Full Transcript
So the other day we were just taking down our Halloween costume.
David:
I really I really believed in you too. And I saw your face just crumble. And this is Gatriarch.
Gavin:
So the other day when we were just taking down our Halloween decorations, because that’s how we roll in the middle of November. God, this year, every year I swear I’m going to be more on top of it. Um I just don’t really care that much about decorations. I know. How are the ways that you and I are completely the opposite? I mean, you, your, your barfing skeletons and keg stand skeletons have been long gone.
David:
I’ve already started putting plans on paper for next year’s Halloween decoration. I’m already sourcing materials, and it is literally November 15th.
Gavin:
You are worse than Target putting up Christmas before September 30th. But okay, so anyway, we have needless to say, we do not have anything up. Although I do not believe in decorating for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. That’s our family tradition, you know. But it is um it at the same time, my kids are saying, why don’t we have decorations up? Why don’t we have decorations up? And I’m like, you guys know me by now. Like, I don’t know. If you want it, make it happen. You know, it’s all it’s all falling on my shoulders. But anyway, I wonder, are you already getting carried away with what’s going to be going on at your house in the next couple of weeks?
David:
So I have a husband who is very different than me in a lot of, I think, healthy ways, where we balance each other out, we meet in the middle a little bit, right? I’m I’m the chaos and he’s a little bit of the stability. But he I, as we know, Halloween and Christmas are my jam. And so I get very excited.
Gavin:
So I want you are home goods wrapped up.
David:
I’m a home goods homo. And I so I want Halloween up like starting in September, and I want it up for a week after Halloween, and then I want to go right to Christmas. He is a no no-no. We do October 1st is when Halloween happens, and then there is a month, there is literally a month or three or three and a half weeks of like just generic fall before we’re allowed to put up Christmas, which is the day after Thanksgiving, which I think is.
Gavin:
I can endorse this. Wait, do you have any Thanksgiving decorations? Be grateful. Oh my god, it’s my season of just science that say be grateful, dude.
David:
We have a we have a giant ceramic turkey that holds napkins that sits in the middle of our table. And then we have like lots of like fake foliage and shit that goes in the house. But like, no, but so that’s what we settled on was like there’s this generic fall moment and it and November. And then, you know, as soon as that last bite of turkey happens, the tree is up, like we’re ready to go. So it’s balanced me out a little bit. Like, I get it. Now it’s not gonna be two and a half months of Christmas, even though that’s what I want. But I will say, as somebody who loves all these so much, I get very frustrated about what you’re talking about. And I see in the outline about seeing things before I want to see them. So in September, all of the Christmas decorations at like Lowe’s and Costco and stuff were already up. So I do this weird, weird personal thing where when I walk into those stores and I don’t want to start thinking about Christmas yet because I’m still I still want to maintain the the the purity of Halloween. And I just like literally put my hands on my face and I will literally walk through the store like a psychopath and avoid those areas because I don’t even want to, I don’t want to hear Christmas music. Not because I hate it, because I don’t I like when I’m ready for Christmas, I want to fully let it into my body.
Gavin:
Um I think this is pretty universal. Yeah, yeah. I mean that’s I love the idea of you walking through from Homo Goods to Homo Depot with your blinders up though.
David:
But uh Yeah, and then I’m just looking down at all the contractors’ packages. That way it’s just you know, it’s a healthy balance.
Gavin:
Absolutely. Um, are your kids already thinking about like their lists and whatnot? And in fact, is your daughter is she into it? Does she get it?
David:
No, she doesn’t get it. So she literally gets nothing from us. We have been very smart about the first couple years of our kids’ lives. They don’t know what a birthday is, they don’t know what Christmas is, and their grandparents are going to be giving them gifts. So we get them absolutely nothing. This is the first year my son, he’s four-ish, he’ll be like four and a half soon. He kind of understands that Christmas is a time that he’ll get some presents. So he’s like casually mentioned we’d been out and he’s like, Oh, I want that. I’d be like, Great. Um, you know, maybe for Christmas. He’s like, Okay, I’m gonna ask for it for Christmas. So he started to kind of put that together. Um, no, the little ones, she’s dumb as rock, so she’s not getting it anywhere.
unknown:
Right.
Gavin:
I have always have had a complete dichotomy in my kids where um years ago, for instance, I asked my son, so what do you want for Christmas, buddy? And he goes, a purple pillow. Oh, and I thought, oh my god, so sweet. I’ll buy you a purple pillow now. Like you don’t have to wait for that. Meanwhile, I ask my daughter, and she I’ve made this reference before, probably for her birthday, because my daughter knows how to consume, as we’ve already established. And she pulls out that list and it goes down to the floor and across it goes down to the floor and across the floor.
