Full Transcript
Um, are you ready to do three?
Gavin:
No. I’m sorry.
David:
Um just the exasperated sigh of like, no, I’m really not. No, but I’ll get it. Not ready for anything. I’ll get it. Not ready for my top three list. Not ready to deal with David all day.
Gavin:
Oh, I got what. I I know. I and it’s Valentine related too.
David:
Okay. Valentine? It’s Valentine. Sure. Oh my god. No, I did not. Yes, you did. And this is Gatriarchs. So this past week, I had a colonoscopy and an endoscopy.
unknown:
Wait.
David:
Ooh, did you do this for yourself just because it’s soon Valentine’s Day? I just really need a stranger to touch me. And so I decided to pay ungodly amounts of money to have that happen. No. I had uh uh I’m I am now I I know I sound much younger, but I am now 45. And starting at 45, you’re supposed to have men are supposed to have a colonoscopy uh once every 10 years.
Gavin:
We’re we’re going back on our um pledge to never be helpful whatsoever. Are you making this a uh PSA that everybody needs to have their buttholes checked out? If you’re 45 plus, get your butthole checked out. You do it once a year. Um and to be clear, this is not butt play, it’s actually the stuff way up inside. Let’s be honest. It’s first one, then the other. I mean, it’s true. It is a there is a trail from one to the next.
David:
It’s the journey, not the destination. It is totally the journey. Um, but I was of course terrified of like waking up in the middle of it and then just being like, you know, and also an endoscopy, you’re you know, it’s it feels scary or whatever. Dude, I always have the best sleep of my life. They were like, um, we’re gonna put it in now, start counting from three. And I literally was like, oh, okay, I’ll start doing that. And then I woke up in the recovery. I didn’t even start at three. Anyway, but prior to it, of course, when I ever, whenever I get nervous, and also all the other times, I make dark sexual jokes non-stop. For those of you who didn’t hear this a couple episodes ago, when I had my meeting with my gastroenterologist, um, he was like, uh, all right, well, you know, we’ll have colonoscopy next month. And I was like, uh, yeah, we’re gonna get really close. And he said, Yeah, I’m gonna go where no man has gone before. And I said, Well, um, and then his face just kind of melted a little bit. And then I walked out of the room and I just left him. And you left it, I just left him hanging. I just left it in the air. Like I farted in the room and left. It was just like sitting there. And so anyway, I like to do, I I I like aka, I get nervous and I do awkward things. And on the way there, I was telling my husband, I was like, here are my planned jokes for my colonoscopy, like when I’m laying with my asshole in the air. And I was I was reading them to him, and he was like, David, under no circumstances can you say any of these. So I thought, well, why not say them on Gate Drew? On a podcast, yes, exactly. So here are we’re here for here’s my top three things I had planned on saying while ass up in the OR before my colonoscopy. One is don’t touch my asshole, right as I’m going down. Um, the other one was um rearrange my guts, daddy. Um, and then the last one that literally broke my husband, and he was like, You cannot say this, was hey, listen, if you think this is the first time I’ve been spit roasted in a room full of strangers, you would be sorely mistaken. My husband was like, David, you what what it what this isn’t a doctor’s well, because I was getting an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. That’s spit roasting, right? Anyway, this has been a PSA about your health as parents to these children. You need to make sure you’re in good working order. And so if you’re 45 plus and you are a boy or a male, um, you should go get your butthole scoped. It was really easy and it was a really nice nap.
Gavin:
And it’s it’s a very important thing to do for your long-term health. But boy, was I not expecting us to start out like this. Wow. Wow.
David:
It’s our podcast, Gabe. We could do whatever. Also, it’s romantic because Valentine’s Day is in two days. And it’s about self-love as well, for sure. Totally. Speaking of self-love, I um I say I love you a lot to my friends. I’m a I’m a very loving friend. And I’m talking platonic friends, like I’m a hugger, I’m a like I love you to my straight friends. It’s not weird or whatever. Well, the other day I was thinking just good thoughts in general about my my best friend, and I just texted him, I love you. And then I went for like a walk or whatever. And I came back and he called me immediately, and he was like, Are you okay? And I was like, Yeah. He goes, I don’t know what it is, but you sending me a text that just says I love you, felt like something was about to happen. The end.
Gavin:
Yeah, that you were not having you were not having a great Valentine’s Day week, which you know, it probably is a time for a lot of stress for people, unnecessarily.
David:
Unnecessarily, but it was really funny. I was like, okay, I need to make sure that my friends understand when I just randomly text you I love you. I just mean that. It wasn’t like a hey bye, I’m jumping off a bridge.
Gavin:
Well, now our listener knows that as well. But maybe you should do it more frequently too. So that’s true. You know, I feel like I do. So you don’t worry that and but it that is pretty funny. You don’t I really hope that I am interpreting our friendship well enough here that you are not somebody I need to worry about jumping off a bridge.
David:
But I’m way too self- I have there’s too many nachos to eat in the world for me to in my life. I’ve got lots to do here. Um speaking of Valentine’s Day, how it’s just you how do we feel about it?
Gavin:
This is just the David show, isn’t it? Yeah. Keep going.
David:
I’m just looking at the outline. I’m trying to move things down. You’re right.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah. You’ve got all of this, and then I’ve got the next chat.
David:
So, but like what what how do we feel about Valentine’s Day as parents?
Gavin:
I mean, I I okay. Yes, it’s nonsense, and yes, it’s hallmark, and yes, blah, blah, blah. And and no, people shouldn’t feel excluded and just choose your choice and have a good attitude and make it embrace the bullshit. But I love having a day that’s a little different from others, you know? Like, admittedly, my my partner and I have been together for oh my goodness, two decades. And so we kind of are like, well, are we gonna do something? And then we think, well, yeah, we should like mark. And even if it’s not that special, make it special, you know? Even if it’s just like having Tostitos or Tostinos, Tostinos, the pizza roll-ups for dinner, in which is not something we do very frequently. So like it’s a special day. I’m here for it, it’s nonsense.
David:
I knew you were white trash at the core that your romantic dinner was tostinos. That is you really speaking my language. Um, I know it’s your love language speaking. I realized last week for our interview with Matthew Bounds, which was really great. I love Matthew. We thought that that was going to be our Valentine’s episode. So we asked him. So anyway, we’re all mixed up. But listen, our listener understands that we’re not organized enough to really put these shows together in a way that makes sense. My husband and I are actually the opposite, where Oh, we are I the there there was a there was a very famous time where my husband and I were at a party at a friend’s party, and we were in the kitchen talking to some friends, and he looked over at me and he goes, Oh, happy 10-year anniversary. I think it’s our anniversary today. And I went, Oh, and we like clinked our glasses, and that was it. We almost never celebrate those. I mean, like our birthday, yes, right? Maybe our wedding anniversary a little bit. Because it’s all about short short, right? But like Valentine’s Day, never. Like literally, we never it I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s like the we’re loving the rest of the year, or also that just like the oh, we gotta do something.
Gavin:
Do you actively protest it? Or is it no no no no?
David:
We’re just ignore it. Passive, totally passive. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I well, I feel like we’re pretty loving during the rest of the year.
