Full Transcript
Yeah, don’t get used to me being early, uh, but I wanted to make a good first impression so that you’ll be it’s just constant, it’s gonna be constant disappointment from here on out. Sorry about that.
David:
And this is Gatriarchs. So I’m in the phase right now where my son is asking me questions about everything, which is actually kind of fun. He’ll be like, Daddy, why does a it’s a car beep or whatever? And it’s kind of fun, right? And it’s kind of a fun game where he’ll ask you a question that sounds totally normal and then you having to verbalize this thing that everyone just knows is really fucking hard. And the other day he came out with borderline and impossible question, and he said, Daddy, what’s this guy for? And I went, Well and it just stopped me in my tracks. What what is this guy for? I know what this guy’s made out of. I know what this guy looks like. What is this guy for? I don’t fucking know. So um he literally stopped me in my tracks of that. But like every day are these questions. And sometimes they’ll ask you a normal question, and you’re just like, I don’t I don’t fucking know the answer to that.
Gavin:
That is some profound shit right there. And kids are profound, obviously. But I gotta say, in that questioning phase, it’s not so much profound. It is just infuriating. Have you gotten sick of the questions yet? Because I’m only sick of a you wait. We need a sound, we need a sound cue for a just you wait.
David:
Yeah, David says just you wait. Yeah. No, but but he’ll I he’ll the thing, the only thing that bothers me is when he’ll be like, you know, why why is there a st uh a traffic light? I’ll be like, oh, it’s to tell the cars when to go. He’ll go, why? I’m like, so it doesn’t cause traffic accidents. Why? Why? It’s he’s not saying why because he wants further description of the answer. He’s saying why because it’s fun to say. And that makes me crazy.
Gavin:
It’s so Socratic to just keep asking, yes, but why, yes, but why? And it’s awesome, but it Oh, just you wait. Oh my God, the times. I mean, this is where my assholitionist came out so much years ago when we were in the constant why phase. And I would I I think I was pretty good about answering stuff, but eventually I’d be like, okay, enough of the questions. Okay, just there there comes a time. The enough of the questions. Now, right now, my daughter is in the asking phase where she asks me things that I all that she already knows the answer to regularly. Like she’ll ask me, Daddy, do you like uh chicken salad? I’m like, uh, I’m literally I’m I’m making chicken salad right now. So and we you know this about me already that we have chicken salad a lot. Or that was Daddy, why are you drinking from that box labeled Francia? Yet again. Daddy, do you like Francia? Uh Daddy, do you drink Francia every single day? And I’m like, Daddy, why are you crying on the toilet? You know all the you know the answer to all of these things. Francia is the point of it all. Or asking, I mean, asking my her brother, uh, so what instrument are you gonna play next year? What instrument are you gonna play next year? Are you gonna play lacrosse? Are you gonna play soccer? And she knows the answer to all these things. And I’m like, is this a trick? Is she playing mind games with us, or does she just want to hear herself talk? She has run out of things to talk to, so she’s asking us inane uh questions. And I know someday I’m gonna miss it.
David:
But you know Just you wait, Gavin. Just you wait.
Gavin:
Just I wait, but I I could do a or I could do with less of the inane questions for sure.
David:
Well, you know what we don’t have to wait for is our top three list this week. We’re gonna jump right into it because we got a great guest today. We wouldn’t want to keep them waiting. So this week, all right. You tell us what is our top three list?
Gavin:
The top three unintentionally inappropriate things your kid has actually accidentally said or done that made you think, oh, we cannot, we should not be doing that in public. For me, it actually starts out in public. Number three, my uh daughter was running around top when she was two years old on the beach, and she found two um seashells, and she was obsessed with the little mermaid at the time, and so she put the seashells over her nipples to say, see, Daddy, I have shells just like Ariel. And it was pretty funny her obsession with little boobies at the time then. Number two, penis rockets. I don’t know how many times my kids drew rockets that all looked like penises. They all for we went through a solid six-month phase of just dicks being drawn at school and being sent home. Dick pics coming home. Number one one time I was playing hide and seek with my kids, and my daughter, who was about three at the time, came out from hiding behind my bed, and she had a bottle of lube in her mouth. And I think I might have snapped a picture of it because it was so goddamn funny. So yeah, those are the three unintentionally inappropriate things right now. What was the lube for, Gavin? Squeaky wheels.
David:
All right, so top three lists. Okay, so and number three, um, if you follow me on TikTok, you’ve seen this video. Um, I am a little bit of a verbal driver, and my son overheard me say fucking asshole. And when we parked where we were going, I heard this voice in the backseat rehearsing, going, fucking asshole.
SPEAKER_01:
Fucking asshole.
David:
And and if you watch the video, you can see him rehearsing it like he was fucking practicing for Hamlet. He was like, fucking asshole, and saying it over and over and over again. So I have video of that one. So that’s number three. Uh, number two, this happened about four days ago. It was one of his uh Emmett’s grandmother’s birthdays. And so we called him and we said, oh, we we called her and we said, Hey, um, uh, wish your grandmother a happy birthday. And Emmett looked at the camera and said, Happy birthday, butthole. And so um, that was really nice. Uh and number one, uh, back to Emmett and his other grandma. She was visiting us, and uh Emmett was talking about um all the penises uh at his school. Uh this kid has a penis and this kid has a penis, and this kid’s penis is really big, uh, which is already awkward enough. Um and then he asked uh my mom, uh grandma, he said, Grandma, how big is your penis? And uh that shut her up pretty quick. Oh, she didn’t have a response. She she just looked at me like, what do I do? I said, This is your grandkid. Don’t look at me. So uh yeah.
Gavin:
Oh David, how can you um how can we be inappropriate next week with uh the next top three list?
David:
So next week’s top three list is top three things that are adorable if a kid does it, but not adorable if an adult does it. All right. So our guests this week are two friends of mine, and I’m gonna read their bios they sent me word for word. Rob. Oh, we’ve never had anybody submit their own bios. Rod. Rod. Rod. Rob Rob leads guest experience for a major retailer, head of a local Pride Alliance nonprofit, and former Miss Teen USA.
Gavin:
Yeah.
David:
Carl currently works as an education administrator and has a background in addictions counseling, acting, and six years of pretending to be the bodies of other people as a stand-in on CBS’s The Good Wife. Our guests this week live close enough to me that they can hear my nightly screams to put on your fucking shoes from their back porch. So please welcome to Gatriarch’s Rob Lyons and Carl Tannis. Yay. How are you? Thanks for having us, former Miss Teen USA. And Rob, by the way, that I mean, uh sorry, Carl, that is that’s not a joke. Carl was a hand model. You were a hand double for the the lead of that show. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_05:
It’s true.
David:
And my hand was a Times Square billboard, yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
As Juliana Margalise’s hand.
SPEAKER_05:
Exactly, precisely, yes. They felt she needed more managed hands. So yeah, that’s where I came into.