David:
Have you seen that video of the little boy who they that when they they jokingly wrap a banana and put it as a Christmas gift and they think it’s gonna be a hilarious video? And they film him and he opens it and he goes, Oh, a banana! And he’s like so excited, like earnestly excited. He’s just so thrilled, and the parents are feeling guilty because they were trying to make it a joke. Um, have that kind of joy. Yeah, exactly. He’s got that kind of gave in lodge gratitude that we all want.
Gavin:
Simple, just simple. So I am uh preoccupied this year also with um my kids are getting, you know, a little older and they don’t need stuff. I mean, they open everything and then they just go back to their iPads and don’t want to do anything anymore. They just want to go, you know, watch other people live their lives on TikTok and YouTube. And so I’m hoping that this year we might be able to do the graduation from stuff to experiences, even though I think I’m late to this in comparison to a lot of other people. But like, God, enough of the stuff. Let’s have experiences. Then again, that’s part of me justifying being able to afford a vacation. And when in reality, I’m like, I don’t think we can afford the vacation either.
David:
So we did that with my my my very small kind of like um the people I spend Christmas with usually. We tr made the change from gift giving to going on a trip together like like eight years ago, and it was like the best thing for somebody who loves gifts and actually enjoy gig gift giving. I think it’s a fun thing. It was such a such a level up. And it’s like, oh, we’re going a cruise this year, we’re gonna just rent this hotel on the beach this year, we’re just gonna go to somebody’s house and have a you know a little sleepover thing. Like it could be very simple, but man, is that so much better? Is that with friends or with family? No, with my family, with my mom and my brother.
Gavin:
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, great. Especially when somebody else pays for it. Just kidding. I mean, sort of, but hopefully it’s the best. So, how about our top three list, huh? Gate three marks, top three list, three, two, one.
David:
Are you laughing at me? A little sharp at that last note. Yeah, I’m laughing at that. That last note was a little sharp. Yeah. Um, so this is your list this week. What’s our list?
Gavin:
This is well, I feel like there is so much bad advice out there, and then also so often I just laugh at the advice, and sometimes I take the advice. And there have been some bad dad hacks in my parenting journey. So, number three for me was a DIY pin the tail on the donkey, but it was pin the tail, excuse me, pin the hair braid to Elsa. And I did my dad hack, which was drawing Elsa, and I cannot draw. And my four five-year-old daughter at that birthday party was like, Dad, that’s not Elsa. And I’m like, that is Elsa, go pin the fucking braid on Elsa. So uh if you’re not an uh uh an artist, I don’t know that I ever suggest trying to draw a three by three head of Elsa and then 10 little braids to pin on her. That went south. Uh, number two, just recently I tried to make, I tried to adapt a New York Times recipe that was meant to be like a puree of some kind. It was a dad hack of like, hey, sneak some more vegetables into something with the gnocchi, and right, so I blended up a bunch of veggies that my kids didn’t want to eat, and I made it like gnocchi surprise. And they were like, Dad, oh gosh, just gnocchi surprise just turned with baby food. And my son was like, Dad, this is baby food. And I’m like, well, that hack went awry. And then number one, in general, I have gone down the route of trying to figure out dad hacks for cultural experiences at museums over and over again. Usually it just comes down to scavenger hunts. And most recently, I had one of those where my kids were like just demoralized. And I was like, okay, kids, I won’t force you to do another charming dad hack of a museum scavenger hunt anymore. Instead, I don’t know what the alternative is gonna be, but uh no more DIY scavenger hunts. What about you?
David:
So, number three for me, well, the advice was uh when you have a new kid, come in, you know, so you have a kid and then you have your second baby and they’re gonna come into the house that you have the baby bring a gift for the existing kid as like a way to be like, oh, the baby’s here. My son couldn’t give a fuck less. She’s like, oh what? This baby gave me a gift. Fuck this baby. I don’t want it to cry anymore. So that was a total failure. Um, number two was somebody give us the idea of an idea of when you’re on the plane and your kids get bored, bring a pack of post-it notes, and you could just put post-it notes in the back of the seat and rearrange them. Well, what they don’t tell you is that the kids jam their fingers on the back of the seat, so then you’re spending the whole time being like, don’t push too hard, apologizing each other, apologizing, and then you’re holding the seat so the person doesn’t feel it, but the person does feel it, but then the kids over the game’s over in 30 seconds, it’s a nightmare. Don’t do it.
Gavin:
That was pointless.
David:
And the last uh number one, uh dad hack that totally fucking failed. We saw this on TikTok where when your kid is having a tantrum, that if you just tap on yourself in some sort of a rhythm that that will like lure them into just like calming down and understanding it, and we would do it to our son. He’s screaming, he’s having a fit, and we’re like, one, uh, and he’s like, What are you doing?