Gavin:
Yeah. Oh, I mean, I’m all about I know I have a friend who said um she forbids her husband for ever from sending roses on Valentine’s Day. She he can do it any other day of the year, but never Valentine’s Day. I’m like, okay, well, how about like six days of the year instead of just the April 4th?
David:
But also the discount is really nice because you know getting a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day is gonna cost you a lot.
Gavin:
It balances out the uh the price markup. But yeah, I mean, hey, I I like having something special. So, but I know every day is Tostino’s Day for in your household, so I get it.
David:
So true. But also, it is fun with kids too, because I think when kids celebrate Valentine’s Day, it’s it’s more fun and then like like my daughter, she’s in pre-K3 now, and they have to bring in a little shoe box that they’re gonna decorate, and then it’s gonna be their little mailbox where they each put their little Valentine’s. And like that is so fun.
Gavin:
And then that is so 1987. It is so 1987. Neither of my kids ever made a box with a shoebox box with the you know, uh a slot cut out on the top. They just kind of like folded over big sheets of construction paper, and it was a it was a manila envelope of um Valentine’s, which I always thought was really lame. Not once in all of their school careers. This year, since they’re both in middle school, they can buy, they can send valograms. Is that a national thing? Did you grow up with valograms? Like you pay a buck or two, and somebody, I don’t know, it’s usually like the student council or somebody, they oh they send something to like your secret. Totally.
David:
Yeah, we did that various times throughout the year. We’re like, yeah, you can send a flower gram or whatever, and yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
Yeah. Well, neither of my kids are into it in the slightest bit, unfortunately.
David:
I I don’t think I ever got one. Honestly, I don’t think I maybe my mom sent me one, but like, you know, I always wanted, you know, some hot, wonderful, beautiful woman to send me one. Hey, hey, listener. And that’s why I’m gay. Thanks, girls. You’re welcome. Jesus.
Gavin:
Well, listener, if you send David a Valagram, he will absolutely be thrilled. You’ll make his day, and maybe you’ll make him a Valentine’s believer as well.
David:
Yeah, or some Viagra too. Viagra, Valangram, Viactive Choose, Viag Viagragram, Viagra Gram, what other uh yeah. Did I ever tell you that I was on The Price Is Right? And what?
Gavin:
Yeah, I was on the We need an entire episode about that. There are elements of David that listener does not know about. And I we maybe we should just have an episode of the one with David F.
David:
M. Vaughn and then the one with Gavin Lodge. That would be really fun. Anyway, and um, I I got to go up on stage and I got to play and whatever. But one of my like, you know, the the prizes when you’re a contestant row and it’s like, you know, here’s a set of dishes and you have to bid and to get up on stage. Yeah. One of my prizes when I won that was a year’s supply of viactive chews. Viactive chews are calcium chews for women. Did I eat all of them in like three days? Because they were delicious. They were like these soft caramels, and I grew tits. So, yeah, that’s how I grew tits.
Gavin:
I have so many questions uh about that, but we’re gonna come back to the show. Let’s do it. Let’s do it.
David:
But I think that’s a really fun idea, the one with David. And you can interview me and ask me any question, and I’ll I have so many questions.
Gavin:
So many questions. All right. So in the meantime, let’s um continue this uh happy spy, uh happy road we’re on and talk about the news, shall we? Oh my god. Just kidding. Uh I do want to make the disclaimer. If anybody ever wonders, if anybody even vaguely, vaguely wonders about our uh politics or pro, you know, um political stance. I can go, I can speak so well, but when I’m trying to be clever, I fucking suck at it. And you are editing that out, okay?
David:
No way, no way. That’s staying.
Gavin:
This is Gatriarchs. Okay. Disclaimer. If anybody wonders about our political proclivities, do not. I am a super political person. David, you are super politically oriented and opinionated. I think that that is a lane that we basically want to skip here because we all know that we all agree, right? There are a few things that I want to bring up though, occasionally in the news. So um, with that disclaimer, have we believe that America is an absolute dumpster fire right now. Democracy is being hijacked by a South African man who’s a billionaire, et cetera, et cetera, right? Did you know that in the scourge of nonsense and illegalities and hate that is um flowing towards the LGBTQ plus community right now, um, I will say that there’s a little, a few lights of um happiness. When the US taketh away, Thailand giveth for days. Thailand has just committed itself to providing um uh gender-affirming care for millions and millions of its people. It’s investing and doubling down in medical treatments for the people who need it um the most. And I just think that’s awesome that they are embracing self-expression and truth. And how magnificent is that? It’s amazing.
David:
And also they have amazing scuba diving there. If you’re a scuba diver, like Thailand is one of the best places to dive, it is incredible. And pick up your gender-affirming drugs while you’re dive. Absolutely.
Gavin:
Now, we have uh we might be starting something new, although it’s gonna start now and it’s not gonna change for it.
David:
Some next sea slugs and some he drugs. Sorry, I was working on some sort of diving plus Taiwanese. Okay, yeah. Anyway, excellent.
Gavin:
Sorry, excellent. And if you could actually translate that into Thai for the next episode, I would love to be able to do that.
David:
I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I think that’s that’s something that it’s more your lane. You’re the one who started this whole thing off with saying you hate Africans.
Gavin:
So I am announcing our very first Gatriarch’s zaddy obsession, okay. Okay? And I think this is gonna be.
David:
We’ve literally obsessed with every we’ve been so thirsty for every single guest we’ve ever had.
Gavin:
No, but we’re we’re this guy is on a pedestal for us, okay? And I just want to make it very, very publicly um evident, all right? So, did you know that uh Trump has actually appointed a gay man to the federal cabinet right now? His name is Scott Besent, and he is the Treasury Secretary. I mean, arguably one of the most powerful people in the federal cabinet, and he is gay. He’s married, has kids. He gives, have you clicked that link that I put there in the audience?
David:
I didn’t, but I just Google imaged him.
Gavin:
I mean, he’s giving some mad zaddy vibes, isn’t he?
David:
He is I mean, he is borderline gaddy. Like grandpa, yeah.
Gavin:
Like sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
David:
But yeah, no, like thick silver hair, nice teeth.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rich as fuck because he’s some, you know, he’s got a huge hedge fund um that he’s run for decades and decades and whatnot. And so I think that um, and of course, now he is a complete apologist for anything Trump um related, hate-wise, because of course Trump. No, not interested. Well, listen though, I I think that he needs to be somebody we need to reach out to. And hey, um, Secretary Bissent, will you come be on our show?
David:
Not interested. You’ll do it by yourself. No way, no way. Okay, I’m not having anybody who is self-identified Republican at this time of their lives and self-identified Trump apologist. No fucking way, not on this show. You could do it, all right. You could do it, and I will just sit like this in Riverside when we’re recording, and I will just have a scotty on my face.
