Full Transcript
Next week I want to hear about your top three biggest fears. No. You just start you just said the same thing last year. I did. What do you mean? Oh, fears?
David:
No, you were just you were like, oh, let me say it in a better way. You were about to say it the exact same way. I did stop myself, at least. Halfway through the sentence that you had already read it. And this is gatriarch.
Gavin:
So, David, I I trepidatiously stepped into the middle school on Friday night. And I was a dance decorator for my eighth grade daughter.
David:
And let me tell you, first of all, she has been fulfilled.
Gavin:
I was reliving all of my high school student council mid-90s dreams by being that guy now decorating for his daughter. Now, the way our school does it is the eighth graders get their exclusive little VIP section. So you’re not decorating the entire gym or cafeteria, as it were, overheated, no windows, just sweaty mess, and not in the good way when we’re talking about sixth, seventh, and eighth graders. Anyway, but I was ex- I was um I was the chair of the little, I don’t know, dance committee for parents, not for kids. And yeah, I was it with the prophecy had, yes, it came home to roost. It was finally destiny. Your destiny. It was all meant to be. And so then I was there like serving pizza to the kids afterwards. And I do have to say it was hilarious that, of course, and unexpectedly and understandably, my daughter made no eye contact with me. Very intentionally did not make eye contact with me. Now there were like seven parents there, and we were all laughing, trying to be subtle and out of it and not, you know, intruding, but also marveling at one, how big our kids are, two, how much they hate us and don’t want to be near us. But anyway, that was fun. And I felt like it was a win because my daughter actually complimented me, complimented me on the decorations, which was blacking out a hallway and um letting them draw on the walls with um with uh glow-in-the-dark light uh markers and whatnot. So that was a win. But what was an even bigger win earlier in the week was recently I discovered that my partner’s phone uh translates or rather sends messages directly to the car without him being able to click on anything. So we’ve suddenly had to be really careful about what we text or what I text him because everything gets read out automatically without you know, without anything, right? Which is very, very dangerous.
David:
Please tongue punch my spark box. And you’re like, wait, what, dad?
Gavin:
What is that? Precisely, precisely, precisely. So uh just the other day though, I knew beginning of the week last week, I knew that she was in the car with him. In fact, both kids were. And so I texted something along the lines of I don’t think I need to do a direct reading, but it was basically poopy poopy poop poop fart poop poop, nipple, nipple, fart, boobies, boobies, boobies, nipple, fart, poop, poop.
David:
And then which is also your Gmail password.
Gavin:
And then and then another poop, you know, just for comedic um response. And she texted back to me, Dad, that was inappropriate and rude. I loved it.
David:
And I felt like that’s a big win. That’s a double win. That’s a grand slam, I think, in sports, right? Two, I don’t know, three, like that. Is it a birdie and eagle? That’s really great. Yeah, I know I will struggle at middle exactly the position you’re in, because I’m gonna want to be the decorator, because that’s also my destiny. Um, that is my prophecy. But I am gonna struggle with the balance of like being chill and making sure that my kid is not embarrassed so they can have the evening of their dreams. But also, I find joy in making my kid embarrassed. And the dark part of it. Really? Oh, that will change. Yeah.
Gavin:
I do think that’s a just you wait moment. I do think that you will have to I can’t wait for us.
David:
What if Britney’s oops comes on? Like, I’m expected not to dance in front of everyone. Like, that’s that’s cruel. I’m right, I’m a man of a certain age.
Gavin:
Like, that’s and and you know how to move your body too, in not uh not embarrassing ways. And so come on, you’re setting a bar.
David:
But no, but that would that would humiliate them, but also uh, yeah. Okay, so I’m glad that you have the wins. That’s really great. Usually these next my daughter stories end up in some sort of like she’s not talking to me things. Double win. That’s amazing. Totally. Um, I was also hero dad because I have been traveling so fucking much lately that when I swoop in, it’s like daddy, daddy, daddy, he’s the greatest daddy of the whole time because I haven’t been yelling at them for weeks. And so it was so nice because I was gone um uh for a week and a half in LA and then a week uh in Wisconsin, and I just got back, and then you know, they run into my arms and they just want to be with me and they listen to me, and everything is yes, daddy. And it took about 11 minutes before I started yelling at them about something, and then they were crying, and then it was all back to what it was. Um But one of the uh one of the things that was so funny is like, you know, I was in a different time zone, and it’s so hard to like coordinate like maybe a bed bedtime like FaceTime or just just trying to find and it just never happened. And one time I was going to bed and I was so far behind ours that they were all already asleep. And I turned on the monitor and I could see that my daughter was having a midnight meltdown. She woke up, she was confused, she was crying. My husband in there was trying to talk to her and she was having none of it. She’s flopping on the ground. I can hear my husband’s blood pressure rising, and I’m just like, close up. Good night. And then I could just go to bed. So it was really, really lovely. But one of the things that happened that I feel like is good news for the gays and the kids of the world is that um it would the the event I was directing was a uh an award ceremony for high schoolers, and they have they all get in like dress, they all get dressed up. So they had gentlemen dressing rooms, they had ladies’ dressing rooms, and they had non-binary gender fluid. Okay and it was like normal, and there was all kinds of gender presentations, and it was not a big city, and I was like, you know, everyone seemed to be super like it was not even an issue. And so I was, I don’t know, I was like, okay, maybe the kids are gonna be all right.
Gavin:
Maybe the kids are gonna be all right.
David:
Maybe that should have been my something great.
Gavin:
No, I’m sure you’ll find something uh malty or um just an app, some your latest app obsession.
David:
No, it’s it’s actually a song, it’s a song, so it’s it’s just as as basic.
Gavin:
So well, I have not thought about mine yet, so we’ll have to see what I come up with in about 20 minutes. Yeah. Um, so last week, uh another one of my favorite podcasters and previous dilf of the week, I believe, Ezra Klein, had a very interesting um. Nope, nope, nope, take that back, take it all back. It wasn’t on Ezra Klein. Who was it? It was just it’s Mike, uh Mike uh not Brabiglio, that’s the comedian, right? Mike um who does the daily on the New York Times. Clearly, you’re not editing this out. I’m confused. I listen to a lot of podcasts, okay?
David:
Can you tell by the tone of my voice if I’m editing out or not? You can, can’t you? You know what I’m like, I’ll I’ll allow it.
Gavin:
I’m just gonna let Gavin flounder and look like an idiot. Anyway, I was listening to an interview last week with a woman, um, she’s a New York Times magazine writer named Susan Dominus, and she just wrote a big article called The Secret Power of Siblings. And I suggest listening to this interview because you know what it does? Absolves us of any guilt or responsibility.
David:
Okay, then now I’m interested. Now I’m interested in the other.
Gavin:
Basically, the thesis is parents don’t do shit. It’s all about the siblings.
David:
Like we try so we don’t have an effect on our kids, but our they’re okay. All right.