SPEAKER_02:
Stop it, Erica Badu. What the fuck are you doing?
David:
And so that was a total fucking failure. That’s funny. I like that. Yeah, I like that. Uh, so next week, next week, uh, we are traveling for Christmas. We are going on uh two six-hour flights uh to visit our family in LL. And I want to kill myself. So I’m actually just gonna source information from our listeners, and I want to know what are your top three travel snacks?
Gavin:
Okay. Our next guest is a savior in many different ways. He’s a bisexual father of two, married to a woman, an emergency relief worker who flies into devastated areas to help people get back onto their feet, and has also been for years the root captain of the New York City Pride March, who also undoubtedly helps people get back onto their feet or um stilettos, as it were. Please welcome to Gatriarch’s Peter from NYC Pride. Peter, thank you for coming, demeaning yourself on our dumb little podcast.
David:
Yeah, you’re you’re I think you’re overqualified to be here, if I’m being honest. You might need to just hit and record right now.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, I I don’t know if uh your house was like that, but this morning I woke up to someone screaming about a hairbrush and tears coming down the cheeks, and uh the brother antagonizing by playing uh Nerf gun at the one screaming about the hairbrush. So it’s been a day and uh beginning to it.
David:
So yeah, I have a I I have a four-year-old boy who torments my two-year-old girl, and then he will turn to me when she like cries or screams or pushes him away as as evidence of how what a monster she is. And I’m like, I watched you antagonize her, bro. I saw it happen.
Gavin:
And may I say that Peter does not have toddlers either, but it’s still the same behavior. Yeah, so it doesn’t change, is what you’re saying.
SPEAKER_00:
This was 11-year-old crying about a hairbrush and a seven-year-old uh with a nerf and so no, it does not get better, in fact, David.
Gavin:
If there’s one thing better, yeah, if there’s one thing Gatriarchs is teaching the world, it doesn’t get better. It gets worse and worse and worse, and then it ends. So that is clearly a way that your kids have been driving you crazy of late, but at least uh they’re not toddlers in the house right now while we’re recording this, huh?
SPEAKER_00:
Oh no, but soon there will be pickup time.
Gavin:
Uh oh yeah. So let’s get so let’s get started just in case we uh run into pickup time. So uh so the main reason that I wanted to uh have you here on the podcast is that it is so fascinating to me to know an dare I say, I’m sure the NYC Pride March is not hierarchical, but come on. You are way up the ladder of the NYC Pride March, and I just want to hear all the tea and how it all happened. What is your title at the March?
SPEAKER_00:
So uh as of last year, I took over as the route captain. Uh so uh the way the NYC Pride March is set up, we have a volunteer director, um, then we have two paid staff uh administrators that help produce the event, and then we have volunteer leaders, and uh I’m one of them uh that oversees a section of the march. So my job is to ensure that from the moment the marchers step off to when they end, that they have a good safe and good experience, and then those along the route have a safe and good experience as well.
Gavin:
Well, so you’re certainly responsible for like hundreds of thousands of people’s safety and pleasure.
David:
But I I can tell you where you shouldn’t go. I should just don’t go through the Port Authority bathrooms because I can tell you a lot of dreams have been lost in that building, including my own.
SPEAKER_00:
But it’s done with the work of hundreds and hundreds of volunteers. Um I just am the one that’s gathers us together and sort of puts a vision forth. Um, it’s done with hundreds of volunteers that make this possible and uh obviously partners that finance that and make it possible as well. So uh this year we welcomed 2.5 million roughly spectators and 75,000 marchers um to the NYC March. Um and all of that work starts months before. In fact, we’re just starting to uh gather to get ready to start thinking about this year’s March. Um but I think like before we dive into the details, it’s really important to think about where it all started. Um and so in 1969, we had the Stonewall uprising, um, and police were uh harassing uh people at the Stonewall Inn, which is a prominent gay uh or queer establishment in New York City, um, and still is today. And uh trans women uh predominantly stepped up and said, We’re not gonna put up with this. And that we have, you know, Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, uh, who stepped up and pushed back on this, and it led to six days of uh uh protest. Um and uh from that they said at the end of June, every year we’re gonna march, and that’s where we are today. So we don’t call it a parade, we call it a march because the work isn’t over yet. You know, there’s although although it can we can celebrate what’s great about us, and we certainly do that, and there’s many parties that revolve around it, and um we celebrate youth pride during that month, and uh that’s a great event that happens uh every year. I’m not too involved with it. I’ve been to it once, but that’s definitely worth bringing families to. And um, we have all different events throughout that month. Uh, it’s still very much a march, and we’re still delivering a message, and um I think that’s important to mark uh before we jump into how what we do.
