Full Transcript
This week is our No. This week is my week. Disney and pooping? That was stupid. That was kind of weird.
David:
Do you want to try that again? And this is Gatriarchs. Kind of. So my son comes home from school and he’s very sad. And I’m like, what’s going on? And he won’t tell me. And he’s just being pouty in the car, and I’m basically not paying attention, right? Um. And then he gets home, and I finally am like, what’s going on? He goes, I’m not in the wolf pack anymore. Oh I said, What’s the wolf pack? Evidently, in kindergarten, there’s a wolf pack. And this is like a secret exclusive group of kids that have become friends.
Gavin:
These social, those teenage social dynamics already destroying your child’s kindergarten experience.
David:
Yep. And he literally was like, I was in the wolf pack. And then Emma said, I’m no longer in the wolf pack. And it broke his fucking spirit. Yeah. And and do you know what I wanted to do? Rip Emma’s head off? I wanted to push her into the ocean. I was maybe I shouldn’t start off the episode by murdering children. But I was like, it was like the first time I was like, wait a minute, why are you fucking with my kid? And of course, this is schoolyard bullshit. It matters though. But it feels like it enrages me. Oh, totally, yeah. And it’s and I was like, you are a member of the wolf pack, goddammit. You’re a member of my wolf pack, and we are wolves, and you know, so anyway.
Gavin:
Wow. I mean, those those schoolyard playground dynamics, they start early. They can be so vicious.
David:
Um as a dad, you’re like, do I go in and murder a child or I let him do his own? Because you kind of want to you want to play it real cool. You’re like, oh, who cares about the wolf pack? You’re a great kid or whatever. It doesn’t matter, right? But then you know it fucking matters. You gotta be in that motherfucking wolf pack. Yeah. If you’re not in the wolf pack, you’re out, babe.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah. That’s oh, that is really, really rough because it is. We don’t want our kids to care. We want them to know that it’s just what inside that counts, and all the superficial things don’t matter, but it just matters that you do.
David:
You gotta be in the wolf pack and you gotta have six-pack abs. That’s it.
Gavin:
And I mean, we don’t want our kids to grow up to aspire to be in mean girls, and we don’t, but yet we do want them to be at the top of the social ladder because we don’t want them to suffer because we know. I mean, frankly, 99% of us gay boys, we are interesting, fun people, frankly, because we got we built the character because we were not in the wolf pack, and we had to figure it out. And so ultimately, you want your kid to be in the wolf pack, but at the same time, you don’t because the assholes are in the wolf pack. So you don’t want your kid to be, oh geez.
David:
You want them, it’s like anything. You want them to be asked to be in the wolf pack, but then them turn them down. Yeah. No thanks. I don’t need I’m better than you. But but yeah, you you you got it totally right. Like, you gotta be in the wolf pack. Oh, that is yeah. Listen, I only hear things secondhand from my son who lies all the time. So I never really know, I never know what’s real. So I don’t want to actually carry out some some form of you know, um, of crime. But uh it it is sometimes I’ll hear things and I’m like, oh man, I want to do something. And I’m like, maybe he lied. He also said, I think I told you when he was in pre-K, he would tell the teacher we went to Disney last week, and he had stories about the rides he was on and the snacks.
Gavin:
I mean, being an imaginative, colorful storyteller is an important thing. He’ll have a maybe he’ll have a podcast one day. Oh god, I hope not. Speaking of podcasts, guess what? Nice transition. Did you know we’re on OnlyFans now? Well, I I yeah sorta.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah.
Gavin:
So reaching into our vast grab bag of mail from our fan, we were delighted to be told by Rosie. Hi, Rosie. So Rosie let us know she’s tired of us being bi. And I I I admit, I started to read this and I thought, oh no, we’re being we’re we’re canceled. We made a joke about bisexuality somewhere and now we’re canceled. Which isn’t real.
David:
Bisexuality is not real. Continue. Yep.
unknown:
Yep.
Gavin:
But I say, hey, all of you bisexuals come to us. I believe in you. I believe in you. You be as bi as you want to be. You sleep with whomever you want to be. Anyway, you want to sleep with anyway. Uh she told Rosie told us to stop being bi. And by bi, she meant bi weekly. And what do you need guests for anyway? And she appreciates us just bantering. And then she wrote, she signed off as your only fan, which is how I read it. Only fan, Rosie.
David:
So but I also appreciate she gets the joke, right? She knows that she’s the listener, she’s the only fan. And I will say, Rosie, Rosie is one of many people who were very disappointed in us for going back to buy. We we are we got a lot of heat for this.
Gavin:
Well, I appreciate Rosie, all of um the subtext here. And um, so you know what, David? I think that we should give this a try. Now, let’s do it. Hey, for Rosie and other and the other people who are not out there. Um, what one of the biggest challenges with doing this fantastic lay labor of love is finding guests because people are just busy and it’s just hard to schedule. Now, of course, people are clamoring to get onto the show, but it’s just hard to schedule sometimes. And so that’s why we were doing ourselves a favor and taking a little bit of time off. But you know what? Maybe we can just wing it, huh? And find another res reason for the show besides highlighting guests, shall we?
David:
So that so that was Gavin’s long-winded answer of saying, starting next week, we are going back to basics, we’re going back to our weekly pay drops, we’re no longer bi. We’re gay the way God made us. And that’s it. So thank you, Rosie, for reading us a little bit and all the other people who DM’d us their disappointment and our bi-weekly. But listen, it was the holidays. So um also during the holidays, uh, I had a hospital experience. I had a friend visiting me, and he had to go to the hospital for a thing, and he had to have surgery, and he was there for a long time. And he had no family up here. So I was at the hospital with him every single day. And it was really weird because I had this like flashback to being in the hospital for a week with the birth of my children. Oh, and it was such an interesting, like it was just it was like I was going back, and you know, the first couple of days you’re nervous, and will I break things? And I’m in a hospital, and is it sad? Isn’t it whatever? And by the end, you’re high-fiving the janitor because you know when she gets off her shift and all that kind of stuff. And also, the thing that I think I’ve we’ve we’ve done as a dad hack here is steal shit. You’re gonna be presented with a$4,000 hospital bill. So take everything on the way out. Everything. What did you respond with? Oh, I took shit that I didn’t need. They’re like, Do you need these colostomy bags? I’m like, I sure do. I could put fruit in them. But it, but it was it’s so true. When when when my kids were born, uh somebody told me this. And every time the nurses would change their shift, I would hide all of the stuff they gave me in our suitcase, and I would tell the nurses, hey, we’re out of bottles and diapers and whatever. We left with 20 bags worth of all of the shit. And it was that was a very good call.
