Full Transcript
Um but you know what I didn’t ruin this week is we went fall You know what I didn’t ruin this week is we Jesus this is this is your gig to ruin things sorry and this is Gagearks Happy belated birthday Gavin oh shucks I didn’t know you still had any of those left in I I still have so many but let me tell you I um one I’m feeling old but I am not that old yet and two I’ve had back pain for an entire week through my birthday and that is making me feel old but I am pushing through it and still loving life you know but the thing is about my birthday is my daughter was born three days after I after my birthday so we um one of the part of the monstrosity tornadoes of our household is that my partner is a Gemini and I am a Libra so there’s a lot of dueling personalities in the household right Geminis have two and Libras are just you know imbalanced and generally like always seek seeking both halves and then our children are our say well my daughter is also a Libra so there’s essentially four personalities right there between the two of us plus my partner so that’s six personalities and my son is 100% a this is already more astrological work that uh talk that we’re is one of these personalities gonna get to the point I’m just curious he’s a Taurus and so he I don’t even know anything about astral astrology why am I saying this except that he is by far the most grounded member of our family that 100% he’s the he’s the bull on his on his just sitting there watching the rest of us spin out of control anyway bringing it back to birthdays my birthday is absolutely truncated because my daughter barely makes it through my breakfast and is like so now let’s talk about my birthday and so um the way we are recording this is tomorrow I will be the parent of a teenager which is that’s a big big change yeah that’s a big change my uh my husband was born four days after my son so it’s the reverse of you it’s actually worse because it’s all the prep and the buildup and the thought to his birthday and then we’re just kind of recovering they’re like oh yeah happy birthday Brian like it just it it’s just it doesn’t work out um uh I we so a couple weeks ago Gavin and I were asked to be on this radio show and they were just like celebrities because we’re celebrities and they were like hey come on be on the show tell us about your show whatever we’re like great we’ve done this a million times um well have we though I mean they still I mean as as actors and performers and writers and stuff like that. But we didn’t know exactly what we were getting into.
David:
Well okay it was a raid it was a it was a radio interview and so we were like whatever we’ll do a radio interview and we’ll post it at some point as an episode but I just have to admit now because I don’t know what they’re gonna do with it I I just am not used to being live all the time. I’m used to being able to edit and I’m also used to being being able to curse all the time on a podcast because it’s NSFW guys I I said fuck on on FM radio and the guy the host was just like uh we’re a public like he was just like you can’t do that and I was like did I just did I just ruin this so I said fuck on the radio and we’ll we’ll have to we’ll we’ll post it as a as an episode someday but I just had to admit that to everyone to our listener because I was very well I hope I hope that we are able to actually repost that entire episode because it was fun to talk to somebody else um two guys who have been running a very long running um gay radio show in northern Texas and good for them.
Gavin:
I mean talk about pioneers who are you know bringing the word to the people and uh one of them is a parent right yeah one of them is a parent and um but uh so I I would love to be to be able to you know share the wealth and um broadcast them to the entire intra waves and uh our listener. But anyway point being I hope they didn’t bleep it out.
David:
What if they got fined like a million dollars remember like when Janet Jackson showed her titty on TV and everyone got like like got whatever anyway. So I’m embarrassed. So we’ll we’ll have to play that at some point. Usually it’s Gaben ruining things this time I ruined it. What I didn’t ruin this week was we went apple picking slash fall festivaling slash hay riding slash whatever.
Gavin:
All of that.
David:
As you know I’m a basic bitch when it comes to fall. Yes you were I love doing the whole hayride like I love the whole experience. So we were invited by some gay dad friends um to this farm we had never been it was it was a it was a ton of fun we we nice picked the apples that we didn’t need the you know um the last time we had done this actually uh our son was so young and we were doing like a photo show shoot in the field of pumpkins you haven’t done it since then or that you’re saying the first time you did it no no the first time we did it we were in this field of pumpkins and we were doing a photo shoot like as new new gay dad parents as you do so cute and we sat him next to a pumpkin we backed up we taking photos of course and so we stand up after taking these photos and we’re like looking at them and we look over at him and he has grabbed a blue like because it’s rotting and moldy pumpkin and has shoveled the whole thing in his mouth. He’s got blue pumpkin fur all over his mouth and we’re like rotten pumpkin is in his mouth it is in and around his mouth he swallowed it so we run over there like we’re wiping it off his mouth they’re like no no no no no and so we go and we’re like giving him water and he seems fine he’s totally fine and we’re just like oh God we dodged a bullet there. Well wouldn’t you know it we’re driving home we’re on the highway you just hear the you just hear the sound of like this is coming and he just he just explodes. It just explodes so we are that family on the side of the highway with a naked toddler crying and throwing up as we’re trying to figure out because this is before we really were like you need to have wipes in all area within arms reach at that point. Yeah correct and uh we’re just it just cleaning up a a pukey car.
Gavin:
It was horrible and you sit there you’re doing that and you think that people are driving by judging you for being this is what happens when you gave give gays kids totally and then and honestly they were right.
David:
We did it we did we did that so anyway so this time was much better. We had so much fun it was a really great place they had wait um I am not making the connection here you do this every single year because you’re such a basic bitch right you’re just okay we skipped a few years you’ve had good we skipped a few years the first year we did it with a child um and now we’ve since learned our lesson don’t let your children eat blue pumpkins blue pumpkins yeah um but we had a lot of fun with this one that we saw lesbians in the wild which which again we’ve talked about this before in the show but this is a real concern I have is when I witness other gay parents existing I want to like be like I want to like do the secret wave or like right high five I like I want to be like engaged with them be like we’re gay parents you’re gay parents but instead what happens is I stare at them creepily and then they look at me like why is he staring at me and in my mind I’m like oh you get it we’re gay parents and they’re just thinking I need to call the police because this guy is staring at us I want there to be a way where like I can be like hey gay parent I’m a gay parent too without having to like walk over to them and be like you’re gay right right because that would be really there does need to be a secret handshake or just a just a you know sup yeah I suppose uh should we start that should we start what if we start our first contest on Gatriarchs to be like let’s invent the first hand gesture slash head bump head nod excuse me that would signify hey we’re in this together.
