Full Transcript
Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks. I knew it. I knew. Don’t you I knew it, me. I knew that as we were recording this, that blank was coming. Nope. And that blank was gonna get you so good. Stop it.
Gavin:
Thanks. And we’ll it’s just patriarchs.
David:
So I’m not gonna start with what I want to do, which is complain that my daycare closed and my children are in my house, and I’m having to make meetings happen when somebody’s sleeping, and then my son is like, I need pizza to nap with. And I’m like, you don’t need pizza in your hands to take a nap. I’m not gonna start the show by the way. I refuse.
Gavin:
It’s but it’s but it would make for such an interesting intro and so relatable. I mean, I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of pizza being the safety blanket to go to a nap time. It was just an excuse.
David:
It was just an excuse. It’s we are now in the phase of like really being clever and and and and really purposeful about what they say. They’re like, oh, I’m thirsty. You know, the whole like, oh, I’m thirsty now, oh you’re suddenly thirsty. He is like, I’m starving. And it’s just so we can delay bedtime 30 extra seconds. Uh but I’m not gonna start the show that way. But it’s that’s not how we’re starting. Okay, we’re not starting that way.
Gavin:
About young children’s mind games and manipulation of the city.
David:
I’m not gonna talk about that. Not gonna talk about anything. Okay, um, here’s what I want to talk about. It sounds like a downer. It was gonna be my something great, but it I think it’s an interesting just thing I’m gonna say about my life. So um, I have an uncle who um was gay um and had a partner, a lifelong partner, who is obviously so um they uh uh my my my my blood uncle died at like 92, about five years ago. Um, and a surviving partner, also in his 90s, just recently passed away. And that is sad, obviously, but they lived a really long life and whatever. Sounds like it, yeah. Yeah, but you know, it was really weird. Like I was reading his obituary and something that like a close friend of he’s from the UK, and uh something his friend had put together for him. And the way that they danced around him being gay, and Bill, my uncle, was his I mean, is not his husband, but I mean, like they were together for like 55 years. Okay.
Gavin:
Oh no, did they call him a roommate?
David:
So, yeah, so what it brought up for me, I was just thinking about changing culture, and what I’m so happy to be a part of this day and age and not then, is that they grew up in a time when being out and gay was A, not allowed, B, you could get killed for, right? And so they, I think, developed this thing. I see this in other family members and other people in my life, where you have to be in the closet for your own self-protection, and then it becomes a lifestyle. And then when it’s quote unquote okay to be gay, you don’t feel comfortable doing that. And so, my entire life, my uncles were the uncles, they were roommates, it was his friend, they lived together, and we didn’t talk about it. And that makes me crazy now as a person who overshares to thousands of strangers on the internet. And one podcast listener. Oh, sorry, our one listener.
Gavin:
When did you become aware that your gunkles were a loving partnership?
David:
I so when I was like a teenager, it was like one of those mean things that you would joke about behind their backs. Oh, they’re so gay and blah, blah, blah, blah. And at the time, it was just something mean to say. But they that was when I was like, oh, they really are together. And so, again, they’ve been together twice as long as I’ve been alive. I’m only 25. Um, but it it is so anyway, in his passing, I just as a reminder that like these people had a 50 plus year relationship. They spent their entire lives together, they had a business together, they survived AIDS crisis together, and still they didn’t feel that they could be publicly out. And that just breaks my heart. And I, but it also is exciting that we live in a time now where if you’re not gay, you’re nothing. All the kids now are gay, they’re all bisexual, they’re all pan, they’re all trans. It’s great. So, anyway, it’s a positive thing. I know he passed away, and that’s a weird thing, but um, they lived a really cool life. They were a celebration, for sure.
Gavin:
It’s a celebration of uh of commitment and of truth and whatnot, even if they were you know semi-closeted, but like, hey, they lived a full life.
David:
That’s and my uncle was a playwright. My the my other uncle, or the one he, his partner who just recently died, wasn’t was an actor. They were, you know, it was the whole thing. So uh here’s to you guys. Uh, go off and do your the the gay shit in the sky, uh, whatever that is. I imagine it was some sort of bathhouse waiting for us all.
Gavin:
Let’s hope so. Let’s hope so. I mean, this is this topic right here reminds me that for our listener out there, David and I barely know each other. I don’t know what FM stands for. For David Franklin and Marshall fucking close um uh matriarch Vaughn. But I um I had I knew certainly knew nothing about this. And um and you have a pretty gay family. I mean, all there’s the the gay is is strong in your.
David:
I have a gay sister, I have gay nieces and nephews, I have bi people in my family. It’s it’s all over the fucking map. But I like to say that I’m like the trailblazer because I’m the gayest. I’m in musical theater, I’m married to a man, like you know, I have probably a gay child. I I like to keep myself as the king of the gays.