Gavin:
Oh, yeah. It was nothing. I mean, and obviously we teach our children to be to tell the truth and never steal, but we are nothing if not what? Hypocrites. And also, what are you taking money from? Like United Healthcare. I mean, maybe don’t kick them while they’re down, but still, point being like uh you’re not stealing from you’re stealing from the man, not the people. So good, good for you. That’s a really good dad hack. Should we just leave it at that? Yeah. Um, speaking of um colostomy bags, I want to know you’ve still got kids. You’ve got your daughter is still in diapers, right?
David:
She just got potty trained last month. We are now diaper free.
Gavin:
You’re screwing up my story. Let’s go back. You still have a kid in diapers, right? Yes. What do you do at the playground when they desperately need to go to the bathroom? And let me set this up with I um luckily when my kids were really little, we were still living in New York City. Some playgrounds have bathrooms. Most, of course, do not. And those bathrooms, I mean, my kids witnessed their very first drug deal, and I am not exaggerating. No, that is not, I’m not exaggerating at all. They saw a drug deal take place. The guys were really nice, you know. They were like, ooh, sorry, man.
David:
And they were that’s what we love about the city. Our drug dealers, our murderers, they’re really kind people.
Gavin:
People are just trying to get their molly, man. They are just, they gotta do some deals, right? They were very respectful, they got out of the way and left the bathroom to me and my children. But um, those people who would, I’m not gonna lie, I judge those people who bring those little the plastic toilets with the baggie. Like, I want my kid to have some dignity and not be sitting and shitting in the playground for all the world to see. And yet at the same time, that’s better than like having to suddenly, I don’t know, or run across to the restaurant. Uh I never had to do that.
David:
Um, we just are you talking about a diaper changing station or using the toilet?
Gavin:
Using the toilet. Like when you’re potty training a kid, do you have the little toilet deal right there to make your squat in public pooping or peeing? You know, we did. So, anyway, how do you deal with it all?
David:
Well, we did the um the three-day naked thing, which I think most people do at this point. And once you are kind of after those three days, you kind of we just we never brought the the toilet anywhere. We had one in our trunk, we never ever used it. Um, we would just make them go to the bathroom right before we left.
Gavin:
You just did not forget that you have to go to the bathroom before you walk out the door.
David:
But also, we are well, listen, we’re hardcore with all this stuff. We are like, if you have to go to the bathroom, you sit on the the cocaine-infused toilet here in the New York City Park. Like, we don’t bring special toilets, you poop on the public potty. Yeah. You, yeah, yeah, totally.
Gavin:
Which life is so much easier if you can poop in public, right? And by public, I mean in a public restroom. Like totally.
David:
I feel like people say all the time, they’re like, Oh, I can’t poop in public. I’m like, right, I don’t have the bowel control to decide that I don’t want to poop in Herald Square. I’m in Herald Square, I have to poop. I’m going to the Macy’s, going to the sixth floor where it’s luggage and nobody uses that floor, but there’s a bathroom up there.
Gavin:
Also, now that I live on a dirt road in Connecticut, I we do a fair amount of hiking. And from a very young age, I wanted to say to my kids, listen, you gotta go. That’s fine. And if it’s number two, you pull those pants down to your ankles and you squat down like Mother Nature intended us to poop, and you just do it. And if you grab some leaves, so be it. Like I’m I just I just don’t leave the house without wipes on me.
David:
Oh, yeah. Like I have pooped in public so many. You and I grew up, not grew up, but we lived in New York City for a really long time. Uh-huh. There is not always bathrooms. Sometimes you have to poop on the subway platform. I have so many fucking stories of wait pooping. Oh, I I this is not the time or place. We have a really, really fancy guest today, and I don’t want to, I don’t want to soil his episode. Um, but I have pooped in some public places that would blow your mind. But I I in the car where I live now, and also in every bag we have and every location we go, there is a there’s a package of baby wipes. Yeah, that exactly.
unknown:
Okay.
Gavin:
No. Well, all of this talk of the New York City Subway, Herald Square, and pooping makes me think of what? Our top three list. Gate triarks, top three list, three, two, one.
David:
This week is my week, and I don’t know why you did that segue the way you did, because uh this week our top three list is what are the top three Disney songs? This is hard. I you when I told you last week about them, you were like, Oh yeah, got him. I I struggled because I was like, top three is in like greatest quality, the most famous ones, the ones I love the most.
Gavin:
So you gotta just go with your gut. With when there’s no parameters, you just gotta for for me. I’m actually prepared this week, and they’re just the three songs that I that I fully enjoy the most.
David:
So for me, I did something similar. Basically, what is the thing that just like fills my spirit for whatever reason? Okay. So uh in number three from not the end well semi-animated uh movie, How Do You Know from Enchanted? Oh you know, huh? Oh, that’s a good song. There’s just that like calypso beat that is just like so delicious. I fucking love that song. Um, number two, classic, Beauty and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Really? Listen, Angela. What the fuck is the matter with you? Arguably one of the top five greatest. I can’t, I I I’m gonna hang up right now. Beauty and the Beast. Angela Lansberry. Do you know the story behind the song where they were like, here’s the song we want you to sing? And she was like, I don’t want to sing it, I can’t sing it. I’m not a singer anymore. I’m I’m my voice is too crackly, I don’t know. And they were like, please, please, please. We don’t want it to sound you know super crispy and beautiful. We just just sing it with heart. And she was like, fine, I’m gonna do one take, and that’s it. Wow, that’s the take we have, and it’s that’s I hate you. The just the vibe you’re giving me right now is really sending me. Um, and number one, I would be shocked if there’s not any crossover for us. Part of your world from The Little Mermaid.
SPEAKER_01:
Kevin, seriously.
David:
What is I I I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m you’re fired. Um, I hate to do this in public at the end of January, but you’re fired. Your reaction, I thought you were gonna yes and all of this.
Gavin:
I am this is this is the least on the same vibe that we’ve ever been. And that’s all right. Listen to your top three lists. Get ready for my reaction to your top three. I am not yucking any of your yums. I am shocked by your yum.
David:
I want everyone to check the video feeds and see if he hasn’t yucked my yums. You continue.
Gavin:
I love you have we have different tastes in these songs, that’s for sure. Okay, anyway. Okay, these are, like you said, they could be categorized in a thousand different ways, just like any top three list of any song of all time or movie or whatever. But the ones that come to mind first for me are um uh I Wanna Be Like You from uh the Jungle Book. I just think that song has such a great fun vibe, and it’s a great song to dance to with little kids, you know. Oh, ooh be do, you know, you know, and that movie was from the 1800s, which is makes perfect.
