll see you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs all right so let me just hop into this and then we’ll get and then we’ll get into all of the all of the holes. All of the holes y’all are funny our next guest is an influencer of a different kind he is a leader in pay no I meant to say a leader. Matthew I’m sorry I just misgendered you and used he per apologies no seriously apologies. And I’ve already told you send a Venmo request for five dollars every time I’m gonna keep it tally single time I misgender myself all the time I mean I’m so handsome it’s I get it it’s it’s I mean it it’s and also also it’s a brave new world of you being like whatever the fuck you want to be too and the handsomeness and the awesomeness.
SPEAKER_01:
Don’t let them talk you out of a funny if you do it leave it in there. It’s a good it’s a the the catch and correct is a good thing to leave in there honestly so like catch and correct I don’t get offended by it because it’s like whatever we live in a binary world who fucking cares.
Gavin:
Uh unfortunately we live in a binary world and I love the term catch and catch and correct. Love that catch correct yeah