Gavin:
So well, that’s uh so gay, which reminds me that here I’m gonna make a confession on uh Gatrix that um I I you know we we definitely do tiptoe around a little bit, particularly I do, certain elements of privacy that I want to keep for my kids because they’re not two-year-olds anymore, you know. So I uh you are gonna face a lot of consequences in about 10 years when your kids become our second and third listeners. But um, but I, you know, I try to maintain my kids’ privacy a little bit. Well, one little confession I don’t mind making is that I am able to monitor my son’s um text threads with his friends because it’s connected to my computer. So I accidentally see a lot of the threads. And I I I I consider it a privilege. Am I invading their privacy? A little bit. I mean, but you know what, he’s still, you know, young. And so I’m able to kind of monitor and make sure that there isn’t anything too questionable going on. And I and luckily there isn’t too much, until fairly recently, when some of the kids have been using the phrase, that’s so gay. And I’m like, wait a minute, is it 1995? No, no, people are still absolutely using that. I think it means it’s a much less derogatory, you know, inference now than it was back in the day. But I that is happening. And I haven’t felt like I need to um blow my cover yet and say this needs to be stopped right now. I’m, you know, the kids are navigating it, they’re figuring it out, sometimes they call each other out on it. You can’t say that. Thank God somebody does do that. But it’s kind of fascinating to me that people are still saying that’s so gay, not just David F. M. Vaughn is the gayists. That’s so gay. That’s so gay.
David:
That’s so raven. And you know what’s so raven, Gavin? Is that you told this exact story an episode ago. No, no, no, no, no. Jesus. That’s that’s one of my favorite. Now, I’m hoping that it wasn’t something that you told before we recorded and then it’s edited out, and I sound like the asshole, but I’m almost positive that was something that you mentioned the other week. Secondly, that that’s so good. Look at his hands over his face. Uh listen, Gavin, as you can hear, is somewhere else. He’s in Los Angeles right now for work, so maybe let’s blame him on jet lag uh for taking a Spirit Airlines flight in the middle seat of the back row.
Gavin:
I was in the middle seat. Yes, I was absolutely in the middle of the seat. Damn it. And there you two, you were just looking at me so smugly with that look on your face. But in all honesty, I have no recollection of it whatsoever. So for our listener out there, sorry about that. But you know what? The thing is, what prompted this is that I was monitoring it this morning. That’s that phrase was coming up. So, you know, it is fresh. I’m not just making this shit up.
David:
But speaking of that phrase, it is interesting because I actually disagree. When you said that, like, oh, it doesn’t mean what it like what it used to mean. I feel like when I use, I use the phrase a ton. I’ve said the most horrible shit imaginable in my life. But I remember using that a long for a long time, and it always meant stupid. It never meant gay. It was never a nod towards a uh like a gay man. It was always that’s so stupid. Now I understand that the connection is is prop problematic, but I remember saying it and not meaning that you’re blowing a bunch of dudes. Yeah.
Gavin:
But just that was not that that’s the gayest, I would say, blowing a bunch of dudes for sure. Um back to your original topic, though, of being manipulated by your children and being outsmarted by them. Well, I don’t know, were you outsmarted? Did your son get a piece of pizza before he took his nap?
David:
It’s not being outsmarted. It’s I’m tired and was just working in Manhattan all day, and now I have these, I have other meetings to do. So yes, he got the pizza, but that’s because I am I am a shell of a human being, and I no longer care about anything other than just getting my kids to bed.
Gavin:
So speaking of being a shell of a human being and being manipulated by our kids, my daughter um outsmarted my partner and I so big time last week when um we we’ve kind of put a little bit of a kibosh on sleepovers because we’re a very intense sleepover family. Like my kids want to have sleepovers every night of the week. They love it. They want people over, they want to go over. I I’m, you know, I’m like, I get it. It’s fun. And they don’t stay up all night generally, but anyway, we had kind of put the kibosh on it for a little while, mainly because, frankly, attitude, behavior, et cetera, et cetera. And then suddenly we found ourselves in the middle of a three-night epic sleepover where the girls were going um to two different houses, three different houses. And so we went immediately from no, we’re not gonna have any sleepovers for a couple of weeks, to, oh my God, we’re suddenly entertaining three girls, and we hosted them on their third night. So they were bleary-eyed zombies who were tired of each other. They were very clearly annoyed, but they didn’t want to give up on the situation. But like, what at any one point, one of the girls was ostracized. And I don’t know if it’s the other two were ganging up or if the other one was like, oh my god, I need a break from these two other girls that I’ve spent the last what is 24 times three, 72 hours with. And um, but my partner and I look at each other and we’re just like, how did this happen? Suddenly, we went from zero to well, less than zero, in thinking um we were in in control of our parenting skills and communication with our daughter. Nope, she just absolutely drove a bulldozer, threw us over us, dumped on us, and she got everything that she wanted. And um did I tell that story last week, also?
David:
No, no, no, but you’re basically saying you’re also a shell of a human being, and we are shells of human beings.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah, I I have no control whatsoever. Jesus take the wheel, somebody else take control. Please chat GPT, tell me what I’m supposed to do.