Gavin:
Yes. Now, let’s not consider right now, we can ponder another episode, uh, what that means for only children, like myself. But it is basically saying we try to helicopter, we try to control, we try to regulate, we try to educate, we try to inform, we try to. It all just basically comes down to siblings. And sometimes it’s sibling rivalry, and sometimes it’s sibling partnership. And I mean, she there were a lot of stories. I mean, basically, it it kind of made me think like a thesis can just be anything. It’s like reading your horoscope at the end of the day, you know. She’s like, look at the proof of all of this, where these four siblings really looked out for each other and they all went to Harvard and they’re all, you know, Oscar Award winners or whatever, not Oscars, but Peelard’s prize winners. Or then this family of three delinquents, they didn’t get along at all and they all ended up delinquents. But look at the power of the siblings. I mean, listen, you can frame it however you want, but the main crux of it is that we’re not responsible. None of it is our fault. Boom. So love it.
David:
But like that’s that’s all I’ve heard. I’ve heard nothing else that you’ve said other than it’s not my fault. I wonder if there’s like a similar parallel to, you know, how, like, they say, you know, when your kids are a little older, especially in teens, where they don’t listen to you, but they will listen to other people’s parents. So to make sure that the other people’s parents in their lives are morally aligned with you. Um, so I wonder if that’s like a similar thing where like they’re not looking at the parents for any sort of leadership, but they are looking at people around them.
Gavin:
Well, I definitely, you know what? I don’t think I brought this up last week, but it is in the last couple of weeks. I had a conversation with somebody who we were lamenting being parents of teens. And the other guy, how was this? He said he had recently read a study where we would have more effect on our teens if we got our friends, the parents, if we got our friends to give the advice to the kids. Totally. Because the kids are so pre-programmed right now to flee the nest that they will listen to other people, but we’re obviously pre-you know, they’re just programmed to think we’re idiots, obviously. So yeah. Um, speaking of um idiots, um, there’s um a bunch of good news in the world right now. So I am happy to be back to being uh America’s finest news source with a bunch of actually really good gay news, all right? I can’t believe it. First of all, an appeals court in Florida has found that the drag ban is most likely unconstitutional. Now, the grounding for that is because it’s impermissibly vague and that the drag shows are uh basically the you know the law said you can you can’t be inappropriately close or in proximity to minors, which makes no sense, obviously, whatsoever. But um that might be repealed. So, hey, Florida, I mean you’re doing it to begin.
David:
Yeah, can I let our listener know that he spelled appeals apples in our document? It says apples court. And impermissibly is impemiscibly. Listen, I’m a very, very fast typer and not accurate. So Gavin, when were you typing this? Um four seconds before we got on. Four seconds before we started recording. Okay, continue. That was that was great, that was great gay news. Okay.
Gavin:
Number two, Sports Illustrated is featuring its very first lesbian cover girl.
David:
How is that possible? Yeah, I mean, lesbians are all up in the oh, and out. Oh, I see.
Gavin:
Out probably. I mean, I just put that copy on there, but they’re touting it, you know, like it’s kind of cool.
David:
We love lesbians here at Gatriarchs.
Gavin:
Obvious. And especially once, no, I wouldn’t say once on the cover of Sports Illustrated. I would say sports illustrated. First of all, we’ve now said Sports Illustrated four times. And it’s the first four times that it’s ever been mentioned, I would say, in 107 episodes, wouldn’t you?
David:
But I still am unsure of what Sports Illustrated is. I’m just happy that a lesbian is the first to do something on the fan. I have literally no idea what Sports Illustrated is.
Gavin:
And then I put this in under the category of good news because it’s almost campy. It’s just so fucking ridiculous. Senator Mike Lee of Utah is essentially introducing a bill to ban porn. Like it is so vague. They’re, you know, protecting the kids from prurient um graphics and words and whatnot. And I mean, okay, admittedly, the the gay rag that I got this out of is making it look like they’re banning porn, which is probably not even what Mike Lee would say, because you know Mike Lee has an uh, you know, OnlyFans page.
David:
I I want to know what Mike Lee’s search terms are on Pornhub. That’s what I want to know. Totally.
Gavin:
Totally. Nevertheless, we will definitely have to keep our eye on bill number. Ah, shoot, hold on. I should have had that ready. I sort of did, but this will be a really good listening experience for a listener. You’re welcome. Okay. The Interstate Obscenity Definition Act. The IOTA. The IOTA, that seems like we could definitely have fun with the Interstate Obscenity Definition Act, IOTA. We’ll think of that. Listener, tell us what you think IODA should really stand for. And we’ll send it to Senators uh Mike Lee and Representative Mary Miller of Illinois.
David:
Um I own dick’s entities. The N doesn’t count.
Gavin:
Sort of. The T doesn’t count. Yeah, the bill would amend the Communications Act of 1934 to redefine obscenity as any content that, quote, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest in nudity, sex, or excretion. Oh my God. Depicts, describes, or represents, they couldn’t think of a third D word, actual or simulated sexual acts with the objective intent to arouse to delay or gratify the sex. I don’t even need to finish the sentence. This is so fucking ridiculous. It is definitely a gay uh, excuse me, just a porn uh bill. How ridiculous. Well, Senator Mikeley, um, we’ll get your iota in the end. Anyway. What does that mean? You’ll get his iota in the end. Uh his intent. What was it already? I’ve already forgotten what the name of the bill is, but they did were not creative in their acronym. That’s for damn sure.
David:
This is all you. You’re the DILF of the week. I mean, you’re you’re just leading this whole episode. Okay. Well, you know what? Is excited about a Gain and led episode.
Gavin:
I can’t believe we’ve actually gone three or four episodes into having a DILF of the week without talking about Mr. Matt Bomer. Yeah. Do you remember the first time you saw what was it, White Collar?
David:
Did you ever see watch? No, I don’t watch like the those are like grandpa shows, those little procedurally kind of like, do you know what I mean? It’s like, oh, did you catch the most recent thing of like halt and catch fire? It’s like, no, I didn’t. What are you talking about?
Gavin:
Um, but yes, I know, yes. I will never forget that time. And I was like, who the hell is that? And he was so quickly outed, wasn’t he? Because he wasn’t out when he started it, I don’t think. Anyway, he was quickly outed and he was like, Yeah, well, okay. And he didn’t, you know, shove it back into the closet, but also wasn’t exactly flying a flag. But whatever. Anyway, he’s married with three sons, all the surrogacy. Hey, Maddie, why don’t you come on our show and tell us about it? Plus, two of his sons are twins, which that is a whole lot of and also maybe he can come on the show and tell us like, why are you doing mid-century modern?
David:
The show is not good. The show is not good. Oh, Matt Bomer. Anyway, I think he’s our doof of the week because damn. Because damn. Um, and you know what else is damn? Tell me. Our top three list.
Gavin:
Gate three arcs, top three list, three, two, one.
David:
Oof, that was just the best transition ever. I’m not used to talking. You’ve been literally monologuing for just.
Gavin:
Oh.
David:
Yes, I remember this now. Uh the caveat is obviously you can’t use me because I’m we know I’m you know what, David?
Gavin:
I went with this as I always do, instinctually, of what just comes to mind first. I try not to overthink it because if I overthink it, you know. And you were not who came up, uh came up right away.
David:
That feels really good. Great. Okay, so uh number three for me, comedy legend of the 90s, Dave Coulier. Cut it out. Dave Coulier, he’s my he’s my number three. Uh, number two, come on. Also, genius comedian. Sometimes gets in trouble, but in general, one of the best comedians of all time, Dave Chappelle. Oh, I’m crossing him off my list now. No, he was there. Gave it we’ve got to have a talk about this. It’s fun when we have crossover. Oh, so if you are also like, my number one is Dave Chappelle as you go through your list. That’s fun. You don’t have to change it. Okay, all right, and my number one, this should be no surprise to anyone, Dave Thomas, the creator of Wendy’s.
