Full Transcript
It wasn’t your something great, but you did talk about it. So my something great it oh, I did already talk about it on the show. Yes. Oh. And this is Gatriarch.
David:
Gavin, I can’t believe I’m gonna ask her to say this to you. Okay. I need to take a big breath. Hold on. Okay. Oh geez. I need your advice. I’m sorry, what? That that’s the shocking part. I need your advice. I was shocked into silence.
Gavin:
I was staring at you through the Zoom screen, and I was I wow, it must be really bad, huh?
David:
So Okay, so I have a three-year-old daughter, and I was I was at the Orthodontist waiting for my time to go to the Orthodontist. And there was a probably 12 to 14-year-old girl across from me sitting with her mom. And to listen to the non-stop monologue coming out of this girl’s mouth of nonsense, of dribble. And the mom would say something like, Oh, I see on the neighborhood group that a squirrel got killed in the driveway. Well, I already knew that because Jess already said that. But anyway, Jess was the blah blah blah. And just the non-stop diarrhea of the mouth, I was like, Oh, I don’t know if I I don’t know if I’m prepared to handle this. And then my three-year-old daughter later said to me, Skibbity toilet. She’s three, Gavin. So my question to you is if I don’t know, I don’t know is my answer. Hearing a stranger’s daughter dribble on about fucking nothing. Nothing. And my three-year-old is now saying to me, skibbity toilet. That’s it. How do I survive the pre-teen and teen years go?
Gavin:
Oh god. And so uh moving on. Oh god, no no.
David:
Oh no. We to be fair, we we always intend to never do anything on this podcast. Anything helpful whatsoever. I oh my god.
Gavin:
How are you gonna? I mean, I ask myself that every day. Every day.
David:
But you’re in the trenches. You’re in the trenches right now.
Gavin:
How do you survive? We were at a dinner the other night with some friends who um a friend who’s a teacher and who I think will be um a guest someday soon on Gatriarchs. He said, he reminded me, you re you really are in the trenches right now. And but you’re in the trenches when you have a a one-year-old, and you’re in the trenches or two, a three, four, four, six, seven. So it’s all just different trenches, but um Wow. Yeah, I know. It is amazing. No, zero. I it is amazing though. Isn’t it reassuring to listen to other kids and be reminded? Oh my, it’s other people’s kids, OPKs. It’s so annoying. Um, now if your daughter ends up being that nonstop drivel, I wonder if you’ll be like, I want you to be an other people’s kid now. You I want go be an OPK because you’re driving me so crazy.
David:
But it but I but I remember being in the car with um a mutual friend of ours’ daughter once, and she was nonstop monologuing about nothing just to hear her own voice. Yeah, and you couldn’t pop in with any sort of sort of interesting because that that was stupid and fucked up. And I was just like, is there a mute button on this? Yeah, and this is not even my child, and I get OPKs are way more annoying, but like I was like, I oh my god, we were talking about um, oh, this is spoiler alert, we’ve already recorded the interview, so I already know what we’re gonna be talking about. Uh, but we were talking with Mario Monte about that of like, if if I can’t handle this at three, yeah, how do I how how do I do this at 13? So, Gavin, you have no advice for me. So this has been really, really helpful.
Gavin:
This does kind of remind me though of my daughter, who is uh very expressive and fantastic, and I love her, of course. And she often is I often have to say to her, you don’t need to be the loudest kid in the room all the time. And every time I say that, but she isn’t a nonstop monologuer, and so when she is uh of a particularly frenzied state sometimes and does monologue, I actually find it really entertaining. And I’m able to just sit back and smirk and watch her just go on and on. And I’m like, wow, you are really going off right now. Pop off, girl. But I more often am having to ask her, you know, with the volume situation, you don’t always have to be the loudest person in the room. Uh so I have I have no advice except that uh except that not except that not every kid is that monologuer. And so just pray. And if she um pray as of you, but um but if she does I will get on my knees if that helps. If she does start being one of those people, I just give her away.
David:
Just make it yeah, the skibbity toilet almost maybe drop her off at the fire.
Gavin:
Make her an OPK. But wait a minute, how what was the context that she said skibbity toilet?
David:
She, I guarantee you, she heard it from my son. She just heard it. So it was just not the same that she said, Skibbity toilet. But I’m like, does it already is it already so pervasive that it gets down to pre-K3? Yeah, it’s so weird. I thought this was like a middle school.
Gavin:
It’s so weird. Uh no, it’s pretty cringe by middle school, I think. I think they’re mocking skibbity toilet, but your son might be actually using it in jest, uh not in jest. In earnest. No. Uh speaking of sons being in earnest, I am a little hesitant to talk about this today, I have to say.
David:
Oh, you’ve you’ve lowered your volume.
Gavin:
I have. I have because my son is home today, and I literally do not want him to hear me. But he’s kicking out the windows. This was an interesting dilemma we had today, which is my son is the is really nailing the whole broccoli top haircut. You know what I’m talking about? Like what the boys across apparently the entire country or across TikTok are doing. He’s really, and I didn’t realize he was vain. I didn’t know, but he did need a haircut and he wanted the haircut, and he got a haircut on Friday, and it ended up I had to check.
David:
You keep peeking out the window, it’s hilarious.
Gavin:
And he um it the guy took off more than he wanted, and he was very upset. Very, very upset. Mind you, we are we are recording this on a Monday, and my son is home today. And he was like, I’m not going to school today. And I’m like, Because of the haircut? I’m like, yes, you are. You are absolutely going to school today. And he said, No, I’m not. There was no drama. He has never ever once even hinted at anything remotely close to a mental health day. But I was like, you know, let’s take a mental health day. If this is what you need, because I said it’s not happening tomorrow. And he’s like, I know. And but it was funny because he it’s many people have said to me, You not many, this is gonna seem seem like therapy, but many people have said, I just said many people again have said you need to focus on your side. Gavin, have you been drinking before this recording? Because you’re you need to focus on your side because he’s not as loquacious and monologue-y like your daughter can be, who who I just said is not really that monologue. But um, he has some strong feelings about it. Strong, strong feelings.
David:
And he’s I mean to be like this is the age, I guess, we’re like so desperate to fit in and be cool or not be noticed. Not be noticed.
Gavin:
And you don’t think, I mean, because he dresses like every other, you know, middle school kid right now, which is no effort whatsoever. I was like, uh, we’re gonna take a mental health day today. And um, so at first I was like, there’s gonna be no gaming, no screens, no fun, no fun, no fun. Then I thought, you know what, Gabe, just like, come on, just let him have a mental health day. So look at you growing.
David:
Look at you growing as a parent.
Gavin:
But what was fascinating was my partner and I were discussing that this morning, and he went on Reddit, and I’m like, wait, what? You went on Reddit? And he uh I don’t even know how you search for things on Reddit, because uh dinosaur, but he um he found a whole discussion of should I give my son? I’m not kidding, it’s as if he wrote it himself. That um, should I give my son a let my son stay home from school because of a because of a bad haircut? There was a whole discussion of it, and universally everybody’s like, give him a break.
David:
I mean, I’ve had bad haircuts where like I don’t give a shit about my my hair, my hair has always been the same forever. But I’ve I remember one time having a really, really, really bad short haircut where I looked bold, I looked horrible, and I was like devastated. This is fascinating. Yeah.
Gavin:
This is fascinating because this is actually going to relate directly to our top three list. And no, this is not the segue into the top three list, but the top three list is definitely related to my hair in middle school. Anyway.