David:
You know what we do have control over? What? Our top three list. Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one. So, our top three list this week is the top three things you irrationally hate. Now, as I put my list together, I realized that it’s gonna sound like these are just things that annoy people. Like, oh yeah, that annoys people or whatever. But to me, I want to let you rationalize. This thing boils my blood in a way where I can rip a phone book in half. Like, I for the younger people, a phone book was a paper document that had the numbers of all the people in the town. Okay, so top three things you irrationally hate that make your blood boil. Number three for me is endless AI phone trees. Like, if you’re trying to get in touch with your healthcare company to figure out a problem, and it’s like press three for this, plus two for this, just speak what you need to know. I’m like representative. The the the blood curdling scream of representative, I do every time I’m on the phone with somebody. Yes, makes me crazy. I know that. Uh, number two for me is having to re-log in to apps that they just sign you out for no reason. I don’t have the capacity for any more passwords. I have maybe four or five, and I’ve had to change them so much that when one just decides, like the other day, my car, my car has a remote start, and it it just was like login question mark and it wasn’t saved, and I was like, I’m I’m rolling the car off a cliff. I don’t give a fuck about this car. It made me crazy because I don’t remember the password. Yeah. And the number one thing that I irrationally hate that shouldn’t matter, but makes me mad is when I’m in traffic or some sort of car situation, and somebody does something wrong. They they make an illegal turn, they they jut out in front of somebody, and then they look back at you like you’re the asshole. Oh my god, do I fill with such a fucking rage where I’m ready to just jump out of a car and fucking sock somebody in the face? So so like there’s a I’ve talked about this before, but there’s a terrible intersection by my house where nobody does the right thing. And every time I’m like, I don’t know if I can drive this car. I might have to switch seats to get to this intersection because I’m crazy. Anyway, people who think they’re right, but they’re actually wrong in traffic is my number one. What about you, Gabe and Lodge?
Gavin:
I mean, I think the way you just phrased that, though, people who think they’re right but are actually wrong, that is that is that drives irrational hatred into my blood, blood on the flames on the side of my face. Yes. Uh so all of these three things can make me feel like flames on the side of my face as well. And I I hope that, I mean, they in the moment I can get irrationally angry over them. And so, in one cases, especially in the case of my number one, I go to a happy place in my head and I just become a yet again a shell of a person, so I don’t have to deal with it. But before I tell you what that one is, is number three, fucking up recycling in trash. And it happens in our house all the time that my partner and my children are like suddenly there’s a Dr. Pepper can in the trash, which is right next to the recycling. But moreover, like it’s as if nobody in my family realizes that a hummus tub is recyclable. And it always ends up in the trash. Now, actually, between you and me and our listener, sometimes I’m like, is that actually trash, or is this like a number four that’s not supposed to be recycled? Anyway, it drives me irrationally angry when that hummus tub is licked clean as if it’s made for recycling, meant for the recycling, and yet it ends up in the trash. It drives me crazy that the toilet paper rolls that are just left all over the place because nobody else in the house can pick them up except for me and get them in the recycling, or they put them in the trash. Anyway, irrational anger, but I think rational too, because everybody should be angry about recycling, okay?
David:
Every villain is the hero of their own story. Number two, old people in post offices.
Gavin:
I I want I want to be patient. I want to be patient. When somebody pulls out a checkbook to write a check at the post office, when somebody doesn’t understand how to, I don’t know, write the address or doesn’t understand that you’re just supposed to say no, that there’s explosives or liquids. You just say no, there’s no explosives or liquids in this um package. I I I have to go to a Zen place at post offices because um everything about it is irrationally um frustrating for me. Number one, boarding and exiting a plane. Oh, yeah, that’s a good thing. And an I everybody’s IQ drops to sub-zero. Permanently including my own, when you get on a plane. And I just feel so much um pity for stewardesses uh flight attendants who just have to deal with the stupidest people on the planet. But it I get irrationally angry when, oops, um, it looks like there’s not gonna be any overhead compartment way back in the back where I’m sitting, so I’m gonna put my bag up here in the front.
David:
The largest, the largest suitcases going directly to the back. You’re like, did you not understand that? If you’re group four, you’re the poor people, you’re third class, you’re steerage, you but you don’t touch it.
Gavin:
But you don’t get to put your bag up in the front of the plane and take one of the first spots. Like all of these factors, and people are and they leave their backpacks on their back and they turn and they hit you, and blah, blah, blah, blah. It is uh I have to go to a happy zen place or I will um.
David:
We are Statler and Waldorf right now. We are the two old men complaining about everything. Totally. When it’s I have men have names. Yeah. Uh uh, have you ever been the person on a plane who’s like has a tight connection and they say, Hey, everybody, we have a couple people who have really tight connections. Please sit down and let those people off first. Have you ever been on a plane where people sit down and let the people for?
Gavin:
Right? Never. Never I I’ve never been that guy either. I’ve never actually been the one to say, oh, I have to get through. So I don’t really pay the case.
David:
I have missed, I have missed planes because of that. Oh, anyway. Oh God, I can feel our blood pressure rising next week.
Gavin:
Next week, I want to know the three things that you would change about your kid if you could.
David:
Hmm, love it. All right, our guest this week is a doctor, a dad, a husband, a possible centaur, and moreover, even though he’s straight, like Gavin and I, he has made an entire business about dicks. He is the CEO and founder of Firm Tech, the first sex tech company dedicated to improving men’s erectile fitness. Listen, we like what we like, right, guys? Anyway, welcome to the show, Dr. Elliot Justin. Welcome. Welcome, Doctor. It’s great to be here. Thank you. You have two first names, and we talked about yesterday. You’re like, what a what a curse, curse and a blessing, right? I can only blame my mother. Yeah. I blame your mother about a lot of things, um, which is weird because I don’t even know her. Uh so okay, so before we get to firm tech and before we get to all this stuff, tell us a little bit about you, where you came from, how did you get to where you’re at today?
