Full Transcript
I had a friend who used to live in Saudi Arabia, and he was having a business meeting with another guy who was a you know a married colleague, and they were sitting in a hotel having a meeting, and he suddenly says to my friend, Hey, see that guy over there? And my friend says, Yeah. He says, he’s gay. And my friend says, How do you know that? He goes, Because I fucked him last night. Gavin, it’s nine in the morning. And this is Gay Triarchs.
David:
Listen, we are officially live. Um, we have been recording a little bit ahead of time. So this is our first episode after we became live. And I’ve been editing all these podcasts, and I realized something is that I’m afraid people are gonna think I hate parenting or I hate my kids. Right. Now, to be fair, sometimes, yeah, I fucking hate it. But I I I I chose this. You and I chose you and I paid lots of money to do this. I love parenting, I love my kids. So I was just I was having this weird self-conscious moment of like, does everybody out there who’s listening to this podcast just think we hate parenting and we’re psychopaths?
Gavin:
Right. Do we need to make a disclaimer every single episode to say, hey, disclaimer at the top of the show, I would lay down on rails for my fucking children?
David:
Yeah, I mean, maybe I I think listen, that this podcast is about complaining, so let’s let’s let that because complaining is funnier. It’s funnier. But uh the reason I I bring it up is because I came across this piece on TikTok, and then I found the article that was referencing. And if you’re at all in on the parenting side of TikTok, you almost definitely saw this a couple weeks ago. Um, this was a piece by Mia Friedman, and there was a uh radio host that was kind of reading it on air, and that that’s the video that I saw, and then I went into this piece. But the idea the piece is called Um Your Son Growing Up Will Feel Like the Slowest Breakup You’ve Ever Known. And it’s this beautiful article talking about this mom and how you know raising a son feels like this very slow breakup. And when I saw this this video and then I read this piece, I was just like ugly crying to where like, you know, people are like, Are you okay, sir? Um, but I wanted to read this one piece because it really touched me in a way, and it and it spoke to me in an in in a way that is is is so devastatingly accurate. So in the middle of this piece she’s talking about, you know, as they get older. Um, and it says, There are so many batshit crazy things about being a parent, and one that definitely wasn’t in the brochure is the way you don’t actually parent one person. You parent many, many different people who all who are all your child. There’s the newborn, the baby, the toddler, the preschooler, the primary age kid, the pre-teen, the adolescent, the full-blown teen, the young adult, and then the adult. They all answer to the same name. They all call you mum, and you never ever notice the inflection point where one of those turn one of those people turns into the next. You never get to properly say goodbye to all the little people who grow up because you I’m getting choked up already. Are you okay, sir? I’m sorry, sir. Are you okay? I just want the number five at Taco Bell. I don’t want to be ordering this. Um you never uh properly say goodbye to little people who grow up because you don’t notice the growing and the changing, except Facebook sends you those reminders. Um anyway, it’s a beautiful piece. It touched me in that way where parenting the kind of like marking of time on in parenting is so weird. And when she talks about like all of a sudden there’s this new kid in your house, and there’s the the kid that used to live there who still answers to the same name, but is a totally different person. Like this morning I was looking at my daughter who’s one now, and I was just thinking, I practically don’t remember you as a baby, as like holding you in my arms, wrapped up in blankets, swaddling, and that was months ago. Yeah. And so this piece really touched me. Um obviously it it still it still touches me, even reading it out loud. And um, so to to those of you who think that um I have no heart, I don’t, but sometimes I have a little bit of feelings, and and this was just such a such a beautiful piece. Um, if we ever get show notes, we’ll we’ll link to it. Um it’s easy to find. It was on TikTok. It’s beautiful. Anyway, so I have feelings. Yeah and Gavin, I know you always have feelings.
Gavin:
That was a really um that was a masterclass in acting that you just did right there by forcing those tears. Uh I was on Broadway one time. Making people think uh that you do have a heart, uh, which, as we know, you’re definitely not the tin man.
David:
More like a scarecrow. Yeah. Or and a bear. I want the body of the scarecrow. I want like just like the snatched, like tiny cinched for days. Give me that like burlap tie.