Gavin:
Scotty, if you want to come on our show and take off your glasses or take off your shirt, I’m here for it and I will definitely talk to you. Never in a million years would he do that. Also, there are two other um high-ranking gays in the Trump cabinet uh right now. There’s Rick Grinnell, who’s been nominated as an envoy for special missions. He is uh partnered and he’s been a diplomat for many years. Um, not definitely giving the daddy vibes that Scott Bissent has. And then there’s Tammy Bruce, who is a Fox News host. And the next spokeswoman for the State Department. But hey, um, I just want to keep an eye on these gays, all right? Because um I’m gonna keep an eye on them. But in particular, Scott Bissent, come anytime you like, all right? And anywhere you like. Um, okay, then on a schmultzier note, I do want to share a couple of dad hacks. I ran across some lists of um of just, you know, like how to be a better dad kind of things. And some of the things I thought, oh, those are kind of winners to keep in the back of your mind. And then some are kind of like, wait, what? So uh from some list that I can’t even uh cite right now because I can’t remember where I got it from, it was ways to surprise your kids about how much you love them. One of them is whispering a secret to each other before bed, which is like, okay, I mean, I guess you’re bonding and you think that we’re keeping, I mean, I don’t know, secrets don’t make friends and all that, but it’s fun to, you know, share secrets.
David:
As long as the secret is not like something really fucking riveting. As long as just like the secret is I love you, or the secret is I I love nachto cheese. Yeah, yeah. Strawberry ice cream. Totally, yeah. I suppose. But you know, kids can get into it. Not like I murdered your real father. It’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t need that before bed. Night night, honey.
Gavin:
Although that would be a bonding moment for sure. Um, light up when they walk into a room, show how happy you are to see them, which I think that’s a nice little exercise. And every time you see them, uh, truly light up. Um, I’ve been trying that with my teenager, and she doesn’t give a shit.
David:
I feel like I go one of two ways. I a hundred percent, it’s like either half the time I light up naturally. Like I’m like it’s the morning, I haven’t seen them, it’s like really fun. And then half the time I’m like, why are you here? Like I am trying to cook. Please don’t make me do something right now. So yeah, I’ve I got I got I gotta work on 50% of my my looks.
Gavin:
And or it doesn’t have to be every time because then it’ll be like insincere, like Valentine’s Day, you know? And then the last one I like, but then also think, hmm, is ask them their favorite memory and then try to recreate it, which I feel like is written by somebody who has never actually tried to recreate a memory because I would say 99 times out of 99.5 times, it is tremendously disappointing to try to recreate a great memory. Can you imagine?
David:
Is the idea like, oh, we had a good, like we went to the the train and rode the train and then we ride the train again?
Gavin:
I think so. It’s not like when you spent$10,000 and took me to Disneyland and you’re not expected to redo that because obviously that’s gonna be a fucking train wreck. But I suppose like I remember that simple time when I had vanilla ice cream and it was sunny. But it’s never gonna be that after golf. It’s not you gotta move on, people. So this dad hack of the week, I admit, is uh sketchy at best. But I don’t know, ask favorite memories and figure out how to recreate something adjacent to it, but be better. I don’t know. Always setting ourselves up higher for um disappointment. Anyway, speaking of disappointment and sketchy, you know what’s definitely disappointing and sketchy? This podcast. Our top three list. Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one.
David:
Okay, this week I think is my week and my um we did something similar to this like 45 episodes ago, but it is your top three snack hacks. And so um, this is just meant to be like, do you think about this as a snack or helpful? Um, because we all know that like, you know, cookies and candies and chips and popsicles and all that kind of stuff is what kids want. But for me, these are three things that surprisingly have been always a hit 100% of the time, and also I would consider healthy. I’m always trying to steer clear of like sugar and stuff like that. So in number three, beans, just beans, literally a can of white beans or navy beans or kidney beans, anything like that. We just rinse them, put them a little tupperware, and we give them to them. They fucking eat them up. Um, number two, and I feel like this maybe is on every parent’s list, but is cucumbers. Kids love cucumbers, they love cucumbers. Um, and number one, I will die on this hill. It is to date the thing that they’ve eaten since they were babies, and they still ask for frozen peas. Just like a little cup of frozen peas. They because they they think it’s like ice creamy, sweet. I don’t know. There’s just something about it that they just fucking love. And so we will often. Do if we’re going on a long road trip, we’ll fill their little cups up with some frozen peas. What about you?
Gavin:
Um, I feel like you’ve talked about the frozen peas, and I’m pretty sure I was pretty shocked the last time as well, because I think of that as I’m I’m one of those people I can’t chew ice cream, you know, I guess sensitive teeth or something. So the idea of biting into anything icy is awful to me. So anyway, well, the way I interpreted this is similar and adjacent at the same time. Um, number three for me is one of our favorite go-tos that we have had since the kids were very, very, very little able to chew is dried mangoes. Dried mangoes, um, just one of our favorites, and it’s easy to come by. And I mean, God bless Costco, um, and their commitment to DEI and LGBTQ families as well. Gaven is also easy to come by. Or Ann. Number two, um, seaweed, dried seaweed. Yeah. Because um, that is uh you’re actually getting nutrients into them and it’s and it’s like salty and yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like my and boy, does it make your teeth look awful.
David:
And also it gets flaky. It looks like you’ve just like eaten like fish food. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Gavin:
Which essentially you have. And the number one thing that came to mind when thinking about this is um small containers, which is obviously not something you eat, but I um found that having very small uh Tupperwares and little containers just helps you have a whole bevy of things. So almost like you’re bringing out new surprises and new snacks all the time. So I feel like, you know, that requires a whole lot of organization, which is not my favorite thing, but small containers of a bunch of different small snacks makes everything, frankly, a lot easier.
David:
We talked about that last time because I think the category was like travel snack hacks was our like and it was it was uh that was one of mine too, is like lots of little things, not one uh of big thing. Okay, what that was riveting. I’m our listener is dead asleep. Our listener has been passed the fuck out. They just crashed their car. What is next week? Give me something really exciting.
Gavin:
Okay, for next week, David. I want to really dive in deep into your psyche and I want to.
David:
Like my own colonoscopy.
Gavin:
Like my emotional colonoscopy. Sorry, like your Valentine emotional colonoscopy. I want to know what are the three hottest uh cartoon characters? Our next guest is not only charming AF, handsome AF, successful AF, kind AF, he’s also mired in diapers AF. He’s an actor, writer, producer, and listed on IMDB, not only with just 36 acting credits, but also as one of the top 100 gay actors. So but most importantly, he’s a dad of two little kids, which is why we are most stoked to have him here. Welcome, new Gatriarch, Dan Amboyer. Well, hello. Welcome. It’s nice to be here.
David:
Wait, Gavin, clarify. Top 100 tops? Was that I know?
Gavin:
Listen, you Dan, you must know about this list that you’re on. No, I don’t know this list. Please tell me what this list is. It’s so I find it actually kind of bizarre because it just literally says top gay actors.
David:
It’s like by talent, by by success, by money. How are you ranked?
SPEAKER_02:
Is there a is there a bottom top, top, bottom gay list? I don’t know.
David:
Yeah, yeah. I stopped at top idea. Who’s fact checking? I need it.
Gavin:
It was a funny list though, I thought. And um, I I will let you go see what ranking you have. We’re not even going to discuss it because I’m like, it wasn’t 69.
SPEAKER_02:
You’re too fragile this morning. Yes, too fragile this morning.
David:
It’s like when people say, you know, guys, I I was in the top 16 of American Idol. You’re like, well, bitch, I know what place you got if you’re top 16, bitch. You’re 16. Come on.