Gavin:
But don’t you just I also feel like you look at other gay parents and you’re sizing each other up to think who’s going to be more judgmental or who’s going to be more successful or whose kids are going to be more um no that’s you that’s your baggage you mentioned you talk about like success metrics I have very low expectations for my children.
David:
So it really it gets me through the night if I’m being honest.
Gavin:
Well I love a visit to the pumpkin patch without a doubt. I I do feel like I don’t always consider myself a basic bitch. I do not like pumpkin spice lattes. They’re way too sweet. I did get a free for my birthday at Starbucks and I said could you put half the syrup in please and the woman didn’t know how to register but mix it with my bottle of insure because you know I’m almost 50 and this vodka. And uh it was still really always frankly unappetizing. But um yeah I love going to a pumpkin patch and you know putting on a sweater when it’s actually 83 degrees so I’m sweating my ass off and spending$35 on apples that I could have bought for$4.99 at the grocery store. It’s always so fun. And usually even at this age my kids are like basically terrors out there and they don’t want to take the perfect Christmas shot that I would have hoped to get and somebody ruins it. So yeah.
David:
And so what was that story about just shitting on my dreams and then stop talking?
Gavin:
Is that what that means? But speaking of shitting on dreams and whatnot I this week uh we so we’re you know I have two middle schoolers now and we are having a hard time adjusting to the time honestly my son he’s the one right I got to get my 10 and a 10 and a half hours of sleep which he says not ironically he’s like throws the blanket over his head and it he will go out like a light. I mean he plays a lot a lot a lot of sports and so he burns a lot of energy he burns very very bright and he needs his downtime we have now been such terrible parents over the last couple of weeks that our kid he’s only we’re only a month in he’s already missed a couple of days of school basically because he wakes up on Monday and he’s too exhausted to go. And he’s doing a really good job acting telling us that he has a sore throat or basically he has full blown COVID. And so we buy it and but of course you know I do my regular spiel of you are not going to be on a screen today. So this happened again this week. And um and he definitely did not go on a screen and he just walked around moping feeling sorry for himself the entire day reminding me that um his throat was hurting but then by about one o’clock in the afternoon he did ask can I take the scooter up the road and just go and I’m like again go do what don’t even finish that sentence you’re not going getting on your scooter. No you’re supposed to be in bed reading and having a miserable time. But it’s all my fault like like in all parenting it’s all my fault because I I have because we’re doing too many things frankly and we don’t prioritize like he’s gotta go to bed at 745 now you know he we can’t do nine 915 when he’s getting up at 545.
David:
I mean who can right we do anyway we we we we we do nothing with our children and we put them to bed early that’s that’s that’s the secret to being and you also I mean 945 you’re also falling asleep right but also 945 915 the other night we were watching one of those like two hour episodes of a show that’s normally an hour and all of a sudden I just kind of went why is this what what are we doing I looked at the clock it was like 940 and I literally stood up and I went it’s the middle of the night so I get it I stay up late. Gabin I have a surprise for you you do a first a first here on Gatriarch on episode 83. It’s our first what would you do from me. What would you do?
Gavin:
Please stop please stop only how bad it is only I can butcher that song only I can feign not knowing what it is okay but bring it I love it.
David:
So this happened to me um at the kids playground that we go to all the time and on weekends the ice cream truck will drive up okay and the ice cream truck who just manipulates and exploits but okay okay so we have been having a lot of treats lately and we try to keep it very like one treat a day or if you’re really good or special events and it just has gotten a little out of hand. So we’ve been tightening the reins a little bit and we told them like we’re not gonna get ice cream at the park today we’re just gonna whatever well we had met a bunch of his friends and there was like 10 of them and it was all his old classmates and they’re all having a party and that ice cream truck came up and he ran up to me and he goes can I have ice cream I said no I told you you can he’s like oh and then he walks away and I was like great that’s the interaction right every single one of his friends was getting ice cream and they’d go up to him and be like Emmett come on let’s go get ice cream and he would be like Dad can I please have ice cream and this is where my what would you do comes in because I am trying to hold the line to be like I’m consistent as a parent I said no it’s a no I don’t want to instill that if you just ask me hard enough then you’ll get something because I definitely don’t want that. But also all his friends are having ice cream and they’re all sitting together in the same area of the park having ice cream and laughing and I felt like a piece of fucking shit.
Gavin:
So even I ask you what find new friends find a new playground find any way to prove yourself right and that those people were bad okay I mean no you know what I’ve had a new technique recently um my daughter is obsessed with Starbucks drives me crazy because she doesn’t need to be drinking coffee at this age but it is such a thrill to her but so there have been a couple of times that I anticipated I knew she was going to ask for it and I was like oh yeah totally let’s go get it and she and she is so taken aback by my nonchalance of like yeah of course obviously we need Starbucks that she is she’s disarmed and she’s delighted beyond all measure but also it doesn’t give her a chance to reflect really she’s just able to be like oh my dad’s pretty cool like he’s pretty chill okay right we’re just gonna go get Starbucks you know what in that in that stage you have to be consistent but I I but you say that but I think I feel like every time I’ve been consistent in order to maintain some sense of like normalcy it never works.
David:
They still ask me for treats always all the time. So what am I doing by holding the line like this? I’m not but I’m not moving the needle at all. Yeah so like I should just because it’s not like oh well you know what dad says no so I’m never gonna ask him again I just give him the fucking ice cream I guess is the thing.
Gavin:
I you gotta give him the ice cream when he’s with his friends and come on it’s just like a fun memory with them and um but you got the thing is one other parents totally ruin everything for you because they’re not consistent and they have no values or or or moral rectitude and two you if you could only see what was coming down the line you wouldn’t seem like an asshole contradicting yourself. And it is impossible I make this mistake all the time. God why didn’t I think about the fact that that ice cream truck was going to be there it’s impossible man. So basically find new friends and it’s impossible and you’re always gonna be a terrible parent.
David:
You know what else is impossible and also terrible what? Our top three list.