Gavin:
Whereas the tin man is just a barrel. Let’s be honest, he’s just a barrel. There’s there’s no shape there. This does remind me of years and years ago. I uh when my kids were really little, I remember getting into the mommy blog sphere. Um, I suppose the daddy blog sphere as well. And I read this piece about uh uh a mom saying she couldn’t remember the last time she washed her daughter’s hair. And that was long before my daughter ever had long hair, or frankly, any hair. I think she was honestly just a baby when I read it. But I remember thinking, wow, at some point this is gonna really touch me. I mean it was touching, but I thought this is gonna pass me by and I’m not and I’m also not gonna remember the last time I washed my daughter’s hair, and now, you know, she showers entirely on her own and she’s totally independent and I miss it. There are times um my son um still waves to me from the bus as he’s driving away until it turns the corner, and I just live for it, and I know it won’t happen forever, but yeah, that passage of time is really interesting. The days are long, the years are short, and one season fades into another. Q Broadway music right here, no doubt about all of it. But it’s true, it’s true, it’s true. It’s all the more reason why, like, how do we savor every single day? Aside from just like I don’t know, slowing down intentionally and meditating all goddamn day, but I don’t have time to meditate all day.
David:
No, I mean we the I have my something great is in this sphere, so we’ll come back to this. But but there is a a weird thing where you don’t get to know when the last time, you know, there’s that phrase of like you pick up you you hold you pick up your kid for the last time at some point in your life. Yeah, you don’t know when that’s gonna be. Um, and it’s so unfair that you don’t get to have, like Mio was saying, that proper goodbye to say goodbye to the toddler and welcome the preschooler. Um, it just happens. You you only can look backwards at those moments. But I have a uh a really interesting something great that I think will kind of maybe help solve this problem.
Gavin:
Oh, nice. So um frequently I think about uh the ways that I basically try to have mind control games over my kids, you know, and manipulate them into doing the shit that I want them to do. And when they are spiraling out of control or really just like being selfish little shits with a total lack of gratitude, I frequently, in calm times, will say, I think we should have a safety word that signals to all of us that we’re starting to get irrational and it will bring it back down. And by now, I have suggested safety words about four or five times over the last, I don’t know, four or five months. And my daughter is absolutely rolling her eyes at me saying, Dad, you never use them. And she’s totally right. I suggest the safety words, and usually we do the first safety word What do you mean by safety words? Well, okay. When she when I can feel that we are starting to escalate irrationally, and we just need to take a step away, take a breath. I want to say, here’s a safety word, like eggplant or scissors or whatever, something nonsensical that signals to us all, including myself, maybe first and foremost, myself, Gabe. Take a step back, calm down. So it’s been an idea that we’ve had in the family, but it’s totally ineffective. I’m sure I read it somewhere. I don’t know, in a sex manual, I suppose. Just kidding.
David:
No, but that’s what I mean. That’s the first thing I thought of. It’s like, why do you have safety words here? Yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
Safety words to be like, we gotta stop what’s going on right now. It is not going to be constructive. And our safety words are always something to make us giggle, right? Like nipple was our first safety word. And now my daughter is obsessed with the word shart and just goes around saying shark all the time. And so our current safety word now is sharty fart. And I used it last night as she was spiraling out of control because today was Hawaiian shirt day and she didn’t have a Hawaiian shirt. And I said, I’m not gonna hop in the car at nine o’clock and go buy you something. All the stores are closed anyway. And no, you should have thought about this before. And she started to go and go and go going. And I said, sharty fart. And she was just pissed. And maybe, if nothing else, that will succeed in her not saying shard around me anymore because I’m annoyed by it. Wow.
David:
I mean, I that’s that’s literally no response. I I I that’s this is this you are you are ahead of me by what five years? No, more than that. Yeah, I just feel like uh these are things I need to start writing down. I’m gonna start finding these get these episodes of Gatearks so I know what to do when my kid starts escalating.
Gavin:
This isn’t good advice. It’s not working for us.
David:
Well, that’s gay charcs, right? This isn’t good advice.
Gavin:
Don’t listen to us. My God. Also, last night, we um were I made an excellent meal last night, and I admit it was a chickpea squash stew. It was delicious. Don’t it was straight out of oh, stop it. It was straight out of the New York Times or barefoot contesta or something like that. It was delicious. Let me guess there’s rosemary in that bullet. Jesus. No, but there was supposed to be lemongrass, and it just spoke lemongrass. Fuck off, fuck off lemongrass and barefoot contesta in your good olive oil. But um, I raised my kids, I used to be able to humble brag about my kids eating absolutely everything years ago, five, six years ago. They ate everything. There was no question about it. I’ve already shared my trick back in the day was to get them to eat the toasted hazelnuts. Yes, go ahead, insert joke here over the kale salad, and suddenly they’re salad eaters. But man, my daughter has just gone downhill and eating. She will not eat anything with a bean in it, which I know you have a special affinity for beans. She just refuses to eat anything with beans. And I’m like, I am choosing, I’m giving myself my safety word, shardy fart. And just don’t get upset. The fact that she is not malnutritious, uh she’s not what? Malnourished. Whoops, malnutritious. Anyway. You’re very smart. She’s not malnourished, it’s gonna be fine. Don’t like force feed the the chickpea squash stew, which was delicious, by the way. It would have been better if it had lemongrass on it. And now if she would have eaten it with the lemongrass, and now I’m just like, oh Jesus, choose your fucking battles. It never gets easier. Yeah, I was for sure the arrogant.