David:
I mean, you are our first guest who has had a billboard in Times Square. So this is kind of a big deal for Gatriarch.
SPEAKER_05:
Pretty excited about that, yeah. And you wouldn’t know it was me unless you knew my hands very well, which I think Rob does. Um but uh but uh intimately.
Gavin:
Wait, you I mean, insert insert all the hand job jokes here.
SPEAKER_00:
Exactly.
Gavin:
You got a you got a hand job in Times Square, and you’re your hand, I mean He got a hand job.
David:
Yeah, he did get a hand job in Times Square. Wow. We are so happy to have you. We we love you. Yeah, thank you. Oh, I love you. Uh, Gavin doesn’t know you involved. I’m soon to love you. Um it’s jury’s out. But uh you and I just quickly, we we all met because uh again, like I met meet all the guys on the show um on the internet. Um you uh you guys run a local pride nonprofit, and you guys were having like a social night or something at the movies. Yeah, and my husband had like Googled when we moved to this town, like gay stuff in the area, and we got a lot of results. But then we saw that, like, oh, they’re going to see this movie, we should go. And so we went and we went to the area where like they sell the popcorn and stuff, and we just sat there and we were nervous. And everybody who walked in the door, he would whisper to me, like, Do you think those are the gay people? Do you think do you do you think those are the gays? And we just were so embarrassed because we didn’t know anybody. And luckily, one of the other members came up to Brian and he had my husband and hit he had seen him on the bus going to work, and he’s like, Hey, I think I see you on the bus. And then we all joined, then we all became best friends. Um, but now you guys are dads um of a of a fun little boy who I have had the pleasure of knowing for a long time. And uh you guys adopted his whole life, yeah, his whole life, literally, except for the first couple of weeks when you guys were in Florida. But um, I like to think I was there emotionally. Um you were. Yes, but uh so you guys adopted, but before you got to adopt your son, you guys went through a whole fucking lifetime of experiences, both positive and negative. So I kind of wanted to chat with you guys about that because there’s a lot of people who adopt, obviously, and there’s a lot of people who have failed adoptions or who are about to go into adopting. So I thought you guys would be really helpful to have on to tell your story about what happened and maybe some advice to people who are about to go into the world of adoption. So tell us first what made you consider adoption?
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah. Uh want to take it, Carl? I’ll take this one. Yeah, you turn out.
David:
Carl’s working on his hand jobs right now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
That’s why the camera’s only up a little bit. Well, we’re on a podcast, but anyway, just your use of imagination. Um, so yeah, so we definitely, you know, always wanted to start a family. Uh, it was important to us, you know, through our many years of dating. We knew that that’s, you know, once we got married, that was the next step for us. Uh, and we definitely looked at all of our options surrogacy, um, fostering, adoption. Um, but for us, I think, you know, adoption was the right fit for us. You know, I’ll say it right away, financially. Um, you know, that’s obviously a big component of when you’re trying to start your family as a gay parent, right? Uh, the financial um aspect of it. Um yeah, and we just thought that, you know, we’ve seen a lot of experiences with you know being providing homes to children who uh, you know, need different opportunities and the birth families, you know, want to place them in in a really great situation. So just the kind of act of adoption and you know, Carl has um family members uh and a cousin who’s been adopted. So we have um you know adoption stories in our life, and we just wanted to make that one of ours. So, Carl, if I if you want to add anything else.
SPEAKER_05:
No, I mean you said it all. So, yeah, exactly what Rob said.
David:
Yeah, so so you guys decided to adopt. Now, I I we I went to a conference one time to learn about adoption, and I had no idea that there are a variety of ways to adopt. There’s obviously foster adopt, but even in just the narrow lane of uh regular adoption. So tell us a little bit about like how how if you’re gonna go, if you’re like, I want to adopt a kid, what do you do? Like, what are you supposed to do?
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, I mean, so there’s two separate options essentially. Uh, I mean, there’s foster to adopt, but then when you’re looking at the other adoption piece of it, there’s there’s uh private adoptions and then there’s agency adoptions. And so you sort of have to decide which route that you want to go first. Um and really with both routes, the first step that you have to do is to get a home study done, which is basically a whole study on your home and your life, and it’s done by a social worker, and that’s all sort of the first part of what the puzzle of what you have to do in the adoption process.
David:
Yeah, but you have to prove that your house is capable of raising a child, which is hilarious because I have seen some straight people raise children in some pretty questionable locations. Yeah.
Gavin:
And did did you suddenly feel like you had to fold all the towels so that they all stacked up in a line and keep the kitchen way cleaner than you normally would?
SPEAKER_03:
I know you don’t know me, but my towels are always folded, just so you always uh even always folded.
Gavin:
In so in which ways, though, did you have to adjust yourself quickly for an uh for somebody coming in and judging your house?
SPEAKER_05:
I mean it’s a deep clean, that’s for sure. Um but but ultimately we were and we will touch upon this probably a little bit, but we were a part of a bunch of groups on Facebook also trying to sort of figure out what was going on and what the process is like. And everyone just said, listen, don’t go crazy, you know, live your life and show your life as it is, and you know, don’t hide all the liquor bottles and don’t, you know, like because people do that. And you know, we wanted our social workers to just sort of get a better authentic picture of who we were. Um we just cleaned, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
What were the scents, Rob? What were the specific scents? Uh probably like beach sandals or something like something, you know, linen hanging on the line.
David:
Beachwood candle, if you want to adopt children. We had a guest on, I think, three episodes ago that was a uh drag uh uh a dad who is a drag queen, and he said the same thing. He was like, I didn’t know if I should like hide the drag part of me in like a closet or if I should keep it out, and and he he had to like second guess himself and like well, how am I gonna impress these people? Yeah.
Gavin:
But it’s living authentically, leaving out the the beach sandalwood and the b the boot side.
SPEAKER_05:
Correct, exactly. Um but yeah, that was the first part, and then I guess really choosing private adoption versus uh agency adoption was the biggest thing we had to do. What is the difference? When you do yeah, so when you do private adoption, you work directly with a lawyer. So it’s an adoption lawyer that you start to work with, and essentially you become your own business where you have to sort of do your own promotions for yourself and sort of put yourself out there in the hopes of matching with a with a prospective birth mother. Um, and so the private, the biggest difference is the private adoption is sort of you do all that legwork. If you’re going through the agency adoption, the agency is doing the bulk of that for you.
David:
So the private, you’re saying like you have to like advertise yourself like online?
SPEAKER_03:
Basically, yeah. I mean, you kind of have to develop a marketing strategy for yourself, and that can include, you know, at minimum just posting online. Um, you know, we’ve seen all different things for us, specifically. You know, we work with a lawyer who has a website, so we automatically got to be posted on her website. Um, we create you typically create these um portfolio books, right? Booklets that um can be handed out to um prospective families or uh families considering. And literally you put your life into this book. You put pictures of what you like to do, your family, your I mean, it’s like an extended resume, right? Like you’re just putting it and really like what’s gonna attract this, you know, birth family to select us to have their child live with us. What’s the life that you want to put out there? Um, we created business cards, we’ve created our own website.