Gavin:
I’ll I’ll I’ll just I’ll go back to adolescence. Uh I think at that as uh as a physician, I was uniquely set up to do what I’m currently doing right now for men’s rectile health by the fact that I don’t think there are many doctors, let alone men in the world, whose mothers took them to urologists twice when they were teenagers because of their masturbation habit. Oh you were were you were either really good at it or really bad at it, right? Uh well, I just wasn’t, uh I was certainly wasn’t going to conceal it. I’m gonna take a long shower or a long bath, or uh, you know, it’s got hey, you know, I I didn’t think this seven or eight times a day was you know was excessive. I don’t know you guys did as well too.
Gavin:
But and but you you but like you said though, you weren’t concealing this. Mom knew what was going on.
Gavin:
Well it wasn’t exactly to do with the dining room table. Uh you know, it was it was concealed, but I was in the bed in the bedroom.
David:
That is an awkward Thanksgiving.
Gavin:
I’m not looking forward to it. I’ve run for the record today, and I actually actually tried to like discipline myself, like no more than four times tomorrow, but you know, it’s just Too much fun. So my mother was concerned I wouldn’t get into college. And you know, and then the first time I went, the urologist told me, So when do you stop? I said, Well, what when there’s blood. Uh and it’s called it’s called hematospermia, by the way. Uh the second time was I was uh I was I was about I was a junior in high school, and the and the and the the good doctor, after telling my mother, Yeah, he really does have a problem, they took me aside and said, you know, you only have to put up with her for one more year. And then make it 10 times a day, baby.
David:
Go off.
Gavin:
Right? The thing that really changed with age is is the is the time in between fracture periods, the time in between orgasms. So, you know, so skipping ahead to medical school, uh, the first day of medical school, I scrambled off to the medical school library to read about aphrodisiacs. And again, there wasn’t like a line of doctors fighting with me for the A-book of the Index Medica, so to read about aphrodisiacs. And a lot of the stuff’s the stuff with the same garbage, the ineffective things to recommend today, from you know, Yohimbei, macaroot, horny goatweed, all, you know, half and wand but you know what? These things aren’t new, they just get repackaged. And, you know, uh, and I tried a bunch of them and none, you know, none of them worked. Uh I um I will share with you that my mother called my wife when she first met her. Well, I told her I was engaged rather. She is your devil’s bargain. You’re marrying for sex. And I said, Dan straight, huh? Why why else would why else would I you know what I would I marry? So uh I to have to have this have this this thing, this job, this particular, I really call it legacy, most of the most exciting projects I’ve done. How did this how did this come to be? Uh as I told David yesterday, I you know, I live in Montana, I ride horses, and I sometimes have this dangerous illusion that I’m a centaur. If you guys haven’t ridden horses, but you’ve been on a motorcycle going fast or going gone downhill on skis really. You don’t become one with your skis. I don’t know if I’ve never had that illusion. I’ve never had the illusion driving a motorcycle that, oh, I’m I’m one with this thing. But uh there’s an emotional connection to horse if you ride them a lot. And it’s really, it’s really kind of cool. It’s like the same thing you get you get with a good relationship with a dog. I was uh on a trick trail in the next Valley Over called Paradise Valley, which is actually where they film a lot of TV show Yellowstone. Uh so Paradise, by the way, Paradise Valley really exists. You really can find Paradise. It’s in Montana. Okay. Don’t tell anyone, okay? Just tell me you listen to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was, and some do good or had cut a tree that had fallen over a trail so you could walk underneath it, but they but not so you could ride a horse underneath it, especially if you thought you were one with your horse and were going about 35, 40 miles per hour and not paying much attention because, hey, you’re one with your horse. So I uh I I shattered that horse. I’m certain that the trees in that forest are still talking about me. And I broke six ribs of six vertebrae. So here’s an important thing for all your male listeners. If you think that you have a spinal cord injury, you need to do the cock-up sign. If you can cock your big toe back, you can urinate, defecate, and fornicate, the big three, and everything’s gonna be okay. So I was really smashed up and I knew it was gonna be a lot of pain, but I knew I was also also that’s gonna be okay, but it got me thinking what’s been done for men, or women for that matter, with spinal cord injuries, to repeat, rebuilt that, rehabilitate the sexual function. I had a if a urologist uh implant electrode in right where the penis comes out of the pubic bone. We moved around different locations. I I felt nothing. So I think I think though I question uh the re the whether those research papers were true or not, whether just people were seeking further funding in order to get money.
David:
We’ve talked to a little bit, we’ve talked to a couple doctors recently in the past couple of months, and there has been a consistent theme of like, because of our puritanical fucking upbringing in America, there’s just not a lot of people focused like you on sexual health in general and researching it and testing things out. And then look at your crazy ass out there planting electrodes inside of yourself to test it out yourself.