David:
You got that digging.
Gavin:
You got that dig it. Um, and I also remember the time that my show choir, my senior year in high school, did a Disney review and I sang that song, and I what forgot the words and just kind of made up words as I went along. But all of my co-um show choir people were the little monkeys in the background sticking their heads out of the curtains, going, ee.
David:
Um how you ever made it to Broadway, Gaven is beyond most people. Number two, um, Dumbo’s Baby Mine. Another, another modern, another modern song.
Gavin:
It’s a beautiful one.
David:
Everyone dust off your eight tracks.
Gavin:
Gavin’s top three lists. I love that you’re real to real. I sang that. I would sing that song to my kids um as a goodnight song. I actually don’t know that song.
David:
I’m joking, but I actually don’t. I don’t know if I’ve ever actually seen that movie. Yeah.
Gavin:
Um, I don’t know. I wouldn’t say drop everything and go watch it. I hear that’s a good one.
David:
But I feel like that was the phase of Disney where like everything was had like a weird dark.
Gavin:
Really dark. Yeah, yeah. Really, really dark. Yeah. But oh, that song is absolutely beautiful. We should make that our play out music today. Although it would make everybody, well, nostalgic. Number one, the song that slaps like no other. I love this song. There’s no way I could sit still when I hear When Will My Life Begin from Tangled. I love that song. It’s got meaning, but it’s got the uh it’s the I Wish song. It’s it’s got a great beat, it’s a driving song. I love When Will My Life Begin. And then I want to give an honorable mention um before you shit on When Will My Life Begin, because I can see the hamster in your head trying to find a way to insult it. Um I also do love honorable mention, the happy working song from Enchanted, because I will never for I have rarely laughed so loudly in a movie theater as when I saw those cockroaches and pigeons flying into the apartment to clean the New York apartment in the song Happy Working Song. That is just hilarious to me.
David:
My honorable mention was gonna be Hakuna Matata, but I feel like you would be like, oh, Hakuna Matada, that barely, that barely was ever played. It was all people sang when that movie came out. Hakuna Matata? I was singing it just yesterday. I was actually singing it just yesterday. Golly. All right, what’s next week’s list that I’m gonna shit all over?
Gavin:
Did I stop and think of one?
unknown:
I’m at a loss.
David:
Did I record that? I want everyone, I want our listener to know that Gavin and I had a conversation before we started recording. He’s saying, Gavin, next list is yours, right? You have something? He’s like, yes.
Gavin:
That was a lie. Just seconds ago, I was thinking about this and I never got there. What happened?
David:
Hey guys, if you guys are interested in being a podcaster, please submit your resumes to ktrexpodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Okay. All right, so the top three lists that I always had in the back of my mind, no matter what, and was prepared to bring was is what are the three things from your childhood you lament your children won’t experience themselves?
David:
So our guest this week is not a baby. He’s not scary, he’s not a ginger, and he’s very posh, but he is sporty, and he was the first British professional rugby league player to come out as gay in 2015. And just like Gavin and I, he’s a dad of two, he hosts a podcast, and he is an international sex icon. Will the comparisons never end? Please welcome to the show Keegan Hearst. Keegan. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:
We’re literally we’re we’re literally twinning. We’re all twinning. Yes, we are.
David:
We could we could sneak into a club and just cause hijinks with a bunch of ladies.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, we could just we could just pass the ID back.
unknown:
Totally.
David:
I had a fake idea I remember in high school. This was back when they would actually laminate them. And we had a guy we would pay a kid was in one of our classes, we’d pay him$15, and he would cut with a scalpel it out and just like cut and replace some of the numbers, and it looked horrible and it worked 100% of the time, which is wild.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, I mean, unfortunately, I’ve need not needed a fake ID since I was 14 years old.
Gavin:
So yet another reason you come from a superior place than us.
David:
So for sure. But before we get in, let’s do our normal first question, which is hey, how did your kids drive you nuts today?
SPEAKER_00:
Um, do you know what? I I’m gonna I’m gonna I’m gonna switch that around and say for once they actually didn’t because they were both on time uh when we needed to go for the school run this morning, which is I don’t know if it’s Christmas, I don’t know if all the planets have aligned, I I don’t know if that was their Christmas present for me. Um, but yeah, we actually got in the car on time, left on time, and everybody arrived where they needed to be in in in good time, and it is you know, long mate. I mean, I’d say long mate continue. I know that it won’t.
Gavin:
What is usually the stress in the morning? Is it literally getting out of bed? Is it eating breakfast?
SPEAKER_00:
Is it getting shoes on? Yeah, my kids are 16 and 12 now, so it is um crowbarring them out of their beds. Um, especially my son. Um my daughter’s not too bad, but uh yeah, my son, I have to literally pry him out of bed. Uh but yeah, that’s the that’s the issue. No, no, they can luckily they can book they can just about tie their own shoelaces now.
David:
But it like like we’ve said this many times on the show before, like it. You’re just passing one for the other. For me, my kids are five and two. And so for me, it’s putting on their shoes. It’s like that is what makes me want to walk into traffic every day. Is that they they they scream and cry like they’ve never put on shoes in their life? I have to force them on them like I’m putting shoes on pigs. You know. And it’s it’s insane. But yeah, no, I I I remember as a as a teenager being hard to get out of bed and mean, really mean about it.
SPEAKER_00:
Do you remember as a teenager, did you? I mean, and and I know you guys are in a bit of a warmer place in the world than me, but did you have a phobia of coats? Because my son, even though we’re in the depths of December in a British winter, he refuses to wear a coat because and his logic is I have to take it off at school and then I just have to carry it around. So I’d rather be briefly called that.
Gavin:
I don’t think that I don’t disagree with that. It’s not flawed logic. No, it is not flawed logic. It is, it is only, it is only um in the low 40s here right now, which for for you, I don’t know, it’s you know, two degrees. Who knows? I had to go to a breakfast this morning for something, and I thought, do I take my coat in? Because I’m just gonna walk, I’m walking from the car into the building. It’s 40 feet away. I’m gonna leave my coat in the car. And of course, everybody’s like, oh, tough guy, or oh, you idiot, or oh, why do you have no jacket? I’m like, because I would just be carrying it around with me. So I actually applaud your son entirely. It makes sense, but it makes sense.
David:
I’m the exact same way with rain. My husband thinks I’m insane, but I almost never use an umbrella because I’m it I’m like, it’s just 20 feet from my car to the front door. I’ll get a little wet, but then I don’t have to deal with a and he’s like, You’re you’re an actual monster.