David:
Um I still am. I’m just arrogant in general, but uh arrogant when because you know, when my first my son was a baby, he would eat anything. I and so and and in turn, we just put carrots and broccoli and and really healthy things in front of them. And obviously that’s slowly gone downhill. They’re both pretty good about trying new things, but like if there’s anything green in it, like he picks it out. Like, I’m I feel the chicken nugget coming. I feel it coming. Yes, even though like we are we’re fighting against it. I I grew up in a household where like nutrition wasn’t ever talked about or cared about, and I wanted to make that change for my kids, but I can smell the mac and cheese for like chicken fingers kid coming, and also I’m lazy, so he’s gonna get it.
Gavin:
Uh uh, he was the second born. If he wanted to eat nutritiously, he should have chosen to be first.
David:
All right, Gavin. Uh, let’s move on to our top three. This is your week, so what is our top three this week?
Gavin:
This week, we are talking about the three ways that you are parenting, just like your parents did. All the things that you said you weren’t gonna do. I do it constantly. I hear myself, I hear my mom coming out in my own voice. In third place, is that I say no to everything. My mom said no to absolutely everything. I could never get a drink at a restaurant, it always had to be water. I could we could never went spontaneously shopping. I think these are all actually good rules that she, you know, reined in my need to buy shit all the time. And now I feel like I’m a good parent by reigning in my kids’ need to buy shit all the time. So I say no to absolutely everything. Number two, if I don’t say no, I say maybe, and my kids say, Well, that means no, obviously. And I can hear myself, my mom saying, maybe, knowing full well it’s not it’s gonna turn into a no. And then finally, I have actually caught myself in the middle of it, myself, with my number one attribute of my mom coming out saying, all the things I do for you, and this is the thanks I get.
David:
Oh man, that’s classic. Uh is it? Is it universal? I feel like I’ve heard that on every every movie, every yeah, that’s that’s a good one.
Gavin:
Yeah, well, that’s that’s my number one. And hey, it all comes back to gratitude. Go ahead, cue the sappy music right now. I just want some thanks. I just want to hear thanks, and then I’ll say yes to everything. Your love language is words of affirmation. Oh, thanks for that. You just saved me thousands and thousands of dollars in years of therapy, didn’t you?
David:
When I when I teach like directing uh to students, I always bring up the five love languages. It’s it that book, I love that book. We’ll talk about that another day. Okay, so for me, I I took this in a little weird way as usual. So these are all like non-verbal ways that I am I have turned in to my family or my parents. All right, so number three is I this is such a dad move. I grunt when I get out of my chair like my grandma, like my grandma used to. She’d had this like uh like it’s just a small little little pillow of uh, and I I am a fully fit normal dude, but I grunt every time I get out of my chair. Alright. Number two, I when I’m laughing, like belly laughing, and it devolves into a cough, that’s my dad. I can hear my dad laughing into a cough, and you could record it, and it would be the ide it would be the exact same thing. And number one, and forgive me, my mom is a listener, but um she this is this is me as my mom. My mom does this thing when she’s listening to someone talk to her or tell her a story, and she is not interested whatsoever, she does this like eyebrow raise thing where she pretends to look surprised and interested in what you’re saying, but always at a time that doesn’t match the story. So it’s clear she is in no way interested or connected to your story. And I fully do that. I find myself somebody’s talking at me in circles, and I just raise my eyebrows like, oh, that’s interesting. Um, and so that’s my number one.
Gavin:
You’re overcompensatingly compliant in listening to their story.
David:
100%. 100%. So uh, Gavin, next week. Um very excited about next week. Next week is top three lies you tell your kids.
Gavin:
Oh, good. Like that. I uh all the time.
David:
Lies active lies.
Gavin:
How am I gonna get it down to three though?
David:
Yeah, but it’s gonna be the top three, like the three that you use constantly.
Gavin:
Oh, I mean, it’s okay, it’s that’s gonna be hard, but okay.
David:
So our next guest is uh somebody I’ve had God, the the burden of knowing since 2008. How dare you um he is a former Broadway performer. Uh he’s done nine shows over the course of 15 years on Broadway, which is just absolutely insane. Um, I met him doing Shrek. Uh Gavin, I believe you did Annie with him. Uh he went on to become uh a teacher at a very, very fancy school in New York City and and is following my life and trying to be me by moving to Florida, and he works there as the director of education and community engagement at a performing arts hall. Please, welcome to Gatriarch’s Justin Gomlach Greer.