Gavin:
That was the first grandpa. Here’s another pot called grandpa.
David:
I want my chili, I want my small chili with my six-piece spicy nuggets. That’s all I want in life. And Dave Thomas made it for me. So thank you, Dave Thomas.
Gavin:
That’s really funny. I need to think of other Dave’s so I don’t seem like a total idiot. Or that I’m 97 years old. But Dave Thomas is definitely who came to mind. Um, okay. In order, not in order of how they came to mind, because like I said, Dave Thomas was first. For me, number three, Davey, Davey Crockett. Uh, you know, it just came to mind. Dave. Number two, my Uncle Dave out in Illinois, not a listener, but hi, Uncle Dave.
David:
Oh, wow, that’ll really propel our listenership. You’re number two being a personal family member who doesn’t listen to the show. And you have no more description of this person other than his name is Dave.
Gavin:
And though, speaking of our listenership, and this is not just because I’m a people pleaser, Dave Rabino, who is a very regular listener since the beginning of Gatriarchs.
David:
Hi, Dave. Is your number one?
Gavin:
You’re my number one, Dave.
David:
Aw. Now, who now did you knock Dave Chappelle off for Dave Rabino?
Gavin:
I had written, um, no, that was uh Davey Crockett was his understudy. Oh, wow.
David:
Well, I’m sure um all of our listeners over 90 will remember who Davey Crockett is. That’s very cool.
Gavin:
And Dave Thomas.
David:
Um, because I know you’re so ready. What is next week’s top three list?
Gavin:
All right, I want to hear your top three things that you’re dreading about summer.
David:
Okay. Our guest this week is one of those, you know, like one of those people where from the actual second you first lay eyes on them, you know you’re both destined to lead a life of crime together. She is that girl for me. She is a comedian, a podcaster, and even an actor in a monastat commercial you can only find online. Her podcast, It’s Broadway Bitch, is a hilarious look at Broadway and all the Tia spilled, even though some of her guests are trash. But today, she is our trash as she is the parent to one precious angel nightmare and another precious angel nightmare on the way. Please welcome to the show a straight person who has had sex at least twice, Casey Bullshit.
SPEAKER_06:
Thank you so much. I mean, don’t tell my doctor about the sex, but it’ll be like, I thought I paid, I paid you for this.
David:
I paid for some vaginal rejuvenation to look like just untouched, unvarnished.
SPEAKER_06:
Oh, yes. Oh yes. Hello.
David:
Hi, welcome to you.
SPEAKER_06:
Happy to be here in the in my own bed talking to you guys.
David:
It is very sexy that you’re on the bed.
Gavin:
Podcasting, it’s such an easy life. It’s just so casual, just from your bed. Here we go. And now we’ll pay for our kids’ college thanks to it. So Casey. Yes. How has your kid already driven you bananas today?
SPEAKER_06:
Oh gosh. Okay. Well, she just turned two. So and it’s so funny. You know, people are like, oh, the terrible twos. And you’re like, she’s cute. She’s fine. But I swear it’s like she hit two and she became such a two-year-old. Just everything is no, no, no. She threw a pair of scissors at a picture today.
Gavin:
Oh, whoa. Did she did they land spear side down or handle side down? Does she know it?
SPEAKER_06:
It landed, it landed flat, but I just like because I was cutting, we got her school pictures, and I was cutting them, and she like wanted to be part of the process, and I was like, Yeah, right. And so she got pissed at me, grabbed the scissors, and we were like, no, Goldie, no, no. And then she just looked us straight in the eyes and just chucked them. And she was standing on the dining room table already. So there was already some missteps along the way to getting to the scissors that were probably on us. But that’s awesome. Yeah. And then, you know, she’s she’s that kind of kid where like I try to um, she’s not into lessons yet, you know. So I when I I guess I say, Goldie, we don’t throw that. Those are sharp. If we say no, it’s because we’re trying to keep you safe. And she just like fully like throws her head back and is like, doesn’t want anything to do with safety lessons or anything like that. So that I was kind of like, okay, Goldie.
Gavin:
Is she also intentionally defying you, like staring you dead in the eyes and then chucking the scissors like Chucky?
SPEAKER_06:
Yes, for example?
Gavin:
I mean, does she get that from you or her dad?
SPEAKER_06:
Or does she get that from? I decline. I decline the answer. I declined, I declined the answer.
David:
Well, I when you first said when you first said like she threw the scissors at a picture, yeah, I was like, what is the picture of? Is it a picture of Pope Leo? Is it a picture of Steven Sondheim? Like, where what is she anti-I want to know what she’s totally into?
SPEAKER_06:
It was just, it was like uh, you know, I think it was actually a picture of a bakery that we have on the wall. So, like, she loves carbs. She’s a carb queen. So this was very out of character for this little girl. But yeah, I love that she’s a carb queen. She fully, she will look at you dead in the eyes and like pee on something you saved up money for. It’s like it’s, you know, like I’m like, you don’t know how long, you know, we save up to buy a couch of our own. And the fact that you will just run around and be like, this looks like a perfect toy. You know, they don’t get it. I’m like, this these are the things I thought of when I was young. I’m like, I’m gonna have my apartment, it would have rugs and carpets.
David:
She pees and poops on all the things I’ve paid for textiles and oh, I’ll be giving, I’m giving texture and everything. And she’s like, I will shit on all of it. I’ll shit on all of it.
SPEAKER_06:
I shit on all of it. Yeah, she is uh, but she’s so, you know, she’s getting to be so fun, but she is definitely she’s a stubborn little miss. She’s defiant, she knows what she wants, she knows what she doesn’t want, and she will tell you no until you fix it.
David:
It’s not just like no, it’s like and I’m like, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. There is like this narrow window of time, I feel like, where they are capable of doing everything, but incapable of understanding like rules and and uh and all the things. And we tried, of course, we we were of every parent is always like, Well, I’m gonna break the cycle, I’m gonna figure it out. Yep, I know how to do it, I’m gonna do a reward jar, I’m gonna do a star chart, I’m gonna do it, and none of it works. We try all of the things, but it starts to work around like three and a half. Yeah. Yeah, you got time to do that. Three and a half is where it starts to go. They go, wait, if I put my plate in the sink, I could get an extra treat tonight. You can see the wheels starting to turn where you’re at. It’s just, it’s just warfare.
Gavin:
But or there’s the other perspective that’s like it just never gets better, and you’re just always battling your children forever. Because I have a 12 and a 13-year-old. And let me tell you, the the meltdown we had last night, last night about putting dishes in the sink might as well have been two-year-old warfare. I’m not kidding. Not kidding.
SPEAKER_06:
I know. I get a little nervous because I feel like I didn’t like curb you know my behaviors till I was like 33. So I’m like, I’m a little nervous that we’re gonna go through many a difficult years.
David:
I love that you’re just rounding off the edges now.
SPEAKER_06:
43 as a mother of almost two. I’m like, ah yeah, now is the time to start, you know, being a good, good person.
Gavin:
I hope this isn’t too intrusive, but how pregnant are you right now?