Gavin:
Um, and but uh I would imagine, Keegan, you just play through the rain. I mean, all frankly, for me, rugby is just a bunch of beefy hot guys running around in the rain or just being sweaty, but you just like deal with it, right?
SPEAKER_00:
Uh yeah, well, I mean, uh yeah, I mean, obviously I don’t play anymore. I’m retired now, but um it was uh it is well, they called it a summer sport, but summer in the UK is not you know the uh quintessential ideology of what summer is. So uh we yeah, we it you do end up just shitting up for want of a better phrase.
Gavin:
That seems like the appropriate fit.
David:
To be fair, Gavin doesn’t actually know what rugby is, he has searched rugby on Pornhub, but that has been the max of his experience with what even that is.
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, it it’s it’s rugby is very homoerotic, so uh there’s not there’s probably not gonna be that that much differences. Uh just the just the level of clothing, I would have thought. I mean it turned you, it turned you gay. So that was the reason.
David:
It did, it did, yeah. It did.
SPEAKER_00:
The first time I watched it, I think.
David:
Uh so tell us a little bit about you be being a a pro rugby player. That sounds kind of amazing. Were you like a somewhat are you a celebrity?
SPEAKER_00:
No, no, no, not really, not really. Um so yeah, uh, so rugby, there’s two kinds of rugby, which confuses people. There’s rugby league and rugby union. Rugby union is probably the more well-known and is what people would generally refer to as rugby. Rugby league is very uh localized to the north of north of England generally. There’s other places, but the north of England, it’s the it’s really big in Australia, it’s really big in New Zealand, it’s bigger than the other type of rugby, but worldwide rugby union is the big one. I played rugby league. Um, so when I came out in 2015, I think it was, I was captain of a team called Battley, which was was my hometown team. Um, we were in the not the highest league that there is, we were in the we were in the next one down. It was called a championship. Um, ironically, it wasn’t the top one, but there you go. Um imagine that. Yeah, so um men inflating their their accomplishments, who who would have thought, right? Um so uh yeah, so when I came out, I thought, you know, rugby league small sport, it’s not like like we have soccer over here as our big sport, and then you know, and then you have I don’t know, probably cricket, and then rugby union, and then probably rugby league. Uh so when I came out, I I thought, oh, this won’t be much of a big deal, and it ended up being front page news, and it it was a big deal. And I mean, brief for a very brief period in 2015, I was I was probably the zeitgeist in this country for maybe two days or something. Um uh, but that yeah, and then it’s just and then it kind of all normal service resumed then and I carried on playing because I was I was 27 when I came out, so I was in the middle of my in the middle of my career. Um, and you know, I got opportunities off off the back of it, and I suppose I suppose I kind of elevated myself out of what a general rugby league player would where they would sit in the social standing for want of a better phrase, um, because I was the gay one. So the the one.
David:
But that that’s what’s interesting to me is that like the that there were other rugby players who had come out in various parts of the world prior to you. You had you know Ian Roberts and Gareth Thomas, but like also it seems like 2015 for that to be surprising surprises me. And I wonder if it’s just is it just the nature of rugby the sport? Like, because if you said said like a baseball player came out in 2015, I’d be like, okay. But like in rugby, it seemed more it would still be a big deal, though. Yeah, it would still be a big deal.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I think I think uh a couple of things. I think number one, because I was because of my age, I think that played a big factor why people were interested. Because when people had done it before, Gareth and Ian Roberts, they were they were older, like they were either they were towards the end of their career, like we’ve had football players over here who’ve come out after they’ve retired, so it was always just less on the line for them, right? Yeah, exactly. So I I I I think I mean no one’s ever explicitly said to me why, uh, but that that is kind of the only thing that I can see it being. Um because I you know, Gareth Thomas was captain of Wales national team, you know. He was he had a lot bigger profile as a rugby player than I did. Um, but yeah, for whatever reason, uh yeah, it became it was it was a it was a big thing here. But I do think because there are so few out gay men um in sport or out gay publicly, um I don’t I hate the phrase openly gay. Um so um yeah, who are out publicly. I think it I think it’s become like this kind of I don’t want to say witch hunt by the media because it’s not to it it’s like an overly we what we want to celebrate you, we want to celebrate you, and I can imagine for a lot of people, especially you know, even when I came out, um it was it was terrifying because I wasn’t comfortable in my own sexuality. I didn’t, I I was just kind of getting to grips with it, and then it was thrust like because me coming out privately to friends and family happened uh only happened about two months before I I c I came out public publicly. So that’s quick, yeah fast tracking. Yeah, some journalists some journalists have kind of got wind of it and they were gonna run a story on it. And obviously, I was going through a divorce, young kids, and so I kind of thought, well, I’ll I’ll do it and I’ll take control of it rather than it being you know something reactive. Um so I was still getting to grips with it, yeah, which I I imagine a lot that puts a lot of sports people off.
Gavin:
Yeah. Did did anybody on your team or frankly in the rugby world particularly care? Was it more just a media sensation?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, no, no, nobody cared. Um nobody cared, no one was. I had different reactions. I mean, one of my one of my best friends cried, um which you know, people people wouldn’t think, but he said he said, you know, you’ve you’ve had to go through this on your own. I’m really, I’m really sorry about that. You people shook my hand, people hugged me. Most people didn’t change anything. Um I never got any grow. Did any hits in the game get harder?
Gavin:
Did you ever know?
SPEAKER_00:
No, that I was just gonna say then I I got no grief, and there’d be lots there’s lots of opportunities to tell people the the many things, uh, you know, and you can get away with it if you want to. And I never not from any players at all ever, um, which is I think testament to to to to the caliber of people who who play the sport.