SPEAKER_02:
But you know, my my question is, do I really want to be the number one gay? Right. You know what I mean? Do I really what do you have to do to earn that rank?
David:
Well, not only that, but you’re our leader now. So you gotta decide things for us.
Gavin:
Oh, what I will say though, David, there were several of our previous Gatriarch’s guests who are on that list. I’m like, holy shit, we have pierced an awful lot of the top 100 games. Are we on it? But the but Dan, you are absolutely our top 100 gay actor. So wow, okay. I mean it. I mean it. Of the day. Of the day. Also, though, David, another time, I can’t wait. I can’t wait. Um, frankly, in um in the next episode, maybe we should actually open that list and look at it together because there are a bunch of people on there that I was like, wait, he’s gay? Wait, he’s gay? I was so stoked to see Michael Scott, I think that’s his name. Do you know who I mean? The British actor who is, I don’t know, he’s that guy. He was on fleabag. He was hot. He was hot. Andrew Scott. Andrew Scott. Andrew Scott.
David:
Michael Scott is a character from the office.
Gavin:
That’s right.
David:
Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway.
Gavin:
We have diverted from Dan.
SPEAKER_02:
Dan, tell us how let’s talk about Andrew Scott. Andrew Scott’s guy. No, he he, if I had a celebrity crush, it would be Andrew Scott. He’s so talented. He’s so talented.
Gavin:
Devastatingly charming. But anyway, guess what? So are you, Dan. Devastatingly charming and very um, very, very talented. And tell us, how have your kids already driven you bonkers today?
SPEAKER_02:
Oh, well, today. Well, today was our um, you know, it’s uh today was a our usual routine is that I am the morning wrangler. I wrangle the kiddos. I have a one-year-old and I have a five-year-old. So there’s a lot of wrangling happening. Um, but my five-year-old’s uh in kindergarten. But this morning, um, my husband had the morning off, so he was like, Let’s make pancake breakfast. Oh which is a beautiful idea. However, the schedule goes derailed. It’s out the window. So I’m like, chop chuck, you know, it’s 8 47, we gotta do this. You know, you know, and all that just went out the windows of pancake breakfast.
Gavin:
So um so it was your husband who drove you bonkers today. The kids were fine.
David:
I’m not saying that, but for our audio listeners, he’s shaking his head in the opening. I it’s so funny you say that I literally had pancakes this morning. I would I I never I have a five and three-year-old, and I never asked them what they want for breakfast. They get whatever’s on the table, but at today I was like, what do you want? And he was like, Well, obviously pancakes, and it’s the exact same thing. You’re like, you forget how long it takes, and then they’re burned in the way that they hate, and then that shape is wrong, and he has my pancakes, and I wanted pink pancakes, and then you’ve missed the school bus and you’re all screaming at each other.
SPEAKER_02:
Yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly. He was the last one into school on time, but I may have trod it very quickly with him like through that gate. Yeah.
Gavin:
When I hear about you having a five-year-old and a one-year-old, all I can think is you were four years in and had forgotten how to feed a child, how to put a child to sleep, how to change a diaper, and then you got right back into it.
SPEAKER_02:
What I really think it’s like an evolutionary thing that we forget, that we really expunge this information of what, right? I mean, do you think so? A hundred percent.
David:
My friend, my friend Denny has three children, and I went to the hospital to when his third child was born, and he was talking to the nurse, and she was like, Oh, do you want to change her diaper? And he was like, Yeah, can you remind me how to do it? And I remember looking at Denny, I didn’t have any kid to this point. I remember looking at Denny, uh, for a husband, a former guest of the show, Haven Burton, and I was like, Denny, you have two kids. You’ve changed a hundred diapers. He’s like, Yeah, but not in like a year or two. And I was like, and my thing, I was like, You’re a fucking idiot. You don’t remember this, and now I get it. Now I totally get it. I couldn’t make a bottle right now if you paid me.
SPEAKER_02:
But it’s funny because once you know you’re in the midst of it, like I am a diaper ninja now, like in the dark, whatever. I know, you know, just like I know by you know the diaper bag in the hand, my hand goes to the right place, and I pull out the thing and I’m in the dark and it’s done. You know what I mean? But you know, but you have to forget all that. It’s it’s wild though. Um, but we had our our second, we we would have hoped to have them closer together a little bit, but just with with COVID and like um we did surrogacy and there’s a lot of questions, you know, with the vaccines and safety and blah blah blah and all that. So it took a little bit longer, but yeah, it’s it’s wild to go right you know back into it and be like, oh god, we’re doing all this again. And and now my my husband’s like, should we do another one? Should we do another one?
David:
Oh, really? Did you guys um did you guys use the same surrogate for both journeys?
SPEAKER_02:
No. So the first time we had um we have we had my son, we had our son. Um he was born in Georgia, and you know, we were we’re in Brooklyn, we’re in New York, and um surrogacy was not legal yet in New York or you know, New Jersey, the area. I guess Connecticut was the closest. Um but uh so no, our son was born in Georgia, and then um it seemed better, even at the tail end of COVID, when we start planning for the second one, that uh I guess Cuomo on the way out pushed through surrogacy, so it could be possible in New York. So yeah, our second one was actually um born in New York, our daughter. So which was really great because when you have you know the two-year-old, three-year-old, you can take him to all the doctor’s appointments and you don’t have to get on an airplane and go to everything. So that was she was was she born like in Brooklyn or how close to you? Um she was born in Staten Island, so just over the bridge from us.
Gavin:
Wow, yeah, that’s so convenient. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02:
It was, it was it was convenient.
Gavin:
Have you maintained a relationship with both surrogate carriers?
SPEAKER_02:
Honestly, it was really complex both times. It was both times. I wish I could, I wish I could go into it. Well, sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
Gavin:
That’s perfectly fine.
SPEAKER_02:
No, no, yeah, I mean, yeah, it was it was it was a lot.
Gavin:
So what’s different this second time around with your with your newbie, your daughter? Um what what I mean, aside from anatomy, um, what struck you as different this second time around that you’re like, wow, I don’t remember this from three years ago.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, it’s interesting because she was so much easier in a lot of respects. You know, maybe because we’re, you know, we’ve been through it, or everyone says that. I guess so. I don’t know, but then at the same time, I felt like forgot so much. So uh, but she felt a lot easier. But now, now that she’s 18 months, she is so much more challenging, I would say. I think because she has learned so much by watching her older brother and trying to do five-year-old things and things that she’s not quite ready for. But she is like, I you know, I’m over there cooking dinner and I turn around, I’m like, how did you get on the dining table? Like, you’re literally standing there and she has no fear. So um, she’s been a lot more challenging so far. I would say now that she’s like running, climbing, scaling. My son was never that physical in a way, but she’s like feels like ahead of the curve from watching him and doing some of the things he should not be doing.
David:
We talked a lot about that on the show. Like, I our kids are similar, right? I have a five-year-old boy and a three, she just turned three, three-year-old girl. And he he just in general is kind of easy and kind of a rule follower, a little fragile, whatever. She is not, and she is very different, and she is the same way where it’s like, and it’s hard to like pull apart. It’s like, is this a girl boy thing? Is this a second kid thing? Is that is it because we’re different parents? Is it because she has somebody to look up to? Like, it’s hard to tell, but it’s the same thing where like I you you turn around and she’s screaming with a bread knife in her hand, and you’re like, what is happening? What did I miss here? And oh my god.