SPEAKER_06:
It’s so funny. This is such a second kid. I don’t even know. I think I think I’m 26 weeks. I think, let me see. I have the little app, but I’m I’m pregnant. You know, I’m it’s definitely like there’s a bump.
Gavin:
The pants is not a surprise.
SPEAKER_06:
Pants are elastic. Yeah, it’s but it’s you know what? We’ve become um, yeah, I’m no, I’m 27 weeks. Hey, there we go. Hey, oh, since yesterday. Yes, okay. Nice. Um, you know, we’re such a society now that has trained ourselves not to ask women if they’re pregnant that like I’m very pregnant and people and still hesitating? Yeah, and I’ll like and I’ll be like, oh, well, because I’m pregnant. Like, oh, are you? And I’m like, at this point, it’s rude. Like, it’s like I’m pretty fucking pregnant.
David:
You’re like, it’s so fucking obvious. I did a community, I did a community theater production of the Who’s Tommy. Okay, don’t name drop. In in Tallahassee, Florida. Ooh, you’re welcome. But I will never forget as long as I live. There was a volunteer dresser backstage, this older woman. She was easily mid-60s. And she had, and for whatever reason, she had kind of a distended belly. And it wasn’t like a huge deal, but it like it looked, she wasn’t fat, it just looked like whatever. And I will never forget as long as I live. I was standing near her, and another actor came up to her and goes, Oh my god, congratulations on your baby. And I literally, before the woman said anything, I just, you know, like Amelie, where she turns into water and just disappears. Like, that’s what I wanted to do. And she was lovely. She was like, Oh, I’m not pregnant, I’m just a fat old lady, and she like laughed it off. But it was one of those moments where it’s like, if you lit me on fire right now, I would be happier.
SPEAKER_06:
It would be less uncomfortable than this moment right now. Yeah.
Gavin:
Now, but Casey, what I’m curious about is was it a what 25 weeks ago that your child that your uh daughter turned the corner and became devil child? Or or did you get pregnant knowing, well, I’m just gonna have another devil child?
SPEAKER_06:
No, well, no, well, this is IVF, so it was very much like it was on a on a credit card and on a calendar. So it was like a planned to do this again.
David:
Yes, it is, it is. You got American Express points. You’re like, thank you very much. We’re traveling, we’re traveling to feel sick, baby.
SPEAKER_06:
No, do you know that the first time we did IVF and we were unsuccessful? We had one round that didn’t work, but we had racked up so many points that we’re like, well, if I’m not pregnant, we should go to France, you know. So we were like, let’s, you know, if there’s any good that can come out of not being pregnant this time and spending$26,000. Let’s get off. Yeah. Um, so no, this was this was we kind of made the decision just uh we knew we it honestly, I mean, not to be political, but like I didn’t know what was gonna happen with IVF when Trump was elected. Like, I was like, they they may give my babies to some, I don’t know, some Salvadorian immigrants, you know what I mean?
David:
Yeah, totally. And then deport them.
SPEAKER_06:
Yes, they may, they, they may make my babies get an ID and register. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But so we just were like, you know what? I’m again, I’m getting older. So we always felt uh like uh very strong about Goldie having a sibling. Um, and so we were like, we you know, you don’t know if it’s gonna work with IVF. And this one just happened to take. And then and then we were like, but I swear to God, the last thing, there’s so much other shit happening in our life that like the last thing on our minds right now is that there is a baby coming. Like every time I look down, I go, oh God. Oh my. Like, and it’s August set, like she’s due soon. Like that we’re like, we’re like, oh my God, we’ve done nothing. We’ve done nothing.
David:
Like, I hope that she’s so happy that you’re you’re going through this because this is I I mean, Gabin, you can attest, I can attest with having two children. Gabin has two children. Yeah, second kid syndrome is so real. But I gotta tell you, it’s it’s so freeing because it will, it’s it’s almost too freeing because I told the story on the podcast before. But I will never forget, like, we were like racing to get out the door somewhere, and my daughter was like an infant in her carrier, and I put her on the couch because I was like getting my son’s shoes on, and everyone was crazy, and we’re all running up the door. Everyone goes outside. I run, I lock the door. And then as I’m walking, yes, and then as I’m walking out the door, I out of the corner of my eye, I catch my daughter on the couch. And I was like, oh fuck, we almost left her here. But it is it is so freeing to be like, you know, we’ll find it, we’ll find like a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich somewhere. She’ll eat it.
SPEAKER_06:
It’ll be fine. Yeah, yeah. So it’s it’s it is very, we we actively, but you know what? We we put her in, we put this one in before the other one turned two. So before she turned into the devil child, and then and then she turned two a couple weeks ago, and we were like, okay, well, we’re gonna like we keep going, like, I can’t believe we have to do this all. We have to teach somebody how to eat again, we’re gonna have to go through this phase again, we’re gonna have to do everything again. You know, it’s there’s something so fun to be like, oh my god, we get a baby again, but then you’re like, oh my god, we have a fucking baby again.
David:
Ah no, it’s but you’re you’re you’re gonna be just as terrible with the second one, but you’re gonna care less. Do you know what I mean? It’s gonna be fantastic. Wait, so I’m curious. We were talking the other week uh uh with somebody else about like IVF and that whole thing. And from a gay person’s point of view, it’s just for gay people. But then when I when I arrive at the IVF clinic, all I’d like, oh yeah, there’s straight people. Oh wait, the world doesn’t revolve around me.
Gavin:
Okay.
David:
Well, no, it does still revolve around me. Um, but what was like your IVF experience?
SPEAKER_06:
How like how did that it was it was, you know, well, we it’s it’s just it’s you know, it’s that thing that nobody knows. People train you when you’re a woman to like not get pregnant and all this stuff, and you’re like, it’s actually not that easy. Like there’s like 20, 20 days a year that you can get pregnant. And a lot of people don’t realize it’s really 50-50. Like the sperm can be just as fucking tricky as as old eggs, you know. So like there, there, there is a mixture of things, but obviously the woman that we have to do more to to kind of uh accomplish what we need. So we tried, uh I always say it’s it’s funny, the f you know, I were the first night we actually tried, it was like Halloween. I was drunk, dressed like Cruella Deville, and I went and went to bed being like, I’m a mom, you know, and then she’s like not that simple. Cut to five years later, you know. We tried, we did all this stuff, we did IUIs, pandemic, all these things. And then eventually it was just kind of like, all right, we gotta throw money at this. And it was um, it was something that I didn’t like, I was going through it, but I only connected to it when I started writing jokes about it. Cause it was just the world of lots of content.
Gavin:
Yeah, lots of content.
SPEAKER_06:
It’s lots of content, but the world of infertility, if you go on the internet, is just like sobbing and it’s like I needed a way to not feel like that. And so I was writing jokes about it. And it was really fun to connect with other women that way. But um, but yeah, we we we we started at one clinic, we moved to another clinic, and you know, it just was uh so it took about five years to get Goldie, and then um, and then this one, this when we we uh implanted this this one and we picked a girl. Um, my husband was very anti-boy baby, boy baby. Interesting. So, well, because we had Goldie was our best quality embryo. So we went when obviously the first one were like the best quality, but then the other ones we had, we had two boys and two girls, and they were all similar quality. So we’re like, let’s just try with a girl first. And I swear to God, two hours after she was in, I was like, I am fucking pregnant. Like I was I felt it, it was very strange with Goldie. I think I was telling you, um, I I was so sure it wasn’t gonna work. I hopped on a plane to Scotland to go to the fringe festival.