David:
Yeah. So I mean, you also didn’t you didn’t get a chance to kind of fail and go through adolescence again, which is what you have to do when you come out. I feel like you have to go, okay, how do I date guys? How do I have sex with guys? How do I interact with people in a different way? And then it’s just like JK, you’re now publicly, now everyone’s staring at you, and you’re going through this like divorce. Like there, there, there, I feel like there needs to be a little bit of runway for for men who come out a little later in life, I by later, I think after 16, to kind of like get messy for a second to kind of figure themselves out again. And and it sounds like you didn’t really get that. So what was your wife or your ex-wife a supportive part of that process, or was she still adjusting?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so um no, no, initially, no, she wasn’t. Um, understandably, you know, she was upset and I think she felt like the rug had been kind of pulled from under her and she was angry. Um but you know, nine years on, I know you know it’s this has probably been this case for for a few years now. I I have straight friends who are divorced, and I have a better relationship with my ex-wife than they do. Um, and given everything we went through, and if you’d have had said that to me as we were going through it, I would have said that is never gonna happen.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
Um but you know, we’ve kind of got over it, moved on. The kids have, you know, I’ve had a I’ve have great parents and experiences with us separate. And um, so I think, yeah, I think it was really tough for a first couple of years. Um I as I say, completely understandably. Um, but we we were we just the kids were the only kind of crossover, and then I think to your other point, you know, about coming out, someone uh someone once uh therapist once said to me it’s like uh shaking up a a can of a can of coke and letting it out. That that’s what a gay man coming out uh later in life is like, it just kind of fizzes everywhere and then it settles down. Um now, because I was kind of in the public eye sphere, I I actually made friends with someone who was an actor in a soap over here who’s uh you know out, he was one of the first gay characters on in soaps, a guy called Anthony Cotton, and he kind of took me under his wing, which you know on the outside was probably a bit of an odd friendship, but he we really got on really well. He he kind of he really looked after me and um and the kids, him and his partner Peter, and he he kept me on for want of a better phrase, a very short leash because he knew you know what the gay world can be like, and he also knew what I was like, and he said, you know, people are people are gunning for you to fail as well. Um you know I’ve certainly felt a sense of you know the gay one, what is what’s he doing, um how how is he behaving, you know. Let’s keep and I did feel like there was a lot of scrutiny around that. Um so I am at the time I hate I didn’t hate him, but I you know I was kind of like let let let a man live. Do you know but um but I’m glad that he was steadfast in that because he said this will wear off, but you will be left with the repercussions, and that will have an impact on you and how you’re perceived and the kids and your kids, yeah, absolutely. Um so I am really I’m really grateful to him for being my mother there being the mother hen.
Gavin:
So I I think all gay men kind of have the fantasy, or quite possibly the delusion that there’s so many gay men in sports that we’re just waiting for them to come out, waiting to do you feel like there are more gay athletes out there, or frankly, are sports and athletes just kind of inherently frankly straight and and masculine, and and that’s almost part of what drives their athleticism?
SPEAKER_00:
I I think I think there’s a few things at play. So, number one, I think um most sports are kind of gay, right? They are they are like they’re there’s a homoerotic element to a lot of sports, and men do straight men love being with men, men love men, like and I don’t not in a sexual way. Men love men, they love being around men, they love sharing their company, they love like I I’ve always said before, there’s nowhere gayer than a uh rugby changing room. People are dicking about, wafting the cops about lada yada yada, not doing anything, and there’s nothing sexual in it, it’s just how it’s just boys being boys. Um so I think there’s an element of that, and as a gay man, you pick up on that and you go, uh, is there is there a you know, and and it just is lads dicking about. I think I I don’t I think people thought that there might be like an I’m Spartacus kind of moment when I came out, and people other people go, Oh, I’m gay and I’m gay and I’m gay. And that didn’t happen. And I think the reason for that is not because of prof I do believe, I do believe that there is a professional sport is not representative of society at large with uh uh you know the amount of gay people in it, and I and I don’t think that that is is in of itself professional sport’s fault. I think it is a grassroots thing because if you’re a gay kid and you rock up at soccer practice, football practice, rugby practice, and you are any kind of effeminate, like you know, my son’s 12, people are still saying don’t do that, it’s gay. Like I’ve literally seen it in his WhatsApp groups, you know, if you don’t come on Fortnite, you’re gay. That so that kind of language is still prevalent. That and that that’s gonna be happening at a grassroots level. You tip up to a sport, you feel othered, you’re gay, you go, I I don’t want to be around this, I don’t feel comfortable. And so the you go to somewhere where you do feel comfortable, you’re something that’s stereotypically, you know, dancing, horse riding, you know, all that all the stuff that it has become it like becomes a cliche. And I think that comes from I think that will change, and it probably is changing because it’s like our generation who are now the coaches of the grassroots kids, and so they come through, you know, when I was leaving, um, when I was finishing playing, the younger kids would, I would we’d go on a night out and I’d say, right, I’m off to a gay bar now, I’m leaving you all to it. And the younger lads who were like early 20s, they will come with me and they were like, Yeah, they were like, We’re not bothered about going in a gay bar. If I’d have done that when I when I was their age with the older heads, and I’d have said, Let’s go to a gay bar, they would have uh free. Yeah. Um, so I do think it’ll kind of it it will people will come through this system as out gay people as opposed to getting into the system being straight and then coming out. That was a very long answer.
David:
I would are I trust me, I co-host this podcast with Gavin. Everything he’s got. I have nothing but long questions and long answers. I will say, I will say, I would argue all sports are gay. And they are either homoerotic, like dicking about in the locker room, or ladies figure skating. Everything’s gay, all of it, every single bit of it. And it’s either beautiful or sexy. That’s it. That’s all sport is. So let’s get back to you being a dad. So you obviously became a dad in the much less expensive way, which is where you had sexual. A couple of beers, a couple of beers, and the Michael Babloi album, um, or the carry on to a Christmas album. Um, but how has it been being a dad and then going through this kind of transitional point in your life and then being a gay dad? Do you notice your dading any different? I know you have a partner now, and and there’s a little more people in the mix, but do you feel like being a dad is any different?
SPEAKER_00:
Um no, because my kids was my daughter was seven and my and Fletcher was three, I think. Yeah, Taylor, Taylor was seven and Fletcher was three, I think, when I came when I came out. And I just told them at the time, you know, mummy mummy and dad have split up. Um in the future, daddy might have a girlfriend, he might have a boyfriend. And that was just how what was what was that was what was said. Um, I’ve had to come out to my son about six times, like he’s just not he’s just not grasped the concept. Um I mean, even now at 12-year-old, last week we had a conversation about his being gay a choice, and I was like, I’m sure surely you would have figured out that um I I said I tried pretty hard, son.
David:
Um listen, daddy wears jock straps for two reasons, not just one. Yeah, yeah, no.
SPEAKER_00:
So um, but because it’s I guess because I’ve uh it’s been who I am so publicly as well as privately. Um do you know what? If I’m being honest, I’ve probably learned to be a dad since coming out. I remember when we split up, uh I and I remember on the phone to Anthony in tears saying, I don’t know how to be a dad. All I used to do was tip up, give my ex-wife some money, and then go, you sort the kids, I’m off to go rugby, work, whatever I was doing. And so, you know, and my dad was never around, and that was a big fear that I had that I’d be a terrible dad. So I thought just by providing I was already beating him, but then you know, I would say that I learned to be a dad after we broke up because I had to be a dad, you know, it was just me in the house, so I figured it out. And I’ve always said to the kids, I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m making it up as I go along.