SPEAKER_00:
Oh my god, hi guys.
SPEAKER_03:
Welcome.
SPEAKER_00:
What a marvelous uh and nonspecific um introduction.
Gavin:
Avoiding all the things that need to be avoided.
SPEAKER_00:
Yes.
David:
Yeah, we want to we want to create a safe space for the chaos we expect from you. Yes. Um so but but but we uh we Gavin and I, it’s weird because Gavin and I both have known you but very separately. Like we did very separate shows, um, but we’ve known you for a very long time, and and we all three of us are have performed on Broadway and are now doing different things. So um talk to us a little bit about your transition from going from Broadway to teaching, because that was kind of that was a big change for you, right?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, uh I mean I I was doing shows and I went to some Poorly, I might add. Very poorly. In the most mediocre way possible.
Gavin:
Only nine, you couldn’t even break double digits.
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, come on, I mean whatever. Um but I I I went, I don’t know, I went to something at the actors um the actors fund or something, and they were like, you know what, it’s important to like plan your exit while you’re still doing your things. And so I I had develop I began to develop a parallel career as an educator while I was still an actor. And um and that over the course of it kind of it kind of came to this, you know, the universe tells you, hey, you should be doing this thing, just as I was as I was thinking about maybe it’s time to retire and using air quotes for those that teach. For those listeners at home. Um when it uh came time for uh I was like, oh I’m kind of ready, and then the phone rang, and it was one of the schools that I had that I was teaching for as a teaching artist, um, and uh offering to offering a position to me to create a position that didn’t exist before, which is amazing.
Gavin:
Did it feel like an identity crisis or did you welcome it and say, yep, it’s time to move on?
SPEAKER_00:
Uh it’s so yeah, it’s so funny because I I really, you know, we do as actors, we I we identify our our whole when you’re in it, your whole being is in it, and everything else takes aside, you know, takes takes us sits aside. And um, and I was ready. I was like, I I I made a promise to myself I didn’t want to be 40 and wondering where my next job was coming from. Um and that was um it was like I was like 39 or something, and I was like, you know what, maybe it’s time. And then I also made a promise to myself I didn’t want to be 50 and rolling around on the floor with kindergartners, which is what I was doing. And so I I bounced at 49. So uh so it’s kind of like you know, you kind of have these general ideas of where you want to be, and you know, the universe kind of like takes you there.
David:
I will say that knowing you for as long as I have, you have perfect timing. With your housing purchases and sales, with your career things like your timing is in the stepball changes. You I mean, yes, you know how to kickball change on seven and and and eight. And eight. Yeah, yeah, no. But the rolling around on the floor with kindergartners brings us to really the point why you’re here, besides for us to kind of beat you up a little bit, which is always really fun. Um, we are gay parents and we are gay triarchs, and and we have kids that are going to schools, maybe like the one you used to teach at. And I’m curious, as from your point of view, what the fuck sh what the fuck should we be doing with our kids? Or should like I just I What’s the secret? Tell us the secret. Because I feel like you have a window of seeing the kids come in the door, and you have a little bit of a window of how they’re parented and which are the good kids and which are the bad kids. And I wonder like, is there is there any advice you could give to gay parents as far as like how to prepare your kids for for elementary school?
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, it’s funny because you know, I think in general, gay people we we we we do things well. How to do it. We’re better at things across the board. Yeah.
David:
Across the board. Right. 100%.
SPEAKER_00:
So, like, honestly, like if if if I know that you’re a gay parent, or if I know that there’s a kid coming in that has gay parents, I’m like, okay, they’ve they’ve read all the books, they’re doing all the things, they’re checking all the boxes, they’re doing everything that they need to do, right? So it’s it’s it’s funny because like what what advice do I have to give? Like, I don’t know, you you’re you’re two gay men, you’re fat and you’re fabulous. So of course, it’s gonna be a fabulous experience, right?
David:
One would hope. Unless your kid is just inherently shitty, which then then you’re you have a shitty kid and you should return.
SPEAKER_00:
Which your children are, so there’s I have met them.
Gavin:
We’re also quick to point out, we’re also quick to point out that gays suck sometimes too, you know? So um I mean in more ways than one. You’re welcome. You’re welcome.
David:
But like, right, we talked about that a couple episodes ago. It’s like that’s the ultimate equality, right? Is that gays can be gays can be serial killers too. Totally.