Gavin:
God’s to get back to your centaur ways. I I know I hate when I hear this stuff about America. Hey, I I’ve I’ve taught in Europe, I’ve been to Europe at European sexual medicine conferences. They ain’t looking at this either. Uh, people are are basically doing what pharma and the national health health systems tell them to do. And I don’t, I’m not persuaded. I mean, the highest instances of erectile dysfunction are in China, Japan, the Persian Gulf, Mexico. So I I is this really America? I don’t know. I I you know I think I think I think that a um inhibition about sex is is almost you know you it’s what what really is it’s really wise widespread. Uh-huh. So this urology professor at the University of Utah heard about what I call Project O for obvious reasons. Uh and he wanted to count the number of nocturnal erections that men have. This is like two or three years ago, two plus years ago. And my reaction was, what the fuck? Who cares? What do you mean, leading indicator? I never I never heard this because most people haven’t heard of this. So he wanted to um implant electrodes into a condom-like form. Not condom, yeah, condom ring form. Uh and he he he um he put and that form would have six times the elasticity of a of a condom ring because he was concerned about strangulation effect. Uh and he wanted to he and his partner had wanted to erect a patent wall you know around this, spent a lot of money on those two things, the patent wall and the and the form. And they were they’ve been working on it for eight or nine years, and I came, and he said, Well, I want I want you to take this forward. And after about a month, I said, you know, this is a do-over. Because uh the it’s a great idea to have a way of counting nocturnal erections, and by leading indicator, we mean it’s predictive. Even guys your age, by I mean, if if you go from three to five down to two to one, you’re gonna have a heart attack or a stroke. Oh, wow.
David:
So when you say leading indicator, you’re talking about leading indicator of some sort of cardiovascular issue. Correct. Wow. Or major medication side effect. Um And also please don’t lump me and Gavin into the same age bracket. Gavin is hundreds of years older than me. I am a young, 20-plus something. So continue, sorry. Well, you’re hiding that well behind your beard.
Gavin:
Ouch. And just curse me. But I’ll say that you know I actually dye my hair gray because I want you guys to take me seriously. We do.
David:
We take you very seriously. It’s optics matter, optics matter. So so the idea was like this is a predictor of cardiovascular issues, and so okay.
Gavin:
And this doctor was a straight doctor, and like most straight doctors, he’s a cock ring virgin. I have a lot of cochrane virgin. I’ve been using cock rings since before both you guys were born, and they suck. Uh, you know, um, and my wife would probably, at this point, like going back three years ago, she would buy them. I’d kind of given up on them. You know, they’re they’re made out of out of silicone, they pinched their uncomfortable. Uh, and periodically, of course, they come out with these cock rings that are that are are heterosexual focused. They’re, you know, oh, put this ring on your guy’s dick, and then this is vibrated for you. But she they never had the right vibration.
Gavin:
American Eagle Cock Ring by Ann Heizer Bush. Only for the best dudes, none for those queers.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah. So, and as you guys know, uh uh I mean we mentioned I mentioned the stat yesterday, I think, Dave, when we spoke, 90% of gay guys use cockerings regularly, only 10% of straight guys do. And they still suck, but gay guys will put up with it more than more than straight guys will. Uh and and and and straight doctors are overall, they are AR, a conservative group, uh, and they don’t know shit about sex. They don’t, they’re they’re you know, they’re oriented like most doctors are. I want to give you a pill or I want to do a surgery on you.
David:
And that’s that’s that’s that’s and if I if I can’t do either one of those things, that’s so and is that because those two things are easier or more financially beneficial? Like, what is the reason they tend to fall?
Gavin:
The whole healthcare system, and I sp and I say this is I mean, I started practicing medicine in 1979. Believe me, if if um, and this applies if you have a national national health service in France or you’re in Medicare, Medicaid or the American healthcare system, if the electronic health record said if you got to ask questions about someone’s sex life, how and think about how think about how important someone’s sex life is to them. Whether you got a partner or you’re married or you’re alone, 99% of people and men and 97% of women, that’s really, really important to them. Uh so but they don’t they don’t have to ask any questions. So if you guys are all of us on this call went to a doctor and said, I’ve got chest pain, their electronic health rec and they and they wrote down nothing. Electronic health rec is going to tell them, hey, doctor, we recommend you ask these seven questions. And we recommend you rule out these conditions. And we recommend, this is the computer talking to you, and we recommend you order these tests. Otherwise, you could be risking committing malpractice and harming your patient. But when it comes to sexual health, they don’t have to ask anything. Even the urologist, I mean, I um Epic is probably the largest um electronic health record in the world. Uh and I I visit my local urologist um and ask him, hey, what do you what so how are you diagnosing electronic dysfunction? Show me what’s on the computer. He doesn’t have to ask any questions.
David:
I’m always amazed. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a doctor who’s ever asked me anything about my romantic relationships, about sexual practices, sexual health practices. I even my dermatologist has been like, everything okay down there after he checks everything else. And I’m just like, I why are we tiptoeing around this? This seems like, yeah, it seems like an important aspect, right? If somebody is having issues and you’re like, well, let’s talk about it. Is there some sort of sexual link to this? Yeah.