Gavin:
Gate three arcs top three list three two one this is my week so I was curious what do you because I’m shopping for more material and content okay what is your top three what are your top three non-Disney favorite animated movies so for me number three is Claws do you remember that Christmas movie from Netflix a couple of years ago okay well of course you’ve seen all these right because this is this is this is this is this is your jam isn’t it claws I thought was so interesting though because it was so not completely cliche right and the animation was kind of interesting and it seems european and all the things I mean it probably isn’t is it actually Disney I don’t know I have no idea okay well it was a fun one number two Coraline have you seen yeah that’s a good one yeah yeah just the right amount of dark weirdness and when kids are young enough they don’t really dislike I find they don’t really dislike something enough to be judgmental about it or think I don’t want to watch this anymore because basically there’s a moving screen in front of their eyes so they never change so you could put them in front of something for four hours and they’re fine. I could always joke that my daughter could watch the Yule log for hours. And so Coraline is a little weird. It’s a little and it pushes you right yeah so just yeah there’s no you know what do you want for me gaven I agree with you and number one the triplets of Belleville do you know about that one? Finally thank God Restitution uh the triplets of Belleville a hundred years ago it’s a short film and animated film and it was French obviously and it is just wonderfully weird and quirky enough that in ways that only the French can do. And I did show it to my kids and they were like what is this? It’s not avant garde at all. It’s very um and in fact I don’t think if I recall correctly because it’s been a while I don’t think there’s any dialogue in the movie at all. So it’s just like artsy and innovative and uh yeah the triplets of Belleville it’s really a fun little story about three old women who live on the train tracks and their whole house shakes when the train track goes by and just you know comedy ensues. It’s fun triplets of Belleville you’re welcome. What about you? What are your three non-Disney favorite animated movies?
David:
I love that we both um decided that these are our favorite movies not the best that kids can watch this is not going to be a helpful for parents that we like um they’re going on the pet journey with us. Yep yep so uh for me number three Sing great movie if you haven’t seen Sing please watch um number two I mean listen it bought me this house Shrek Shrek Shrek is just it’s great. It was also like one of the first times not one of the first times that’s the it popularized at this time the kind of irreverent like twist on a fairy tale thing I know twists on a fairy tale have been done well forever. Right. But like it was the first time that like we were kind of like breaking the fourth wall with fairy tales. And and number one childhood favorite it still brings tears to my eyes one of the best scores of all time an American tale.
Gavin:
Really it holds up huh?
David:
Never so I haven’t actually watched it in quite a long time but I remember as a child I was five Mauskowitz four years in a row for Halloween as a kid. So I loved that movie. But it was just like it’s also so dark and scary like those movies were so different. It is not Disney no um okay so what’s next week so next week next week we’re gonna do the top three gifts for kids you don’t know our next guest is the real American dream born in San Francisco to immigrant parents moved to the Big Apple to pursue his dream traveled across the country for love and maybe the most American of all he’s a gay musical theater tenor. He is the host of hey don’t interrupt I’m doing a big entry I’m halfway through you have an entrance you you need to someone he is the host of Tough Shift that’s hard to say a podcast about artists surviving in the hospitality industry but most importantly for us he’s been a professional nanny to a host of different families and a variety of ages of children.
SPEAKER_00:
So please welcome to the show a man with maybe the whitest name I’ve ever heard Sean Truchik Mertal hello yes it is of it is as white as my skin uh but that’s actually only half the story um but I I want to just clear there’s a story there. There’s a story everywhere. Um the the the immigrant parents um I just want to clear my parents aren’t actually immigrants of immigrants like yeah yeah yeah yeah but their their first uh generation experience was so intense that I just tell people my parents are immigrants because like a liar. Yeah I got it thank goodness you have clarified
Gavin:
That and we we won’t have fact check checkers coming after our asses or anything. We can’t be canceled because of this. All right. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:
I don’t want like the Latinx social media coming to cancel me because like that. They well, also that’s the other half. I’m I’m half Hispanic. So uh the the name is is Irish. Uh, but yes, that’s yeah.
Gavin:
Well, wait a minute. Give us just a little taste of what that means that you feel like you had the immigrant experience growing up despite being second generation.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah. So my parents, you know, had to take on a lot of responsibilities in their family at, you know, right away. My mom uh, you know, was a translator, was uh a third parent helping, you know, raise her siblings and helping around the house and and all that stuff. And uh my dad, he wasn’t the eldest, but he also took on a lot of responsibilities uh for his uh family. And just like there’s certain immigrant sensibilities that are just like instilled in you. Um, like have a job, don’t be a nuisance, don’t be a burden to society. Um, really, just like we were really, well, we weren’t well behaved, but we we grew up with a little fear. Um, but uh just certain things about work ethic um and and street smarts that were instilled in us, and we were like held to that standard. Gavin, you need a dose of that because you know, you know it.
Gavin:
Come be my manny, please. But I would imagine that that immediately translated into the lessons you were trying to pass on to the kids in your charge, huh? Oh, 100%.
SPEAKER_00:
And that was actually one of the the best gifts about nanning was to be able to, as I’m doing stuff for them and and saying stuff is coming out of my mouth, and I’m like, holy shit, I’m I’m my abuelita, I’m my mom, I’m my dad, I’m all I’m I’m grandma Mary. All these little things come out, and it’s such a great way to honor them without telling them that they were right.
David:
So yeah, that’s great. Wait, so let’s go, let’s get into that. So, first of all, the gerund, nannying, that’s that’s impossible. Let’s not ever say that word. But you are a gay musical theater tenor in New York City chasing your dream. How did you become a nanny? And also, is manny offensive? Can we say that? Can I say that as a non-nanny?
SPEAKER_00:
Oh, I like all those like masculinizations of words. Uh, it’s like, you know, I used to carry a bag around all the time. Well, I still do. Um, and everyone’s like, oh, you’re merce, you’re merce. And I’m like, I would rather you call it a purse or a bag because that’s what it is. Um and like gunkle, I fucking hate the word gunkle. I would rather, I would rather you call me Tiashani. I would rather that because that’s more my sensibility. And like nanny, um it just it seems so weird. Like, guys, I’m really secure with who I am. I’m I’m a nanny. And most of my um, I don’t have like paternal instincts. All my energy is feminine. I have maternal instincts. And, you know, like when I pick up a baby, all of a sudden I’m Sarah and ragtime singing, which is really weird because that’s not a happy story.
David:
And there’s also there’s a lot of actual, there’s a lot of problems with that statement, but we’ll let’s just skip, we’ll skip over that one. Let’s just get into like how did you get into being a nanny? Not a nanny, a nanny.