David:
We’re really good at segues. Um, speaking of segues, uh, we got a listener email in. Uh well, listen, we got as we said, I think last week or the week before, we got lots of messages and emails that we just fucking ignored. So sorry about that. So we’re spreading them out. But we got this really sweet email from uh our listener. Uh, his name is Steven. Hi, uh Steven. And he sent a really nice message about how amazing the show is and how sexy David is and how much Gavin isn’t needed on the show. You know, you know, the normal stuff. Um, but he did what wanted to talk about something very interesting. He said, uh, I recently listened to this week’s Mel Robbins podcast on female adult relationships and found it very enlightening. So for me, am I the only gay parent? Uh uh I am the only gay parent on this mom’s WhatsApp group and my daughter’s year. I’ve always gotten well with women originally, thinking it would be easy to fit into these groups if I find it extremely difficult. Women as mothers versus single women enjoying a gay best friend are very different. Yes. And so um he wanted to hear our thoughts and perspectives. And guess what, Gabin? Yeah, I actually went and listened to that episode. Did you, and I listened to Mel Robbins talk for an hour and a half. So, first of all, fuck you, Steven listener, because you made me listen to like an earnest, heartfelt, like mental health, like thoughtful podcast.
Gavin:
You need an hour and a half of that. You need a mental health day from that.
David:
You need to watch some Pornhub and yeah. Totally. Um, we should do top three Pornhub search categories. Um, but uh anyway, so I think I thought it was like that’s an interesting discussion that we can have because I do get, I think, what Steven is alluding to, which is where like we as gay men have a relationship with women in the early part of our lives. Totally, usually as the gay best friend, as the bestie, you know, you can come on the girls’ trip, blah, blah, blah, blah. But there is a shift that happens, I feel like, when you get a little older, maybe 30s, 40s. And then that is not as cute, like, hey, all the girls are getting together for a paint class, but you can come. And it doesn’t sound fun anymore. It sounds like, oh, I’m not a girl. But then also, like he’s saying in these like mom groups, it I feel the same way. We were invited to like this like mom’s group outing from our daycare, and it did not feel good. Yeah, it did not feel like I was just one of the moms. I was like, I’m a dad. And then sometimes with you’re with the dads and they’re like super straight bro dads, you do kind of feel like, well, I’m not one of these dads. Right. You can feel kind of isolated. Yeah, and the Mel Robbins podcast mostly went into like women and women relationships. So, like two women who are friends or mother-daughter, whatever, and like how it can be stressful and what are some specific things. But I think that the point of view is like a gay man plus a woman, and that relationship is really fascinating.
Gavin:
I completely agree, especially with my time on PTAs and PTOs, where I was generally the well, when I was in New York, there were much more, many more men involved. But um, now that I’m not in New York, there’s fewer men involved. And so sometimes there is that element of like, oh, you’re just one of the girls. And you’re like, but am I?
SPEAKER_03:
Uh I don’t know.
David:
But I remember in college just being like, yeah, totally. I’ll I’ll go with you and do the girls thing. And do you think that was about acceptance or it just felt right?
Gavin:
Yeah.
David:
I think it was about finding a tribe that like you belong to, finding people that not that you belong to, but that like stuck up for you. And you know, especially back in the 1800s when I was gay, like it was it was not as it’s it was pretty fucking dangerous, depending on where you were. Yeah. Um, but it definitely feels now that like I am not one of the moms. And I don’t know if it’s just like a a gender thing or whatever, but like, you know.
Gavin:
Also, technically, you’re not one of the girls. I mean, that’s kind of how I’ve always felt. I mean, I suppose that puts me in between, but um, yeah, being being the gay pet is has never been something that I’ve loved.
David:
Gay pet. That’s a great way of the putting that. Being the gay pet. Because the only thing we share is like we both like to fuck dudes. So it’s like that means a little bit more at 20 than at 45.
Gavin:
Direct, and yes, that’s exactly right.
David:
But right, like that’s that’s what it is. And and so I I get what uh uh Steven is saying about like, you know, he’s in this like WhatsApp group and he’s the only guy. Yeah. And I think from the women’s point of view, they can think like, oh, we’re gonna be able to do that. I can say it in front of you gay. Yeah, but it’s like I’m the outsider at this point. Yeah. Um, so we have no we have no solutions for you, Steven. Um, other than like we totally get that like that change as a parent. We’re like, this is you know, when I said, you know, I’m when I when my husband and I show up to things, it’s never there’s never two parents ever at pickup, at events, at drop off, but it’s always the moms. Uh-huh. Always the moms. Yeah. And I wonder if that’s part of it too, is like gay men are doing all the jobs. So that’s why moms think that like we’re, I don’t know. I don’t get it. Or do they just want to use us as like, hey, I gotta, I I know a I know a gay guy. Yeah, I mean, a little bit.
Gavin:
Everybody, everybody does want to have like their their their gay pet, I think. Um, men included, frankly.
David:
Um the Mel Robbins podcast, basically, the like the TLDR on on it, which I agree with, it was kind of like, why, why, why do women why are women and men kind of so different? And I think the TLDR, which I fully agree with, is like women think much deeper than men. And so when they have a response or a a breakup with a friend or they meet somebody new, there’s like 75 layers of depth to that relationship and nuance and everything. And I feel like men are like, you like cars, I like cars. We are friends now. And that is, and I think women don’t, they don’t, they don’t believe that it could be that simple for men. I’m like, no, no, no, no. It trusts. We both we both like nachos, so we hang out every day. And that’s the extent of our friendship. I don’t know what they do for a living. I don’t know if they’re married or not, but they’re my best friend.
Gavin:
You like nachos. And you don’t have to say that you’re BFFs, you just know it that you are, because they’re you are passively spending time together. Um, I’m sure, David, that your blood is boiling right now because you see me looking at my phone. But as a complete change on this, I am desperately trying to find the name of the people that I know that live on the island of Jersey and not the one you get to through the Lincoln Tunnel. Because in our listener um email to us, Steven Jackson, he lets us know that he lives uh um uh in the original Jersey, the small island off of Normandy. And I think it’s hilarious that he says not the one you get to through the Lincoln Tunnel. Because I know a couple that lives in Jersey, and I basically am using our podcast as a platform to say, hey, you’re from Jersey. Do you know somebody? And I can’t find their name in Facebook. So this is a good thing. What do they speak in Jersey? French? French and English. It’s right but it’s a tiny island between it that it is French. Tiny island in the English Channel between France and England. And I mean, who knew our listenership went to Jersey?
David:
Went to Jersey. I mean, we knew like we knew, yeah, we knew there’s me. But um, that’s that’s very exciting that he he’s on this small island and is still dealing with the same bullshit we are on this jersey.
Gavin:
It is it is quite literally a universal bullshit.
David:
Yeah. Um he he asked at the end, like, I would love to, I would love to hear about your perspectives on this minefield. I love that because it’s a total fucking minefield. Like, if we if we’re like, I don’t really want to be in the only mom’s group, or now am I on the outside? Yeah, there’s a group of moms at our daycare that keep asking us to go to their like drink sangria in the afternoon. See group they want to do it, and they just they just are bit they’re like mean girls, they like bitch and moan. I I I don’t want to do that. It is a pet thing, you’re right. It’s a total pet thing. Yeah, I don’t want to do that. So yeah, no, no advice for you. As as normal, Steven, we have no advice, we have no help, and Godspeed with your life. But you know what is not bullshit?