SPEAKER_02:
Why is she obsessed with knives? I don’t know. She she because she can’t have them. She always wants to get them unless she’s a murderer. Oh my lord, you know it. You know it, you know it in your heart. You’re gonna be picking her up from jail someday, and that’s just that’s just our truth. But I’m also excited for her too, because you know, it’s it’s fun that she’s I was I was worried at first about having a girl and being, you know, not having a a woman, a female, and you know, the house to have that kind of you know, mother specific relationship. But um I it’s it’s fun to see how bold she is, and I don’t know if she gets that from having two dads and a brother or not, but it’s fun to see a little girl who’s like also all over the place and just uh a wild child and doing everything that her wanting to do everything her brother’s doing.
Gavin:
So that’s fun too. When you talked about the evolution earlier, about the our evolutionary tendency to forget how to change a diaper, I actually interpreted that differently. But we really do I you know you just voiced the concern of oh so many men, gay dads, that we’re like, oh God, can we raise a daughter? And um it’s evolutionary that we adapt and we figure it out and she’s gonna be fine.
David:
I mean we literally talked about that last, was it last episode or a couple episodes ago where uh a listener had written in and asked, like, you know, hey, I’m about to have a girl. I’m kind of terrified. I don’t, you know, I have no experience with vaginas, let alone women, let alone whatever, and what do I do? And it’s so true. We literally talked about this last episode. Like, you just you as like it, I what I said last episode was literally diaper change number two. You’re like, got it. Now I know what vagina, like now I know how to do that. Now it does change as you they have diarrhea, and you’re like, oh god, this is a totally new experience uh for me. But uh yeah, no, it it is and also I feel like you kind of when they need a more like softer kind of loving thing, one of you just kind of like becomes that, right? Like I I find that with her when she just wants to be kind of cuddled in a way that maybe the mom would do, you just kind of adjust.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, uh, but kind of before we, you know, uh uh decided we wanted to have a uh a girl. Um I kind of sat down with my closest friends or two two women, and in a weird way, I guess looking back, I was kind of asking for permission in a way to be like, how do you feel about you know this? And from your estimation, I don’t know, it felt like a really kind of emotional thing to ask someone, you know, like what it’s weird to ask a woman, you know, can you imagine growing up in a situation like this? How would you have felt? And do you feel good about the prospects?
Gavin:
But yeah, how did they respond?
SPEAKER_02:
They were really sweet about it. They’re like, no, you you will be great at this, you know. We I mean it’s my closest friends I’ve known for you know 20 something years, and they’re like, this is this is perfect, and you have all the skill sets that she’s gonna need, you know, you’ve got YouTube, you’re gonna be great.
David:
You have two loving parents, you know. You can’t wait for what, 11, Gavin, around 11, where she’s screaming so loud that blood is coming out of her throat, and she’s like, I hey, yeah, and she slams the door in your face.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh god. Because that’s coming for all of us.
David:
I mean, Ga Gaven is our LGBT. Tell us more about that game. Tell us about that more about that gaven.
Gavin:
I mean, my uh my uh partner sent me a meme the other day that was something like the formula to good parenting is you know, keeping your voice calm when the teenager’s freaking out and this, that, and the other. And I’m like, well, I failed that, and I failed that, and I failed that entirely, failing all of this. When I think to myself, don’t choose this battle, don’t go down this path, and I and I choose battles and go down too way too many paths. And I just, you know, at the end of the night, I’m like, I’m sorry, I was an asshole today, Ellison. Oh my god, whoops. The uh the amount of apologizing I do these days, but we, you know, we she usually will be like, Yeah, I was really tired and cranky too.
David:
So it’s both comforting and disappointing to hear that, Gavin, because I have those exact screaming matches and and guilt sessions with myself, and which path do I choose is with my three-year-old. Like last night, bedtime was such a disaster. There was so much screaming and yelling and crying and stomping and everything. And I was doing the same thing. I was like, just be the calm one. And then I feel this dark person on my shoulder go, no, you force her to brush her teeth and brush them a little harder than normal, just to really punish your funny, like I I’m such like a like, you know, cool, calm, collected.
SPEAKER_02:
But then like there’s a certain point where I’m like, okay, we are 15 minutes past where we’re supposed to be. We’re now 20 minutes past we’re supposed to be, and then I just flip and then it’s like, no, faster, faster, faster, faster. And then that just makes them more panicked and not want to go to sleep. You know what I mean? It’s like a that’s a terrible thing. You know you’re doing, and you’re like, I can’t stop doing it, but I’m we’ve got to get some.
David:
I’m not emotionally mature enough to handle this.
Gavin:
Did you and your husband know that you were gonna be parents for a long time?
SPEAKER_02:
Um we I think it was not something on my radar, you know, growing up. Like I came out to my family when I was like 13, and there was no really examples of that where I’m from Michigan, and there was like one, two gay people that even entered my world that were teachers, you know, um, over my kind of childhood. So nobody had kids, and I I didn’t really know that that was a possibility. I didn’t know anything about surrogacy or you know, um so no, I I think until I felt like the world was changing a little bit, and I I think what I love about this podcast too, and about seeing people put themselves out there is you know, when other people see you do it, it kind of opens that up to them. So when I saw other families like ours, you know, um out there, that’s when I start to get the hankering for it and think it was even possible, you know.
Gavin:
But um was there any hesitation on your part or your husband’s part, or you were just it suddenly re- you realized this is possible, let’s do it.
SPEAKER_02:
I think I think it was a it was a slow process because i uh as gay people it takes a long time for us to have the kids. So um I think uh when we finally got to the point where it was like, are we gonna do this or are we not gonna do this? I think it was very clear yes. But as that fact-finding journey takes so long, I felt like it was a little bit of an ease where I could ask those questions along the way organically. And you know, by the time we got to the point, it was seemed very clear it was a yes. But um, we but I I remember the first few dates with my husband. Um at the time his mom was really sick, and he also loves animals and had animals too, you know, in the organ. I I love animals, I’ve always had animals, you know, with me even in college. And um, he was such a good caretaker to his mom and such a good caretaker to animals. I was like, oh, he would be so great with kids, you know, one day. But um, yeah, so it had always been something in my mind.
David:
It’s amazing. I’m sorry, go ahead. Go ahead, Gavin. I was gonna say, it’s amazing how like you have to be so deliberate as gay people to be a parent. You have to be like you and in a way where it’s not just like, oh, let’s make a decisive action today. It’s like, and then every day for the next two, three, four years as you’re getting embryos created, like you have to constantly be decisive and like we want to do this. There’s really not a lot of room for like, I don’t know, maybe should we? Oh man, we got drunk last night, and now here’s our kid.
SPEAKER_02:
And then you have to sometimes you just have to you hit like a hard dead end in there, too. And so you have to, it’s not even just continuing the journey, sometimes you have to go back to the drawing board, you know. Whether it’s with the egg donor, with the surrogate, you know, with whatever happens. Yeah.