David:
I had someone, I had some in my wallet for a while. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, and and we’ve even heard people with business cards, you know, in these uh Facebook uh chat groups be like, I would go into like Target and just put them right near the condoms and things like that. And it’s like we didn’t go that route, but wow you know, it’s it’s those pieces. I’ve seen people on the internet. We did go to we did go to ShopRite and put them on the board and shop right up and grocery shoppers were having children.
David:
Yeah, I mean, I I bet that is somebody’s story. I guarantee you that is somebody’s story.
SPEAKER_03:
100%. I mean, we even I remember where’s another place we put, I think outside the bathroom in the parking lot um by in Woodstock, New York. So we would go somewhere, we’d be like, oh, there’s a there’s a cork board, let’s just put our faces up on it. Um and uh and did you get some random responses from that? We actually did not get any really responses from that. I think most of the time.
SPEAKER_05:
Well, we had a few, we had a few like random outreaches that I know who knows if they were from those avenues or other avenues, but there was a few random ones that we never sort of knew where they came from.
David:
I remember you getting a few calls, a few calls from people, and then then that that would be the end of it, just like one call. Um, so you guys decided to do private adoption?
SPEAKER_03:
Yes. It’s so funny when you talk about this, Carl, you probably feel the same way. It really loves, does bring up like this like I don’t want to say PTSD, but it is a form of it. Like sort of. Sometimes even Carl and I, when we were talking before getting on this, we would talk it out loud. We’re like, was that in real life? That really happened. So, you know, enough of the teasers we’ll we’ll jump right in. But uh Yeah, I mean, so I guess the first call, I’ll go.
SPEAKER_05:
Uh so the first one was this uh this woman who’s from Florida, actually, who reached out to us, and I think she found us on Facebook is where she found us originally.
David:
And I already apologized for Florida. Like, I those are my people. I already apologized.
Gavin:
That seems to be a theme in uh you have to do so much explaining, it’s a heavy lift here. Yeah, for sure. A lot of responsibilities.
SPEAKER_03:
And Carl, just uh before you jump into it, I think she we were in that group, um, one of the many adoption groups that we’re in, and one of the um monitors of of that group, uh admins of that group, reached out to us to see if she could put us in contact with someone who had reached out to them because that’s sort of the process. They’ll say, you know, I I’d like to talk to someone, and then they’ll kind of you know work together, and that’s you know, was passed on to us.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah. So we she reached out to us and we we were chatting with her. We were in world market shopping and she started for the holidays and she started to message with us, and we were like, oh my god, there’s a birth mother talking to us. So we were like constantly trying to shop and also do this at the same time. But we set up a time to call with her that night, and we spent, I don’t know, a a good hour or two or an hour and a half, two hours on the phone with her that night, um, just sort of talking through her situation, getting to know her a little bit more. Um, and she ended up being like very interested in moving forward with us, and and so she was like, I’m I’d be happy to talk to your lawyer. Let’s you know, put me in touch. So we ended the conversation that night, super excited, and we emailed our lawyer. We’re like, this is the first opportunity we’ve had.
Gavin:
Um, and then we Was this the first real that was the first real conversation you had too?
SPEAKER_03:
Okay, it seems like meanwhile, this was in across that I think you mentioned that it was Christmas, and we had kicked off our journey like right when COVID started. So we really didn’t like get into it that uh until like like that August. Um so this was we’ve already been like active and live for probably about four months, and we really hadn’t had any reach outs at all. So this was like the first the first one.
SPEAKER_05:
Right. So we had then left a message, we emailed our attorney and left her a message, and uh and then the next morning she called us back and she was starting to talk us through what the conversation was like, and she said, Well, just let you know, let me, you know, you give me information. Let me just tell you. I already put her out to my um group of attorneys in the world out there, and there’s already red flags coming up about this woman. And we were like, what are you what do you mean red flags? And so she just started to say certain things that came up in our conversation.
David:
Like she likes white claw and like chunky sweaters and like that kind of like like Apple sensitivity. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Which I which I was into. I was like, that’s not a red flag for me.
David:
So just so you know, you and I are basic bitches for fall, yes.
SPEAKER_03:
Correct. Well, I mean, David, remember you sent us an autumnal care package while we were in Florida post-option, but maybe we’ll get to that later.
David:
And it included, I remember included many hay bales I sent you. It did. It sure did.
SPEAKER_05:
And a little pumpkin.
David:
And a little pumpkin. Sorry, continue, Carl. Yes.
SPEAKER_05:
Um so so yeah, she said there’s already red flags, tread carefully, basically. So what we did then is there’s a Facebook group that we had joined called Ending Adoption Scams, which, if you’re going into the adoption process, I highly recommend joining this Facebook group. So this Facebook group is all filled with prospective, uh hopeful adoptive parents who are looking to adopt. And what they do is when they come across situations where they’re connecting with prospective birth mothers, they’ll sort of do diligence posts where they’ll say, hey, they won’t put too much identifying information, but they’ll say, you know, Crystal P from Utah, you know, and then if there’s anybody else that’s speaking with Crystal P from Utah. Crystal with a T, I assume. Yeah. Of course. Then I actually I worked with a I worked with a girl one time. I waited tables at Mars 2112 when that was a thing in New York City. Yes. And there was a coworker of mine named Crystal. No. Like multiple. K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-Z.
David:
Oh, come on. Yeah. Oh man.
Gavin:
Was she was she from Utah?
SPEAKER_05:
Maybe. Or Florida, yeah. Probably.
SPEAKER_00:
Or both. Oh.
SPEAKER_05:
But basically, yeah, we did join this group. So we put out a post there about, you know, this conversation we’d had, and right away Rob got a response um from another woman who said, I’ve also been in touch with this woman. Can I message you?
SPEAKER_03:
Thank you for reminding me because I actually forgot that. Carl’s very good at the memory. I blank out and have uh you know don’t read it.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah you like Pumpkin Spice.
SPEAKER_03:
And I love Pumpkin Spice. That’s it. Yeah. And she basically was saying that they had um been speaking with this this woman for a while and basically all the way up to the point of contacting a lawyer had sonograms, had sent money to this woman and was funding her and supporting her already. So as soon as you know we told her that obviously that was a enormous like punch in the face I’m sure for this woman because they were ready to go down. And I think what we learned later Carl too is that I think the lawyer also from what we can kind of determine like you know was also being scammed by this woman because lawyers also don’t know right I mean they may have never no intent at all to um you know put their child up for adoption. They could be pregnant.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah and that leads into a whole element of things that we had learned about in the adoption process that exists out there which are these scams which is um something we found out pretty quickly and there’s a lot of obviously like this woman was like financial scam was a lot of it but then there’s also quite a few emotional scammers out there who will contact hopeful adoptive parents get their hopes up sort of lead them along and then sort of disappear or ghost them or you know and just to do it.