SPEAKER_00:
A nanny. Uh so the pandemic happened. Uh, and uh, you know, Broadway was closing, restaurants were closing, and I got a message on Facebook from a friend of mine from high school who was living on the Upper West Side at the time. And she was like, Broadway’s closing. What are you gonna do? And I was like, Yes, because I’m a Broadway actor. I have been on Broadway and I am currently on Broadway. Uh people back home, they they think everyone’s on Broadway who’s here. And I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna dispel that. I’m not gonna tell them they’re wrong. Of course not. You have stepped on the street called Broadway. You’ve been on the Broadway. I sang happy birthdays when I when I worked at Sartes, you know what I mean? I sang on Broadway. You sang it.
Gavin:
Furthermore, 75% of making it is frankly just moving it moving here and trying it.
SPEAKER_00:
So come on, we’re all it’s all one big hat one big community for sure. Yeah, and and so they uh so she said, you know, what are you gonna do? And I said, I don’t know. And you know, I I I’m like the the world is ending and I don’t have a job. And she said, Well, how are you with children? And I said, I’m great. I come from a big Irish Hispanic family. I have nieces, nephews, cousins. I’ve been changing diapers since I was a kid and you know, braiding hair and all of that. Um, and so she said, Okay, well, the mom groups up here are going crazy because their schools are closing. So I figured, why don’t you come over and I can introduce you to some of the moms, and maybe if it works out, uh, you can, you know, get a little side hustle nanning while everyone’s working from home. Um, and so I I did day one of the pandemic, I I got on the subway back when they were telling us uh to not wear masks, save those for the hospital workers. And so got on the subway because again, that instilled immigrant sensibility of get a job, you’ll you will survive this. Other people won’t survive this, but you will survive this. And I went to her house and she was like, So there’s a change of plans. Um, I’m not introducing you to any moms. Um, our schools are closed down, so now you’re my nanny and you’re gonna take care of the neighbor across the hall, too.
SPEAKER_02:
Okay.
SPEAKER_00:
So I was just thrown into uh two four-year-olds and a two-year-old. And this was still just like a we’re gonna see how the kids feel around you. And about 20 minutes into it, yeah, um, one of the kids just sneezed on me. We were playing Legos and just sneezed on me. And I was like, this kid gave me fucking COVID. I got the job. And I want hazard pay. So that’s how I got into it. And you know, I’ve always been good with children. I’m I’m comfortable around children, you know, caring them, feeding them, all of that. But um, it doesn’t matter how good you are with other people’s kids when you can just send them back, you know, at the end of the party or the family get together. All of a sudden, it was like these long days of I have to entertain these children who only get 20 minutes screen time. And I’m from a generation where it’s like you come home and you put on gummy bears and you you just write it. All these people. Yeah. Yeah. Uh and so these kids with 20-minute screen time, I’m like, how the fuck am I gonna entertain them? Because I think I’m funny, I think I’m entertaining, but also kids don’t usually like the sound of adult singing voices. So here I am doing my best Mario Lanza, and they’re like, Stop it, that’s awful.
David:
And I’m like, How dare you? I also love that you started your kind of day one of nanning experience being like sneezed on. Like that is such a like quintessential top five. Like, you gotta go through these top five things to become a parent. Like, you got one of those right away, being sneezed on directly in the height of the pandemic. In the height of a pandemic.
Gavin:
But that might that must have been an extra special uh level of intensity, nannying for the first time during the pandemic. Because I mean, I imagine there were still lots of nannies around walking around with kids, but I mean playgrounds were shut down, right?
SPEAKER_00:
We we weren’t walking around. So one family was uh a little more strict than the other. So before I arrived, the family crossed the hall, the mom’s sweeter, so you know, Europeans do things a little differently. Uh, they’re a little more free. So she’s like, I mean, it’s open air, we’re gonna be fine. She also worked uh for one of the big companies that made, I’m not sure if I can say it, but made one of the vaccines. She didn’t work in that department, but she worked for them. So, you know, she went to school for medicine. She was a uh a pharmacist and all that. So she knew like how to read the situation. So she would take the kid out uh to the park in the morning. Uh, but when I was there, we didn’t go outside and just like imagine like a child, like we didn’t understand what was going on. Yeah. These kids had no idea. And like one of the weirdest things, like kids are also, they say some like morbid shit. And one day we’re playing, and it’s like, let’s play a game where COVID never happened. And I was like, oh my god, that’s dark. I I want to play with that. I want to play with that. Let’s play a game where daddy didn’t leave me.
David:
Yeah, no, that that is that is terrifying. But also the God, the the the the experience that you had, which is such a universal parent experience, which is facing an entire day and going, How the fuck am I going to fill this? Or you you do 20 all of your activities. You do all your activities, you have all this fun, you go outside, do all this stuff, and you’re like, Man, we’ve had a long day, and you look at the clock and it’s 8 46 a.m. And you’re like, I don’t know how to fill this long of a day. And you’re just literally being pushed into the lion’s den. It’s crazy.
SPEAKER_00:
And four-year-olds are assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They’re all assholes, but yes, four-year-olds is. It’s a very special age where they’re starting to figure things out. Their personalities are developing. And one of them was just sweet as sugar. He was the most wonderful child, but easily manipulated by the demon. Sure. And she was like, day one, she did not like me. She was set out on destroying me. If we were coloring. She’s homophobic. Was it because you were? She well, you know what’s funny is she looked like Kid Rock. Like she looked like this little lesbian.
David:
So yes. She’s like, I’m a I’m a conservative, and she’s on like Boring Povich for some reason. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
She walked in, and like my thing is like, I love braiding hair. Like all my nieces, anyone I take, I just I’ll do French braids, whatever you want. And this was not that kid. She was not about getting her hair braided. Uh, I walked in and she was in like a red Adidas tracksuit with a trucker hat to the side, and then just this gnarly blonde hair. Wow, like she really looked like kid rock.
Gavin:
She was rocking whatever look that was. I mean, was it cool or just her?
SPEAKER_00:
Oh, it was it was so cool. But then I was like, I was like, okay, interesting. And I I love this like little butch girl, like yes, queer rights, like I’m just assuming. Um, and then I met her dad, and it was like carbon copy, like they looked exactly alike, and he had this wild, crazy hair, free spirit, artist type guy. And I was like, oh, oh, this is like daddy’s girl on crack. Like she wants to be her father, like totally and it became adorable, except for the fact that she was like out to get me, and like she was convincing the other kids, she was like teaming up. Like, if we were coloring, her marker always ran across my page. She just always had something negative to say to me.