Gavin:
Well, here are three facts. And by the way, the I would say one of the leading causes of rectile dysfunction in the United States, in the developed world, is medication-related side effects. High blood pressure medications, SRI antidepressants. But here are three facts. If you have sex every day, which I recommend, your cortisol levels will be half of men who have sex twice a month. If you have sex, if you’re over the age of 70 and you have sex twice a week, your risk of cardiac, sudden cardiac death goes down by 50%. You can die anyway. Wow. That’s that’s enormous. If uh now, this this is heterosexual data, but a lot of people are gonna play this particular clip for their partners.
David:
I can already feel it. It’s gonna become a trend on TikTok where they’d be like, see, the doctor said we should be fucking every day people. For my health. For my health.
Gavin:
But it’s the truth. It’s the truth. In the world of marriage, I don’t think this this research didn’t include gay men, but it but I’m certain it applies to them too. If you have sex twice a week versus twice a month, the rate of divorce is half. Now we’re all concerned, you know. Now I’m certain that applies to one committed partnerships as well, too. Sure. Uh and and and to gay men.
Gavin:
But the data does the data, it’s not actually been proven out there with uh numbers with gay partnerships and whatnot. But yeah, that makes perfect sense.
David:
I also think that like the as you as we all know on this call, like marriage and kids and jobs and all that kind of stuff starts to kind of cloud stuff. And sometimes just being naked with your partner and having the sex that you probably started your relationship with can kind of just like recenter you for a second and just kind of click you out of the because you know the parenting is a really good thing.
Gavin:
You know, people have to plan for it. But so I mean, I you know, I’m I’m a lot of older you guys. I have I have three friends who are gay, they’re married, they’re married a long time. I’m one of them is married as long as long as my wife and I. Uh, and they have the same issues that heterosexual couples do. They’re not fucking enough. Some someone’s pissed off because someone else, someone else has lost interest, and they don’t, it’s it’s hard to negotiate because once it gets awkward, it’s awkward. Yeah. And you know, you got you got people who, especially in the with my gay friends, who are really fit. These guys look like, you know, they’re they’re in the 60s and 70s and they’re and they’re buff. I don’t get it. You can spend, you go to the gym, you don’t rely upon spontaneity. Hey, what am I gonna do today? These guys have they they’ve got a whiteboard routine, they got something on their phones to tell them to tell them what to do. Now I’m not suggesting that they should approach sex exactly that way, but you have to you have to plan for pleasure because there’s a lot of people.
David:
Listen, that’s why they use the steam room. It’s already there. We got the gym, we fuck in the steam room, and we’re out. So let’s go back a little bit talking about steam rooms. Um, I know you grew up in New York City, right? Yeah. So tell me, I have a question because I I have lived in New York City since 2001. Gabe, I think, has been uh here just as long. And one of the things that I think every New Yorker loves to say is like, I miss the New York blank. Like, what tell us a little bit about like when you grew up in New York City, what’s part of it that’s so different now that you miss?
Gavin:
Well, safety. I mean, I I mean, in my lifetime, New York has been through two waves of safety. So actually the 1950s, which were regarded as this really square period, I can tell you from my parents’ behavior, it wasn’t all that square and their friends. The 1950s, early 1960s, you know, when I was uh, you know, when I was I was 11 years old when the World Trade Fair was going on, 1964, my parents thought nothing about giving me a couple of bucks and saying, hey, go to the World’s Fair. And you take this, I lived in in um in Rockaway, take the subway into the city, and then out to Queens, meet friends in the city, uh, and 10, 11-year-old kids wandering around, do, you know, getting into mischief. I parents don’t do that anymore. And it’s not because they’re smart, I’d do it because it’s just not safe anymore. Girls in their early 20s in mini skirts could carry their stiletto heels down the street drunk at two o’clock in the morning in Brooklyn and be safe. And today, that would not, that would not be the case. And the call and it was so I miss the security aspect.
David:
But I know, okay, so I’m gonna challenge you a little bit. I wonder if some of that was because your point of view was as the kid. And if we asked your parents at that time, was he safe in the city by himself, it wouldn’t feel that way. And also, I wonder if I’m surprised that nowadays when we can track our kids with Apple trackers and phones and all that kind of stuff, weirdly should make us feel more safe, but our access to them makes us feel less safe in a weird way.
Gavin:
Well, that’s a whole weird thing you guys look growing up with. Because when I was young, you just, you know, there was no parachute, you know, parenting, parenting. And heck, I played Little League and my dad didn’t find out about it for like five or six years. You know, I just there was very little organized activities. There weren’t play dates, kids organized, you want to get together with kids, you you organized it. There’s a lot of street sports, um, a lot of independence. And uh it was it was I think that was I think overall that was that was a better you know culture, and I tried to recreate that for my kids.
Gavin:
Uh in New York or what did you create your kids in Montana?