David:
Um but I bet part of that was because you became more of who you really are, and maybe your dad. Listen, our our parents’ generation, there was even stricter lanes that you were obliged to participate in as a man, as a woman, or whatever. But also when you were in a straight relationship, there were kind of defaults there. We’re like, the ones take scare of the kids and you can rely on that. We can’t do that as gay dads. Somebody has to change the diaper, somebody has to empty, like me, the little baby toilet next to the big toilet, which has poop, pee, and a Barbie head in it. That was literally this morning. And I was like, I don’t know what to do with this, it’s all going in the trash. But like, we have to now do that. There’s no backup.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So it’s a it was a baptism of fire, and um, and we’ve kind of all figured it out together. And you know, it’s there’s been challenges. I remember when my daughter went up to high school and she was like, What if everybody finds out you gain? I was like, Well, don’t worry, I’m not I said I’m not gonna tip up in a pink convertible with roop with Roop all draped across the bonnet. Although, wouldn’t that make her pretty cool? Yeah, that was I mean I mean, what what was brilliant about the evolution of children is that by her last year of high school, she would have loved it if I’d have done that. Yeah, absolutely, sure. So you know, it’s the there the there have been challenges, but I think like like he said, it’s allowed me to be more me, which has allowed me to be a better dad. Totally.
Gavin:
In that finding of your truth and whatnot, you do an awful lot of posts about toxic masculinity and fighting it and what it means to be a man, obviously, which is I think all of it is riveting. Do you ever have moments of toxic masculinity with your son where you’re like, instead of instead of people being like, oh my god, what if he’s gay? Do you ever think, oh my god, what if he’s toxic and a dickhead?
David:
Um well, we know he’s a dick to get out of bed in the morning. We already know.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I mean, we do me and me and my son do butt heads. Um, I think I think I’m a big believer in not letting your kids grow up into someone that you don’t like. Um, which can be difficult when they’re being a teenager. Do you know what I mean? And it’s trying to to get that right. Um, and I think, you know, this conversation about masculinity, I don’t masculinity in and of itself isn’t toxic. No, I don’t nothing is. I don’t I genuinely don’t think There’s very few things that are. It’s the it’s the dose, it’s the amount, right? It’s the dosage. The difference between the a cure and a and a poison is usually the dosage. Um, and I think it’s the same with you know masculinity, ooh, bang banging your chest, all this kind of shit. Is you know that that’s uh the kind of conversation I’ve been having with him is you know uh uh people often ask me what my thoughts of Andrew Tate are. I think that Andrew Tate is what a 12-year-old thinks a man is. Um so I and and this is kind of what I’m challenging my son on, not in a confrontational way, but you know, what what is masculinity? What is is it okay to, you know, what do we think about people who paint the nails, and what do we think about people who you know aren’t you don’t want to play football and because that’s how basic, you know, we have to build from the ground up, right? So I it’s something I’m very aware of, and I do think that in 2024, going into 2025, young men, I do think young men get a lot of shit. Uh you know, white, straight men get a lot of shit. I do, I really do, and and I and I can understand why a lot of them feel pissed off. And I don’t want my son to feel that everybody hates him because he is white and a man and straight, you know. Because I I and I don’t believe that people do that. It’s just the media that say that says that that’s the case.
David:
But would you also argue that you see with your son’s generation? I mean, I I see this with the kids, is that there is so much more space to be yourself when it comes to sexuality and gender that that we never had. That like like you said, like painting your nails. I see so many straight people do it. I see so many more people identifying as bi. I uh in the younger group, so many more people, and even if it’s just an exploration, even if they’re just like, I don’t know, I wanted to say I was bi for a year. I have I have pretended to be many things. Uh I’m pretending to be a grown-up right now. But like, but but I feel like there’s just it seems like there is more room for these kids. It’s not totally expansive to be fully who you are, but don’t would you agree with that?
SPEAKER_00:
I think so. Uh I I think so. I think but I also think that there is still that terror of a fear of what we all feel, of that fear of being rejected, of making yourself dumbing yourself down so that you’re not rejected, or ramping yourself up so you’re not ignored. Different people have different fears, right? So I do think there’s an there’s an element of of that. But I did yeah, I do think definitely. Certainly, I’ve noticed that with my daughter who’s a bit older, you know, and maybe it’s because they’re girls and she hangs around with girls as well, but you know, there’s there’s there’s there’s lesbians and there’s bi people and there’s um uh non-binary people, and there’s you know, there’s people who but again, you know, they’re they’re this one week and they’re that another. I mean, it was only like us saying that one day I’m gonna be a doctor next week, I’m gonna be a you know cheerleader.
David:
It’s absolutely the same. And just having just just being able to explore, and even if it’s not right, like I I get I feel like I hear that shit from uh a very conservative portion of my family. They’re like, oh yeah, well, they’re just pretending to be well. I was like, okay. The fact that that space exists to pretend to be bi for a year, I pretended to be straight for 20. I I I I I give give us the room to do that. Like Gavin’s been pretending to be a podcast host for 92 episodes. Okay.
Gavin:
So so um, and now I’m curious also about your daughter who’s older. And did you say she’s already out of high school? And even can you train?
SPEAKER_00:
She’s in you she’s into she’s into college, so she’s she’s into she’s 16 now, so I’ll our ours is geared up. It’s uh right.
Gavin:
So how do you have any um unsolicited advice or rather solicited advice on dealing with a teenager? And you know, I don’t know, gay dad-daughter teen management, too. Gay then said desperately because he needs to ask for a friend.
SPEAKER_00:
Um I think uh this has been my experience, and I know that it’s quite stereotypical, but I it and a lot of people say this boys are happy to bang their head against walls and give me a give them a brick, and they’re generally happy to go at life. Girls want to be involved, and my daughter has always been a nosy cow and always wanted to uh you know the the the adults are talking. Um, oh are you having you’re having a glass of wine or something? Could I have a could I have a glass or could I have a glass of something? Or so I’ve I’ve always to a point let her be involved, and I’ve and then because I’ve I think I’ve treated her in some respects like an adult, um she there’s been that level of give and take, and I’ve been able to, and if she’s not got on board with that, I’ve been able to say, well, if you know if you want to be treated like an adult, this is part of what adulting is, and you know, um, but she I mean she’s all she’s been so easy, if I’m being honest with you.
David:
Like I uh Keith, this is you’re on the wrong podcast. You started the podcast with my kids got out of bed perfectly. I have no problem with teens. What are you doing here?
SPEAKER_00:
She’s been easy, he’s been a terror. Uh okay. Yeah, he’s been he’s been a terror. I mean, don’t get me wrong with with buttered heads, uh, but I I feel like she’s been a daddy’s girl, so it’s been it’s been it’s that’s been a bit easier. Whereas if I was to say, you know, the sky is dark at night, Fletcher would say no, it’s not. Right. That that seems relatable.