Gavin:
I appreciate you doing so, and because it is an important notion that you talk about a march versus a parade, because even from my perspective, the parade is an awful lot of abs and hot and hotness, which comes in all different forms, but I feel like the the caricature is just like abs on a float gyrating, which we all love abs on a float gyrating, but that’s not what it’s about. And do you ever try to tamp that down for the message?
SPEAKER_00:
No, I think that it’s that’s part of the whole message. I think that it’s people uh being free and expressing their bodies, uh, and there’s body positivity, um, and people just feeling comfortable in their own skin. And I think that that’s for me, uh, you know, I can’t speak for NYC Pride, I’m just a volunteer there. But I think that that’s what makes the march so special is that we are you’re allowed to express yourself in the way that you feel that day. Yeah, and and a lot of it is about um feeling good in your own skin and also uh revolving about love in many different spectrums, right? Yeah, uh that comes out through song and dance, it comes out through uh artworks that people bring down the uh March route. Um, and I I think that whatever your way of expression is, it’s accepted that day. Um and that’s what makes it so unique.
David:
But also the queerness is is the point. And and and so people who push back often on the parade to be like, it’s too sexual, it’s too this. It’s like, yeah, that’s the fucking point here. Like we’re like we’re not trying to assimilate at this moment. We are push, we’re putting the queerness in the front row. And for some people, that’s like dikes on bikes, some people that’s abs, that’s people ass and and whatever. And so I think there’s especially as gay parents, like there’s always these conversations revolving around how sexual NYC pride can be, and that’s not that shouldn’t be for families and where the family safe space is. And I think it’s not I I like creating family spaces and and family-friendly moments or areas or whatever, but taking away sex from pride or taking away sexuality from pride is to me undercutting the whole fucking point.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I think sex positivity is a really important um sort of topic of pride. I think that it’s saying, you know, in 1969, when this uprising happened, homosexual acts were illegal in I think all but one state at that point. Um, so I think the very thing that we’re standing up against is saying, no, that’s not okay, right?
David:
Like and now the ones that Gavin participates in should still be illegal, if I’m being honest. Yeah.
Gavin:
So because they’re so fucking boring, frankly.
David:
Should we read together in a dim light? It’s like okay. Let’s talk about gratitude. David, I don’t want to read the Costco catalog again. Like, we’re reading it again.
SPEAKER_00:
The Amazon catalog just came. Oh, it sure did for Christmas already.
David:
Oh man, we’re such dads.
Gavin:
Listen to us. So, how did you get involved with the Pride Parade? So Excuse me, Pride Martin.
David:
You just slapped it up 15 minutes educating you for it. You remembered none of it. None of it.
SPEAKER_00:
It’s okay. We hear that a lot, and that’s fine. I think that uh so it was probably 2016 or 17, probably 16. Um, a friend of mine said, Hey, you want to help out with it? And I was like, sure, and got involved as a volunteer, been volunteering ever since. I think I missed a year because of COVID.
Gavin:
Um lots of things were missed that year.
SPEAKER_00:
But I was there for World Pride right before COVID, which was amazing. Um, and I’ve been there ever since and uh sort of just worked my way in. I think what’s really uh unique about NYC Pride, uh, just to get into the dynamics of it, is there’s although you would think there would be this like structure that takes forever to penetrate the top, anyone has to penetrate.
David:
Do you normally penetrate the top? I’m I need to check my my directions.
SPEAKER_00:
I should watch myself. Um no, please do not watch yourself, in fact. But uh, you know, you would think it takes a while to work your way up in a anyone that wants to have a role can have a role there. Um, we you know, we said we have a safe space there, but we’ve accelerated that to we now call it brave spaces. Um, and we’re really open to hearing anyone’s point of view and and uh we use perspective listening um and try to say, you know, we may not always have the answer because our perspective is not yours. Um and I I really love that environment, and that’s what brings me back year after year to be a part of it because it’s like no other environment I’ve worked in before, um, in that uh everyone has a voice, whether it’s your first day there or you’ve been there for 15 years or 20 years, or if you’ve been there since 1969, everyone wants to hear your perspective and wants you to be a part of it. So the volunteer experience, in my point of view, is what brings me back year after year. Um and I encourage those who may not have that sense of community um or that sort of dynamic space to be in to come check it out.
Gavin:
Um David, I don’t know how much of an asshole this makes you feel like, but because you and I are both such stage whores, I would imagine. The idea of volunteering, I’m like, why would I volunteer? No, I have to be in a float and on stage, which is an embarrassing um admission I am uh making right now. But it’s it takes a special kind of person who um does volunteer and what a sensational sense of community. And David, don’t group me with you.
David:
Don’t group me with you. You’re group C, bitch. I’m group A. I’m class, yeah.