SPEAKER_03:
Now was she actually pregnant? We don’t really know we I I’ll be honest with you this one was very quick like in the matter of like Friday to Monday we got all of this information and we were able to like squash it uh pretty quickly. Right. Yeah.
Gavin:
But there are nefarious people out there who are just doing this to fuck with you. Like not even to get any money out of it.
SPEAKER_03:
So our lawyer told us when we were going that’s you know like Carl said there’s financial scammers but most of them are emotional scammers. And there’s actually one very well known one and you can go into all these groups her name is Gabby. She’s been on Dr. Phil uh and she wait why was she on Dr.
Gavin:
Phil?
SPEAKER_03:
Because she’s a known adoption scammer. And there’s nothing that can legally be done because she’s not taking any financials uh financial you know uh payments from anybody but she creates these numerous profiles talks to people creates these voices I mean it’s amazing if you like uh Google her uh it’s it it’s crazy and I would say like you know we don’t go into these Facebook groups too much right now uh because we’re not active but when we did I mean multiple times a day people were like that’s Gabby Gabby don’t worry I’ve been talking to her so I’m fascinated with how much time people have like I think about my day and I I don’t have time I barely have time to remember my husband’s birthday for for my like how do people have the time for this? Yeah right well obviously there’s a little bit more I’m sure to to Gabby I I want to go down a Dr.
David:
Phil rabbit hole though and oh man for sure yeah but let’s move on from so so Florida woman she was like nope you had a weekend of highs and lows and then so now you’re moving on. So now what happened?
SPEAKER_03:
I think the next one after that and you know and mind you too like that first call for us like we’ve never spoken to anyone so we’re like we don’t even know what to say like it’s in our hands like where’s our where’s my mom like I feel like you want to say like those things like help like you’re like I don’t know how to navigate this. It’s like multiple first dates like when you go from that like online chat to like oh we’re gonna talk on the phone now right like just really like you know that was the first time for us. So we had a little bit like we treaded the waters of like how we kind of introduce ourselves what we talk about. Um so the next one I mean again it it kind of didn’t really we didn’t really get much pe many people reading out we were also finding out from our lawyer that COVID caused a lot of adoptions to like slow down immediately. And this was like known across the board where they thought it would increase so across the board everybody like the people got dogs not babies people got dogs I think it gave people what we heard like it gave people different perspectives on the family um uh mentality um I think bars were closed so one night stand stopped happening like logistically yeah yeah yeah um so that happened so it wasn’t actually David we were with you I feel like we’re always with you when these popped up and we got um you know we would get like little moments here and there of people reaching out through our website um and say please reach out to me um we were away with David and a group of friends and you know we got one of those calls and we tried to reach out and they just you know wouldn’t answer our call or they wouldn’t follow up. So that happened a lot and then really Carl right I mean nothing from that moment in November until April bum but this is when the magic begins for us. And so we had an outreach from our in our Facebook messenger uh and obviously we’re not we won’t mention names uh but Aunt So and so we wound up calling her uh but no we did get a reach out from somebody um and we start chatting with her um you know she was from I guess we can say where she’s from right that doesn’t really matter she was from Tennessee um and this woman quickly entered our lives and she stayed in our lives uh for four months um right four months four three months um and we learned all about her and she connected with us really quickly uh she was a mother who had multiple children uh wanted an open adoption what does that mean so open adoption yeah um you know there’s multiple ways to approaching adoption so like if you want an open adoption which most are now to be to uh you know to let everyone know uh that’s where the birth mother wants some sort of relationship continued through uh the the life of the child um there’s semi-open where maybe you would just share photos and phone calls um and then there’s also close adoption where um in the past that used to be where you maybe maybe never knew the birth parents and you you know were given a provided a child through an agency or some sort of program uh or you know close in this in this day and age is just the the birth family or or mother does not want to continue with a relationship and sort of ends once you adopt the child and receive the child from them.
David:
And so Miss Tennessee wanted an open one.
SPEAKER_03:
Yep so she was and that you know thrusted us you know we had to kind of consider all this stuff when we did our home study right like what kind of adoption do you want? So we on our end were had to make these decisions ahead of time right what you know all the decisions and we didn’t talk about that you know you have to talk about race you have to talk about um sex of the child if you want would you be willing to adopt a child who had um issues or drug addictions right so all of those things we kind of had ready to go so when she presented this semi-open relationship we were we were into it uh you know obviously you’re like you know you have to gauge the thing but when you haven’t heard anything for a while too you really sort of start to prioritize what’s important to you so we were okay with moving forward with her.
David:
And so you also have to consider like with an open you’re you’re kind of adding a person into your family and and what it all all the things that that brings right yeah correct yeah I mean open relationships have many different part of it too no that’s another podcast conversation so we’ll we’ll you can invite us on that after hours. Or just part two that’s we’re we’re good with that too we’re good with that.
SPEAKER_03:
But anyway so so Miss Tennessee you guys start talking on the phone all the time and yeah two hours a day two hours a day yeah so we literally the first conversation with her was about an hour um and let me tell you she is Tennessee right like she jumped right in there the accent the it was a whole different culture uh a different you know lifestyle what she was talking about her personality about Nashville we are talking about like Tehensa he’re we’re talking about Tan T and I remember you guys I uh if I would ever swing by or I’d call you like we’re on the phone with Miss Tennessee it was just like every day that phone would ring you guys would like look at each other and be like here comes two hours of our live yeah yeah no well so because what it started you know we started to learn about her and you know Carl obviously you know uh I’ll pass over to you for for your you know details on it but we you know we started learning all about her so she definitely was a woman who started putting on her whole life right 12 kids her her background of history she connected with us because she was originally from New Jersey which is where we’re based um so there was a lot of like things like that right so a lot of connecting a lot of you know uh just bonding really quickly so she there’s a lot of like sort of emotional connection starting right because now we’re starting to learn about her we’re asking about her et cetera and as Carl said on average at minimum it would be an hour a day that we would speak to her on the phone.
Gavin:
I I don’t have that many things to say to anybody. Definitely not David not my own partner my kids an hour a day oh no no get back on your phone kids I’m done oh for sure I mean what do you talk about like your favorite TV shows event ultimately or are you talking about having an open relationship?
SPEAKER_05:
A lot of it was just like listening to her and her talk and then hearing her other 12 kids screaming in the background and like her dealing with them and listening to just just listening to her life essentially is what we were doing every day. But then it came down to the point where we um had you know she had sent us sonograms and everything so we knew she was pregnant she sent us medical records all of that was cleared she was ready to move forward she wanted us to come down for a visit so we did.