Gavin:
Our dilf of the week. Oh god, oh you don’t even know who it is, do you? Oh, sorry, yeah, I definitely am not looking at the document that says who it is. I hope that the entire world saw Pete Buttigieg and his appearance on some other stupid podcast that shall remain nameless, in which he was talking about his hope for America that basically everybody just live a slightly easier life where they’re protected from poison and pollution. And it was just so fantastic. And you’re reminded why he should be a top contender for president, you know? I mean, he’s just so logical. How can you argue with this guy? And he’s so smart and he’s so kind and everything. But David, that beard, the beard, oh sent.
David:
Oh, because already he’s on, and we we may have done him as a dilf of the week before. We deserve the right to do as many as we want. It’s our fucking show. We can we can F these dilfs as much as we want. But what but what you were saying about like he talks with, you know, he’s famously always on Fox News. He’s like the only like Democrat who’s invited her. He’s on this right wing podcast. He’s he does those things where like people are in a circle and he’s at the little table and like everyone comes up and tries to argue with him. Yeah. And he just, like you said, he just fixed it. And he’s cute, he’s charming, he’s sweet, he’s a gay dad. But that beard. That beard that beard has leveled him up. Yeah. Level up. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Gavin:
That beard.
David:
All right. So our Dolph of the Week, Pete Buddha Judge. You know what’s also hairy and that I want to sleep with? Tell me. Our top three list.
Gavin:
Gay three arcs. Top three list. Three, two, one. This week’s uh top three list is my list. And I was curious, what are the three top three movie or TV characters you wanted to be when you were growing up? Because boy, did I, when I was in those middle school days with my bad haircut, I just wanted to, I just wanted, you know, Hollywood to take me away and be one of these characters, right? So uh for me, uh number three, Daisy Duke. I wanted to drive the Jeep.
David:
I wanted the short shorts. The shirt shorts. I wanted the boots. I just have this vision of you and that with like one of your balls peeking out the bottom of the short shorts. Just one. Just one. And you know it, and you know we know it, and that’s what I want to see.
Gavin:
Okay. Uh, number two, Michael J. Fox. In anything that he did, because I was definitely of that uh generation of wanting to be Teen Wolf. I wanted to be back to the future. I wanted to be Michael, Michael P. Keaton. I wanted to be Michael J. Fox because I figured, I mean, what a life that character lives. Because let’s face it, he was playing the same character and everything that he did. So uh so that’s that. Number one, all hair related for me, in addition to the bad haircut, where I brought a picture in of Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street, whose hair was so fucking rad. I mean, I wanted the full I wanted it all. I wanted to be Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street, even though I don’t know that I’ve ever actually seen an episode of it. But basically, I was probably just lusting after obviously Johnny Depp from back in the day. And I brought in a picture of it to my Great Clips in 1947 at the first Great Clips that was ever invented. And the woman looked at it and she said, Oh, we can do that. It’s a little short, but we can do that. And then she proceeded to cut my hair shorter with the most basic Great Clips little boy haircut ever. And I went home and cried. Um, but I did not skip school because of it. But I went home and cried because I did not have um Johnny Depp hair, nor was I anywhere near having the eight months of growing out that you would need to have Johnny Depp hair.
David:
I just love the boomer list you just gave us. The greatest the greatest generation. Like, I’m I can’t believe like Charlie Chaplin wasn’t on your list. Um Mine, if you know me even a little bit, none of these should be a surprise. Um, but number three for me, El Woods. Come on. Rich, positive, smart, fearless, generous, rich. Everything works out for her. Yeah. She gets the guy. She learns. She goes to Harvard. I mean, the this is the jerk. She becomes a politician. Yeah. She has a beautiful baby. It’s just perfect, perfect life. Um number two, Harry Potter. Oh my God. The idea of waking up as a little boy and getting a letter saying just guess what? Yeah. You’re magical, and you get to go to this fucking magical school where you get to sleep next to Ron Weasley. Yes. Count me in. And number one, again, no surprise, Dr. Ellie Arraway from contact. Jody Foster’s character in contact. That is just random. Oh, but like, hey, it’s my favorite movie of all time. Favorite movies or whatever. But also the idea of like, we got this message from space. It’s to build this transport unit. Who should go? She gets to go. She is the only person who’s ever gotten to do like how fucking amazing of an experience would that be. And also, there’s this whole theme of like the battle of religion versus science in that movie, which I’m obsessed with. I just love that movie so, so, so much. Dr. Ellie Airway.
Gavin:
That was all right.
David:
Uh, what is uh next week? Um, next week, what are the top three first world problems?
Gavin:
Our next guests are not only thirst traps with their selfies and their smiles, but they want to make everyone mad at them because they post incessant pictures of palm trees and tropical fabulosity, making everyone wonder why we don’t all live in Hawaii. They’re musicians, mental health experts. They create content of, I’m not kidding, the most joyous smiles on the reg. And they both look like fine men in military uniform because they’re one big rainbowy set of skin tight camo. Welcome, Mario and Monty. Thank you for being here. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:
Aloha, as we say in Hawaii. Oh, yes. Okay, okay. Relax.
David:
Okay, we get it. You get it. I live in New Jersey. You live in Hawaii, it’s basically the same thing. Relax.
Gavin:
It’s just yeah. Rubbing it in our faces, like I said, which is all you guys do, but hey, we’re here for it. Um, so we always want to know first up. How has your child driven you bananas today?
SPEAKER_00:
Well, today, already. Well, it’s still uh pretty early in the morning here. Um, depending on how she wakes up in the morning. Uh, she, if she’s in a great mood, she does very well. If she’s not in a great mood, it takes us forever to get her teeth brushed because she hates it half of the days. Yeah. So uh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
And I know she’s at this age where she’s really testing the limits. So she is like, I say no, and then she goes, eh? And she do it with the smile on her face, like, no. You know, and then it’s hard because she’s so cute. It’s like, you know, it’s like the worst. And you have to try not to laugh and smile while she’s like doing things seriously. Yeah.
David:
Oh, it’s a whole it’s a whole negotiation. I have a three-year-old daughter, and I I quit equate her to like a cat, where like I’ll be like, don’t push that off the shelf. And she’ll just like with her little paw, just push it a little bit, but maintain aggressive eye contact with that. Yes, yes. And also, I know the idea of like you go into the her room in the morning and you’re like, please be the good luck, please be the good luck. Absolutely. And you’re like, hi, honey, and she’s like, get out, and you’re like, Yes, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, and I mean, also like when um uh well, because normally in the morning we try to, I wrote a song called Time to Wake Up. Oh, and um, I play that every morning, and so I’m either tickling her and she starts to say the words and all whatnot. Really, she’ll start jumping up and down. But um, usually when the no part, you know, as we’re talking about, uh, the part that really aggravates me is when we say no and she gets she’s like, all right, fine. She starts to walk away, and then as she’s walking away, she pushes it again or does it again. Yeah. Oh I’m like, okay.
Gavin:
Just rub your face in it.
SPEAKER_00:
Yes. Oh, yeah. She’s she’s three, but she’s really 13.
Gavin:
Well, let me be the old man in the room and say, listen, it doesn’t get any better because me with my 13-year-old, just the other day, I can’t actually remember what it was that she said to me, but she was defying me in a way that had just per um it had transgressed all logic. And I started laughing in her face at her. And and let me tell you, with a 13-year-old, that does not go well. She did see the absurdity in what was coming out of her mouth, though. And you remember being 13 or maybe even now, when you say something so ridiculous, you’re angry, and then you’re desperately trying to, you know, repress your laughter, and it just makes you so much more angry than.