Gavin:
So um tell us, I mean, you’ve got to have so many, so many, so many stories. Share a memory with us of your time there thus far.
SPEAKER_00:
So I I think volunteering is the best way to experience the NYC pride because you’re in it, right? And you’re you’re walking along with the marchers, and you I think it’s so great. Like you’ll have uh uh folk come along that’s like elite playing Alicia keys and everyone’s singing along to it, and then next you have the family group come through and people are cheering for the kids, and it’s it’s just a really powerful and emotional day. It’s like a roller coaster all day of emotion. Um, but I think uh from sort of uh a nice uh memory is I think every year you walk along and you see I try to talk to people along the side as I do, and every year someone will say to me, Hey, thanks for doing this. This is my first pride. And and I tell that to our volunteers, it’s it’s not one, but it’s many people’s first pride. And uh I think that that’s a really powerful thing when you say you’re giving someone the moment to feel like themselves for the first time. And I think that that’s a really a powerful and empowering moment. Yeah, um, but then there’s always uh there’s always a hundred stories that come out every year from the person whose you know high heel broke off, and while they were doing the best work of their life, yeah. You know, up on the float to uh someone who might have partied a little bit the night before and can’t quite make it down the route without support of their friend.
David:
That doesn’t sound that doesn’t sound like the gays. I’m sorry that who you’re referring to. That doesn’t sound like us. Um it’s funny, what you were saying about like somebody’s first bride reminds me a little bit, Gabe. I don’t know if you thought about this, was like sometimes when you’re doing a long-running show, you can feel the kind of monotony come on and you have to fight against that. And some people do that by goofing off on stage. I remember one of the things people, what one of the older actors told me was like, go before the show, go into the lobby, like before you’re obviously in custom or anything, and just like look at the people who are waiting in line to buy tickets to your show. One of those people, that’s their first Broadway show they’ve ever seen, is that performance that day. And it’s something about it kind of just like, yeah, no, you’re right. This is a special moment for that person. Um, and for you, like you said, every year it’s somebody’s first pride and very meaningful to them. It’s awesome.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I think that’s really important. I think that the families that come there, uh, we all have a lot of family groups and school groups that march. That I think that they from what I’ve heard from them, they’ve always felt extremely safe and they felt like it’s uh appropriate um in terms of you know, I I know we said there’s a sexual uh demeanor to it, but I think that they’ve always felt safe. I think the community makes sure that they feel safe. I’ve seen you know, uh and as they come down the route, people are cheering for them and making them feel incredibly empowered. And I think that it’s a really if you have uh um family that you feel like that that would be appropriate to bring, I think sign up and come march. Um because it’s an empowering thing for the family.
Gavin:
That’s awesome. So then does that mean your family has like have your family volunteered or how how have they been involved?
SPEAKER_00:
So the first couple years that I volunteered, uh my wife and one kid at the time uh used to come out. We lived in New York, so it was a little bit easier. Uh come out and stood and supported it. They haven’t marched in um the march, but I think that uh in years since I’m down there like three days prior. Um so they haven’t been involved in the last couple years, but uh I don’t know. Maybe maybe this year they will.
Gavin:
Let’s go back to a little bit of more of um debaucherous hilarity. When have you when did you laugh the hardest when you were volunteering?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so I I think like to be honest, the times that uh we’ve laughed the hardest is not in during the march itself. I think that there’s a community that builds in the hundreds of volunteers that help in the day before, the day after, uh, and the day of. And it’s those late night sitting in the middle of the street with a pallet as our table, eating pizza at three o’clock in the morning.
David:
Yeah. And like we and we just please tell me in that scenario, there’s like a drag queen crying in a corner somewhere. Like, really set the mood here.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, well, there is this energy of people there in the city for pride, walking past you and yelling, and and it’s so exciting. And we’re sitting there eating pizza, and it’s those late night talks. Um, yes, sitting on the ground in New York City. Yeah.
Gavin:
Um, I need a been there, done that both sober and non.
SPEAKER_00:
I need a vaccine just for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it’s those moments where I think we’ve laughed the hardest and we’ve cried the hardest. And um I think that during the march itself, we’re so busy with the process that it’s hard to take it all in. Although I tell every volunteer to just stop, take a minute to breathe and look around at what we’re creating because that’s really important. Um, but you know, as I said, there’s always the person with the broken high heel or someone that uh there’s always a story of that form that comes out throughout the march.
David:
Um I’ve keep mentioning this broken high heel. I can’t think was this you was this your high heel and were you the one twerking for your life?
SPEAKER_00:
No, I I wish I could say I could walk in high heels. I’ve tried it and it doesn’t it doesn’t do well on me.