Gavin:
Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_06:
I was doing this show about not being able to get pregnant, and I found out there that I was pregnant and I was like fraud. I know, I know lies.
David:
We don’t have hypocrites on this show, so we really don’t want to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_06:
Now you do. Now you do.
David:
But I really want you for your for when when you’re when your new daughter is born to remind her consistently and daily that she is a lower quality than Goldie.
SPEAKER_06:
Yeah, oh yeah.
David:
Okay, she’ll know. It’s important. She’ll know. Goldie is an AA, you’re a B A. This is this is true. This is true.
SPEAKER_06:
This one’s gonna be running her head into a wall, and I’m like, mm-hmm, yep. Yep.
David:
So so so you are obviously a mom, but you’re many other things. So many. I mean, this is multi-hyphenate for show. I mean, but here’s the thing, Gavin. Unlike our multi-hyphenates, she’s actually successful at her hyphenates. Her website.
Gavin:
Her website, which I had to browse just now.
SPEAKER_06:
Um, not updated. Extensive, though.
Gavin:
It is true.
David:
And you’re like, oh, she’s like living her own dreams all over the place. She’s living her dreams. You’re a comedian and you’re so fucking funny. Not only are you funny in person because I’ve got to spend some time with you, but also like your clips which have like gone around the internet. This one, yeah. I just have tell us about the one.
SPEAKER_06:
This one just went real big. I I I it was about childbirth and about being a woman. And you know, I think we we just uh there’s women kind of need someone to scream for them about some stuff right now. And I was like, I’ll take, I’ll take it. And I I have this joke where I kind of just am like, we shave our toes and we do hair removal and all this stuff. And I think people just and it’s it’s gone, it’s gone so far. Like people from my life of from years ago are reaching out, being like, This is in my mommy crew. It’s massive.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:
So it was actually very um, it’s so funny because it’s always when, you know, uh, you were on my podcast. Like, I’m throwing everything. I’m really because I love theater and my I love to be in that world, and I’ve been throwing everything into this podcast, and comedy has been like a distant second, and it’s always when you’re not thinking about it that now all of a sudden people are like, when are you touring? And I’m like, Well, I’m giving birth, so it’s gonna be a minute. But it’s like, it’s like I never expected that to happen because I wasn’t even thinking about it. And now I’ve got um a I got a decent following, which is you know, so stupid, but it’s part of this stupid job.
Gavin:
But sure, but hey, lean into it.
SPEAKER_06:
I know, because it becomes like this thing now where people will book you in clubs and it becomes then a money thing. So I’m trying, I’m trying to, I’m trying to do it, but it but it was really crazy it’s to watch it kind of go viral and Monica Lewinsky shared it.
David:
Oh, wow. Demi Moore shared it, and I was like, I was just yeah I weirdly was just thinking about Monica Lewinsky this morning. I know. I I because we we I often think about her. I know. So Dan Sav Dan Savage mentioned to her on a podcast about something else, but I was thinking, should we have Monica Lewinsky on the podcast? Why not?
Gavin:
Hey Monica, come on in. We had first we had Casey, she and our next our next choice is definitely you, Monica. That is the natural progression of us. Comedy is funniest because it’s true. Yes, and despite the layers of sarcasm and cynicism in that bit, that viral bit, yeah, every bit of it is true. There’s a right, you have been prepping your entire life to put up with the pain that the patriarchy has handed you. And here on Gatriarchy, we want to you just spill the tea.
SPEAKER_06:
Yeah, it is uh it’s it’s you know, it’s by design, um, men, men couldn’t do it. You know, I uh uh the your hole’s just not big enough. And I um I have seen Gavin’s caverns.
Gavin:
Have you seen David’s hole caverness? David’s hole. We’re talking the hollow.
SPEAKER_06:
Right after I said it, I went, listen, listen.
David:
Yeah, Gavin and I are just taking these softballs and throwing them at each other. I mean, and landing them in the hole. And landing them in the hole. But what’s so funny, uh you I am a I am a social, I’m terrible at social media, and I just use it like I think it’s intended. Like whenever I feel like making a video, I do. Sure. But I accidentally had a video go mega viral, and it was me making fun of the pictures I get from daycare in the daycare app, and they’re always these grainy, like cross-eyed like bullshit or whatever. Yep, and it for whatever reason it went like millions of views. It was like crazy, crazy, crazy. And then one I was walking into daycare, and the woman at the front desk goes, I saw your video.
Gavin:
Oh, uh uh.
SPEAKER_06:
I didn’t think you were supposed to post them.
David:
Probably not. No, because there’s rules and there’s also other children in busted. Well, no, but she it was kind of like it was like the Angela Johnson bit where she’s talking about, you know, she does this whole like Vietnamese nail lady bit for a long time. And then her new bit was like, now when she goes to get her nails done, the Vietnamese people know the bit. And they’re like, they’re like, hey, what your name? Like they know it was the same thing. The woman was just like, I saw your video. Very accusatory. And of course, I’m like, oh, I it was just I I thought it wasn’t it wasn’t this daycare, it was a totally different daycare. Yeah, yeah, I was totally right.
SPEAKER_05:
It wasn’t even my kid.
David:
Yeah, it wasn’t even my kid.
Gavin:
Yeah, so I just like taking pictures of other people’s kids. Is that weird? Yeah, it’s just like that. Before David needed to make this story about himself, I’m still curious, Casey, how much of it is in the truth?
SPEAKER_06:
Do you feel like it all is? It’s it’s I’ve done every hair removal that there is possibly to do.
Gavin:
And we would not be able to deal with that.
SPEAKER_06:
It just well, I I it that part was not that um well, you probably I mean, I know men do hair removal. You guys do certain things, but I think it’s it’s we uh my my whole joke is that we all got mustaches at the same time, but like we didn’t get to keep ours, and that is very true. I was I was a mustache, and my dad makes fun of me because then I got the dumb tattoo on my finger. He’s like, You spent thousands of dollars burning it out of your face just to get one tattoo. Um, and then there’s the high heels, uh, there’s the um, you know, I say we wear bodysuits, you know, it is it is a very strange, bizarre thing where we wear just like a a t-shirt inside of our ass and and and walk around just for a perfect tuck, you know, a perfect tucked shirt. Um and then um curling our hair with like it all is it all came from these kind of lived experiences. And it is really funny to watch each of those things uh hit different women as to like what they relate to most. And then um, and then of course the the thing being like we’re in we’re having a child and it’s the most pain, and our husbands were like, I don’t know, these these shoes are pretty stiff. And so many, like these new balances, I gotta write a letter, you know. And it’s so many women like responded to be like, Do you know how how much my husband complained about the little couch at the hospital? Or like, or like one woman was like her husband had a headache, and so when the woman would come in to give her pain pills, she would give them to her husband after birth. And it’s just like it’s all these crazy things about like you know, about just it’s so it’s been very fun to try to keep up with these stories that the women have and unbelievable, yeah. And clearly they needed somebody to again just like scream about it, and I was willing to do it.