Gavin:
I I apologize. I’ve heard absolutely nothing that either of you have said over the last two minutes because I can’t get past the fact that you came out when you were 13. You just said when you were 13.
David:
That’s I thought you were gonna say Gaben because the hot lawn guy is outside your window and you’re just staring at him.
Gavin:
That’s all that’s only in the summer. It’s winter, so I’m concerned. I think that he might he might be a stocker. He might be a stocker. When you were 13, that shows tremendous safety and self-awareness in your family. What a tribute to your parents, I would imagine, too, huh? Or is it all just you? You’re it’s just your family.
SPEAKER_02:
I think I felt I I mean, I guess uh you gave it w when did you start doing theater and stuff?
Gavin:
Uh uh when I was oh god, fourth grade. So I would say 10. So in 1862, yes. When I was it was me and John Wilkes Booth were on the stage together. But um, but I definitely spent then the next 20 years doing anything to seem as straight as I possibly could. Without a doubt. Without a doubt.
SPEAKER_02:
Okay. Yeah, I don’t know. I I think maybe doing uh theater. Um I don’t know why. I guess yeah, the like you know, the the gay drama teacher or whatever, but Um I don’t know. I I I had a I I realized at like 11 it was. And then it became so strong, it felt like life or death, to be honestly, at 13. And my family was I think my family has evolved a lot because at the time it was very complicated and rough. Um and it was not easy. You know, it was like take you to the to the the you know Catholic psychologist and priest and the you know, oh wow.
Gavin:
So this was not a we love you great.
SPEAKER_02:
This was a we love you, but we’re gonna it was we love you, but we don’t know what this is, and we’re concerned, and it’s a phase, and we don’t want you to, you know, make any decisions going forward that’s gonna hurt, limit, ostracized, that kind of thing. Sure. You know. Um so that was yeah, that was hard coming out of 13.
Gavin:
I I but it’s but um it’s a testament to you though, honestly, to to have that self-awareness and and also a testament to how incredibly gay you were.
David:
You were like, it was so strong that you couldn’t deny it. Like the gayness was real.
SPEAKER_02:
I was it was wild though, because you know, uh it’s it’s sad to see you know books being taken out of the library now, but that’s what I did. I would go to the library and like secretly slip one book in the other book and go into the corner and read about what this was. And so I’d study up and I literally read all the books in the the gay section. And um, and I was like, When you know, when I finally you know curled up in my mom’s lap and came to her, it came out to her after an episode of Ellen. Um, you know, when they said this is probably a phase, I’m like, yes, they said they were you’re gonna say this right here. Wow, this book, you know, and um so it it makes me sad to think that that media is you know being harder becoming harder to be accessed in certain areas now, you know, because that was the lifeline to me to have that now. Um but anyway, yeah, as was Ellen.
Gavin:
Yeah, that’s that’s that’s a pretty amazing thing.
SPEAKER_02:
Truthfully, Ellen was though, you know, to have someone out there. I mean, I know she’s you know, it’s uh taken a turn, but but that was a big thing.
David:
Oh, it’s a huge I mean it’s a huge risky thing. I mean, i I mean back back in the time you had you know Rosie O’Donnell who was like purposely kind of being vague about things or whatever. But when somebody be is so deliberate and puts themselves out there, it it the I hate this word. I hate this word, but the visibility matters because you were like, oh shit, look, there’s there’s me. I mean, I’m not a a little lesbian, but like we’re we we we maybe it’s not so bad, you know? Yeah, yeah. Oh, visibility.
Gavin:
I can’t believe I said that word.
David:
I’m gonna say I’m gonna say bandwidth and circle back now.
Gavin:
Oh David and I have had many conversations also about being gay parents and wondering about what our children’s future identities may be or what their proclivities may be. And it’s funny, and then it’s not funny, that we even I think have identified our own self-loathing sometimes to be like, oh, but just let my kid be normal. What obviously, whatever normal means, which is of course complete bullshit. But we all struggle because we want things to be as easy as possible for our kids. Now, we also know that being closeted means a very unhappy, repressed, terrible life.
David:
So we want our kids to express themselves, but not during bedtime. Don’t express yourself. I don’t want to hear your expressions when I’m trying to get your fucking shoes on because the bus is at 805. The bus is at 805, it’s 759, it’s an eight-minute walk. Make the math make sense. Yeah.
Gavin:
Be strong-wheeled, but only when it’s convenient for us.
David:
But it’s so and we’ll and and be and be only when it’s convenient for us, also, but not too strong-wheeled because I want you to be funny, right? Let it let the little bit of trauma sprinkle on top. Yeah.
Gavin:
Yeah. So speaking of trauma, let’s talk about your acting. Ha ha! Great transition. So you’ve done you’ve done so much, and you have worked very consistently. It seems to be from the outside, it seems to me what little uh constant rabbit hole digging I’ve done of your career over the last 15 years, what however long it’s been that we’ve known each other. It seems like you work really, really steadily. And um, I hope that you know you are a complete success. But well, what do you think of that?
SPEAKER_02:
Uh I think it doesn’t it doesn’t feel like that. I think that you know, um I think that it feels like there’s been like a peak and then a huge valley that goes on for a long time. And you know, it’s it’s it’s funny because when I first came to the city, um, you know, I uh I uh people thought I did one thing, which was um musical theater, and um they thought I should be in ensembles of shows, and I could not get an audition. I literally had one audition a year for a TV show or and no audition for plays. I could not get in, and I was going to all these open calls and all that stuff, and so I never felt like I was, you know, uh people were looking at me for the stuff I wanted to be doing, you know. So but it’s also felt like there’s like big gaps for me, you know, and some of it’s also honestly having kids too, because at a certain point you’re like, I can’t disappear. I can’t disappear and it really has, yeah, period. And it really has to be worth it. I was even doing a show at the time that our um daughter was born uh about five weeks early, and it’s you know, I was supposed to have closed the show and you know, have plenty of time, and then she came and I was like, I’m out. Well, literally, right now, I got the call, and it was like I was in my hotel room and you know, another state, whatever, and uh I I I literally forgot how to put shoes on my feet because they’re like your baby will be here in 30 minutes. Oh, my God. Wow, and like and like we you because it was that early too, we didn’t have our um yeah the the the legal stuff in place yet with the the parentage rights and all that stuff and I was literally driving on FaceTime with you know in in the courtroom. Oh my god and they had to like trying to give us establish us as the parents, wow, legally.
Gavin:
It was just like this crazy You had to do that ahead of time, you had to have it in place before she was it’s supposed to be done, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
It’s supposed to be done. Um, I can’t remember. I mean, this is what you know we expunge, but I think it’s like maybe a week before they tried to do it, the birth date.
SPEAKER_03:
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:
But this was like five weeks, and so it just was not people like, oh, you have so much time, you have so much time, then all of a sudden you’re like speeding down, like, sir, you cannot be driving and be on FaceTime courtroom, and I’m like, oh, bad connection, and turn off the video. I’m like, I’m not stopping this car, I’m getting to the hospital as soon as I can. Did you make it? Oh no, no, no, I was so far away. And it was so god, my husband, he had strep throat. He had strep throat. Wow. Yeah, and so she was coming early, and so he went there, but he couldn’t like hold her and do all that stuff. And you know, it was all messed up, and so it was just like I’ve got to get there.
unknown:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
Oh wow. That’s but anyway, all that to say, you know, like the kids come first at a point, and you just have to really prioritize that, especially when they’re little for me. Yeah, you know. And um, so that’s been a journey to with the career.