SPEAKER_03:
I mean, it’s all human, but I don’t know.
David:
I don’t know if I could do it, Gavin. We were talking before you join uh in the first part of the show about like my daughter is also three, and I just like imagining her in an adult body doing the shit she pulls with me. I can’t, like right now, I can just pick her ass up and put her in the bed. Yeah. But like when I’m dealing with like a grown-ass woman, you cannot, yeah, what do I do when she rolls her eyes at me and looks like she’s gonna light the house on fire? Okay, so we had some technical difficulties because I guess you’re Hawaii. It was too tropical where you were at and the internet sweaty fell out. So, anyway, we were talking about how our daughters sometimes choose light and sometimes choose dark. And your daughter chose light or dark this morning?
SPEAKER_00:
Uh, this morning, she actually chose light. Okay. She was like, Okay.
David:
All right.
SPEAKER_00:
Yep.
Gavin:
Now, um, you said that you wrote a song for her, like a morning get up song. Do you mean that you wrote a song that we can listen to on Spotify and check? You could just type in uh Time to Wake Up.
SPEAKER_01:
You have to type in Mario Foreman Powell. Is there a video on YouTube? Oh, and there’s a video on YouTube too.
David:
Oh, we should definitely use that as our playoff. That would be really nice to have a little bit of music for a show. We’re definitely gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01:
I mean, try to pidget to Disney and all that stuff, but no one wants to listen to music. Whoa! Get the pants and getting the pants involved. We got a bunch of parents getting their kids up and stuff like this. During COVID. Yeah, during COVID.
SPEAKER_03:
Okay.
SPEAKER_01:
Wait, but this was before you were dads.
SPEAKER_00:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. We knew we were gonna be dads at that point. Like we he prepared it like in advance, like before she was born.
David:
Oh, that’s kind of sweet, though. Wait, so tell me how how how did you become dads?
SPEAKER_01:
Am I taking it? Yeah, take it. Uh well, first, I at first, um I came from a small family, right? So I it was just me and my sister, my sister, and I, sorry. Uh, and then Monty came from what, family of seven, fourteen or something like that.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
So I honestly did not want kids at all. Um, I’m very selfish. Uh still but uh, you know, some uh Monty kind of asked me some questions, not trying to persuade me, but you know, it there’s stuff that I I really started thinking about. And so uh we ended up I finally said, you know what, that it makes sense, let’s have a kid. Um so that’s kind of how after years, after years, yeah. Um that’s how we became parents, but the way we became parents.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, yeah, so we originally were so that we were in Colorado at the time, and uh was I in the military at the time. You were getting out. Yeah, I was still in the military at the time, but um, yeah, we were originally trying to do like adoption at first, actually. Um, but we kept getting a bunch of um closed doors, uh kept getting a bunch of runarounds. Um it there was a lot of um, let’s say uh secret um homophobia happening without you know being directly to our face, let’s just say that, during the process. Um, so we weren’t really getting a lot of help with that um in various ways. And then we um ended up getting to Nebraska, and our Mario went to college with one of one of his uh good friends that connected us to our um now you know surrogate. She was uh at a dinner or whatever, and they would always make fun of how she was so fertile. And they were like, you know, um, we would, you know, just as adults, you’re in your like 20s, I think we’re in our like late 20s at that time, and you just talk about, you know, oh, do you want to become parents? Yes, no, whatever. And we’re like, yeah, we’ve we’ve tried, but right now I don’t know, we’re kind of discouraged. And then um we kind of just told our server how we came into a bunch of issues trying to become parents, and um, they were like, Well, yeah, uh Ariel, she pops out babies like rabbits, you know, she’s super fertile. Okay, they’re like, Okay, all right. So that we always make a joke about it, yeah. And we were like, um, make a joke about it, like, you know, well, shoot, Ariel could be y’all’s surrogate, and then one day she called us and she was like, Hey, I’m I’m serious, I’ll be your surrogate. She was pursuing you more than you were pursuing her.
SPEAKER_01:
Wow.
SPEAKER_00:
Yes, yes, which is a very rare thing. Um, yeah, and she was like, Yeah, I mean, you two have been you two are really good people, you know, you deserve, you know, to you know, start your own family, have a baby, and you know, and she was like, I I want to be able to help you all out. Now, uh, our surrogate um is also married and she had her own children already. Yeah, she had three children, and kind of the best way to do it, frankly. That’s a good thing. Yep, yeah. Yep, she had her own children, married. We were really close with uh, you know, her husband, family, and everything. Um, and we just became like this big family, and she helped us out. Um, she became our surrogate.
SPEAKER_01:
I remember uh we had we we had like a couple like come to her house, let’s chat a little bit. I remember one of the one of the meetings, uh, her husband um were talking, she’s like, Well, how do we want to do it? And um, I never forget, man. He said, Well, it’s her body, it’s her choice. She can do whatever she wants to do. Um, it’s like, but if you guys, you know, do it, do it. Like, I don’t think you’ll ever feel me because Monty’s so big. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
I was like, oh my god. He was like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
He was like, Yeah, uh, we we have to figure out something because uh, you know, af after uh Monty goes, I don’t know how we’ll be how she’ll be able to even ever you know take me again. Oh my god.
David:
So so all options were on the table at this point. Oh literally, literally.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so long story short, you know, kind of jumping into you know how she got here. We um Monty was in school. I wrote uh into the Ellen DeGeneres show, and uh immediately immediately like 20 minutes after I sent it, I got an email or a call from them, and I was like, this can’t be real because this is unknown. And um, I we ended up surprising Monty. See, actually, they surprised me too very much during COVID. Um they tried to they did some trickery to kind of think that you know we weren’t going.
SPEAKER_00:
They told us we were gonna be going to the um Mom splaning, uh mom’s planing with Christian Bell. And I was like, why would we be going on mom splaning for Christian Bell?
SPEAKER_01:
So they they flew us out there and we actually were on the Ellen show during COVID. If you if you type in Mario Monty on Google, you’ll see everything.
David:
But what did you email them? What did you initially email?
SPEAKER_01:
So I I initially emailed just about Monty, like like he he has a huge heart, right? For people, uh giving people, giving to people, you know, all that and helping them out. And so in his story, you know, he’s a vet, a vet um I won’t say disabled man. I am a disabled fan. Yeah, disabled man. Yeah, and uh just kind of talking about his story, you know, it wasn’t necessarily for the kids thing. Um Samaritanship. Yeah, Samaritanship, about our experience about we’re in the church, how that’s how we met in the church. Um very different. Uh, and so yeah, that’s kind of pretty much this the premises of everything that I sent them.
SPEAKER_03:
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:
Wow. We have a lot to unp uncover and and and which is why our story got so much attention. Um, and so it was just uh it was a whole process. Now, our our surrogate area, she’d she had often become our surrogate long before we we were on TV.
SPEAKER_01:
Friends way before.
SPEAKER_00:
Um, because a lot of people ask, like, well, you know, did she reach out, you know, once you all, once she thought you all were famous, like, yeah. Like, no, we were friends long before we became anything in the public scene, before our family became so public. She was a really good friend of ours. And so, you know, it was to the point where we we’re at this point now where we her husband is our baby daddy, and we all called each other baby daddy. You know, uh we talk all the time, a very unique story, and so that’s what really got the attention.