Gavin:
If I may to make a to make a ploy for the Gatriarchs, also dare I say please do. Um it is fascinating though when you have to step up, you know. Obviously, different roles have to step up, and I feel like society just expects women to step up in ways that are so absurd. Right. And and I’m not saying that I could go through the pain that you have gone through by any stretch, but there is sometimes a role where one of the partners is a little bit like, I think I have a cold, and the other one’s like, You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I have full-blown stage four cancer and and pneumonia and a hangnail right now, and I’m still parenting this child. I know. And the other one’s like, oh no, I can’t I have a tickle in my throat.
David:
But what’s so fucked up about it too is that a lot of that stuff is for the male gays. True. Like the duct and t-shirt and everything. You’re like, we’re doing this for men for whatever reason. What is so fucked up about it?
SPEAKER_06:
I I know, I know. It’s so insane.
David:
Enough of this bullshit. I don’t want to run out of time before we talk about your podcast. Yeah. Because you’re in this, you’re in the same bullshit racket we are. But your podcast is great. Tell us about tell us about it’s Broadway bitch.
SPEAKER_06:
Okay, it’s Broadway Bitch. This is my dream podcast, my dream podcast, because I’ve I’ve been like, I was a theater major, I did musical theater, uh, I I rented a chorus line when I was sick, all this stupid shit. And I um I just have always yeah, I’ve always wanted to kind of um be in this world and be considered like a voice. And I just feel like people that talk about it are so kind of like uppity. And and as I’m doing this podcast, I’m learning it’s because you know, there’s millions of dollars on the line. So sometimes the questions do have to be a bit softball-y, but I just wanted to kind of try to do something else. And I just, you know, I wanted to get involved. Um, and I had been tossing around this idea for I swear to God, like seven or it’s just that thing that I’ve always wanted to do. And I it’s just I imposter syndrome and being all of it just kind of stopped me from doing it. And it’s like this is the year, and I don’t know if it’s becoming a mother where you’re like, Oh, I need to provide um and I need to try to do something that makes me feel happy. Um that I Started this and it’s been so fun. It’s been just so I’ve got some like incredible guests, people that I can’t believe they’re saying yes to me.
Gavin:
I’m like, I’m nobody, you know, but I am I know, but we will say yes, we actors will say yes to anything don’t be insulted, but I’m learning.
David:
So you literally could get anybody you’ve ever wanted by a quick email. That’s all you need.
SPEAKER_06:
So yeah, I’m trying to just have fun with it.
David:
Yeah, and you know what? Listen, so now you speak the Broadway language like we do, and so we have so much to talk about. I have so many questions for you. You asked me questions, but I was like I have so many. But my first question for you is what is your favorite Broadway musical that Gavin was in? Here are your choices Head Over Heels, okay, Annie, Priscilla, Queen and Queen of the Desert, Spamilot, and 40 Seconds True.
SPEAKER_06:
I’m gonna say Priscilla.
Gavin:
Oh, it was God, that was a good show. God, that was a good show. It was so fun. And I became a dad while in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which obviously you know you know the show. And I was the understudy for the lead who’s going across the country to find his son, and it was uh very meta, it was uh really profound.
SPEAKER_06:
We like that. We like a meta show. Yeah, yeah.
David:
Can you believe that Gavin Lodge sang off pitch in five Broadway shows?
Gavin:
But I fit the costumes, and that’s all that it comes down to. You just have to fit the costumes at a certain point.
SPEAKER_06:
You just need the hip line. That’s it. Yeah, I mean you just need the measurements.
David:
The amount of the amount of times a musical director has said to Gavin, this isn’t a not this um is is amazing.
Gavin:
So how can share with us some of the anecdotes from the podcast thus far that without giving too much away, obviously everybody should finish listening to this episode. Yes, and then all of the other episodes that they haven’t listened to of Gatriarch, and then eventually get over to it’s Broadway bitch. But um share us some uh favorite anecdotes of being a podcaster as the Broadway bitch. Can we call you that too? You can call me that.
SPEAKER_06:
I call myself that. Um no, it’s just it’s been really fun to hear the stories of the behind the scenes stuff and just kind of like um how things come to be. And uh it’s just all of it has been completely fascinating to me. And uh, you know, the most fascinating stuff is once the mic goes off and they give me the real tea. Uh-huh. And then having other people come and give me the tea about the people that I’ve already been on. It’s been a whole, it’s been a whole thing, but everybody has been lovely. It’s like I I feel like there’s so many people that I’m like, I want to be your best friend. Like, I just there, it’s it’s you know, it’s a different community that I’m used to. I’m used to comics and it’s a different type of energy. And I just really like it. I’ve just been um and I I like the stories of kind of uh how things got to be. And I like also kind of throwing a curveball at them and kind of taking a question away that they don’t uh assume it’s gonna go and getting some fun stories that way too.
David:
But I think it’s because I think why it’s successful and why I think you feel that energy of like, I want to be your best friend or I want to be your best friend is because we’re all sharing in the fucking joy. Yes, the tea and like all the drama and the information, but like we all collectively fucking love music. I know, I know. And I it is a weird thing that happens on Broadway when you are working and gave and you can attest, when you’re in a Broadway show, there’s this like cool kids’ atmosphere of like, oh, oh god, another show. It’s the job, it’s the job. Like, there’s this like, oh, I’m so over it, but I know bubbling underneath, we’re all listening to like Aida on our on our headphones up there. Like, do you know what I mean? So, like, we all fucking love this show. Speaking of, give me your top two favorite musical theater experiences. It can be not the best shows, but your favorite times being in a theater, seeing a show that you’re like, oh fuck, this was amazing.
SPEAKER_06:
Ooh, okay. I, for my birthday last year, uh, we were in London, and um, my daughter was young, and my husband let me go. I went to go see cabaret on the West End by myself, and I sat in the I was like in the cabaret. The cafe club, okay. Yes, and I went through the little club before and I drank sparkling rose and I smoked a cigarette after, and I just had like a mommy, a mommy night out, and I just like and it that you know that show is so involved that it just like was was great. And then here’s another time that it it is a show that was kind of people I I might have been one of five people that that loved it. When I saw I loved Bright Star in a way that and and again, I I usually get a little bit drunk when I go to shows, not when I’m pregnant, because they frown upon that. But I was definitely like drinking my white wine, I was front row mez, which you know are like great seats. Best seats, and I absolutely I was so enthralled with it that the next day definitely hung over. I was like, I bought the soundtrack, I’m like sobbing at some of the things, and it was just like one of those things that I was I was my brain never went somewhere else. I was in that show the whole time.
David:
Yeah, and that’s a magical experience when you feel like you’re like you’re you’re not seeing the walls of the theater. So, what I’m learning about you, you love Nazis and rednecks. Like that’s like top line. Those are your favorite kind of people.
SPEAKER_06:
I gotta put those in my bio.
David:
Sometimes together.