David:
But it always feels so it almost feels like also like in in the arts, no matter uh all the hills and valleys I’ve had, like it all even the the big wonderful moments, it always feels like it’s built on sand and you’re always just kind of prepping for the next dip. So it’s hard to just enjoy be like, you know what? I’m there, we’re good. The momentum is there, everything is fine.
SPEAKER_02:
And I don’t know if you feel you you felt this too, but even when I feel like I it’s taken me perspective to look back and even identify what the you know peaks were in a way, because you I think we do this for ourselves, but I think I’ve also had you know uh maybe some people around me who are like, this is good, but you really need to be doing this or whatever, and you’re like, like, oh yeah, I guess I haven’t quite, you know, whatever, whatever, done it yet. And so, but it’s funny to look back and be like, you know what, I was proud of that, and I should have enjoyed that moment more.
Gavin:
And it’s a secret to life, but yeah, so working on that. Well, um, so what’s been your favorite? Can you say what stood out of the many projects you’ve done?
SPEAKER_02:
Uh I think you know, it was a short-lived thing now because it got canceled, but there’s um a show called Uncoupled that uh Darren Starr did. And I’d worked with Darren for a couple seasons before on another show called Um Younger. And so going into Uncoupled was a lot of fun because it was all the a lot of the writers from Younger, and I loved those people, and like, you know, actors are fun and all that, but really it’s the people who um the voices of the characters are the writers and that team, that group of people put together, and so I loved all those people, and to have them write on a new show, which was a gay show, you know, where I felt like I could be myself, and the other version I was playing, like, you know, uh a douchebag banker womanizer, you know, which is far from me. But then uh to have the opportunity to work on a gay show with Darren again, um, it felt so easy and like uh such a uh a wonderful thing. And um, so I think that was probably my favorite thing.
David:
Do you ever find it harder to play characters that are closer to you? I always feel like the distance sometimes is makes it a little easier. Uh the the broad version is like an accent or an age difference, but just like a totally different thing sometimes feels a little more comfortable for me.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, I think like you know, going to theater school too. I think I I felt safety, honestly, too, and playing characters that were far removed from me of like, you know, doing the the thing that’s so far, but I’ve I’ve been trying to um I I remember there was I was on set of a uh a show once and there was there was an acting coach who gets acting coaches? I wish I had the budget for acting coach, but the the lead had an acting coach, and I was just saying they like studentship with this acting coach, and he’s like, you know, the one thing that I can say about anybody, all the stars that I know is that there is no difference between them on camera and off they can seamlessly transition and it doesn’t feel like all of a sudden they’re acting. And so when I heard that from that person, I was like, I really need to focus on that because I feel easy and safer, maybe you know, hiding like these bold swings of something that’s far from me. But it is more challenging just to be able to transition and be yourself when this camera starts rolling. And so I really kind of like you know, even coming out and being gay and playing gay characters, which I never did for so long, you know, uh it felt you’re right, it felt like uh you know a different challenge. Yeah.
Gavin:
Spill some tea for us, will you? And it can be positive tea. Like of the many stars you’ve worked with, who is like the most unexpected delight?
SPEAKER_02:
Honestly, Hillary Duff was absolute delight. Yeah, yeah. I don’t know if it’s we started working on younger and we did the pilot together, and I just remember the first time. Yeah, she was at the table read, but the first time we were the first scene together, you know, when all of a sudden when you’re playing a couple, it’s like we’ve you know, supposedly been together for whatever amount of time when the you know you first see them. And uh uh when we were sitting together, I was like, oh, she she’s just so warm, and she just like immediately is like come into our orbit, let’s let’s be friends and and do this. And that was like uh and I didn’t grow up with you know, I’m not of the the generation that grew up with her as a whatever um kiddo icon, but um old, old is the word. I’m actually thankful there, old old as old as me. Yeah, god, yeah. I know, but uh yes, yes, yes. I mean Clarissa back in the day was that explains it.
David:
Do you remember? Did you watch that? Oh my god, yes. Yes. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was already watching. Was that the one? Remind me, was that the one where like the boy would like put the ladder up against the window? Through the window? Oh man. He was and he had that like nice 90s bowl cut. Yeah.
unknown:
Yeah.
Gavin:
Was it was that weird to I imagine I’m just fantasizing that you and Hillary were like besties off screen and then lovers on screen. Was that a weird transition to make? Like, because you were, I mean, you were making out and canoodling all the time, weren’t you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, yeah. No, and honestly, it wasn’t because it it felt like uh, you know, a friendship and uh no, it was pretty easy. It was pretty easy. I don’t I think I I think it’s it’s actually really nice to have that relationship and go in and have that intimate stuff when you’re like that. It’s been funny now to play gay characters now, and like because I think they feel the women have always felt like safe with me, you know, in a way, you know, and I felt safe with them. But then all of a sudden when you’re like, oh wait, there’s actually it’s a different thing when you’re like it becomes turned on in the process, right? Like, oh shoulders. Well, it’s it’s it’s like oh, body, you know, there’s there’s a there’s uh uh it’s it’s a different thing.
David:
There’s your body responds in a way that it deems appropriate.
Gavin:
Yeah. What um what okay? So imagine this. Your kids come to you in 10, 15 years and they say, Dad, I want to be an actor.
SPEAKER_03:
What’s your advice?
Gavin:
No.
SPEAKER_03:
Not in this house.
SPEAKER_02:
No. It’s funny because I’ve um I’ve never I’ve never talked to my my son. You know, he’s five, and I you’ve never talked to him.
David:
You choose not to talk to him. That’s it.
SPEAKER_02:
I’ve never talked to him. No, I just, you know, I I have uh better things to do. I I prefer to have better things to do. No, um I’ve uh no, I’ve I I I just say no. Wow. I say no.
Gavin:
No, he’s come to I I I work in the arts sphere, and I so often think to my to myself, kids just be doctors or lawyers, doctors or lawyers, doctors or lawyers. But at the same time, I was I was encouraged to follow all of my passions, and of course I don’t actually mean don’t do it, but it’s But now look at you. Why would you say no?
SPEAKER_02:
But now look at now I mean Truthfully though, like he I I just never tried to he’s never seen me, you know, on on the TV or whatever, that kind of thing, or um I’ve not I don’t really talk to him about that stuff. I I did bring him to see like uh the first five minutes of a show I did, just so he had an idea of where I was disappearing to every night. And I’m like, I want you just like walk around and see backstage and see where I’ve gone because you you know it feels like I’ve abandoned you, yeah, you know. So I just want you to understand that. But but um uh no, I it’s fun thing though, because he he actually really loves taking dance class right now. He loves ballet and he takes tap and it’s fun. And I I think there’s so much enrichment to be had through the arts. And that meant so much to me growing up, and so I’m encouraging of him exploring all that, you know. But um, but the career that is a different thing. Because people, he’s honestly really I think he’d be a great child actor, which is even scarier, you know what I mean. It’s even scarier because he’ll do things for me, and I’m like, oh my god, you can actually if I tell you like he’ll we’ll watch something on you know a movie and and just like oh he did it like this, da da da and recite the lines, and I’m like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh geez.