SPEAKER_00:
And that was the thing actually that I wanted to I would wanted to say is like parenting is parenting, right? Like, and I think you’re gonna be good at it or you’re not gonna be good at it. And uh, you know, some of the some of the parenting that I got to see at at you know at a I was at a fancy schmancy, you know, private school, and you know, it’s kind of the same thing. Like when you have uh families of privilege, some of the raising of the children will be done by people that are not the parents, right? That and that’s just that’s sort of like what it is, whether it’s nannies, whether it’s gay or straight, right?
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
But um, but I do think in particular, um in in with many many of the gay families, I uh I mean their kids have been spectacular, and I would I would I would expect nothing less.
Gavin:
You have very high standards, girl. Very high standards.
SPEAKER_00:
I have very uh wait, can I can we just take one second? I have high standards. I went to see a show down here in this place.
David:
Oh no. Justin lives in a general area of Florida that we won’t mention. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
And there is um, you know, there’s the in this general area, there’s a lot of arts. We’re really, really lucky. Love it. And there’s a fabulous company, and I’ve seen stuff that they’ve done before that is that they do great work. It’s professional, it’s an equity company of and they but I did see a production of a show that will go unnamed, but um, it was so bad. And I was sitting there in the audience and I was like, is it just that I’m shady and I’m just like a terrible, terrible person, and I just but also how do you how do people get away with like putting these pieces of art on in these places that are like saying that they’re directors and choreographers and they’re just terrible?
David:
Like, can I just I think that all the time when I see a bad show, I think somebody sat down at their desk, pulled a pen out, and wrote a check for that. Somebody paid millions of dollars for that to exist.
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, and I’m shady with the Broadway, so I can’t can you imagine how shady I am down here in community theater land? So, like, it’s like, oh my god, it was so bad, you guys. Why can’t people understand the power of a good transition?
Gavin:
Why? We need hey, I mean, that goes back to your timing thing, right? You have per um uh b excellent timing because you uh appreciate a good transition. Which speaking of very important. Speaking of transitions and um uh casting shade, what are some of the horror stories of terrible parenting that you experienced um uh maybe at your last school or currently? Which serves as a lesson for us going forward to avoid such behaviors.
David:
It’s not shade that you’re gonna present to us, it’s just a lesson. It’s a learning lesson.
SPEAKER_00:
A learning lesson? Well, you know, I am a teacher at my heart, so I’m uh I’m all about lessons. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Um I I do I will say this. Folks with their designer kids. Mm-hmm. They, you know, I mean, here’s the thing. Like, gay people have to like actually put a lot of resources toward not the word procure is the wrong idea.
David:
It’s the wrong word. No, but creating their families. Like, like it whether you do surrogacy or adoption or even foster adopt, it’s it’s financially significant. It’s the timing is it is it is a deliberate and expensive venture.
SPEAKER_00:
It’s a luxury item, honestly. Kids are luxury items. Now uh now that’s from an outside perspective. I’m sure on the ground, boots on the ground, it doesn’t feel so.
David:
Yeah, I uh yeah, I for sure ordered luxury kids and I got like McDonald’s, like two for one. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah. But but that’s but like, so because there was because there are so many resources that are put forth to to procure these kids, like they are sometimes they feel more like look at the here are my kids. These are my these these are the this is this is the thing I’m supposed to do.
David:
This is it’s like a handbag, like a new like a birkin.
SPEAKER_00:
Like a birkin bag.
Gavin:
Yeah. My investment paid off, and look what a great job I’m doing.
SPEAKER_00:
And there’s a little bit of performative um Oh yeah. And I think especially in the gay community.
David:
That’s actually the Instagram family community, we see it all the time. And listen, we’re being shady to you guys if you guys are listening, but also like we under like we we get it, but like when you have the resources to do six photo shoots a month because there’s other people, like you do six sh photo shoots a month. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
And I and I by no means do I say that there is a lack of love there. Absolutely not. But sometimes when a kid feels maybe that they are part of a I don’t know, like a PR campaign. A brand, there you go. Um, I I think that’s that that can be a little tricky. Uh and um and so you know, sometimes I don’t know, I’ve seen I like the k I love kids, so like it’s hard for me to be like, oh, that kid’s a bad kid. Yeah. There’s bad parenting there. But but I you know, I when you see w when kids are being used, uh, is the word exploited maybe a word? That’s I think that that is I don’t think that happens actually that probably does happen in in branded straight families as well, but I think we see it more prevalent prevalently in in the gay. Well, I’m and I’m gonna say I’m gonna say it in the gay male community.
Gavin:
Oh yeah. Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_00:
Oh yeah.
Gavin:
Well, and also we also we live in a world that’s highly performative with social media. Social media is just uh it’s it’s it’s universal and it is uh you know it looks beyond the.