Gavin:
We lived in we lived in New Jersey most of the time. Or out here, I’m out here in Montana. Um I I really when I I moved here, we moved here in 2005 uh because I wanted my kids to to to live outdoors. I don’t, you know, I I didn’t like our oldest son was getting into trouble in school and in and with his friends with with uh petty crime, uh not just because not just because he was associating with some gang members, but also because the the really rich spoiled kids he was hanging out with too. Yeah uh um were probably bored, and this was something. They were bored, and there’s nothing to do in New Jersey. We lived, we were living in in Princeton then. Yeah, um because we we homeschooled our kids from uh like the third to sixth grade, not because we’re religious, because we’re not, but because we wanted our kids to get a better education, they couldn’t get in the public school system. Uh and wow and then we wanted to my my wife couldn’t stand our oldest son, just didn’t want to put up with him anymore. Because he was he was difficult and difficult in a way that the school that the schools just don’t know how to handle. I mean he his attitude was I’m smarter than most of my teachers, so they got to prove themselves to me. We teachers aren’t gonna prove themselves to the kids. And he and he and he was that he also his attitude also was, well, if I can raise if I know how to do this, why don’t I just cut school? He kind of kind of was kind of right about that. But so I’ll I’ll tell you so he was always being diagnosed in when we put him in school in seventh grade, he was always being quite quickly was diagnosed having ADHD, like a lot of rambunctious boys. Uh and they wanted, it reached the point, given his misbehavior, um, and his talking back, that they that it was like he had to take his meds in front of the school nurse at the start of the day. And he would tell me the meds aren’t he doesn’t feel any different differently with the meds. The doctors, of course, were saying, oh, these tests, but the tests right now are totally discredited, by the way. But the test they gave from that time said he has ADHD. Uh I always thought he had um ALD, adolescent laziness disorder. Uh he told me I had AAD, adult anger disorder. Uh and I, you know, reached the point where, well, I’ll put it this way we we became I became quite familiar with the the night sergeant in Princeton because my son was always on the fringe of some uh fringe of things. Anyway, he and he he and he and a friend approached a college kid outside of the the the liquor store, that the late night liquor store in Princeton. Well, where do the cops hang out? Where’s the where’s the unmarked police car going to be, or the police car that the lights turned off going to be at one, two o’clock in the morning, other than the liquor store that stays open till well, that’s when it stayed open all night. Um so he they they paid some college kid to go in and get him a case of beer. Of course. Uh and they’re lucky because that was actually what the kid actually committed, the college kid committed was a felony. He he got off. The police decided to chase my cop my sons and his friend down down the alleyway. They should have dumped the beer and ran. Yeah. Uh but instead they wanted to keep the beer. Uh and they were so there’s a big cyclone fence behind down this alleyway. They’re trying to carry two cases of beer over the fence. Well, another cop car came around the other side and you know, and uh and and caught them.
Gavin:
And so your advice to our millions of listeners who are parents out there for um how to deal deal with an unruly teenager is to move to Montana. Is that correct?
Gavin:
Exactly. And tell them to dump the beer. And dump the beer and make make them get a job. Uh and I’ll show you that my son is now in his early 30s, a world-renowned retina surgeon. Amazing. And and in the other skin, in a regular school system, he would have he would he would have failed.
David:
Uh I tell you what, I I one time would take me and my friends were such assholes, and we took all these illegal fireworks, like mostly like high-end bottle rockets, not like the little ones, and we would line them up in the street and shoot them up the street over this hill, and hope that a car would come around the corner. And one time a car did come around the corner, and it was a cop car, and it exploded right on his windshield, and we ran off in all the directions, and he totally caught us, and we got in huge fucking trouble. And now I’m on Broadway. Uh, so think about it, kids. You can be a delinquent and also be on.
Gavin:
There is no um smooth way of being able to transition back to one uh point that you brought up earlier, which is back to cock rings as we progress here. And I’m curious, you uh essentially reinvented cock rings, right? What is your innovation that makes them um, I don’t know, not uh much less of a pain in the ass? Anyway.
Gavin:
No, they’re paying the dick, they’re paying the dick. We all know that because we all kept them on too long. Uh and and you know, and you want it off right away. After you come, right, guys? You want it off right away because it’s uncomfortable.
unknown:
Right.
Gavin:
You talk about the stranger on top of you, right?
David:
That’s what you want right away. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that’s what it is. Yeah.
Gavin:
In order to count the number of nocturnal reactions, I had to change the material. So um I came up with this ring called the maximum performance ring on the max PR. It’s uh actually, it’s uh it’s our top seller. Uh and I tested it on 21 men here in Montana. Age 27 to 70, I was the oldest person in the test group. And I want to come up with the right degree of sponginess that would not. Choke off the urethra, nor be too permissive. But we’ll just hit every when every man would hit 50%. That’s what the patrol I would, that’s that’s the degree of elastin or spongeness that we that we would make. So my orgasm with a maximum performance rate goes from four seconds to second seconds. And that’s a dynamite orgasm. Like you, and I’m older than you, we all think that we’re a connoisseur of our own orgasm because we start jerking off when we’re 11, 12 years old. And we measure the sex that we have with other people by that our own solo performance. Uh and I don’t have sex without a cochlear now. I don’t technically have ED, although all men, we can discuss this in a moment, all men get ED. We’re all on the road from fitness dysfunction without the ring. So here I am, I’m 70 years old. I’ve never used cock rings regularly, I’m playing around them since I snuck into a sex toy store at age 12 in Times Square, talking about New York City back in the day. And I and I wouldn’t have sex without a cockering now, because because it’s so intense.
David:
So I I want to ask one final question, and I I think this should be interesting. You are an ER, you were an ER doctor, you’re obviously a quote unquote regular doctor, you’re also now into this men’s uh erect health fitness. How do you, as a dad, kind of raise your kids in a way that is like healthy, like a healthy point of view on sex? Like, how do you raise your kids to think your bodies are wonderful the way they are, but also if you want help, here is something else? Like, how do you strike that balance?