SPEAKER_03:
So we bought our tickets to fly to Tennessee to go meet her and that was an experience to say the least that’s going to be a whole other podcast at one point we when they the day they flew back my husband and I drove over there and we’re like we sat down we like opened bottom line and I was like tell me everything because we got like a few texts while you’re down there but I was like I because you had spent a whole weekend there right yeah yeah and and we kind of and we kind of listen listen I mean we talked to this woman right we talked and this was in July we were planning to go so we went from April to the beginning of July talking multiple times. So we basically know this woman right quote unquote right we know her like and there’s been ups and downs through there like right I mean she never really asked for money during this time the one thing we did support during this time in partnership you know with our lawyer you know saying it was okay and what most people do is we did um provide her with uh phone cards uh because her phone number was changing all the time and for us we had a Google phone set up right so it’s a private number that’s not connected to us personally so that we can remain a little bit of uh you know have a little bit of you know anonymity why would I try to use that word on a podcast anonymity I I could have been anymore preparing to say the word and I can hear your brain go oh god can I say this word and I appreciate you what cinnamon can I do uh before I say this word oh my gosh um but um yeah so we we provide her with phone cards so we we were giving her this so we started you know doing that you know as Carl mentioned she kind of uh she signed we had to get her to sign some paperwork which also was like you know uh a a a hassle and a burden because you know she um didn’t have a permanent address so we were like how are we gonna get this packet of paperwork to her for her to sign um and you know once we did you know we Googled some images about you know the area as David mentions and we knew we were going to a place where it wasn’t our normal uh neck of the woods if you will it’s not where we choose to go on vacation right um even though there are a variety of appliances in the front yard correct um yes yes um but we so yeah so we plan to go down there and visit her we we scheduled the time bought gifts right because you know one thing is you know there is a weird kind of element of having to charm these families right to you’re dating now you’re dating dating for a long lifelong commitment for that and it’s a it’s a weird balance of like not like influencing a person or coercing coercing them to like give you their child but you want to make sure that they’re you know comfortable with and you haven’t dated a woman in a long time I mean I hear that’s what you have to do right be nice um so give to their other kids yeah give to their other kids just like having date women normally yeah yeah um so yeah so then we we know we knew that we were gonna go down and meet so we meet we met a neutral we went down and we wanted to meet on a neutral ground because we did get some feedback you know based on where this uh person lived you know you do not want to go there do not go into that town so we found a uh neutral place near um I guess I could say right Carl uh near Dollywood um nice yeah near that area where our Lord and Sigmund we went down there and and you know we we met her and we knew we were gonna meet her um and we had to figure out though how she was going to meet us right so we met in a public place right we wanted to make sure that we were on level playing field because we also don’t know if she’s real right we also there’s also an element to say to God that’s terrifying you’re going out of Tennessee as two gay men to meet someone you have no idea who they are that we also kind of knew I think had a criminal background question mark. Um because you also become internet sleuths on everybody and we send us your list of people you want to research because Carl and I are like experts at like finding out about everybody now.
David:
And there’s also a part I bet a part of you who is like there is a real opper there’s a real possibility of us landing here and nobody showing up and that person disappearing.
SPEAKER_03:
Sure 100% yeah yeah I mean we vetted she’s spoken to our lawyer you know we we knew like we we trusted our gut I mean we we we did we had to make that chance and listen like we’re excited like we’re saying all this stuff but honestly when it comes down to it we know when it comes down to it here’s a per a woman making a decision about placing her child with with people that she doesn’t know either so you know we kind of laugh but it is a serious you know I think we had to laugh and make make you know light of the situation in the moment because it’s such a nerve wracking thing the element like you just said going to meet a stranger in this strange place and also maybe knowing like is this even going to work out I’m investing this time without really any contract that’s being signed.
SPEAKER_05:
Well so we had to get her there because she didn’t have a car. So what we did is we actually um got uh used the car service to pick her up and what she was is about 45 minutes from where we were going to meet her so we uh arranged for a car service who last minute then canceled on us so we had to quickly find a last minute car service to get her which we did and they arranged it and they went and they picked her up and when we’re waiting there for her to show up that day we’re waiting outside of Margaritaville classes as you do why not and in the traffic circle pulls this SUV and out of this SUV So what kind of SUV was it? It’s a Mercedes SUV. Oh yeah because unbeknownst to us this company was only sending Mercedes to pick people up places I mean you know how to woo a woman that is mind you sorry Carl not to be it was also$400 just so you know my God to be able to get that for it yes good thing Capital has to hand money from time to time but then she got out of the Mercedes SUV and it was her and three of her kids that she had brought with her um and and it kicked off our day to say the least of it. Yeah and and not to go into too many details because we don’t want to you know ex you know give too many details about her or her life away but essentially this was a family who’d probably never been to an area like this and children who’d never been to an area like this. And so we spent a good three we had arranged to be there for three hours with them and uh we basically spent the entire three hours babysitting her kids who were all over the place. We were chasing after them we were climbing into fountains grabbing them trying to keep them safe while she just sort of watched us and sort of saw how we did with her kids and um that it was it was it was it was stressful to say the least but sh she was engaged I mean she wasn’t like she she was watching okay she was like this wasn’t some like thoughtful test for you guys this was just maybe her parenting style.
SPEAKER_03:
So yeah I mean I don’t know we we didn’t I mean we didn’t know maybe she was like I want to see how these people are children as she drags her cigarettes in front of us. So that also was another thing right so she’s visibly pregnant at this point. So we’ve confirmed she’s pregnant. So here we go.
SPEAKER_05:
So at least and that’s another another thing about the adoption world is uh our our attorney advised us to just be aware that for the most part many of the birth mothers that you come upon will be smokers. So we had that had that been practical make peace with that and then she she you know let us know that she was as well and that was something we were comfortable with. Again that’s home study stuff are you comfortable you know having a kid whose mother has been smoking so that’s a part of it.
Gavin:
So what did you what did you order at Margaritaville that day?
David:
And how many margaritas did you have to deal with even swimming in with the hard hitting questions.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah we didn’t go to Margaritaville we’d actually planned to go to Paula Dean Kitchen which was also there.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah take her to lunch butter within the first ten minutes of us being with them we suddenly realized this is not a restaurant excursion we need to figure out something fast we got to these are McDonald’s we ended up doing we did pizza pizza was just to just to paint another picture of this this experience was like as Carl mentioned like within ten minutes of coming to us these kids are climbing over barriers digging dirt out throwing it on the ground running into running into traffic that we’re that she’s that we’re running after laying down on the ground face down climbing into cornhole buckets and were they happy doing this or were they were these temper tantrums no they were just uh I think free yeah so we sat down and she’s sitting and at least one of us Carl and I are running after her children. We just met them right so we’re running out plus also now the people that are around us are like what is going what’s happening these are Tennessee people judging you. So you’re like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa well I mean they don’t know what our relationship to our I mean I could be her husband and here I am I’m like well I mean Rob I’m like here they don’t know they’re like he must have come from Dollywood. Um but um yeah we are running after these children so we have to like start moving right we have to like get on our feet and figure out how we’re gonna manage to stay because as Carl said this car is not coming back for another three hours. It’s not even like we’re like okay nice to see you we have to facilitate them getting home. So uh Carl, how did the next stage go in this in this excursion?