David:
That’s all you know, and it’s I I actually think it’s it’s not super uncommon because I I see a lot of people in the surrogacy groups online constantly saying, like, how do people do it? Like, I don’t know, like I don’t have$200,000, and and like, how do I and and a lot of people will suggest start asking your friends and family? And I think a lot of people hear that and go, nobody in my life would ever do that. But the truth is you don’t actually know because a lot of women either love being pregnant but are done with having their family. In your case, that was the similar uh case for us. And it it it is pretty amazing that there are women out there who want earnestly want to do this for people in your sphere that maybe you had no idea.
Gavin:
Did y’all have um lawyers involved just to make sure all T’s were crossed and all I’s dotted? Or did you say we just trust each other?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so Nebraska. So so yeah, we we did we we knew the relationship that we had. However, there’s a couple reasons we had to go that direction. One because it was new for us, one it was new of new of us, you know. At any minute, you know, something could happen. So we we did have to do that. Also, you know, as I said, we were in Colorado. After I after Colorado being at the church there, I joined the Air Force. Our first duty station was Omaha, Nebraska. And Omaha is not you know completely there yet. Yeah, yeah. Uh so conservative. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
Very yeah, yeah.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
So not a shock. We did have to clear up, especially when you know the baby came, uh, because we had to go through a bunch of processes. Uh, who’s gonna be on the birth certificate? Yeah, yeah, it can be two women, but it can’t be two men.
Gavin:
Really? Nebraska loves the lesbians, but not the gays, huh?
SPEAKER_00:
I don’t know what I don’t know why, but two women could in the state of Nebraska. Um and I I don’t know if it’s maybe because of the so when the when the when the mom who gives the you know, I guess birth, and then there’s already room for that one extra person for the mom, maybe. I don’t I don’t know uh if that’s particularly why, but we never really got a full answer of why that’s the case, that we had to pretty much go through the process of legal adoption even after being our own daughter.
David:
So but you know what? It’s so important that uh that we do that because there and because our country is on fire, because every state is different, is to make sure you’re protected. Our very first lawyer, when we did the uh second surrogacy, we reached out to him and his emails weren’t like he wasn’t responding. So we found a new lawyer, and I was telling the new lawyer, hey, like, I don’t know why we had this old lawyer, this was his name, he’s not responding. And she was like, Oh, because he’s in prison. He was just he was disbarred because he was just like fucking shit up left and right, and now he’s in prison.
SPEAKER_01:
And I was like, Oh my god, whoops, we gotta check open those documents. That was another thing, because like especially in the finance part, like every email, no matter what the email was, was like$50,$50. Yeah, it’s definitely expensive. So she I remember they they responded to us like, congratulations,$50. Like, what in the world? Yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
We’re already, you know, yeah. You can save your thing, your congratulations, and just saving$50 for sure. Well, exactly. And so then, so um, your daughter was born in Nebraska. Um, how were the I mean, ultimately though, we make all of these assumptions. Omaha is obviously conservative, yada yada, but were you treated well in the the process by the locals and whatnot? Locals, yeah. So, you know, and the hospital and the nurses and uh and your community.
SPEAKER_01:
The hospital was a great experience. Yeah, we had a wonderful experience.
SPEAKER_00:
Minus the the the the part that we had to decide who was going to be on the birth certificate, but right um it was a wonderful experience. In fact, so we were a part of uh a documentary called We Live Here in the Midwest on Hulu and Disney Plus. And um, we we covered a bit just a little bit of our journey of like how we were you know treated in Nebraska, in the living in the in the Midwest. And surprisingly, utterly surprisingly, at least the area that we were. So now if people don’t know about Nebraska, Nebraska is one of the only two states in our country that’s split into three parts when you think about like you know, uh conservative versus um you know liberal or like how we vote with electoral colleges, it’s split in three. So Omaha area itself is very liberal democratic. So if people don’t know that, you’ll be surprised. And and Omaha is very much more liberal than the rest. You know, when you go outside of that county line, yeah, it is very clear, you’ll see the difference. But um, we were treated, at least uh for us, we were treated very well. We were treated with much respect, we were treated with um love. Of course, there’s people who you know got something to say and you know, whatever, but overall we were treated pr very well. We had a lot of people who come came through for us, which really helped us in our journey um as we were preparing to become uh parents. We had a lot of people, you know, contribute to us, like you know, donations, people would like um you know, help us like sell things to support our family. Like it we had a lot of support, at least in that area, and it was like so surprising. So that’s awesome. Definitely more than we thought it would be.
Gavin:
Yeah. So then let’s get to the meat of the matter, Hawaii. What took you from Omaha to Honolulu?
David:
I mean, upgrade for sure. That’s an upgrade. Like that is yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
Honestly, that’s uh straightforward for it as a military uh they had an opening here. Um, it was one uh on my bucket list, and so I got a call during Christmas, like, I like to spend Christmas, you know, in the sun. I was like, oh, cool. What does that mean? Are you going to Hawaii? It’s like, what? So yeah, and that was just two Christmases ago, is that right? Yeah, 2022. Well, that’ll be 2022.
Gavin:
2022, yeah. Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01:
This will be a third Christmas.
Gavin:
Yeah, third Christmas.
SPEAKER_00:
It’ll be third year here.
Gavin:
So tell us a little bit about your uh I I know that you have a very diverse professional household, and you’ve both had multiple chapters. Summarize those chapters for us, will you?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, where do we start?
SPEAKER_01:
Um so diverse. So I’m in, so obviously I’m in the the military, I’m the United States Air Force Band of the Pacific in Hawaii. I’m a vocalist.
SPEAKER_00:
Um, and um it’s probably best that we start backwards. So he and I, like you mentioned, how we mentioned that we both started in um we met in the church. And so before that, oh yeah, he he went to college to become a musician um at Hastings College in Nebraska.
SPEAKER_01:
Oh Kool-Aid was invented.
SPEAKER_00:
Oh, okay, all right.
SPEAKER_01:
And they make it right, they make it right.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so he he Yeah, so um when we met, I was in the military, I was active duty, military, um, and he was a musician at our church, which is again how we met. Right. And um so I was in the military at the time. I was serving in the army. Um, and I was medically retired from the army um after sustaining injuries. And I was like, okay, what the hell do I do with my life? Like, you know, I only had a little bit of college before I left for the military. I grew up in the projects, in the cityhood, the project, you know. Where? What’s so in Norfolk, Virginia? Um, so very urban, you know, nearly, nearly parvished into poverty.
Gavin:
And also super super military, too.
SPEAKER_00:
Very Navy. It’s the largest Navy um base we have in this country. So I grew up around that. Um, but that’s not what encouraged me to go into the military, surprisingly. What encouraged me to go to military was my mom had moved us down to Florida, and I had started college after working at you know Waff House for a year, uh, about two years. And I was just saying, okay, I started college. It doesn’t, it wasn’t really for me at the time. Yeah. I was like, okay, I don’t know if I’m necessarily either one smart enough for college or if I just want to go to college at all. And so I just uh was trying to survive and make, you know, pay the bills. And so I was like, well, I’ll screw this college. I did a year at a community college, and I was like, okay, I need I need money to pay bills. And one day I my best friend was getting ready to go off into the um the Navy, and I was like, oh, well, shoot, like now what happens with me? And so I went to follow his footsteps, but the Navy didn’t accept me and um because of time limit. But um, so then I ended up seeing a recruiter, went off, and I was like, hey, you said you get three three meals and somewhere to live. And I was like, well, that’s my story, and yeah, sign me up. And so that’s what how I why I joined the military originally. It wasn’t this whole, I want to grow up and be a you know, uh a soldier. That was not my story. No, it was I need to survive and pay bills and and I also get to see the world. So that’s how we he and I met. I got stationed in Colorado, yeah. And he was there at the church uh at the time as the director of music.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, director of music there for about six, seven years. Six years. Um, of course they found out about us and said, Hey, you need to get an annulment um for your marriage, as if it never happened. Yeah, they go through with the process um because one, I needed a job, two, no, he he was you know dealing with all the transition stuff. Uh so at that time, you know, I was very communicative, so like, hey, we I’m going to MEPS, I’m doing the the audition process, all that stuff. Um so we went through the process with the nulment, um, which is crazy.