David:
And you can explain this to anybody and not sound crazy where you’re like the four-year-old has it out for me. I say it all the time. There’s that there was a girl in one of my son’s old classes that I hated. I hated her. She I she was just a divisive, I hated her. And I would try to explain it to her to people why, and they would look at me like, David, you’re 44. You’ve got to like let your beef go with this four-year-old. But it’s hard to noise the crap out of me.
Gavin:
It is easy to have beef with kids, both your own and others. And it is uh, it does make you sound like you’ve just completely lost all touch with reality. But the fact is, we we even as adults, we have big feelings sometimes, and kids can stomp our feelings and stomp our egos and then make us feel this big. So crush our dreams and which is ridiculous. Obviously, we’re the adults in the situation, but come on, we adults have feelings too, you know?
SPEAKER_00:
Whenever somebody says that to you, like remember you’re the adult, it’s like remember, go fuck yourself.
David:
Like you have not you haven’t seen what she could do. You haven’t her crayon on my paper page.
SPEAKER_00:
She ate my cookie.
David:
So I have a weird, like practical question, but just because I don’t, I understand as a parent, I understand how like babysitters work, right? Like you that you they come over, you pay them an hourly wage, whatever, and they go home. How are nannies paid? Are you paid by the hour, weekly? Do they it do you have a rate that you tell them? Like, tell us how nannies are paid.
SPEAKER_00:
So it depends on the family. Some some nannies are on payroll, some are are not. Um usually it’s there’s an hourly rate, and there’s like the base. And then uh, you know, if you’re dealing with a newborn or uh, you know, young still not walking, then there’s that’s a different rate. If they have another child, uh then it goes up. Um, so this was, I mean, it was amazing because I had three kids, so it was a pretty decent good.
David:
And you should do like you should have like an upcharge for assholes. Be like, sorry, your kid’s an asshole. That’s an extra 10 bucks an hour. Not to mention ruin my picture.
Gavin:
Not to mention a COVID upcharge, I would imagine, too. I mean, were you hopefully making more than just your everyday? Because you were helping them survive, not just Yeah, it was.
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, they were very generous with me, extremely generous. Um, and you know, took a few uh Purels and Clorox wipes because the the mom was really good at like seeing stuff happening, so she got all of that. So just like, I’m gonna be taking this, I’m gonna be taking that, because you can’t you couldn’t find those things anywhere. Um, but they were they were very generous. And I went to school with one of the moms. Right. So it was it did feel a little like family. And uh yeah, it was it was overall a great experience. And then uh what happened was the family that I knew coming into this um moved back to California because they just saw like, you know, our kids need a backyard. They had gone through, you know, like everyone, uh a horrible loss during COVID. And they just like kind of reevaluated and like, we need to go be near family. We need our kids, need grandparents, they need a backyard, this and that. And I was like, yeah, you know, go go back. And then it was like, oh shit, I’m left with the demon child. Like, that’s that’s my bread and butter. You left me with this one, and it was, and then it was like, talk about filling days. Then it was like I I finally had gotten the rhythm, and then it was like, I’m like, she’s out to get me. Everything I say is wrong. And uh, but it did end up working out. We found our rhythm together, and I feel like we grew together. Like, I learned so much about patience and so much about talking specifically to a young girl. Like, society is gonna beat you down. I need to find a way to arm you to arm you, and also like if you act this way, I’m not gonna say it’s bossy, I’m not gonna say all those token words that you know society says to women. Yeah. Um, but I want to help you like be smart about it and be smart about acknowledging your feelings and be smart about how you treat people. And so it was like a lesson in creativity, and we really built our trust together. Um, I also gaslit her a little bit.
David:
You know what I was just thinking in my head before you so I want you to say that. What I was just thinking in my head was man, the getting a nanny or a babysitter or a uh a teacher that that is as devoted as you and thoughtful and great, they are worth their weight in gold. What a wonderful thing. And they should be paid 10x. And then you start saying, I want to gaslight. Sorry, continue.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, you know, it was uh I I I told her she was always talking about her Christmas list. And it’s like, it’s August, and she was always wanting to like go over her Christmas list. Every time she saw something new, she that had to be added, and we had to start from the beginning, and I had to draw pictures of it. She was very bossy. I know I can’t say that, but she had a very bossy little kid. Uh and so I started telling her that I was Santa Claus. And this was my this was my side job.
David:
And it’s tough even for Santa guys.
SPEAKER_00:
I said, you know, like look at this list. How am I gonna how am I gonna get all these toys? And uh the first thing she said, she looked at me and she goes, You’re not Santa, you’re not fat. And I was like, Oh, thanks. Thank you, girl. I’m snatched.
David:
I’m too skinty to be Santa. No body shaming. That’s a great lie, especially because she was like, Oh shit, I better like button up around him because and she didn’t truly believe it, but she the possibility was there. You you you planted a seed of doubt. I mean, you legitimately gaslit her. You turned those lanterns down just a little bit in the very beginning of the movie.
SPEAKER_00:
And she really like she would bring it back like at the most we’d be at the park, we’d be watching whatever you know, 20 minutes she was allotted for the day, and she just looked like, and you’re not Santa, like, and another thing, like all of that. She would just like randomly like, he’s not Santa. Just it made me laugh. And I was like, I have to continue this lie because like this is you know, this is my hazard pay is like watching you squirm a little bit.
David:
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And you know what you need to do? You need to like to really like play it up, you need to have her catch you as Santa in a way that you don’t want to be seen, where like you’re stuffing, you’re like you’re taking the Santa suit and hiding in a bag and she catches you, and you’re like, Don’t look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
So, so what I did, I mean, this is just I mean, maybe this is wrong. You came to the right podcast, sweetie. This is like a year later, and I had she had started school full time, so I had gone down to part-time. Um, or I think, yeah. So I’d gone I had gone to part-time, like doing pickups and everything. And I went home for Christmas and she spoke Swedish. Um, and uh I used to like I learned you know a few words in Swedish to like reprimand her, and I always knew I was doing good with Swedish because if she laughed at me, it was like I said it wrong. But if she just went like this, I knew I said it right. Like if she got angry. So I went out to to Christmas uh in San Francisco, and it was Christmas day. It was like the afternoon heading to Christmas dinner with my family. And I sent her a little video. I had done Google Translate. I had sent it to her mom and be like, Is am I saying it right? And she’s like, Yep, you’re saying it right. And so I wished her a Merry Christmas. And and then I switched back to English. I was like, you know, it’s uh just finished my my route. It’s it’s it’s I’m so tired, but you know, I’m back to looking normal, the beard’s gone, the weight’s gone, uh, and I just wish you a Merry Christmas. And then I, you know, finished it again uh in Swedish, and she was so pissed, but her parents loved it.