SPEAKER_05:
I mean listen we can go into many details about it but like essentially it was three hours of that and we ended up getting the car to come a little bit early um but essentially when the car came we had to also then pick up the kids and carry them across the whole park because we were on the opposite end of the park. So we did that while they were sort of meandering. We finally got them back to the car. We made sure the car they got in that they left and they were on their way and that that Point, I think, is when Rob and I sort of stopped and just looked at each other and literally started just crying. It had been so stressful that we just like were like, what did we just go through? So we went back to the hotel and she was texting us about how great it was to meet us, and she’s so excited that you know we’re gonna be a part of uh her life and her kids’ life. Um, and so it ended positively in that regard. Um, and and then we flew home the next day. Uh and then within a week, our attorney called us and let us know that she had reached out to our attorney and had said that she changed her mind and she decided that she wanted to raise the kid on her own.
Gavin:
Um and you were like, Thank God. Well, were at that point you were ready to move forward, or were you second guessing it?
SPEAKER_03:
No, we were ready. I mean, that’s the thing too. What’s so emotional about it is that you are in this moment and you we haven’t we didn’t have any option. We’ve been we’ve committed to this to this um woman. We felt it was right, even after this emotional experience, we did have to kind of say, This woman wants an open relationship. Like, are we gonna be able to deal with this? Like, is this the situation we want to constantly put in ourselves uh in? And ultimately we said yes. Um yeah, so we we were going forward and we were definitely blindsided when we got this call. Uh, and so was our lawyer. I mean, she was she was flabbergasted. She goes, The time and commitment you guys have put in this. I had no idea this is where it would go. And David, we saw you that night too. You’re always with you. I mean, David really was along with this whole journey. Um, we saw and he knew something was up because right before we were going into a friend’s dinner, uh, we got that call, and we didn’t want to bring the buzz down for the dinner that you know, this commitment and and this had failed for us. Um, but David knew something was up. I knew exactly what had happened.
David:
I had I said nothing to you. I just I saw you walking out of the restaurant on the phone, bringing Carl, and then you were gone. And when you came back in, I don’t know, I’m just maybe I’m just a sensitive person, but I could see on your faces two people who were performatively not totally fine, who I knew some and and I just kind of put the pieces together, which was I was so devastated. And I also didn’t want to be like, what’s wrong? Over, you know, fried chicken or whatever.
SPEAKER_05:
So so then it’s sort of like its own grieving process, right? Like it’s a weird, very weird thing to have to go through when it’s never really been your child to begin with. Um, but we had to figure out how to go that and how to navigate that sort of all those feelings that came up with that and that recognition of like having to start over again. And it was it was its own process. So we sort of took our time to do a little bit of that.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Um, and and then about a month went by and another opportunity came along.
SPEAKER_03:
Well, uh, yeah. So the other opportunity went out, we we went through that, and mind you, I just want to add to we had also announced socially that we were matched, so we put that off for a very long time until we went to go meet her. And a week later, we literally had to like reverse that and inform everybody that we were not matched, and that was that was difficult. So, you know, so so once we decided to move forward, yeah. We we took about a couple weeks off from like pushing and promoting. We just needed to kind of like get back to our our jobs and just focus on that, and then we put the reins back on. And one day um we got a message from uh David’s husband um saying that there was a post in a gay father’s group about a couple that couldn’t go forward with um an adoption due to uh a match due to personal reasons. Uh and so we jumped in there really quickly. Um, and we, you know, he was looking to request, like, send me your profiles. You know, I’d love to help this woman who we’ve been matched with, match with a perfect family. I want to kind of take that off of her. Um, so you know, we we clamored, we we sent the message right away. Um, I also noticed that this this um guy had a mutual friend. So I was like, oh my gosh, that’s great. So I reached out to mutual friends, like, hey, you know, is this guy for real? Um, would you mind reaching out to him and say, hey, there’s two guys that you’re friends with that sent you what you were asking for? Um, and so we connected with him. And, you know, uh, he was like, you know, I’m collecting some people, going through some things. I’ll let you know if we move forward. And a couple weeks went by uh and we didn’t hear from him, and he checked back in with us and he’s like, you know, I’m still vetting some things. Tell me about your story again. Uh and we told him.
David:
Tell us if you’ve de-cleaned your house, because we need to know that.
SPEAKER_03:
Correct.
David:
I was like, I show us the corners of your living room. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
This beach sandal candle is about to burn its left wick. Um, and so yeah, we we we contacted him and he was about to talk to her. Um, and you know, still though, like we felt so close and we were jaded because after that experience, right, Carl, I mean, we put this wall up, right? We’re like, now we’re like going to be very kind of unpersonable until we can really feel and invest our emotions because it’s happened we were just gut punched from this experience. So we went in sort of very business-like, to be like, okay, thank you for considering us, right? Um, but when, you know, but also we were like, we’re so close and we’re still having to go through a process. But finally, I connected with him one morning and he was like, you know, your story about your failed match, and kind of, you know, you’re similar to me, we have mutual friends. I I’m going to just pass you over to her and not consider other people for this match. And he, it was like divine intervention and meant to be um put us in contact with this birth mother, um, and we match with her. And so now we had a former relationship with a new woman um who was so many open relationships, another relationship who Carl, right, was the complete opposite of the wheel.
David:
I was just gonna say this woman, it was the and like the total inverse of uh Miss Tennessee. Exactly.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, not really communicate, didn’t really communicate well, wanted actually we found out wanted uh a more closed adoption um because she just didn’t want to, you know, be involved after the child is born, and and um and yeah, just not communicative. Um so it was just a matter of trying to then sort of navigate that relationship with her, um, which uh which we did, and she ended up she ended up being the birth mother to our to our now son. Yeah, oh gosh.
David:
So you so your son was born, and then you had to fly that down there to meet him. Tell us about that.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, so so she was from Florida. Ugh.
David:
Florida giveth and Florida taketh away.
SPEAKER_03:
It is like I could say we have the one amazing thing that’s well, sorry, David, the second amazing thing that’s coming out of Florida. Um good recovery. Yeah, thanks. Uh I didn’t want to be blacklisted from future uh participation.