David:
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
My ankles, these ankles weren’t built for that.
Gavin:
If a float breaks down, are you the one they call?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so we have a whole team that responds to that. Uh knock on wood, it hasn’t happened uh in the time that I’ve been around, but I’ve heard stories of those. Um, and we have uh crews ready to deal with that. We go through a lot of planning of what ifs, and um we’re ready to handle it.
David:
So here’s a pitch for you uh for a pride float. I don’t know who you can run this up the flagpole or whatever, but here’s my pitch. It’s a Costco Kirkland themed Pride float, and on the Pride float are like the hottest men and women you’ve ever seen, only wearing the little aprons, and they’re sample boys and girls, and they have they’re giving you the pretzel chips, they’re giving you the like the shots of energy, they are giving you Kirkland samples or walking around. That to me is would be peak pride.
SPEAKER_00:
That that would would be excellent, and it might solve we try to feed every one of our hundreds of volunteers throughout the day. Wow. So we have uh golf carts of food running up and down traffic.
David:
Absolutely. You could have the chicken salad, you give everybody a spoon, you could start handing out executive memberships. I’m telling you, it would cause a stir in the best way.
SPEAKER_00:
It it would. I I mean it might they do hand out a lot of things during the Pride March, but that might top it all.
David:
So can you imagine if you’re like you’re an executive member, like, yeah, I got it at Pride? That’s I mean, I’ll go to Pride just to see if I could get that. A hundred percent that’s a hundred and fifty dollars. Like that’s a lot of money.
Gavin:
But Costco would be, I mean, definitely expanding its numbers in uh in really fabulous ways that way. Yeah. Has there ever been any inappropriate um handouts that you’ve noticed that you thought, oh, I’m not so sure about that? I mean, anything from NRA memberships to dildos that made you think uh this is a little much.
SPEAKER_00:
No, I mean they they’ve had handouts that uh run the spectrum. We’ve had uh vendors from the adult toy industry hand stuff out. Um, but they’re A, we sort of vet what’s being given out, and B, um all of those industries are pretty respectful of like who they hand out to. Um and but we we have had counter protests or marches come and we’re prepared to deal with that also. Uh we remember everyone’s a human, we may not agree with them. Um, so we start by offering them water and saying, hey, uh we’re humans, you’re humans, you’re you must be thirsty. And uh we start with that, and uh we try to say this is our moment to speak.
David:
Gavin, this is why I could not volunteer for this because he’s taking the high road, he’s the Michelle Obama. Like when you go low, we go high. And I like I said, I would go in the sewers to ruin those people’s days. I would not, yeah, I would not just human because you’re a fighter, not a lover, right? Yeah, no, I’m a I’m a hypocrite and and I’m arrogant and I’m stupid and I’m mean. That’s what I am.
SPEAKER_00:
So but no, we we try to recognize that everyone has a voice and they may not have the perspective or um thought process we have on things, and they have the right to be there and voice their um opinion. Yeah. But it’s not ours.
David:
Bullshit is the word you’re looking for, Peter. Bullshit. Spout their bullshit. I was in the um Wii Ho Halloween parade one year, which I think when you’re talking about chaos gaven, that’s peak chaos.
Gavin:
Yes.
David:
But there was like, you know, 10, you know, uh faggots go to hell people with signs or whatever. I tell you what, that energized that crowd more than anything else. Just those 10 people, people just just delighted in the fact that they were just these tiny little people, just like embarrassing themselves. But it like it it it weirdly uplifted the crowd in a way.
SPEAKER_00:
And and that’s what it normally is. We’ve never seen some vast protests, it’s five or six people at a corner. Um, and they have the right to be there. Um, they do. Yeah. I think the other thing that’s important to remember is NYC Pride’s great, uh, but all over the country there’s small um LGBTQI plus uh A plus uh centers that host similar things and they also need support um and they need volunteers. So I think it’s really important. I guess the message I would say today is it’s really important for us to be engaged citizens and find a way for us and our families to engage in um standing up for what we believe in, right? And it’s so easy to sit back and say, ah, someone else is speaking up. Uh, but I think it’s really important for us to find our voice in whatever way we can and say, hey, you know, we’re here and uh this is what we stand for. And uh I think it’s important. It’s yeah, as you know, just a week ago we had the uh election day, and it’s just as important as voting. Uh we must get out and vote.
Gavin:
It’s yeah, yeah, raise your voice for sure. So then um your wife is obviously she’s a queer advocate. Does she you already mentioned the family has been to the Pride Parade? Damn it, Gaben. Damn it. The Pride March. She’s been to the they’ve all been to the Pride March, or rather, one of your kids has and she has. Does but does she generally just say, sweetie, this is your day to go be daddy fab? Or um, or and are you just checked out for that week so you can go help make the world a better place, or does she join in at all?