SPEAKER_06:
If you’re a Nazi or a redneck, please DM me. Um, I will leave my husband. I’ll leave my husband if you want. Yeah, but those are two off the top of my head. But you know, I’d say I’ve seen I’ve seen so much, but I just I really, I really love those. I also really loved Significant Other, watching Significant Other. I had a um, did you guys see that play with uh it was Lindsay Mendez getting clicked um uh oh yeah? Remember it, sure. Yeah, it was um and John Bellman. I it was such a good um, it was just such a good play about friendship, and they end with like a Celine Dion, like a Celine Dion song is kind of the running through. Also, speaking of Titanic, I’ve seen three times, and each time has been very, very fun as well. But that show also was just like it stayed with me. Where like whenever I listen to that song now, I’m like, oh, like the Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion, which is you know, a song we all know, but because of that show, I just always am like, oh, friendship. And so it just, you know, it gets me. Some shows stay with, yeah.
David:
All right, conversely, I’m gonna I’m gonna ask you a question that you asked me on the podcast. Okay, which was what is a show that everyone loves that you’re like, this is fucking trash. What are you talking about? I mean, you had a more elegant way of asking that question, but this is Gatriarch’s, this is not his broadband.
SPEAKER_06:
Well, Phantom, I’m not a Phantom. I Phantom, and I hated stereophonic. I my dad will not let me live it down. We’ve got expensive tickets before it closed. Oh, wow. And he’s still like, I can’t believe you took me to that fucking awful thing.
Gavin:
Because everybody loved it. You were told to love it.
SPEAKER_06:
I was told, and even we’re me and my dad were sitting there. The play was over, and everybody’s standing up, and he’s like, the people behind us were like, phenomenal, phenomenal. And me and my dad were like, I guess we have to stand up.
David:
Like, we just were like, Yes, the pressure of the standing ovation. And you want to secretly let the cast and everyone know, I’m just standing here because of social obligations. I don’t actually think the Swiss great.
SPEAKER_06:
I didn’t like stereophonic, and then just some other ones I just did. I don’t know if they were universally like, but I didn’t, I wasn’t a fan of War Paint, I wasn’t a fan of the carousel redo. Um, even though I love I liked the actors in it, I just was like, what is this show?
Gavin:
Um but uh but it’s hard. Sometimes the Rogers and Hammerstein stuff kind of comes up that way where the where you’re like, I appreciate this for historic value. It’s a different thing. There’s lots of themes, there’s it’s fabulous. The actors, you can see how it’s a period piece that you’re like, did they really need to read it?
David:
But if it lives up there with this like intellectual like respect, like that’s not an enjoyable experience. I know. I mean, like uh it it it’s gotta live in, like you said, where you’re like, I’ve disappeared. Like when I saw the color purple revival, I I I was there. I was I was I was in that room with the you know three wooden chairs that was the entire set, but I didn’t didn’t matter. I was just like so there, Gavin. What about you? What’s the show that everybody loved? And you were like, um, this is terrible. David should star in this show.
Gavin:
Uh I haven’t seen uh much this season. In fact, I’ve only seen one show, and I was lucky to go to it, and I feel like I’m ragging on something that is actually pretty universal. And I think everybody actually see you need to cut this out because I don’t I am not ready to answer this because I kind of like everything. I mean not a harsh critic.
SPEAKER_06:
You’re not but seeing it.
Gavin:
I’m not a harsh critic. I I’m like there for the now I will pick it apart and be like, well, let me tell you. I mean, I didn’t love it, but God. We’re gonna have to skip over that. But I still want to know, Casey, can I prod you a little more about can you just give us a surprise from your podcast where you’re like, oh, I had no idea of this story. That’s what our listeners want to know. They don’t give a shit about my opinions.
SPEAKER_06:
Okay, I I have two. One of them was just kind of a fun moment where I, and it this one’s not out yet, but I um I interviewed Christiane Knoll, who obviously is like, you know, brought she’s been around. She’s uh she’s like the kindest, and she’s like so soft spoken and so nice. And I asked her, because she was in Jekyll and Hyde, and I was like, do you have a Hyde like personality? Like when maybe we’re cut off in traffic. And she, without even blinking, goes, one time I called someone a cocksucking son of a taint, and I was like, Oh, oh, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05:
She doesn’t cuss.
SPEAKER_06:
She’s like, she’s like, and I don’t cuss, but the way that she just kind of like, after being so like soft spoken and nice and talking about, you know, like all these shows, and she’s like, I said cocksucking son of a taint, and I lost my shit. Just rolled off her tongue. My shit.
Gavin:
She’s like, so that’s said with such diction.
SPEAKER_06:
But just it was so it was still so like proper, but it was just so funny that I was like, I just got this soprano to say cocksucking son of a date. Um and then, and then I also uh I loved the Donna Vivino episode that is out, and she just talks very truthfully about an experience that happened in Hell’s Kitchen where she was kind of um, you know, it things didn’t go the way that she thought they were gonna go, and she like kind of wasn’t gonna talk about it and then did, and it was just so honest and so open and you know part of the the business. And I just I really appreciated her kind of just being so free, and it’s um yeah, it is very much like like she was in the show, and then uh she thought she was gonna go on, and they brought in a replacement, and she was kind of like, Well, okay, and and I don’t know about that old story, yeah. And she’s her voice is like uh because I was like, I was like, if they have you, why did they bring in someone else? And she’s like, I don’t have any idea. And it was just so real to hear it, and and and you know, and I’ve had a lot of stories about heartbreak about thinking you’re gonna go on with the show and all this stuff, and so that stuff has always been interesting, but she was just so open and and honest, and it was it was fascinating to kind of hear the back the back end of that.
David:
I remember like having um uh uh do doing uh all the understudies from Shrek on Broadway basically were offered the principal version where whoever they understudied for the tour, yeah, except for me. Oh and that was fucking and then I ended up getting the part because they fired the guy who they hired. And so it was like i it was one of those things where like I was trying to like shake it off and just let it go. Yeah, but I wanted to like grab each of them by the shirt collar and be like, what the fuck, man?
Gavin:
Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah did you for a second think, maybe I’ll turn this down when they offered it to you?
David:
No, are you kidding me? Dreamroll, 17 minutes on stage, insane amounts of money by precise track. I took a nap in between my scenes. It was fucking fantastic. No, no, not at all.
Gavin:
Let me bring it back to myself. While you were talking, I was thinking, not listening to anything that you just said, but I was thinking, what a show have I seen that I spent a shit ton of money on and went, really? Is that all it was? The the producers. Oh, really? That’s a hot take. That’s a hot take. Now, it’s probably because of the expectations building it up to it. You know, everybody being like, this is the funniest thing that anybody has ever, ever, ever, ever. And I was like, Yeah.
David:
I mean But K, I bet Casey loved it because it was full of Nazis, right?
SPEAKER_06:
That’s my favorite. Yeah, I was, I was just, I was wet the whole time. It was crazy.
David:
That entire that that eight-minute sequence, she was just like, yeah, yeah, totally. Edging for springtime for Hitler. Yes. Do you think that phrase has ever been said in that exact order? Edging for Springtime. Have you ever, can you imagine?
SPEAKER_06:
Um, yes, absolutely.
David:
Please do.
SPEAKER_06:
Edging for Springtime with Hitler.
David:
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_06:
In Germany. I love it.
David:
So that is a perfect transition to our final question about parenting.
SPEAKER_06:
Oh, great. Let’s bring it back to my my Anglo-Saxon white child. Go ahead. My blue-eyed child.
David:
Uh-huh. Exactly. That is exactly the transition I meant. So when you think about all the experiences you’ve gone through with your child and possibly your your second, what is the one thing that you were like, I will never forget the time when? When did you earn that parenting badge so hardcore? When did everything go wrong?