SPEAKER_02:
This is gold, this is gold, and well, no one will ever know about it.
Gavin:
But is it in all honesty, would you would discourage them from following that path just because of what? Because it’s because it’s hard.
SPEAKER_02:
I think you know, I I started, I had my first job, I think, when I was eight. You know, um, and uh yeah, and I think one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life was probably when I was nine. Yeah. Because all of a sudden it was not getting a job, you know, and being told at that time, I mean, there’s a different world and stuff, but I was literally like, they were like, You’re too fat, you won’t fit the costume. And that was literally like the response that I got to put on an ARL. Yeah, it is, right? Yeah, and so just knowing how much I loved it and then how much that was hurtful and it affected me, you know, and feeling like I couldn’t do the stuff I wanted to do. I just don’t, I wouldn’t want that, you know. I think my parents were smart in trying to say, like, no, no, no, you can do community theater, but don’t stay with that.
David:
Or maybe you just need a light no, no, no, to really follow what you want, right? Like maybe you need a parent to say, don’t be an actor, be a banker, knowing full well they’re just gonna be an actor. And they just kind of needed that. So they need that story for Jimmy Fallon to be like, well, my parents never believed in me, but I was gonna prove them wrong. Yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
Well, speaking of trauma and proving people wrong, um we always love to hear those stories of parental trauma when you think I will never forget the time when.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, I have one. Um, I think there is there was a time where I think our son was, you know, we’re still early parents. I think we he was about six months old. And um my friend, we had hosted uh a 40th birthday party at our our home.
Gavin:
And uh now we have a strict like no glitter policy in the house. We’re all familiar with that.
SPEAKER_02:
Yes, but at the time, my friend, like there was you know the glitter and there was confetti and all this stuff, and she was very diligent and you know, vacuuming everything up and getting it all whatever. But you know, two months later, we’re driving, we’re we’re in the car with my son, and all of a sudden he just starts vomiting, vomiting. And we couldn’t believe it. And he was throwing up glitter and and and mylar, which where did this child like unicorn?
David:
What is this?
SPEAKER_02:
Glitter’s coming out all ends here, you know what I mean? Like the children have a way of finding this stuff, which is wild, but it was scared the shit out of us, though. You know what I mean? We’re we’re thankful we have which we probably you know over abuse. We have a friend who’s a pediatrician, and we’re like, oh my god, what do we do? We do we know this is the mylar confetti and glitter coming out of it.
David:
He’s like, take him to a priest! I don’t know what to do with us.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, yeah, but that that that was scary. Oh god, I’m not sure. This is I think the the worst the worst one was when we were at the playground, and um my my son was four and a half, you know, so he he he definitely has his wits about him, he has he knows where he’s at, you know, he knows what to do and what not to do. But we were playing tag, and my husband was up him with him up on one of the play structures, and my husband was it and was chasing him. And my son, I don’t know, you know, sometimes kids they just they black out and they just they whatever, but he literally just ran off the play structure and was like watching in slow motion, it was like you know the roadrunner, you know, coyote moment where he just literally went off in the air and just fell straight. Yes, like you know, some of those play structures are they’re no joke. Absolutely, right? And why did they just have open spaces that lead to a temporary job? Why? We don’t need that, please. No, I don’t think they’re just I don’t know. So anyway, that was a that was a crazy moment. He was bruised.
David:
He only walked in circles to the left now, but he’s fine. He’s still our our beautiful little boy.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, I know he got whacked in the head, but he was okay.
David:
We have a play structure by us which has a giant bridge. It’s like a good 10, at least 10 feet up off the ground. But on either side are like, you know, three or four foot walls, kind of that you could. So I was like, okay, but on one side, for whatever reason, a big hole, like a purposeful hole is cut out that doesn’t lead to a ladder. It just is open there saying, Hey, maybe if you fall here, you might break a hip. Like, what is going on with we need to get a playground designer. We had that like marathon like route designer on. We need to get a playground design design. Ground designer on it to tell us what’s the T.
Gavin:
And every child just needs to be wrapped in a bubble, right? Just a whole bunch of bubble wrap.
SPEAKER_02:
So I yeah, that’s the one thing about winter is that I feel much safer going to the playground because that child has so many layers. He has the coat, he has the snowsuit, and the snow. The snow can break his fall too. Yeah.
Gavin:
Totally. Yes. Yes, yes. Or especially the rat-infused, piss-colored, hard snow on the side of the roads in Brooklyn. Gotta love that lie. Well, Dan, we are so lucky that you chose to demean yourself and be in our stupid little podcast. Thank you for joining us, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:
It’s great to see you again, Gavin. And nice to meet you, David.
Gavin:
So my something great this week is actually Valentine related because um because I like a special day that’s different from others. My daughter offered to make us dinner this week for Valentine’s Day because she said, Daddy, Tatty is your um uh Valentine, isn’t he? And I’m like, well, of course she is, as as Todd and I look at each other and kind of like, yeah, well, I guess you’ll do. But it was mutual and it was loving. But she said, I’ll make dinner for you. And we were like, oh, that’s sweet. No, we don’t want ramen or pancakes for Valentine’s Day. But at the same time, like I said earlier, Tostinos, Valentine, pancakes, and um and ramen. I mean, hey, dinner of champions. And we usually spend Valentine’s Day with our kids anyway, because we are so I guess unromantic. And that’s what life becomes when you’re gay with children.
David:
Also, very sweet that she just just decided this without. I mean, that’s the that’s the something great is that she was just like, Yeah, I want to do something nice for you. And you’re like, ma’am, are you the same daughter I’ve had this whole time? Exactly. And what about you? Um, my something great is an Instagram account I came across, which I’m now obsessed with. I think they’re also on TikTok, but um, they are at Senior Living Stories. And so, me as a creator and a writer, I don’t I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a soft spot for seniors in general and their life. And and and you know, obviously Golden Girls is a great example of that. But like there’s just it’s such a beautiful world that I feel like people rarely tap into because people think, oh, once you’re 60, you’re irrelevant or whatever. But anyway, it’s called at Senior Living Stories, and they’re just these tiny little, you know, 30 second to a minute clips of these seniors talking about something in their life, maybe about their husband, the the day their husband died, or um this really cool craft they can do or whatever. And it’s just so it’s such a great reminder that like these people have an entire lifetime of fucking crazy cool, beautiful stories to tell. But I think we immediately just kind of go, uh fuck off because you’re old. But like, or maybe just that’s just Gavin. Um, but I it is really a beautiful account, and it’s exactly something that I I love to see. Um, is making sure that like they’re they’re obviously respected, but like they’re listened to because literally literally, if you listen to them, they’re really fascinating stories to listen to. So anyway, follow them. They are at Senior Living Stories, and that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at Katreon.
Gavin:
On the internet, David is at DavidFm VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge worshiping seniors like Scott Bennett. Scott Bassett? Oh, I’ve already forgotten. Whatever, he’s irrelevant. Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll chase seniors with you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.