SPEAKER_00:
And um all we all trying to protect your job because yeah that was we still had the pay bill. Heartbreaking. I’m sorry.
David:
It just infuriates me, but it’s heartbreaking. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
And so I remember the second we had to go to the court, the courthouse twice, and mind you, they’re not paying for this. It had to be from us. So we went to the courthouse a second time, and it’s like, all right, Mario Monte. So we walk up there, you know, because nothing’s wrong with us. And the judge goes, No, come around the desk. You’re like, oh shoot, what just happened?
SPEAKER_00:
In front of all these people in the courtroom, like, uh we’re in trouble. What’s happening?
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, and so they’re like, hey, nothing seems wrong with you guys. Yeah. Uh so someone is telling you or forcing you to do this, let us know, so we’ll do an investigation.
SPEAKER_00:
Yep. She was an older white lady, and she was like, I’ve been a judge for so long, and you two don’t look like you’re not in love. So what’s happening? Whoa. Wow. She she said you know you two don’t look like you aren’t in love. Like meaning she was saying something’s like she knew something was a little bit. She knew something was up.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, yes. So for me, I was like, All right, well, um, we left. And she said, Within 90 days, if you don’t uh come back with this, we just completely disregard it. So I had to I gave the paperwork to the pastor and I was like, hey, this is what we did, and I didn’t follow through because one, I didn’t want to put the church through all that stuff. They already kind of I know you I didn’t want to put the church for all that because they’ve been through that already with the you know with the pastor and all that jazz before. Um, and I was like, you know what, I’m gonna just let that go and let you know kind of God deal with them the way they did.
SPEAKER_00:
And and I was like, I was like, no, they need to be exposed for what they’re doing, but I was like, you know what, I’ll just let you know that, you know, I’ll just let it go and we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do. So while he was going through, while we were going through this process, I was in college at the time. So now I’m out of the military. And I, this is me in my undergrad. Um, I was in a summer class, only one class. I wasn’t even gonna take school that year, that summer. I was just like, I need a break. I’ve been in school. I already did, I just went from my color arts programs right into a psychology program. This is just a lot. And so something told me to just take one class, and I took the one class, and my professor, she was a retired vocalist in the United States Air Force band. And I was like, she would always talk about how she would have so much fun and all the things. I was like, wait, there’s a band that likes like a rock band in the military? She was like, Yeah, like I was like, okay, was that like your side job? Was it your real job? She was like, No, this is my regular job. Like, I do this for a living. I was like, no way. I was like, I would love for you to talk to my husband. Like, would you mind staying after school or class one day and talking? If can my husband come and join us? And then they got connected, which is how he ended up going into the military.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so that time they sat me down for six months. Yeah, I was able to go do the audition. And wow, I won the audition and I made the decision. Um, I remember they’re getting a new musician and they’re gonna pay him a lot more than me. I love him to death, he’s one of my good friends. Um, and he’s like, I don’t know how we’re gonna afford you. I was like, Oh, I do. You can have my salary uh because I’m gonna be leaving. Oh good friends.
Gavin:
You have excellent judgment.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah. Yeah, so that’s kind of the church of chess stuff.
Gavin:
So that but there is so much to unpack here for episodes parts two and three with Mario and Monty, maybe separately, so that we can uh my goodness. But really, what this comes down to is that David is a narcissist and I just want to be like David. And I am so curious, uh, having been an actor and auditioned for 10,000 things and been told no 9,999 times. What’s what what did you what how did you audition for a military chorus? I mean, what did you have your 16 bars? Did you sing Cope Cabana? Did you have choreography with it? Did you was it a church song? Like what just give me a snippet of what that audition was like.
SPEAKER_01:
So audition, uh, so you find audition for a vocalist position, right? There are choruses that are in the Air Force, but I’m not in that. I’m I’m an actual like band rock band type of deal. Oh, okay. But you you go in, you sing the anthem, that’s pretty much your first thing.
David:
Oh yeah, you you better be able to sing that anthem. You’re like, oh canada. They’re like, let me stop you right there. I’m gonna stop you right there.
SPEAKER_01:
Wrong song. Yeah, so that’s a blind that’s a bland one. No one’s really looking at you, you’re behind a sheet. Oh things might have changed since then, and then you go back to a room, and then they give you um, if you pass that part, then you get like five, five, ten minutes to work with the band with the songs that they’ve given you. Like Bon Jovi or Yeah, we’re talking about Bon Jovi. We’re talking about um uh come on and dance with me, shut up and dance with me. Yeah, I love that stuff like that. Oh, yeah, walk the moon. There’s so much, yeah.
Gavin:
Wait, okay. I did not know that this even existed. I was definitely envisioning you in a full uniform, like uh concert dress. What how do you dress when you’re in the band? And who are you playing for?
David:
And I was imagining you in a dress, so it’s all different. We have no idea what concert dress, yes.
SPEAKER_01:
Every band is a little different here in uh Hawaii. Uh we obviously wear our you know, our camo that you see in military. Sure. Uh, but we also do our aloha attire. So we have like aloha shirt and our cat, especially we’re in the local community. Um, we do perform for the locals, we do perform for the communities. Uh, we do travel, we do deploy deployment, uh, we do do deploys, deployments. Um, and we’re pretty much we’re all over the countries. We have specifically Hawaii, we’re in charge of the Indo-Pacific. So we have everything from you know Australia to New Zealand to Alaska. We travel to those countries or states, um, you know, keeping the alliances and stuff together, um, you know, communicating, yeah, um, you know, messaging all of that.
Gavin:
We um we need uh help with uh maintaining all of those alliances as much as we can right now, right? Speaking of help we can get speaking of getting all the help we can get, then I’m curious, um uh uh Monty, on your side of the um the mental health aspect. Like, did you you were in did the military when you got out of the military, did you say people need some help and I’m gonna give it to them?
SPEAKER_00:
Uh sorry. Yeah, yeah, that with a combination of I just so for me going through what I went through in the military, combining it with the complex issues, uh so a person who’s been diagnosed with complex PTSD between military, being African American, being gay African American, yeah. Oh, so much to uncover. Um and I was just like, there’s a lot of shit going on, and I can do something about it little by little, or I can be a part of this, this say, you know, a part of this change. And um I didn’t there were some things I didn’t necessarily like about what was happening in the military when it came down to mental health and how it was always, you know, just hush and keep it going, and then how detrimental that was for me, and how it took me so long to even to the point where you know Mara and I, when we were first together, like nearly not necessarily ultimatum ish, but like it he pointed out a lot of things about my mental health that I didn’t even know about. Let me tell you something real fast. Let me tell you something.
David:
So there’s he leaned in really close to the mic for those of you just listening. Leaned in real close to that monitor, wanted to make sure he has full frame. Yes, go.