SPEAKER_06:
I don’t even know if I’ve oh, I thought, I thought maybe it was like a thing when I remember when me and you were talking, when you realized that the stuff that you’ve taught them, they they they’ve ingested it. So it’s like I just wanted to.
David:
Oh no, I mean like when your kids sit all over you. We want we want poop in public restaurants. Oh yes.
SPEAKER_06:
Well, that is that was the first time I took her out by myself. I took her to my friend’s baby shower around a bunch of other comics. My friend writes for S NL. There’s like all these other comics, all these people there. And um, and I and and my she’d given my daughter this cute little tutu outfit, and I brought Goldie, you know, it’s the first time I’m driving into the city with a fucking baby, and I’m like, oh, like I’m already scared. Um, and uh, of course, I look back and I just see and I’m like, okay, and she had shit all over the tutu, she shit all over her car seat, and I was like, I don’t even know if I remembered to bring clothes. So like I had her in this cute, and I think I had like two mismatch things, and here I was about to debut my baby to be like, isn’t she cute? And she’s in like fucking like homeless clothes or whatever I found in the back. And then I’m there at the party, and I also then just started my boobs just started leaking. So not only that, but now I’m holding it’s so hot out. I’m wearing this, and I’ve just got boob, I’ve got circles on my tits. We’re we were like taking a picture, and my friend was like, sis, you you gotta you’re leaking. And none of those pictures of me have been posted. I’ve seen the group photos, none of them included in. Um, and so I’m just like, it’s like the middle of summer. I’m sweating. I’ve got a shit, like I’ve probably and and I’ve got leaky tits, and I just was like, Oh, I don’t know. Here we go. We did it. Here we go. This is parental. I was like standing up breastfeeding at one point while we were all like talking, and I was like, sit down. I don’t it was just like it was my first outing by myself with her, and I was like, this is hard. This is never again. Yeah, and now it’s literally never again. No, now me and Robbie look at each other, we’re like, Did we even bring a diaper? Like, we don’t even, we’re just we’re like, if she shits, it’ll be fine in there for a little bit. Yeah. Oh my god.
David:
Yeah, I fucking love it. Well, Casey, I cannot believe you have wasted your precious time on our shitty little podcast, but I so appreciate you demeeting yourself by being here. Oh my gosh, it’s so fun. Go go subscribe to it’s Broadway Bitch. Broadway bitch. Um well, she’ll talk all about Nazis the whole time. And uh yes, and thank you for coming by. Thanks.
SPEAKER_06:
Thanks for having me.
Gavin:
So something great that happened to me recently is that I got to be a guest at the Good Speed Opera House Gala. Um now I know Oh, I saw that on your stories. I know that that is super niche, um, but hey, we have listeners in Connecticut, so they know what I’m talking about. And for those who don’t know, um, their Broadway musical lore, Annie, was first produced at Goodspeed. And so that little red-headed girl has been given a lot of money to Goodspeed for the last, you know, 40, 50, 45 years. And so they unveiled um a they they were doing a renovation outside of the um theater with like ADA compliant ramp and better stairs and lighting and everything. And they also unveiled at the gala um a statue, like a bronzed statue of Annie. Oh excuse of Sandy. One’s a dog, one’s a child. Which one? Okay, the dog, got it. Both of them cartoons. Um, anyway, and it was uh it was uh just a wonderful little tribute to the history of musical theater and my area and and live theater, which um, along with all of the other arts across the country are seriously under attack by the Trump administration. Anyway, it was pretty something great to see um, you know, uh musical theater history being made in bronze sculpture form.
David:
This is such a musical theater episode. We have Casey as our guest. You’re talking, your your something great is musical theater, and my something great as musical theater. So for our listener who doesn’t like musical theater, who just gets through it to get through to whatever else they like about the show, sorry to hear us riff on our closer and see what word we have in.
Gavin:
But this is also the episode where we said uh sports illustrated now five times throughout the world. That’s true.
David:
You’re right, you’re right about that. So my something great is something that has been growing on TikTok for the past year. And if you are anywhere near the musical theater side of TikTok, you have seen this. And it is arguably the best part about the internet and TikTok in general, which is the additive culture of things. So there was a guy, he has a TikTok account, he is a young musical theater writer, his name is Oliver Richman, and he did this thing where he was gonna write a song a day for 365 days. So every day he’d post a video and it would just be, you know, 15 to 20 seconds of some little ditty, and he did it for a while. And then he wrote one called The Ballad of Phil and Phyllis, which was about the the groundhog, the Puxitani Phil. And it was this like gorgeous Stephen Sonnheim kind of vibe, very like you know, dramatic or whatever, and it blew up. And then when it blew up, people started duetting, people started orchestrating it. Joy Woods, who’s a huge Broadway star, sang with him and created this other line, and then it became all these other things. Well, what happened was then Oliver smartly wrote the whole song, wrote it from top to tails. It’s like a three and a half minute song, and then hired an orchestrator who orchestrated the thing, and then Joy Woods and him did this music video, and they just released it last week, and it is fucking beautiful. Oh the lyrics, the lyrics are just magical. Everyone’s like begging him to write this this entire show. I don’t know if that’s possible, but this song is really great. It’s actually gonna be our playout music today because I bought it on iTunes. If he tries to sue me, I paid him a dollar for it. So, anyway, my something great is Oliver Richman and his The Ballad of Phil and Phyllis. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at catriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFMVaughan everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge in the next ballad written by Oliver Richmond.
David:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.
Gavin:
Thanks. And we’ll pose for you on the cover of Sports Illustrated next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.
SPEAKER_02:
I’d give up all the fame. The holy shadow and the shame fillings. But don’t pretend you want this.
SPEAKER_03:
Don’t be so naive. I’ll say these words again and again. But by that you’re bound to leave a always leave.
SPEAKER_04:
Then I guess that I’m just like the rest. Why must you leave? We can’t all live forever. I sure was never as blessed.
SPEAKER_03:
Nothing’s supposed to live forever. Nothing’s supposed to last that far. Eventually fail and I’ll be left to sing the same song. But if nothing supposed to live forever fill this, why am I the one whose cars to see the sprout begin to spawn? Till the things I know are gone, till everyone moves on. Hold me, Phillips. Hold me like an apricot. Hold me like the world is not about to wave goodbye. You washed my fruit.
SPEAKER_04:
How many times have you had Please don’t say goodbye? Nothing’s supposed to live forever. Nothing’s supposed to last at long. That’s what they say, Phil. It all goes away, Phil, but something deep inside me knows they’re wrong. If nothing’s supposed to live forever, I’ll give you a part of me I guarantee in the winters and the springs. In the song your shadow sings. Forever is the things I leave behind. Behind You’ll see me in their sweat. And their claws will make you take pause. And maybe the borrows we’ve made will come back to your home. It’s the time and let us start. Let’s leave her and let’s do it. When you’re holding on to who you leave me Who you need Why can’t you stay forever? I can stay forever just by looking to eyes. That’s the thing with love. It multiplies and multiplied. Nothing supposed to fill it. The more that can be true. It’s more windows. One rose on us to God. Nothing supposed to live.
SPEAKER_03:
Nothing supposed to live.
SPEAKER_04:
Nothing supposed to live for him.