David:
And we’re not seeing those families at their house, right? Like that we’re seeing their families chosen. It’s like I hear a lot of my like my mom, yeah, exactly. My mom will always be like, Your kids are so photogenic. I’m like, no, they’re not. They’re monsters. I take 70 photos and I chose the one that I had to still scroll through the live version of the photo to find the one moment they were kind of actually smiling. And I think that’s what I’ve done.
Gavin:
And I’ve still altered their skin tone in the picture so that it would look more healthy.
David:
And they’re both scheduled for lipostoctrum and major rhinoplasty. Like, come on, like let’s move, let’s get these kids. But I think that that is that is true. Like, if we’re gonna be fair, like we’re we’re all this is the three shadiest people in the world, but like to be fair, like we’re only seeing the content that they want to show on Instagram um for us to see.
SPEAKER_00:
Which, you know, honestly, it makes sense. Like, you’re not gonna necessarily let people in on the disaster that’s like that’s your kitchen in the world.
Gavin:
We’re trying to this that’s this podcast.
David:
I’m not even joking. We want to be like, show us your fucking disaster. We’re gonna do a thing where we’ll have um listeners start sending us in, like, sh tweet us a picture of your current fucking disaster. You heard it first. That is actual people.
SPEAKER_00:
You heard it first. But that’s a see, that’s great. Like, and like, I don’t know. Uh like to me, there’s something so much more interesting. Like, you’re just so much more interesting when you’re flawed. It’s you’re more interested, like, life is more there’s more because it’s real, right? Like, I’d uh there’s but but that and that’s just sort of a a thing that’s going along with the the whole world right now. It’s like let me show you my very best side, let me show you my very like all of this. We went traveling um to uh we we were traveling in Egypt recently for my uh I was experiencing a large birthday, and so I’m and for those of you who are just listening, the bags you if you count the bags under his eyes, you can find exactly what that number is. And the folds in the in the neck, and he pulse in the neck, yeah, and the regret in the eyes. Well, and and not a follicle on the head, so you know so but we were we were laughing because you know the the number of people that travel the world in these like incredible places we’re literally at like some incredible place in Egypt, and the you know, the these girls and they’re like no, like they’re fixing their hair, and like, okay, try this post. Like the it was the photo shoot everywhere at every corner. This look at me having a great time. Meanwhile, they spent hours like curating, like trying to create some idea of what a great time is, as opposed to just being there having a great time.
David:
Yeah, but I think this is partly why we’re all friends, and this is exactly why Gavin and I started this podcast is like we find the other stuff way more interesting, not even just balancing out the spectrum, but like if you were like show me this gorgeous Christmas photo shoot or show me the time that like you were covered in shit, I want to see that part. Like, I want to see the real because that’s when we are truly ourselves. It’s like why I’m obsessed with people getting scared videos, because there’s a a split second where you are just yourself, yeah, just a human. There’s no veneer here. Um, you said something to me when we were doing our little talk before about the Brooklyn Mermaid Parade. You want to talk about that? Tell me, tell me what that story is, because I I would love to know what that is.
SPEAKER_00:
You guys. Okay, so generally, no most often I have a mustache and no hair, right? So I’m a mustached person with no hair. You know, could if central casting called, I could be cast as, you know, some sort of a you know, creepy guy, pr a predatory creepy guy.
David:
Like late 80s mama Fenland, San Francisco kind of violence.
SPEAKER_00:
No, not that at all. Like a pedophile, like lurking in the corner.
Gavin:
Which is how you look at yourself every single day in the morning? No, you rubbed your mustache, too.
SPEAKER_00:
Pedophile shake. Look at this, yes. See how this ipe on the shoulder has like. We’re at the the mermaid parade. It’s like so many people everywhere, and I had this, you know, I bought a bag of cotton candy, which I, you know, alright, I alright, I enjoy a little cotton candy every now and again. Well, I you can’t no human being can eat a whole bag of cotton candy.
Gavin:
So I- Oh, my kids can! Oh! Oh, my nine-year-old can rock an entire bag of cotton candy for sure.
SPEAKER_00:
God bless, God bless. He won’t forever. I can’t. So I had half a so I had half a bag of like untouched, like fluffy cotton candy, and I’m there I am hanging hanging on to it, and we’re packed and we’re watching the the mermaids go by. And there’s this mom next to me with this cute little kid, and the kid had no candy in his hand. So I was just sitting there, and here I and I offer and I turned to the kid, and I was, you know, keep in mind, pedophile chic, I’m giving you, giving you, giving. And I turned to the kid and I’m like, hey, you want some candy? If you saw the look of this mother’s face, how she clutched her child to her body, turned and like snuck away a completely packed house. Uh packed packed. Well, she snuck her kid away. Like, they disappeared into the crowd so fast. My husband turned to me and he was like, Did you literally with that mustache on your face turn and offer that kid some candy? You might as well have pulled up in one of those white vans and just been like, hi.