David:
Yeah. I I I love when uh babysitters and nannies like torment my children. I feel like it’s just an extra special thing. So it’s a team effort, yeah.
Gavin:
And it’s about just dealing with life. Uh, there’s gonna be a lots of shysters and liars out there, so you know, start early. It’s fine.
David:
So you nanny’d, and you nannyed for a lot of kids and and different families. You are not a parent right now. Is that something you ever want? And uh and I’m curious how nannying affected whatever your choice is.
SPEAKER_00:
So nannying definitely scratched that itch. It it definitely did. Um, but you know, I always I’ve always thought saw myself uh uh with children. And one of the things, like this is just like how gay I am and what a sensitive soul I am, is I had to like come to terms with the fact that I could never grow life inside of me because that’s I when I tell you I had like I was a mother in the past 10 lives. I it it had to be because I just have this like urge to have children. Um but it was always with you know the caveat of can I afford it? Uh and I’m not giving up performing for the kids. So um, because I need to be the best me to be the best. Yeah. Um and if not, then I’ll just be the best Teo Shani, I’ll be the best whatever there is Godfather I can be. Yeah. Um and so we’re you know, now my my partner and I are at this place, and you know, he’s a therapist um and he works, you know, in some pretty extreme cases. And so it’s just one of those things where it’s like, I don’t think we have the emotional bandwidth between us uh to do that as I’m pursuing my career, as he’s living out his career, and as you know, I’m you know still waiting tables and bartending, so I’m dealing with grown-up children uh all the time. So it’s like I think uh I think it just it’s Teoshani. Um and if in the future, you know, my my thing that I tell myself in the future the opportunity comes for us to, you know, either foster queer youth or whatever, or or give to those organizations, that’s how we’re gonna give back. That’s how we’re gonna contribute to raising children.
David:
Well, but yeah, I think you you are a perfect example, as is our very, very first guest all the way to episode one. Um, in that like being experiencing parenthood is not so binary. It’s not like, oh, I I I have this kid and he is legally mine. You kind of experience parenting in a way. Uh Craig Ramsey, our first uh guest, was has experienced being a father in a way in those kind of like non-direct ways.
Gavin:
And so yeah, I I was And and it takes a village, and it you are contributing in all the ways too. So um, yeah, we all needed a little more Teoshawnee in our lives.
SPEAKER_00:
There we go.
Gavin:
Seriously.
SPEAKER_00:
You know what’s funny is it has impacted uh me in every way in my life. Um, but as somebody working in hospitality, I had like when I’m not as upset when children sit in my section. Uh and the only reason I get upset when when it’s like, oh, you’re having a party at 10, and then it’s like two adults and eight children. I’m like, they don’t count. They’re not drinking, yeah, they’re not eating, and they’re putting sugar packets all over. Yeah. Um, but I’ve become a little softer with that. And I now I know to entertain them and I’ll like sing songs, you know, from shows I know they’re watching. And the parents, like, oh my God, that’s that’s amazing. And how do you know all that? They’re like, Are you a musical theater tenor? You know that really well.
David:
And you’re like, yeah, wow, it’s my 16 bars.
SPEAKER_00:
Can you do it up half a step? Yeah. Um and uh then I’m like, oh, you know, I I I worked as a nanny, and almost every time they’re like, Oh, do you are you taking children? Are are you you want to watch our kids? And I’m like, you haven’t even met me. And also look at this mustache. I could be a child predator. Look at me. Like the white skin, the mustache, like I fit the profile.
David:
Like just you’re asking me to watch your kids. I’m a stranger. Well, I that that that is an interesting question. Like, is that something that you want to do can like as a side job again?
SPEAKER_00:
Um, no. Uh, and having I I really lived through this cycle, and I just want to also, before I, you know, I I forget, uh, that that first kid, the demon child, love her with all my heart. She is one of she for the rest of my life. I will be a part of her life. Uh, I will whatever. I just I love her. Like she’s she’s my favorite. And I know we don’t have favorites, but we we really brew the most. Like, yes, we do. We absolutely have favorites. Yes, we do. Yep. We did Zoom kindergarten together. We I taught I helped teach her to read. Like, you’re in the trenches together.
Gavin:
You’re in a huge You really, really were. You were the parent, I would imagine. Jeez.
SPEAKER_00:
And um, and and I’ve you know also taken care of you know newborns and and uh and gone through potty training, gone through, you know, diabetes diagnoses, and and and monitoring, monitoring, monitoring uh a three-year-old’s sugar sugar levels. Wow. And like that’s horrific. So all the all the traumas, like potty training, uh the all the pandemic, the diabetes, uh, and and all these things that are over these kids’ heads, but they’re it’s so real to them. Like, how do we navigate that?
Gavin:
So I’ve I’ve So you’ve been in the trenches, you’ve done it all, you’ve seen it all. Now, what I’m really dying to know is how about the parents?