Gavin:
But um, yeah, so we leave so much fodder for future episodes, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:
Exactly. So we um yeah, we matched with this uh this woman. Um this again, so we’ll try to give you high-level details on this one because it also was a very emotional experience. They are all very emotional, but this one ultimately was a different kind of emotional experience. You know, we we matched with this woman again, very non-communicative. We had a real struggle with um trying to get paperwork signed because we really can’t match them. We’re we’re also responsible for helping the birth mother get in contact with a lawyer as well. And our lawyer is very protective of us, right? That’s why you hire a lawyer. Um, she did not want us going to that route until we had paperwork signed, and paperwork meaning medical releases that we can dig in, find more about the baby, find because it’s not really a release to like say I’m committing for adoption, but it’s so we can kind of gauge the level of interest about this is something that’s like a real match. So we had a very strong, we had a we did not have an easy time with that. In fact, we um talked to her and she started to text with us that you know she was probably having some pains, et cetera, and some pregnancy um concerns. Um and she one random day, she was due in September, and this was the end of August, and texted us finally and said, Hey, I have some good news and bad news. And we were like, Oh god, here we go. What is it gonna be? Uh, she said, the good news is he’s here and he was born. Wow, and the the bad news was that he uh was uh born at home. Um, so she did not uh have medical treatment at the time. So bad news for you know, obviously, you know, for safety and things like that, but you know, he was he was ultimately safe. I’ll get to the end. You know, I think it was a surprise early birth for her. Um so we, mind you, have not contacted a lawyer with her, she has not signed paperwork, and now we’re like, what do we do? What do we do? And Carla, if you want to take the next like stages of that.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, I mean, essentially, as we, you know, we ended up having to get in touch with our lawyer, and because of the way that things were panning out, and part of this as well was her after he was born sort of disappearing for a few days.
David:
Yeah, I remember that thing. The scariest part was like you got this text of like he’s here, and then she just went radio silent. You guys like, Where? Where is he? Where do we go? What do we do? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Right, right. So ultimately, so she disappeared for a few days, which was a whole other element of things going on inside. Um, and then we ended up um she she got back in touch and she went to the hospital because she hadn’t been to the hospital for a few days after he was born, um, and went to the hospital and had been there with him and um left the hospital, um, you know, had left him at the hospital, um, and basically had said, you know, Rob and Carl are gonna adopt him and left. And that was it.
SPEAKER_01:
Wow.
SPEAKER_05:
But because there was no paperwork or anything involved, when our attorney reached out to figure out what was going on the next day, was informed that the child was essentially considered abandoned at the hospital and was um and was you know, there was was basically headed into foster care or into the child welfare system. Um so we very quickly were on uh the phone with uh with her, with our attorney, and then what happened is we ended up having to also bring on an agency. So while we’ve been trying to not go through an agency adoption the entire time, in order to sort of interfere or get involved with the child welfare system of that state, we had to hire a state local agency to help us with the adoption process. So within the span of a day, we we were able to do that somehow. Um and it’s and they got in touch with her, she signed the paperwork, and as soon as she did that, we got to go ahead to fly down and meet him. Um and so sorry. Um so then we got the news to go ahead, we bought our tickets and we flew down the next day. Mind you, this is also Memorial Day weekend or Labor Day weekend, so everything is like closed. But we get the tickets, we fly down to Florida, and and we’re driving from Jacksonville to Central Florida where he was, and um get the phone call from the hospital social worker that was just like, Do you guys want to come meet your son? Um, and so we did, um, and he was in the NICU. Um, and this is another part of his story, uh, and a part of a lot of adoption stories these days is that there’s children right now who are being born, um, and and because of the opioid crisis and all these things, there’s just a lot of kids right now who are being born that have that in their system. So they there’s a thing called neonatal abstinence syndrome, which we have now learned a lot about. Um, but that is something that he was in the NICU for. Um so he and we knew going into it that his his mother had been addicted to opiates and had been then taking medication to um help herself through the pregnancy and help the baby through the pregnancy. So when he was born, he had to go through a withdrawal of those things. Um and so he was in the NICU. So we had we flew down to Florida not having any idea of how long we’d have to be there with him while he was in the NICU going through this. Um but we ended up having to be there for about a month, um, which was an unexpected amount of time. But we um we were with him sort of through that process. Um we were so grateful, and if you need a charity to donate to, please donate to the Ronald McDonald House.
SPEAKER_00:
Yes.
SPEAKER_05:
Because we were able to live there uh the entire time that we were waiting for him to to go through this um this process, and um and they were so fantastic with us. Even during co you know COVID-ish times, they they were amazing. Um and um and we were there about a month, and then we had to wait for Florida to clear us to leave, we had to wait for New Jersey to clear us to come into the state with him. Uh, but as soon as we got that clearance, we got booked our tickets and and got on a flight and were able to fly home with him about a month after we had met him in the hospital. Yeah. Um and yeah, that’s that’s the truncated-ish version of the truncated.
SPEAKER_03:
But you know, I think, you know, when Carl was saying I in the NICU, you know, we had to um he had to go through withdrawal, as we mentioned, and it really is no light at the end of the tunnel, like in the moment, right? Um for those who aren’t familiar, like this this um withdrawal process is you really have to allow the baby to go through it, and it’s sort of like this um measurement system and scale system, which enables them because they have to wean him off of any any um um uh uh drugs in his in his body, and also give other drugs like morphine to to balance the withdrawal. Um, so they have to gauge this, and we’re in the NICU and so grateful for the amazing work that like NICU nurse has done. I don’t know how they do it. We are so grateful. We met some really amazing people who honestly really were guides in us like learning how to be parents and take care during this time period.
David:
I mean, we had amazing. They taught, yeah, yeah, they they taught me a lot of stuff. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
I mean, we had hands-on training of how to bathe your child. I mean, like, where people just are like, here’s your baby, a day after, good luck. We had the master class, but at the same time, you are getting a lot of different nurses who are subjective in different ways. So we’re seeing like this different scaling system. Some nurses are saying, Oh, we had a bad night, and some like, oh, he’s good. So we have no end at the light of the at the end of the tunnel at this point. And and and it was that was in another hard place because also we can’t go home and sleep in our beds at night, right? We have to go sleep in a one-room room at the Ron McDonald House during COVID with a giant frame photo of Grimace over the bed, right?
David:
Like right over the bed staring at you when you go to bed. Naked, which is hard, like I it was it was uncomfortable, but nice.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah. Um, but no, so yeah, so so yeah, so we had to go through that. And you know, even as you’re going through this, they’re like, we don’t know when you’re gonna leave. Like mid that mid this process, we also then were told as as soon as we align with the plan, like, hey, if we’re gonna be here longer, we can do XYZ where you can take them back to New Jersey and do this thing. But then we’re told that we have to move different floors and go to the pediatric ward, which is a whole other different medical team. Yeah, so literally you’re plucked up, put into a different thing where there’s a different team who’s gonna give different medical advice and a different approach than we’ve been doing for the past three weeks.
Gavin:
And you’ve just made your home there, and you’ve got you’ve got you you know what their coffee orders are and correct.
SPEAKER_03:
We know these people, yeah.
Gavin:
Was it were you an anomaly as a gay couple there at that hospital as well?