SPEAKER_01:
There’s a couple of things. The first one was uh I would get irritated because we go to Walmart all the time or go somewhere, and he would still be in the car, and I’m already halfway in the store. I’m like, where the hell is Monty at? Like, and he’s still in the car, you know, kind of looking out and whatnot. And I was that blew my mind. The second one, I’m gonna get a little bit of a little dirty, if you don’t mind. Tell me if I can’t.
Gavin:
Please, this is the podcast for it.
SPEAKER_01:
I’ll never forget. I was ex experimenting, you know, sexually, right? With him, and I s and I tied him up with my ties.
Gavin:
Yes, okay.
SPEAKER_01:
And um, I didn’t know he had PTSD at all.
Gavin:
I didn’t know that could be very triggering.
SPEAKER_01:
Yes, and so I was doing that, and I’m thinking, like, all right, I’m gonna try doing this, blah, blah. And he’s I I can kind of see like, okay, what’s going on? Like that. And I’m like, oh snap. And so, you know, he couldn’t, you know, all that type, you know. Yeah, yeah. He restrained me. Yeah. And so that those were kind of moments. I was like, something is something’s up. I don’t know what’s up, but it sums up, you know.
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
So yeah. Sorry to interject.
Gavin:
Yeah, well, it was a good interjection, yeah. Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, he definitely did. And so it was those moments where they realized, like, oh shit, I got something going on. Like, and he was like, you know, you this is scary, you’re going into these like disassociations, which we know now. I didn’t know that was I didn’t know what the hell a dissociation was. Um, you know, so he was like, he would I remember he would call like the ambulance or whatever to come over because he thought I was like, I don’t know what he thought was happening with him.
SPEAKER_01:
His eye was just open and nothing, he was just frozen, and tear would go down his eye. Um, and I couldn’t do anything except give him uh a little dog at the time. My emotional support dog. Yeah. And uh it was it was pretty, it was crazy. He didn’t actually tell me everything happened until years later. Five, six years into our our um marriage.
Gavin:
I mean, you’ve definitely you have lived a lot, that’s for sure. And you’ve I mean, look at I would imagine frequently you look back and think, wow, where I came from and where I am now. Oh, absolutely. I bet. Absolutely. Um, what um now you guys are influencers and you’re putting so much of your life out there? And I would say again, I I’m not I wasn’t exaggerating in the introduction. I think you spread so much joy, and that’s what’s really compelling and wonderful about you. But how do you manage your worries about the future, about your daughter and whatnot, and exposing yourself so much online?
SPEAKER_00:
That’s an interesting question. Um, so when I got into, uh at least for me, when I got into the mental health field to become a therapist, um, I knew that I didn’t I never want to be a traditional therapist because my life is not traditional. And I want to be authentic as possible. And I always thought about like, how would I be able to connect to people that look just like me or similar to me or my story? I have to go real with them. I gotta go raw. And so I remember going through um grad school and my counseling school at the time, and I was like, well, this none of this looks like me. I was the only African-American male in my cohort, which was a problem. And I’m like, this we we need more representation. We need more people that have stories like mine or situations. I can’t, we can’t simply be the only gay black male couple out in the world, um, gay dads. Like, what where are we?
SPEAKER_01:
And especially in the military form, because in the NSA does not, you know, uh reflect what the DOD and Air Force uh views, but like, especially in the military, like I don’t see black gay men with kids and leadership positions. And so especially me trying to get up in the ranks and whatnot, I’m like, who do I who can I go to for questions? You know, how do you do this? How do I, you know, uh, because then you you’re still you’re still going against the grain when people are trying to do things like, oh, we don’t want this to be seen, we don’t want this to be, you know, all that. So military-wise, that’s kind of it was kind of a difficult thing because you didn’t have that reference point.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, and he and and Mario has more restrictions, obviously being in the military than I do. I mean, I’ve served my time and my my I chose I choose every day to advocate and spread awareness. And now, yes, that comes with some risk of you know, of getting exposing yourself. Our our family was naturally already exposed when we were on the Ellen show, and then from the Ellen show to the um from the Ellen show to then the our doc the documentary that we’re part of, um uh the we live here in the Midwest, expose, right? And even before we did that, we had to go through this process of like, okay, just so you know, once you get out there, you know, we had we went through this whole like um it was a like a pre before this documentary comes out, just so you know people this is what kind of questions you’re gonna get. Yeah. Interviews, we were all over news stations, and they’re gonna ask you this, and we prepare for that, and and we talked about this. We were like, well, shit, if we’ve been through everything we’ve been through with the church, with with my life, your life, at this point in time, what else can they what else can they say about us and do to us that we have not already experienced? And somebody needs our story, yeah, somebody needs to see our family and see how much things are so to see the truth of the matter and also to see how well we can take care of our daughter. Yeah, and I am a proud father. No, when people see two black men raising our daughter, one thing about me is I’m a fashion person, and when they see our daughter at our school at her school, all over, wherever we go, they’re like, oh, we know she’s coming fire. And I’m like, oh, she’s she certainly will. When she has the last name Foreman Powell, she will always be um in the best option possible out there, and you will know.
Gavin:
Now, wait a minute. Now, wait a minute. My partner and I definitely tried to make our children the best dressed in school. I mean, we absolutely wanted to represent because we have obviously we want to represent now my children dress. Like it is just the bargain bin at the end of all at the back of old Navy. But it’s ironic because it’s cool to look like. I know, I know, I know. It is, listen, I’m just saying, uh, I I have a sense of style. It may not always manifest itself, but it is definitely not manifesting itself in my children.
David:
Which is you know that you know this is a video format too, right, Gaben? Just making sure that you know that we can see you right now. But what you were saying, guys, is really interesting because I feel the same way because Gavin and I were both former actors and we’ve we’ve done the interviews and the things or whatever, and there is a power because when people say, Oh, well, you’re gonna put that on your podcast, you’re gonna put that on Instagram, be like, babe, are you kidding me? No, I I’ve been doing this my whole life. There’s like you, that’s not that’s not power you can leverage over me. I have the power now to tell my story, and I I love that you said that because it’s so true. I get a lot of people in my life who are like, oh my god, are you gonna say that? I was like, baby, I’ve been being interviewed for 20 years. Like, also, like, what are you talking about? Like, who fucking cares?
Gavin:
As we anyway, as we rounded this out, I would love to ask one more thing related to what you were just saying, which is, and I found, is this just my algorithm? But I am like, I do not see enough gay black men parents. And I’m so I know that there are more out there. Plus, I think there are more gay parents out there than we realize. And yet at the same time, well, let’s face it, we are literally a minority. I mean, there there aren’t well TV lets us think that there’s lots of gay representation. Um but actually, let’s face it, it’s small numbers, but I’m surprised there aren’t more gay black parents in my feed. Is that the inherent racism of Meta? Or is it, have you found like actually there aren’t that many? I don’t know.