David:
We literally, like, my kid is my older son is now um getting to the age where we’re starting to have the conversation of like, if a stranger asks you this, you didn’t, you know, we’re having the conversations, right? Like, about good touch, bad touch, all the things that you have to talk about. I’m literally preparing him for that exact survey.
SPEAKER_00:
Do you show him a picture of me?
David:
If you see this man, this particular man from Central Florida coming up here and offering you a half-eaten bag of cotton candy, what do you say?
Gavin:
Oh my god. Um so one of my takeaways from talking to you is also that obviously social media is the root of all evil, obviously. And don’t take candy from um strangers unless they’re really charming. Follow us, but follow us on Instagram. Yeah, 100%. Please, and give us a five-star review rating on uh Apple Music. But um, can you tell us about some of those real moments in the in the classroom where you were like, this is not an Instagrammable moment, but it sure is a great moment, and I’m glad I’m here.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, well, I have a I have a I have a running joke with with my friend Gary, um, cause because he’s like he always usually when he checks in with me, he’s like, Did you did you make any children cry today? Because that was always like, oh, if I made a child cry, then this this was a good day. This was like this I did I did my very best as a teacher. No, but there is you know, some like good pedagogy when you’re in the classroom and if like a kid is screwing around, you’re not gonna necessarily point the kid out. You’re gonna like sort of say something general to the whole class and not make them, you know, not make them feel like they’re, you know, like the focus is on them. Even though you want to interrupt their behavior. So, you know, if I do that like three times and someone’s not picking up on it, I the the fourth time I do it, I’ll I’ll say the general thing and then I’ll turn and I’ll get right up in their face and I’ll say in a in like a just a nice way, but pedophile chic? Yeah, with in my with my pedophile face, and I’m gonna be like, I’m talking to you. At which point, generally, tears, well, quick quivering lip, and then I have to say, Would you like to take a break? And then you offer them a half-eaten bag of And then I pull out my cotton candy and I’m like, Uh-huh, you’re welcome.
David:
And then you get forcibly removed from the Does it work? It does.
SPEAKER_00:
I bet really I have to say, because it in general, like, because I try, you know, I don’t I’m not a I’m not a raise your voice kind of person in in the classroom that I d I don’t I don’t feel like there should be any that that there’s room for that in a in a in a in a classroom. So I you know, you have to find the other ways of kind of ma managing.
Gavin:
Uh scaring the shit out of them.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, yeah. Uh but that listen, it’s it’s it’s useful.
David:
I have found that when I’m directing um adults, uh not even just children, but when I’m directing adults and there’s just there’s that there’s that actor who just doesn’t want to be there or is avoid that you put the yeah yeah yeah yeah, me. Um uh when when you put them in a place on stage where they’re not interested and and their their face has melted, I have found that the power of silence, because I talk a lot and I talk very fast, is when I just get silent and I’m just I just make a scowl. I just look over at them and I hold. And the second they kind of they’re like, why is it quiet? And they look at me and then and then I can see that their stomach drops, I’m like, mm-hmm, that feels good. Because that to me is the only way to change some of that behavior. I’ve tried like yelling and being like pulling them aside and all that stuff, but to me, it’s the public silence and everyone sees me looking at them and being quiet. Ooh, that that I feel like can go really far. And I imagine with kids that could be a powerful tool.
Gavin:
For sure.
SPEAKER_00:
I I would I would imagine with parenting too.
Gavin:
Yeah, I was just gonna say, I’m trying to think, has there ever been a time that I held my shit together and didn’t explode and just stood there and stared in stony silence? Oh, that’s where I need a safety word to scare myself into stone great. To scare myself shardy fart. Uh are you dealing with kids right now?
SPEAKER_00:
Or what I’ll tell you, that’s the thing that’s a big thing.
Gavin:
We’ll edit this part out.
SPEAKER_00:
No, but that no, no, that’s the part I miss the most. Um, because in this in this position right now, I I have a a team of uh teaching artists that they they’re the ones that go into the schools and and work with the kids.
David:
And I’m more You’re the big boss now, you’re the career woman.
SPEAKER_00:
Listen, she’s she’s a career, she’s a career person. She’s a career woman. Um But uh the other day I went into a class. I sometimes I get to go in the classroom, and it’s just I it was a classroom of first graders, and they I just they’re just so delicious and so open and like like loving, and and I I I don’t know why. I no one ever taught me, but I kind of know how to do it. I know how to like walk in and there’s a room full of little kids and I just know what to do. Um and I I have a feeling they have a fairly it was my it was my very quick um read that there was a rather uninspiring teacher um that they had. So I so I was like, oh, y’all are gonna love me. So I turned because I did have my mu my mustache, and literally the first thing that one of these little kids, he’s like, I like your mustache. And I was like, you know what else? I got glasses too, and no, I’ll be listen.