Gavin:
Well, that’s that’s really interesting because we have I have two children who are sexual extroverts and one who’s not. So they’re all raised the same way. Um, and our daughter has a sign on her desk at off at work that says, if you knew my parents, you’d understand. My wife and I try to have sex pretty much every day. And we tried, and we try to, granted, when the kids were young, we try we try we reserve that until after the after the kids are asleep. But the you know, our kids knew that we are uninhibited in the way in which we talk about sex. I’m not gonna say we’re like the fuckers or in that movie, um, but we’re close to that. Uh, and we also have friends uh who are straight and gay. As I shared with you, David, yesterday, my wife was bisexual when you know when I met her. And so we’ve always had people around us who are uh who are open-minded about sex. Um so I think the balance is you don’t want, I don’t think you want to parade it, but you don’t at the same time, you don’t want to act you know, act, you know, act act inhibited. Also, I want kids to find their own way and explore the way I did when I was young. I don’t want to push my kids in a particular direction.
David:
That’s great. I think that’s really helpful for us as parents, is just to like how do we raise sex-positive kids in a healthy, reasonable way. And that’s partially why I think we wanted to have you on the show, is because there’s something very uh uh refreshing about having both the kind of safety and um intellect of like a quote unquote traditional doctor, but also thinking in this way. Thank you so much, Doctor, for demeaning yourself by being on our stupid little podcast. We learned a lot, and I can’t wait to get uh get your cock ring in the mail.
Gavin:
Well, I I can just close it with all men should put a ring on it. The rings are more powerful than the pills you’re taking. Think about that. They’re more powerful than the Pv5 medications that you’re taking, and you need the data. You don’t want to be age 60 with a dying dick or heart attack and say, gee, if only I put a ring on it when I was 45, I might have figured this out before I got a problem. Love it. Wow, thank you so much.
Gavin:
Thank you so much.
Gavin:
Pleasure. Thank you.
Gavin:
So my something great is taking it back to a previous episode of Gatriarchs. You remember Jason Daly Kennedy? Uh-huh. I do. Meditation for assholes. Meditation for assholes, yes. We were talking to him before summer really got going, I feel like. And for the last couple of years, I’ve been terrible. In fact, I’ve probably talked, probably last summer I talked on Gatriarchs about how I summer is overwhelming to me. I’m generally cranky because there’s just no routine. And like, I’m just yelling at my kids to get off their screens. And I’m like, I just gotta get through the fourth of July, and I just gotta get through this, I just gotta get through this. And I kind of like wish away my summers. And that makes me pissed on top of already being pissed that it is summer. And so uh this year I did say I’ve got to have a different mentality about summer. And after we had our um uh interview with Jason Kennedy, I was like, meditation for assholes. I mean, I’m an asshole. So maybe I should try this meditation thing. Now I’ve been daily doing this. This is my confession to you, David. We haven’t talked about this. I’ve been doing this daily. I don’t know if I’m any good at it. I I suppose that if you’re a meditator and you say, I’m so good at it, that probably means that you’re not good at it. But like, I’m just like taking 20 minutes a day to start my day with just some like mindfulness. And I’m generally shitty at it. Uh, but I think Kennedy told us a few weeks ago, listen, you’re not like immediately good at it. And I’m just constantly making myself focus over and over again, which because my mind just wanders constantly. But I do feel like I am not letting summer completely slip away from me, and that is something great.
David:
Wow. We’re learning. Look at us learning here on the podcast. We’re having guests come on and teach us things and we’re incorporating them.
Gavin:
America’s finest news cultural change source for sure. What about you, David?
David:
So this was really exciting. So there is a gay dads group uh about 30 minutes south of me that I’ll sometimes join their events, and there’s, you know, I I think I talked uh a couple months ago about they had a big meetup with bounce houses, and it was so fun to be around all these other gay dads. Anyway, we I traded numbers with one of the gay dads there, and um, we eventually had a play date with his kid and our kids. And so we’re having this play date, and we’re kind of doing the whole like, hey, what do you do for work? What do you you know, getting to know each other thing? Yeah, we’re talking about things and being at gay dads, and he goes, Oh, have you ever heard of this podcast called Gatriarchs?
Gavin:
Wait, what?
David:
You said you’re kidding me. I looked at him kind of thinking, Are you setting this up because you knew I was already the host? And he was like, I was like, Yeah, I do. I said, I’m actually one of the hosts of it. And he goes, Oh my god, I love that show. And so he gushed about the show. He was like, I love it so much. You guys are so funny. I love the I love that you guys speak to parenting in a way that we all kind of think in our heads and it’s fun to listen to every week. He was just he was so sweet. And so I met our listener. So we met him.
Gavin:
We’ve been talking about him for so long, and it is amazing. It’s like we’re meeting our idol.
David:
Uh-huh. Totally. And so, so that was really something great.
Gavin:
Wow, talk about just fluffing ourselves here in this episode, huh?
David:
And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at David FM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is meditating about nothing.
David:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.
Gavin:
Thanks, and we’ll. And this is Gatriarchs. You next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.