SPEAKER_00:
You know, it’s understanding like that what I always said, this is their job. Your kids’ job is to be an asshole, your kid’s job is to not understand this, your kids’ job is to push your buttons, and it’s our job to guide them, you know, which is a much more nuanced and and fully rounded out version of remember you’re the adult. Uh it’s like not just like it, these are the tools, but we just gotta remember. We gotta the same way we tell them to like, all right, let’s take a moment, let’s breathe, let’s think about you have to do that as a parent, and it’s it’s their job. So, you know, I one parent who I I love and adore, she was always overly apologetic whenever the kid was going through it. And she’s like, Oh, our sweet little angel, she’ll be back in no time. And I’m like, Yeah, she is a sweet little angel, but you know, so is Lucifer. Like, this is just part of the this part of the story, and just allow them because I don’t want this kid to grow up with expectations, yeah, that they always have to be perfect. Yeah, they always have, you know, and um and so yeah, so it’s it’s just monitoring that. But you know, the the parents too, uh even though there are headaches around it, that they have my back. Uh, and so it’s just this, that. I but to give you what you’re asking for um about parents, so I um I have it it weighs on me a little more that this is not my child, so I have to do if if they scrape their knee, if they get sick, if they whatever it’s not my child, so it’s even worse that it happened on my watch. No, so I am hypersensitive, hyper-aware, uh, and try to over-communicate everything I can. And um, this one family uh went into potty training without me, and uh they were talking about it, and I get a text, like not like a on Friday when like, oh, we’re gonna do potty training. I get a text Monday as I’m coming to work. Oh, by the way, we started potty training, we’re not doing diapers during the day, only nap. And I was like, you could have warned me like a little like I was walking into potty training, and so it was just, and they gave me the whole when I got there, the whole spiel about how great she did and all of this. And then I’m like, okay, this kid is not gonna pee. This kid is not gonna pee her pants, which is also part of potty training. It’s not an accident, it’s it’s just it’s part of the learning curve. And we made it through the first most of the first day, and then I just could not run fast enough.
David:
I mean you’re dealing with a puppy with IBS, you’re just like eggs everywhere. I don’t know what to do. It exactly.
SPEAKER_00:
The cat’s throwing up, um, and and so it just happened. And then so I told my I’m so sorry. Like, we made mostly through everything, but there was just a little accident. Um, and she was like, Oh, oh, that’s okay. I mean, we had accidents all weekend. I was like, Liar. You’re fucking liar.
David:
You play the tape, play the tape, Your Honor.
SPEAKER_00:
I got the receipts, I got the receipts.
David:
Okay, so wrapping up, I’m curious for for those uh of the dads out there who who want to hire a nanny, what should they think about?
SPEAKER_00:
Um, background checks.
David:
Okay.
SPEAKER_00:
Um that would be important. A flexibility and also like um somebody who who has uh experience in another field. Um, so uh either a nanny who’s pursuing a master’s degree in something educational or any someone who has an expertise in something that will benefit this child. So, you know, me with with acting and singing, I it’s all about uh improvisation. Like it’s always uh in the moment and and keeping the kids, distracting them, entertaining them, uh a little bit of all of that.
David:
Um and informing them about the like the rift between Andrew Lloyd Weber and Patty Lapone and how it’s like ebbed and flowed throughout the years. That’s important stuff.
SPEAKER_00:
Exactly, exactly, you know, and I gotta I gotta I gotta sing Meadowlark to this child to get them to see, you know? Yes, when I was a boy, I had a favorite story.
Gavin:
It it is so helpful to get your outsiders’ knowledge um like that because parents just feel so in the thick of it, but you have a a certain removal from it, which is fantastic, and you have more perspective an awful lot of the time because we’re so in the thick of it. But then also being in the thick of it, we’re always curious to know what is one of the stories or or six of the stories that you go back to when you say, I will never forget the time when so this was nobody uh tells you just how great it feels uh when a kid gets injured doing something you told them not to do.
SPEAKER_00:
Retribution, like revenge. I mean, I don’t want them to lose a limb or be profusely bleeding, but you know, just something to to drive the lesson home. So as you know, like once kids on the upperwest side, uh, you are dodging strollers. Uh there are just strollers everywhere. And as soon as the kids graduate from strollers, they are in their little uh scooters, and it’s almost like uh a motorcycle gang. And it’s just all the upperwest side, you’re you’re dodging these kids who have no spatial awareness, no sense of other people. And I was always driving the point, like, you know, the sidewalk, like life, is a shared experience. There are other people like and look where you’re going. If you’re going forward, you’re looking, don’t look back at me, don’t look at the bird, really, and and watch your speed because other people don’t love you the way I love you, and they’re not looking out for you. And so just, you know, pay attention, be smart, don’t go too fast because you are you still don’t know what you’re doing yet. And this is obviously the demon child, and just she’d always, you know, mimic me and yell back, I know what I’m doing. I don’t, you, you don’t need to tell me that, blah, blah, blah. All these just mean, mean, mean, mean, mean, mean. Um, and so she’s going fast down a hill on the upper west side. Um, and I’m like, slow down, slow down. And I I I say in Spanish, te vas a caer y me voy a rir. And she goes, what does that even mean? And I said, You’re gonna fall and I’m gonna laugh. And she said, You wouldn’t do that. And I said, Watch me, kid. And so she’s going, going, going, and she turns around to like look to see, like, see, I’m going fast, and sticks her tongue out. And right at that moment, her wheel catches a grate because half of New York sidewalks are greats. And so it stops, but momentum makes her. It was just like a door hinge. She just went flying forward. And I swear to God, I took a second, I did like a deep lunge squat. I was just like laughing, like I was like, oh my god, like Tina Turner going down for the high note, like just squat and rise. And then I had before she could see me, I had to just suppress it and I had to go pick her up and carry. I had carried the scooter and I, oh my little baby, and I gave her little sanasanas, which is in Spanish you say when you have a boo-boo, like sana sana colita de rana, which is like the poor, poor frog’s butt. Um, it’s it’s bumping all day.
Gavin:
So in that things translate, things translate in the world.
SPEAKER_00:
Exactly. So I did her sanasanas. I made her some hot chocolate when we got home. I I put on one of her, she loves this Swedish, like Winnie the Pooh, it’s called Bounsey, and put on that and just babied her. But inside, I was like, I can’t fucking wait to get on that train. I’m gonna be that crazy person just dying of laughter. And it’s still just that image of her falling forward.
David:
But also to me, the the the take I want to see, the single, I like as I’m directing this TV show, is of the street passerby who witnessed this and then watched you belly lap monstrous child who just got injured. Oh man. But every parent knows, every parent knows that little beat, that little beat before you go to help help them where you’re just like, yeah, you suck.