Gavin:
And you had them doing full production numbers within 45 minutes, right? Duh.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, 45, 20, honey.
David:
They knew all the original choreography to the opening number of chorus line. 20. 20 minutes. 20.
SPEAKER_00:
Just give me 20 minutes and a classroom of four of seven-year-olds.
David:
Yes. Well, Justin, thank you so much for coming by. This has been a a total waste of time.
SPEAKER_00:
I I was just gonna say, actually, I was just thinking, it might have been a waste of time because I don’t think I offered anything useful. There were no pearls.
David:
No, this was this was kind of a waste of everyone’s time. And I’m gonna go and apologize on behalf of all the listeners. I’m sorry that that 25 plus minutes you just spent with Justin. Will I I think about this every day. I wake up and I’m like, man, that time I could have had better.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, if you’re if only I weren’t his it weren’t in his life. I’m not gonna say friend, because that’s yeah.
David:
No, that’s a that’s a big that’s a big word for us. But thank you for coming by and thank you for demeaning yourself or by being on our podcast. We actually do love you very much. Yes, we loved you very much, and we’re happy you’re here.
SPEAKER_00:
Oh my god.
David:
Okay, um, now let’s get into our something great, Gavin. So this week I mentioned at the top of the podcast My Something Great was a TikTok. I talk about TikTok all the time. People make fun of it. It is a great fucking resource. It’s fantastic. But um, I saw a TikTok come across that I thought was so perfect for this podcast because it was a TikTok of this parent, and she’s talking about how she uses this trick in times where you’re just like, I just want this part to be over, where there’s like your kid is crying or your kid’s in diapers, and she’s like, I can’t wait until my kid is out of this phase. And you know, you know in your heart cut to ten years later, you’re going to weep and and pay any amount of money to have one more second in that time you’re in, right? And so you know that in your head, but there’s just no you’re you’re in the middle of a crying fit or you’re wandering around a park and you’re just like, what are we doing? So she had this really beautiful thing where she talked about she’s with her kid, and what she does is she pretends she’s retired and her kids have moved out of the house and she gets her to wave a wand and she gets it to come back to this moment, and she gets to experience it for the next five minutes, and how badly she wants to just have that time. And it sounds like such a stupid trick, but I I have used that literally recently, where I’m I’m in the middle of a chaos or whatever, and I’m just thinking god, I can’t wait till the kids are in bed. And then I think, man, I’m gonna miss this. I don’t miss this now, I hate this now. Yeah, but man, if I kind of trick my brain into it and it works, and it it’s given me a lot of joy in some of these moments. One particular One is at night after we read our books, I cuddle with my son, and I want it to just be him cuddling into my arms and drifting off to sleep. But what it is is I want to look at this book, I want to talk about this, I want to talk about Spider-Man, I want to look out the window, and I get annoyed, and I find myself sometimes looking at my phone. And I’ve I’ve I’m like, I’m gonna be so upset with myself in the future that I don’t have this 30 seconds with my three-year-old to just watch him look out the window. I want to watch my kid look out the window again, and I’m gonna hurt that I don’t get to have that time anymore. So I’ve been doing this trick, um, and it it’s actually worked really well. So thank you to TikTok and thank you to this woman. I wish I could tag her. Eventually, when we have an actual social media team, we’ll do that. But that’s my something great this week. What about you, Gavin?
Gavin:
So my something great is um more on the catty side. Um it is not great parenting, and it is actually something that I might regret later, which is my tween. My tween who is wonderful is so wonderful. And we butt heads a fair amount, and she pushes my buttons, and I push her buttons. Shardy fart. Shardy fart. And recently this week, she said something obnoxious to me and stormed off. And I looked at my younger kid, and I didn’t ever want to be this guy. I don’t want to pit them against each other, I don’t want to talk shit about one behind the other. I I try to obviously keep that together because I know she’s just she’s just going through it. She’s an awesome kid, she’s not an asshole. But we had a moment, and I didn’t roll my eyes, I didn’t say anything, I just sighed a huge, laborious sigh of, oh god, that was a lot. And my younger son goes, Don’t worry, daddy. It’s not your fault, it’s all her fault. Yes. And I was like, thank you for seeing me in my suffering right now. I hope that you can forget that this moment ever happened. I don’t want it to happen again. But thank you for those words of affirmation. My love language, apparently, huh?
David:
And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFm Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge sometime somewhere somehow. Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll see you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.