David:
And then your blood just starts boiling. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
And and with him, he he could just say dad in the wrong way, and I’d be like, Yeah. I’m in I’m in that phase right now, too.
Gavin:
So you are um, in in addition to all of your accolades as international superstar, um, you are a podcaster. And tell us um what gave you the gumption to be like, I’m gonna go have a podcast and tell people what to do, like David didn’t do.
SPEAKER_00:
Do you know what? On honestly, me and Joel were pissed one day at drunk on the um on the sofa, and we said, we we should we’ve got things to say.
Gavin:
We should do uh every podcast starts, every single one. Every one of them.
SPEAKER_00:
We we’ve got things to say. We should do a podcast.
Gavin:
That’s how Barack and Michelle Obama also sat around pissed on the couch saying we’ve got shit to say.
SPEAKER_00:
So yeah, so we said we’ve got stuff to say. We said, should we do a like we’ve both had decent uh social media followings individually, said should we do something together? Yeah, what were it about? Well, what do we know about being big gaylords? Like, well, why don’t we talk about it? What should we because we were very aware that there was this I don’t there seemed to be this phase where everybody was like you had to be in an open relationship, you had to have an OnlyFans, you had to look a certain way, and it it was just I our social media were being bombarded with it, and we were very anti that. So he said, let’s just set something up uh you know that’s counter to that. And so we came up with happy healthy homo again while we were drunk, the same time, not a different time, like we’re not alcoholics. Um, and uh the lady doth protest too much. Um exactly. We came up with happy healthy homo, and then we said, right, we’ll write a few ideas down. We went record, we’d rented a podcast studio initially, um, and the rest, as they say, is is history, yeah.
David:
Is it hard to feel like you’re forthcoming enough when you’re doing the podcast with your partner? Because I feel like a lot of the times David and I can be super open because we’re not romantically, in fact, we’re opposite, we hate each other. Um, but but uh doing it with your partner, talking about sex and open relationships and your relationships maybe with your ex-wife. Is it hard to be forthcoming or do you guys feel like it’s easy?
SPEAKER_00:
No, I think we’ve I think we’ve managed it well. Uh we like we do uh we do talk like we’ve we’ve kind of there were no secrets going into it, I think. Um and it would always it was always on our um you know, we’ve had a couple of times where you go, oh I once did this with someone I was dating, and I would say, You never told me that story. Um but it just it just it just kind of adds to the it just kind of adds to the podcast, really.
David:
I I get that from my husband sometimes. He’ll be like, I listen to episode 86. I didn’t know you didn’t like Raw. You know, he would he just know that, okay? Getting to know you. No.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, um, yeah, so it’s it’s just and and then what we decided to do is we decided to get bored of each other, so we got over people to send voice notes and thing in things in. So we were like, we’ll just we’ll just get over, we’ll make it an interactive podcast.
Gavin:
Um, by the way, note to our listener out there, will you please send us a voice memo so we can be cool like Key?
David:
I love a voice memo, yes, yeah. Send it to us. So also, you’re you’re obviously you’re you’re you’re an international sex symbol, you’re a former pro rugby player, you’re uh host of a very popular podcast, and also you have gay man’s coaching, which I see in the background there. Tell us what is gay man’s coaching?
SPEAKER_00:
I mean, it does what it kind of does what it says on the tin. Um, so we uh I I started out, I got into coaching, PTing, for want of a better phrase, after um I finished I did all my qualifications while I was at rugby because contrary to popular belief, professional athletes don’t do a lot. Um so I needed to fill my time with something. So I’d always been interested and struggled with my own weight, even as a professional athlete. I’d struggle with my own weight. Um, and then coming out gay, I’d like I’d never struggled with body image before being gay, and everybody told me I was fat. So um uh and and then I kind of got into it, started you know, delving into that a little bit, and because I have a gay uh like fan base and following on socials predominantly, uh I found that all my clients were gay, and so they would they were we they would have pro a set of specific challenges that you know we are we had people joining the program who weren’t out, people who weren’t necessarily comfortable in the in their own sexuality, people who were having troubles with uh elements of relationship, with family members. So we we we started tailoring it more to what yes, there’s getting fit and there’s getting in good shape, and there’s sorting your your discipline, your routines out and things like that. But there’s also you you you’ve got to kind of look at things holistically, nothing exists in isolation, right? So we started to look at you know ways we could help uh clients with with that. We brought in a psychotherapist, um, we get guest speakers in, we do events where we get together. A lot of people struggled with making friends as well as they’re getting older, all the gay friends that it’s that it’s not around sex and where do you meet people? So we started putting in-person events on. Um, we’ve got 10 planned for next year. We’re gonna be doing one in Chicago as well. Next year, our first because we’ve got a lot of US clients. So we just we kind of built this essentially our our community and a tribe of of people who were, you know. I I said my favorite thing to think of it as is it gives people space to grow into the versions of themselves that they want to be, which is something that ironically we’ve spoken about. I didn’t feel like I got. Um, so you know, we we we often want for other people what we didn’t have ourselves, right? So I think um that that is kind of how it’s birthed and grown. Um, and it’s yeah, I mean it’s really grown a lot this this last year. We’ve we’ve got a team of coaches, and we’ve as I say we’ve got psychotherapists, physiotherapists, and um, and a really a really great group of guys, yeah.
Gavin:
You’re making the world a better place by uh providing what you didn’t have, uh for sure. So, okay, let’s get back to the rugby factor. Let’s get back to that. Gavin’s been thinking about that for the past quarter.
David:
You know what? He’s been using rugby. La la la la la la la la la. You know what’s literally like are they all bottoms because they have great asses, or they just have great asses?
Gavin:
He’s like going through. Is that a requirement? Like with the great asses and the great legs, lots of po lots of uh bottoms that uh well see this is this is the this is like the swimmer’s fallacy, right?
SPEAKER_00:
And the the rugby players’ fallacy. People think if I play rugby, I’ll get a great ass and big legs, but you have you people with great ass and big legs play rugby, it’s the other way around.
David:
Oh, I see. It’s like causal versus no, I love that. Yeah, okay. You you lost me at rugby phallus.
unknown:
That’s a fun thing.
Gavin:
Um, speaking of, I did um this’ll this will shock you, David, even though I did not have to Google what rugby is because I spent a semester abroad in college. I lived in France, and I thought I’m uh I want to go do something like super French. Randomly, I thought I’m gonna go try rugby. Not kidding. Or as the French call it le rugby. Le rugby. So I went to one practice and it was basically fine. I mean, I’m like, this, how hard can this be? It’s not American football. I don’t actually have to catch a ball, frankly. I’m no, I’m exposing all of my ignorance there. But what I will say, I was in a scrum, is that what it’s called? Right? Where we’re just like all I mean, I don’t know if that’s what you were in, but hold on, just hold on.