SPEAKER_00:
I used to be so judgmental. And I would be, it was always like, you know, they’d be like, oh man, one thing that is like a hot dad that isn’t into it, like, oh, that’s just so annoying. You see like the hot dad pushing the stroller and he’s over it. I’m like, that is just so and like as if he should be trying to attract me. He’s married with a child. That’s or or you see the the parents on their phone and be like, that’s just bad parenting. I don’t know why they chose to have children. No. And then just so judgmental from the outside. Yeah. But then when you experience it, it’s like, yeah, no, I you you go play with your friends. I need to I need Shawnee time. I need you to leave me the hell out of it.
David:
10, 12, 15, 24-hour day. That’s no, it’s it’s totally true. I we we’ve said this many times in the show. Like you, we were just as judgmental as you know what I mean. And then you become and and we’re still hypocrites, but at least we own him a little bit better.
Gavin:
But also in that moment, there are times when um the hopefully the the the hot dad also was actually enjoying his time and he just has a little bit of a resting bitch face, you know? And exactly cannot be on all the time because you are so exhausted all the time. But hopefully he saw his buddy, his whatever, his buddy, just after you saw him and he lit up, you know? Yeah, but exactly can’t be on all the time, that’s for sure, especially as a parent. Yes.
David:
Um, Sean, thank you so much for doing it by being on our stupid little podcast.
SPEAKER_00:
Oh, no, thank you. I I mean I have been listening since day one. Oh, and I asked you. You’re our listener.
David:
You’re the listener?
SPEAKER_00:
I’m I’m the listener, which guys, we met him. He’s here. Because I’m the listener, I know that you have more than one listener because you guys had to retire that joke a few episodes back. Barely, barely. And I am a little disappointed because other than the top three, my second favorite thing that you don’t do anymore is the what would you do? We’re gonna do it again.
David:
We’re gonna do it today. We have plans, we’re gonna do it today. We need to bring it back. We have plans on that. We have plans on bringing that back. And I was like, I’ve never done it to Gaven. We need to do it. Yeah, and I love it. We just got lazy. Gavin just choosing any note at random for that point.
SPEAKER_00:
It’s almost like you guys are brothers, and it just annoys you, but that’s not the melody.
Gavin:
It just makes me so happy. Which is part of the fun of terrorizing with this.
David:
This should be our last episode. We met our listener, we interviewed him, end up less. There we go.
Gavin:
What now come to my podcast?
unknown:
Yeah.
Gavin:
Sounds good. Yes, everybody um can find Teo Shawnee on the the podcast called Tough Shift, right? Give us two seconds on what is Tough Shift.
SPEAKER_00:
So, Tough Shift is just kind of about, you know, I I like to say I fold it napkins with the best of them. In my experience uh in restaurants, uh, people who are so talented and so successful in their careers, you know, they’ve they’ve done tours, they’ve done Broadway, they’ve sold out venues. And yet financially they have to kind of balance that out by these jobs. And it’s you, it’s really humbling. Uh, you know, where we spend all day going around auditions and humbling ourselves to Tara and Bernie and on all of them. Uh and I can call them that because we’re friends, right? Um, and then you get to work and you’re being humbled by these people who just don’t appreciate you, regardless of your success and talent and and what you have achieved. But just as a human being, just kind of like look down on you with sometimes not meaning it, sometimes meaning it, and the stuff that we go through, and it’s just like, man, that fucking sucks. You have no idea who I am, not who I think I am. Like recently, we I worked with a really shitty chef, and my manager’s like, well, you know, sometimes that happens with uh celebrity chefs. And I was like, Is Alex Cornishelli here? Uh she’s a celebrity chef. This jackass, like I said, open Google right now. I bet you there are more articles, more reviews, and I’ve won more awards than that asshole. Uh, and so it’s all that that type of stuff, that balancing of like, this is my job, and we go through a lot of shit. And so I want to kind of um uh share those war stories, but also highlight my friends and and these people and be like, this is what they’re doing. Like they they did this show, they sang this note, they created this art, and here’s how you can go find them and and put a put a little humanity uh behind the waiter.
Gavin:
That’s the beauty of podcasting, isn’t it? A little bit. Tio Shani, thank you so very much. Oh my god, thank you.
David:
So, my something great. Yes, it’s TikTok, but it there, I came across my FYP this video, and it was this uh husband and wife. They were very young, they’re in their early 20s, and the husband was in a wheelchair, and he as you watch the video, you realize that he was paralyzed from basically the waist down. And their whole video series, and they have like a whole YouTube series, and their whole like thing now is they talk about how to uh be uh sexual, how to have sex as a couple with one person is in a wheelchair or has some sort of limitation, physical limitation. That’s amazing. It is so amazing, and they were like, you know, they were kind of being silly about it and goofy. They’re like, well, you know, he has to take a shot to to get erect and blah, blah, blah. But like the fact that this resource can now exist for people, because I think a lot of us go, oh, like where you’re you’re you’ve you’re disabled in whatever the way is, so sex is off the table for you, and then let’s not even talk about it. Well, that’s not fair. And also, people can very much still have sex, and these people are a proof positive of it, and they’re so sweet, and they just talk about it so candidly but very sweetly. And I just was like, you know what, say what you will about TikTok, but the there is some amazing access that that is being provided now. So paralyzed sex video on TikTok is my something.
Gavin:
I mean the way it was written on the outline that I’m looking at right now, I was a little uh curious to see what you were gonna come up with. But I completely agree with you that in this world, especially in sex positivity, where there’s nothing even bad, uh obviously, there’s nothing dirty about it, it’s just human. Yeah. And the the fact that people are making themselves vulnerable to share is um is just and helping people out who think that maybe that part of their life is over now that they’re wheelchair bound or whatever.
David:
Yeah.
Gavin:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh my something great is that I’m soon going to have a teenager and I have made it this far. And I always think that I want to wish the the good tidings to parents who are having birthday whose kids are having birthdays. Who cares about the kid? Whatever. It’s all about them anyway. But you want to just congratulate parents on being like, hey, good job. You got to eight. You still have to three. Yeah. Good job. You’ve gotten to 13. And you know what? My daughter’s something great. And uh if she’s listening to this, which she better not be, go to bed. If I ever say anything that offends you, don’t seek retribution against me. I think that’s the third time I’ve said retribution in this one recording. But anyway, it’s something great having a teenager and making this far in parenthood and all the things. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, and that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at David FM Bond Everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge on Live Journal.
Gavin:
Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcast.
David:
Thanks, and we’ll gratitude, gratitude, gratitude you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.