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And we didn’t know going down there what we would take, but we were in a very liberal area of Florida. Um, so we were supported very well there. So uh in fact, I felt like everybody came out of the woodwork because they were like, There’s two gay dads, and everyone would come up to us. And I think we had at least three nurses come out to us while we were down there.
David:
One guy be like, one time I made out with my best friend middle school. You’re like, I don’t know how this this has anything to do with me.
SPEAKER_03:
She it really was she was like, and it would always end with like, and I’m a lesbian. I was like, uh ball change, great.
David:
Like Love Home Depot, thank you for all you’ve done. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
I know. But they were just showing their support, and which was which was amazing because you know, we were known as, you know, uh rescue dads uh because you know, because he the way he came in, he did not have uh his name given to him, and they were very um, they asked us what we were naming him, and they did what they could to make those personal touches how they could, because they did have to follow. We weren’t his legal guardians yet. We were custodians through the adoption agency. So they did have to get permission and certain things, but we they were very big on making sure that this was like the the first the experience that we needed to have as first-time parents, and like all the other things didn’t Trump oh, I can’t believe I used that word now, didn’t overshadow uh you know what our first you know time as parents would would be experiencing in that.
David:
So all of that happened, and now you’re fucking parents. Yeah, and so so fast forward to day. Well your parents now. How’s it going?
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah. It’s we’re in uh we’re hitting the terrible twos, which is awesome. Yeah, yeah, we’ve had plenty of experiences. I my favorite, I think, so far has been bringing him to daycare, and when he decided to just throw up all over himself and into his car seat while I’m driving the car to daycare, and then you open up that car door very quickly to see what’s there, and I was like, how do I what do I think is there, Carl?
David:
Nothing’s good. Don’t open that door, Carl, because you know.
SPEAKER_05:
I had to. And then it was a case where because you know how much daycare can be. So it was a case of like, okay, we’re just gonna see what we can clean up here in the parking lot so I can get you inside so that because that’s just car sickness.
David:
You’re naked when you’re going to daycare. And those car seats, for those of you who have never had to deal with it, if you puke in a car seat, the amount of nooks and so many crevices that stuff hides.
Gavin:
So many crevices, and you just find dried vomit months and months and months later, or is it stereo? Who knows?
David:
I just also so love that Carl, you and R so line on this. Like, you’re going to daycare. I will I will fucking go to a thrift store and buy some crazy clothes to put on you. You are going to fucking daycare today.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there is that element. So there’s been that, oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:
But just to add to your fun story, too. So Carl works like in the same building that the daycare is in. So he also had to bring up that car seat to air out in his office. And he uh does intakes and interviews of new uh, you know, uh students and families coming in. And later on that day, his one of his coworkers came in and said, It smells like vomit in here. And uh so that family had to sit in a room that smelled like what do we say? Parmesan. I mean, it’s pretty much like Parmesan cheese. Uh I know, just to go there.
Gavin:
But did the entire did all of daycare get sick afterwards, or did you just uh tuck it down?
SPEAKER_05:
Not that time. He was fine that time. That was just like uh, I think maybe car sickness. There’s been many other times where he’s been patient zero, but that was not the case then.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, my favorite story for him so far, and I want to also say too, we segued into this. Uh our son is uh insanely healthy right now. He has come out of that. He there’s no uh residual effects that we you know noticed right now. You know, it’s kind of amazing since he came home.
David:
I like my personal experience of just seeing him from the outside, like there’s it’s like you nothing. He’s just a regular kid healthy.
SPEAKER_03:
I mean side eye for the gods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Little well, Florida. I mean, so um you can take the gator out of Florida or what you know. But um, anyhow, yeah, so he’s so I just want to say that. But our my favorite moment, right? Uh I cannot deal with vomit, just so you know. I don’t think anyone is like, sign me up for it, but I that’s Carl’s much better at that, so he’s he’s the vomit guy. I think our most my most favorite one recently with with him is um, you know, he’s in the bathtub, saw some bubbles. Hey, I think he loves bubbles, right? He has this little bubble machine that’s coming up. Let’s get him some bubble bath, right? Let’s fill that bathtub with Mr. Bubbles so he comes in and his mind is blown that there’s bubbles. Well, what we learned very quickly that that was not a good idea, uh, and screamed for the gods. Hated bubbles.
Gavin:
Afraid of bubbles.
SPEAKER_03:
Afraid of bubbles, afraid of bubbles, a lot of bubbles. Minimum bubbles, okay.
Gavin:
You made like Hollywood notion of like a star that’s gonna lay in bubbles, uh, six inches of bubbles or no.
David:
Correct, like arched foot just dipping out, you know, six inches of bubbles reminds me of an unfortunate incident in the circus once. I don’t want to talk about it.
SPEAKER_03:
I thought that was your drag name too. Six inches of bubbles. Um uh so yeah, so during that moment, Carl’s mom was also here. So naked, screaming, about to put him in, screaming. Carl had to drain it, like wipe the tub. As he’s screaming, too, I guess. The the shock of it all forced him to also now start peeing and peed directly on Carl’s mom’s shoe. Nice uh while he spun around the circle. I mean, let’s yeah, yeah. Um uh and that that I would say like that’s like the most like recent thing that that we’d had to deal with.
David:
Parenting is glorious, and that’s what we say every day on this podcast. And it’s all just and joy and love. Um, you guys, we have taken too much of your time, but thank you sincerely for thank you for demeaning yourself. I’m so happy that you guys came on here and told us your story, and I think it’s super important and super helpful for people who are maybe going through this. Um, and also that you know, there’s light on the other side. You can also get pissed on by your future son if you just hang in there.
Gavin:
Yes.
SPEAKER_05:
Thank you guys for having us.
David:
It’s so nice to talk to you today. So, My Something Great is a game I’ve started to play with myself this week, and that is gay dads or waiting for their wives. Uh-huh. The game is you see two dads and you see them with their kid or kids, and they’re talking to each other, and you’re just thinking, hmm, are they gay? And you want them to see you because you’re like, We’re gay, are we gay dads? Should we have a conversation? And then you wait because either they’re gonna like touch hands or clearly do something that makes them husbands, or their wives will eventually join them. So that’s my new favorite game to play is gay dads or waiting for their wives. Uh, you know what something great is?
Gavin:
David F. M. Vaughn. Because he does 99% of this podcast, and I am really appreciative. And what I suddenly realize, I look at our document that we share together, and I have nothing great to report because basically everything is awful in my house right now. Just David, you’re my something.
David:
Yep. I finally made it to the something great. And this is what I’ve been this is why I created this podcast was for you to say that to me. So this will be our last episode, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us on the Gatriarchs podcast.
Gavin:
Bless you for not firing me, David, for coming unprepared today. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge at Port Authority in New York City.
Gavin:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.
David:
Thank you guys, and we’ll see you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.