David:
This all happened at the bathhouse, by the way. We were at the rugby game, it was at the bathhouse.
Gavin:
This was outdoors and we were clothed, and it was, of course, raining because that’s what it is. And um, so anyway, uh so I did one practice and I thought, well, this isn’t really in my nature, but I was I was like, you know, stretching boundaries and and smoking cigarettes because I was living in France and that kind of thing. So I’m like, I’ll do something totally different, right? And then afterwards, we went into the locker room, and ever it was so I feel like French, but maybe super rugby. Everybody was completely naked at the same time. And I’m like, oh my God. Uh uh, I hadn’t played team sports in a really long time. I wasn’t used to being standing in a locker room with just everybody completely naked, but it was also so just very French. And this dude suddenly speaks to me. I’m in the shower, being like, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies. And this dude starts talking to me in English, and he and in perfect English, he’s an American. And I’m like, wait, why are you American? And why are you talking to me in the shower? Why are you talking to me about just like, hey, where are you from? Just lathering up. It was so awkward. Anyway, it was traumatizing and exhilarating, I suppose. Anyway, I went to a first game and I was just gonna sit out and watch the game. It was so incredibly violent and fast. I was like, fuck this. I am not meant to play rugby. And I just pieced out and I was like, see you guys, nope, this is not for me.
David:
Steven still masturbates to that story to this day. He plays that whole thing in a loop and he just mercilessly goes for it.
Gavin:
It was there were a lot of conflicting feelings there. But anyway, speaking of conflicting feelings, um, parenthood is never easy and never clean, and we love to hear stories of disasters. And uh, we’d love to hear from you, Kegan. What what what is a time that you will never forget when your kids were little and they uh there were there was a time though, I mean there was two of these.
SPEAKER_00:
There was a time when Taylor we were at the we’d gone to the seaside, we’d gone to uh we’d gone for a day out, and she was little, little enough to go up on my shoulders, and she she pissed down my back of my neck. Um and I I I was like, I said there’s a warm breeze. Uh and then I went, and then oh no, that’s not a breeze. That is that is not a liquid, that is not an air a gas, that is definitely liquid.
David:
And you’re like, where do I even begin here? What’s the first thing to do? I don’t even know what to do right now.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I do know what I just I just succumbed to it, and it was it was it was a warm day for once. Uh so by the end, it was I s must have stunk uh people walking past me um thinking that I smelt horrendous.
Gavin:
Uh and then or just smelled like a uh rugby player after we were well uh yeah, not quite as musky.
SPEAKER_00:
Um and and then there was another time at uh at the seaside again, actually. We’d gone to a few years later, we were queuing up to get we’ve gone to a somewhere called Blackpool, which is a shithole, by the way. Um Disney was gonna buy it in the 70s and knock it down, and that was a good one.
Gavin:
We have a lot of listeners in um Black Hole, don’t we, David? In Blackpool, Blackpool.
SPEAKER_00:
There’s a huge contingent in Blackpool. With with all due respect, nobody come after us. We went, we went uh and we were queuing up to get on a roller coaster. The queue was long. So I said, I’ll I’ll go get uh ice creams because the queue’s moving slow. So I like I said, you two stay here, don’t move. It was just us three. I said, Don’t move. I I eyed a and a couple behind, I said, kid, yeah, okay. So ran off, went back. Then as I’m walking back, I could hear a child crying, and you know when it’s your child from the the whale, and I thought, oh my god, what has happened? Like I was literally gone five minutes. So I came back, and you know, there’s the barriers, uh like the the roofs that you yeah, so I leg over. This is in the time of tight jeans, all the like from the inside of my right knee all the way up to my gooch and all the way down to the left to the left knee. Like this was not a small hole. And I said, So then I get there and I went, Are you okay? Are you okay? What’s what’s happened? Well, we were gonna start going up the stairs and you weren’t back yet. Uh so I’d like raced over for no reason. I’m like, take your ice cream, and then they were like, Daddy, what are we gonna do? Like, you you’re embarrassing us. Yeah. And I said, I said, I I don’t care. I said, I’m not going home. Well, we’ve we’d not long got there. So I walked around Blackpool Pleasure Pleasure Beach, they call it, for the entirety of the day, and you could see everything.
David:
Well, you know what? That’s that’s really funny. Gabin’s grinder name is not a small hole, so it’s actually really nice that you guys have to say that.
SPEAKER_00:
I thought you were gonna say it’s the pleasure beach. And that too.
Gavin:
There’s so many jokes to be entered here without a doubt through your massive hole in your jeans.
David:
Um, Keegan, we have wasted so much of your time today. Thank you so much for demeaning yourself by being on our stupid little podcast.
SPEAKER_00:
I’ve loved it. Thank you for having me.
Gavin:
Thank you so much. So, fairly recently, we had a change in our government, right? And something something great is that every single time for the last few days that anything has gone wrong, or somebody stubs their toe or runs out of toilet paper in the bathroom, or we uh don’t have bread for toast or whatever. My children blame Trump every single time. And I am so glad that I have brainwashed my children in the correct way, that they know all bad things stem from Trump right now. And I’m prepared for that to be their excuse for the next four years. How about Trump?
David:
Oh, I love that. I also think it’s funny because we we we tend to record a few weeks in advance, and so people in the future are listening to a past. So there may be an episode where like America doesn’t exist anymore, and you and I are just chatting it up, talking about colostomy bags and Disney songs. Oh my god, what is wrong with us? Um, my something great this week is super selfish and egotistical, but I’m directing a play right now in New York City, and you know, I don’t often it’s been a long time since I’ve had the kind of nine to five um job in New York City of like Broadway show or whatever where you’re just kind of commuting every day, you’re doing your work. But man, is it fun to be like a working artist who goes into the city every day, goes to the rehearsal space? We have we have really great actors, um, and it’s uh it’s a great play, and it’s just it’s just so much fun to kind of be back in the scene again. That’s also like in these like disgusting buildings with a weird black box and you’re just like finding stuff. So having a great time directing the play. I think by the time this uh this episode comes out it’ll be over. But um, my son the great this week is being a working director.
Gavin:
Your gratitude cup is just overflowing right now, isn’t it? I’m so proud.
David:
And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at Gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFMVaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavenLodge on a shitty subway platform. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll bring a happy working song to you next time on another. Episode of Gatriarchs.