SPEAKER_00:
No, I I think in the last couple years, I don’t think it’s uh as uh like I don’t think it’s as decisive a conversation as that. I think it’s hey, I got work, you got this, you go do you, and um you know that’s just sort of how it’s played out in the years past. I don’t know what this year will bring. Um, but yeah, I think that it’s an important uh week for me. A, I think that’s really important we get out there and be a part of this and have a voice, but there’s a lot of events that go on throughout that that week and the weeks leading up. I forget how many events NYC Pride puts together, but they have the brunch, they have Youth Pride, they have uh Bliss, which is a women’s event, and they have tons of different uh events that go on throughout that month. So I try to make appearance as many of them as I can. Um and so yeah, pretty much I uh go down there for the week and uh am a part of putting this together.
Gavin:
Uh I mean it’s awesome that you’re able to get out a little bit though and enjoy yourself and like not just be working all week long and eating pizza off a palate in your broken um heels, in your broken stiletto.
David:
And and it’s good to know that if you’re planning on going to the uh NYC march, that to bring an extra stiletto in case a drag queen fumbles a little bit, to re you’d really make her day. So just know that.
SPEAKER_00:
You would yeah.
Gavin:
So do you mind telling us about being a bisexual man married to a woman? Just in the sense that we don’t have to go down that path um deeply. We’re talking about other topics today, but just how how do you explain it to people who do get it? I bet it’s super simple. No questions ever whatsoever, right?
SPEAKER_00:
Well, I think um by erasure is a real thing. I think that um we’ve sort of uh come to the point where it may not be respected, but it’s understood what like gay and lesbian relationships look like. And I think that they may not be respected, but they’re understood. And I think all those letters sort of in in between and um is are sort of harder to understand for people. I think you know, uh by erasure is real.
David:
I think that people have a really hard time understanding uh trans and queer and um I it’s because everything was held against a straight standard, and gay and lesbian is just one click of the dial where like, oh, they’re both the same gender, but everything else is the same. Don’t worry. It’s two people, they’re monogamous. This is what they do, they get married, like it is all held up to a straight standard. So bisexuality and transness is like two clicks, and you have to re you have to you have to think of things differently, and I think that’s why that erasure or that I don’t know that that second class citizenness comes a little bit because it’s not um a straight modeled relationship often, or there’s more questions. It’s like, but you’re married to a woman, but if you like guys, what does that mean? And people panic.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, and I I think that oftentimes people will just classify, they meet you and within 30 seconds classify you into a bin, and they’re like, Oh, there’s a couple that they must be in a straight whatever relationship, and they classify you without um knowing. And I I I don’t know that it so much matters in that um till you get farther down the line and you want to say, Hey, wanna come to Pride with me, or want to come, you know, and then it you have to have these awkward conversations later on uh in relationships. And I think that if we could get to the point where we stop judging people and uh just saying, hey, however they’re living is none of my concern, or or is my concern because I’m a friend of theirs and I want to support them in that. Um I I think people need to be able to have real conversations and and you know talk with your friends and don’t assume um ask what you know.
David:
Um what bin would you put Gavin in?
SPEAKER_00:
Well, I don’t like to put anyone in any bin.
Gavin:
That’s exactly the point. The dumpster.
David:
The dumpster Peter is the answer. The dumpster behind the see the discount seafood buffet.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, you know, dumpster fires are hard to put out. Uh sure are.
Gavin:
Um, what about um so okay, a huge element that we haven’t addressed also, which is a uh an amazing part of your life, is that in addition to rescuing drag queens who are with broken heels, you also do relief work where you fly into areas that have been struck by earthquakes and hurricanes and whatnot, and you are once again like a a root captain, right? I would imagine in whistling and being like you go here and you go here, and you are literally helping people in their most desperate catastrophe.
SPEAKER_00:
What are you doing? You don’t belong here, yeah. Well, so uh yes, uh that’s an interesting description, but yeah, uh I do uh respond to uh humanitarian needs um around the country, and uh with the environmental change, we’ve seen more and more at a rate we’ve far surpassed past last year, um, early on in this year. So it’s an increasing um problem. Um and I’ve been everywhere from Sumas, Washington to Kentucky to Florida um uh for various environmental disasters. And I think something to keep in mind is so when we go into these places, we look at social vulnerability index and we try to find areas where people are let the least resilient to bounce back from a storm, and we say, um, let’s folk dial in on those areas and let’s see what we can do in those areas. And oftentimes, those are also places where we see high populations of LGBTQIA plus because we know that they’re part of the marginalized groups. Um we also see you know people of any marginalized group that you could imagine often lands in those SVI high SVI areas. Um so I think that that’s um something to think about when we think about you know these disasters happening. It’s not just happening to um uh blanketed communities, it’s uh hitting in higher proportion to people who aren’t prepared for or don’t have the resources to respond to it.
Gavin:
They’re highly vulnerable, yeah. Yeah. So it’s interesting that you did bring up a connection there between LGBTQ populations and the relief work you do. I mean, that’s not the focus, right?
SPEAKER_00:
You don’t specifically go into those oh so the group um uh I work with, and I don’t know of, I’m sure there might be, but I don’t know of any group that particularly uh highlights LGBT response. But I think that it’s just a statistic uh that’s worth pointing out in this sphere that we’re talking in today. Um that you know we know trans, for example, trans um and gay uh youth are more likely to be out on the streets. Yeah. And they’re more likely to be in places of higher social vulnerability. Um so I think that it’s something to point out that when these disasters happen, um that our community is at uh higher risk for being hit by these or impacted by these storms.
David:
Isn’t it true that like gay people created a lot of these hurricanes? I feel like there was some pastor on TV last year who was like, Yeah, the hurricane was because of the gays. And I was like, We have that power? Oh my god, what have I been doing all this time?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, that might be a narrative that’s out there. Yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
If only we could harness it. Well, um, of course, this is fantastic to talk to you. I am curious to wrap as we wrap it up here, bringing all of these worlds together, how often do you talk about the Pride Parade while you’re out helping people in their desperate times of need, or is there absolutely no crossover there whatsoever?
SPEAKER_00:
Well, I think that you know, anytime we go out on disaster response, you uh meet people, and I’ve made some friends that last a lifetime, and some actually this year uh two of them came and helped at the Pride March.
Gavin:
There you go.
SPEAKER_00:
So it’s certainly there’s a relation for me at least, um, between the two. But I think what it comes down to is we all have a responsibility, as I said, to be engaged citizens and be good humans, right? And look for ways that we can step in and support one another. For me, it’s supporting our community, uh, queer community as a member of NYC Pride. For others, it’s donating to a group like NYC Pride, and for others, it’s responding to disasters. And um, I think wherever we can find a way, we should all find a way to be engaged. And that I think be a good human.
David:
That counts me out.
Gavin:
That’s I don’t know what to tell you. You definitely over you surpass us in all of that. Good luck with everything. Super sexy, uh, all of the things that you do, and um, including coming on Gatriarch. So thank you for again demeaning yourself and telling us about all the fantastic things you’ve done.
SPEAKER_00:
It’s been a pleasure.
Gavin:
So something pretty hilarious and great happened recently where I um was in a concert. I haven’t been in a concert in a really long time. I just sang one song amidst a bunch of people who are um sensationally more talented than me. I was the also ran, which is totally fine. I was in good company. And my parents, uh my parents, my kids were there to watch it. And I asked my daughter, so what did you think? She goes, It was good. I was like, Oh, really? She goes, No, Dad, do you think anybody was actually enjoying that? I was being sarcastic. What a fucking bitch. And uh, I mean, you know, from the mouth of babes, her candor was pretty hilarious. At some point, she will appreciate that I’m not just a slug on the wall in her way. So anyway, it was a funny moment. I’ll never forget it. How about you?
David:
Mine uh is so I had her birthday recently. Um I’m on the 44th floor of life, uh, which is mainly stuck with Advil and midday naps. But um, I got an ice cream maker from my mother. And this is bad news for the Von Becker household, I will tell you right now. But what I’m loving about it is that I I love like recipes or whatever, but I also like like what are the hacks? What are the what uh like the different things you can make? So you can make ice creams out of like literal cream and milk and stuff, but also there’s this like hacks where you could pour like protein shakes in there and it will basically make ice cream out of your protein. Protein ice cream? It’s fucking delicious. I did it with a Fair Life from Costco, like chocolate protein shakes, which are 150 calories, and it turned it into a like, now listen, it doesn’t taste like fucking ice cream, but it tastes pretty damn close. It tastes like a frozen, delicious version of that, right? Wow. So I I love it. It’s a little annoying because you, you know, these these smaller ones, you have to like freeze the bowl, and that takes 24 hours. So there’s like a little bit of like an advanced notice thing, but man, it it’s gonna become a problem. I can already feel it. I’ve already got two ice creams in the freezer that I experimented with, and I’m like, what are we gonna do with these ice creams? I guess we’re just gonna have to eat them and then hate our bodies.
Gavin:
Well, I hope you live to see 45 then in that case.
David:
Yeah. And that’s our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at David FM Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge on a busted stiletto.
David:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll parade with you next time.
Gavin:
Shit. Sorry, everybody. Thanks, and we’ll march with you next time. Episode of Gatriarchs.