David:
Gave and you are responsible for your algorithm. Let’s be honest. Thank you for the same. Yeah, well, no, my vulnerabilities.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I mean, even for us um in our algorithm, I mean, that’s all we post is our, you know, gay black love, gay love, two parents. And and I see it, you know, even while though all of us are a minority within the overall society when you think about like hetero heteronorms or whatever, but even amongst, um, and one of the things that I’m working on for my dissertation in my doctoral program is African American gay, um African American gay or black um gay men and um also women who are in this community. It’s like there’s a community, but then there’s a subcommunity. So you’re like, you’re a minority within a minority within a minority, let alone if you’re, you know, you know, two men, two African-American men. And it’s like I’ve tried to like shape the algorithm to see more of that, but I see maybe one or two African-American um, you know, same-sex couples, and it’s like, there’s no way out of all these millions of people in this world on this, on this social media, is this not, you know, so and even playing with like certain hashtags and how how I always notice like what videos get the most views versus not, and it’s like anytime I put like, you know, gay black this, we get less views than if I just say, even if if I just say gays with kids, we will get more views. And if I say gay black, it’ll go from seeing you know nearly 10,000 views to maybe a thousand views. And I’m like, okay, what’s going on? And even on like, you know, when it comes down like uh uh Instagram on TikTok, it’s like where what why is this not like a thing? Like this is this is a beautiful thing, and if we’re if we’re supposed to be representing what we all really look like in this country, yeah, why are we not seeing it?
David:
Yeah, there is a weird disparity. Listen, we we started this show partly for that reason. Obviously, uh it’s it’s a little bit different, but almost we’ve interviewed this is episode what, 105. We’ve interviewed a lot of social media people, and I feel like it’s the same story, which is like I didn’t see people who looked like me or looked at me. Look like my life. That’s why I started the show. I was like, there is no gay comedy podcast, there’s no there’s no gay comedy um uh parenting content out there, but then you start interviewing all these people, and then they’re saying the same thing back to you, and you’re like, Why aren’t we finding each other? Yeah, like it’s yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
Well, speaking of comedy, uh to to make a complete 180, but thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities there. Can we talk about kids again? And can you share with us a couple of those stories that I will never forget the time when?
SPEAKER_01:
Oh women. Um, I think my my favorite one was when she was a baby so far. Uh there has to be some more now. It’s just that someone wouldn’t. Definitely now. Um yeah, but the one uh she had some stomach problems going on.
David:
I love it already. Oh, I love it already. You’re in the right place.
SPEAKER_01:
We had a great, we had a great like house in Omaha, and I was like upstairs loft, and she was in the bed bed uh her bedroom trying to you know get her stomach stuff.
SPEAKER_00:
So she had she had gas.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so he had stuck one of those like fleet things up there.
SPEAKER_00:
No, it’s a it’s a little he has it like the I know what’s exactly depository, and then there’s a whistle thing.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, and so he put that in there, and I was in the room, and all I heard is and then he says, Oh my gosh. And I was like, I put my head down, I was like, no freaking way. And so I went into the room and he’s holding her like in the palm of his her his hand, and he has his shit all the way down on his stomach. So my dumbass, I go downstairs, and I’m like, oh, I gotta get some cleaning solution. And it’s bleach. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:
Same carpet. Till this day when we go back home to visit our surrogate who who lives in our house that we owe, it’s still there, and we’re like, should we just leave it there for like memory?
David:
Like you’re covered in shit, and you’re like, what would make this better? Bleach, like spray me with bleach.
SPEAKER_01:
Like, I went to just clean mode, like I didn’t know what I grabbed.
Gavin:
Oh my god, that’s hilarious.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, and speaking, yeah, speaking of which, when she was a baby, I remember holding her up and she was just, I guess, so cute. And then I mean, she literally just threw up every bit of breast milk that she had had because we were, we were our surrogate was, you know, pumping for her. And all it went, and I was just like, Oh, you’re so cute, and just threw up went all the way. Swallowed naturally, swallowed her throw up the breast milk. And uh, I mean, I we would make fun of with our surrogate and say, I tasted your breast milk. I know what your breast milk tastes like. It was sweet.
SPEAKER_01:
We took a shot of her breast milk.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, it was a shot of her breast milk. I’m like, uh, and then most recently, um, when she you got to experience her first cursor, which I was upset about. Oh, I wanted to experience her first cursor.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, I’ll never forget. We’re in the back of the truck, the car, and we’re because we’re potty training and whatnot. And so she uh she sat down, she said, oh, and then she started to fall back, and she goes, What the fuck? And I was like, What did you say? She said, What the fuck?
David:
And you immediately have to go, okay, I really want to laugh at this, but I have I have to set a tone, but damn, was that funny? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:
Yeah, so I was like, hey, babe, we do not say that word. That’s a that’s a bad word. She’s like, okay. So I came back home and I was like, so she had her first cuss word today, and he’s like, Well, what’d she say? I was like, I’m not gonna say what she said again, because then she’s gonna start want to say it again. And then she’s like, being all shy.
SPEAKER_00:
What the fuck? I said, uh, and you know, she could tell she knew she was like, Oh, I wish I I said I it was oh bad.
David:
See, now she knows she has power with that word too. Now she’s like, I can get these guys. Yeah, yeah.
Gavin:
Well, that is the secret to it all, is just trying to overcome the power play between your you and your kids. So true. Um guys, thank you for demeaning yourself and coming onto our stupid little podcast. You are a delight. You’re every bit as joyful as I knew you would be. The the facade you put out there to the world is true, and thank you for spreading your lights. Thank you. This is who we are. Yes, thank you for coming back.
SPEAKER_00:
You guys are awesome. Thank you for the invitation. We got laughs this morning, so thank you.
David:
So, my something great this week is an app, which I discovered again. I I I had said this about our top three lists, but for our listener out there, if we repeat our something great, if we repeat our top three list, if we’re repeat a story, we are senior citizens running a free podcast. You’re gonna have to bear with us, okay? But I don’t think I’ve done this one before because it’s relatively new. So I found this app called uh uh via a TikTok uh called Radio Garden. Have you heard of Radio Garden? I have not. So Radio Garden is so fucking amazing. It is literally an app where the app opens and it’s the fucking globe. And it is every radio station on earth. Oh, and you just spin the globe, you zoom into wherever you want, you click on the thing, and it’s a live feed of what’s currently airing in that country and that like it is I’m stunned.
Gavin:
It is you have stunned me into silence thrice on this episode.
David:
It is it is so amazing. And so, what what do I do? I go to like Inverness, Scotland, I open up their like little local station and I listen and I just imagine I live there. It is so it was kind of reminds me of what Periscope used to be, where like you could kind of go anywhere in the world and watch a live feed of whatever was happening there. And there’s something so magical about being able to transport yourself, but yeah, it’s called Radio Garden, it’s a free app, and it’s incredible. That’s awesome.
Gavin:
My daughter had a lacrosse game this weekend, and it was not her best game. I’m not gonna lie. I could see her out on the field. Drag her. I listen, just wait, just wait, just wait. I could see that she was uh she was a little low key, she was a little run down. Maybe she hadn’t slept well. I don’t know what it was, but I could just tell from the field that she wasn’t um having the best game. And she was adjusting her goggles. They have to wear these safety goggles. My daughter wears glasses, so she has to wear the goggles over the glasses, which is a pain, right? And I thought she was uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah, blah. She gets off the field, and I was afraid that it was going to be just like, woe is me, woe is me. No. She was elated and laughing and beaming, and she had to report, Dad, my glasses were fogging up throughout the entire game, and I couldn’t see the ball, and it was so funny. And I thought, I am so glad that you had that perspective because I was thinking because I was thinking you’re a piece of shit.
David:
Can you imagine if she goes, Dad, guess what? You’re like, I don’t know, you’re terrible at this. And you’re like, oh God.
Gavin:
What is awesome is that if you can’t always be, what is it, an athlete, you can be an athletic supporter. And she is the funnest kid out on the field. And that is absolutely something to celebrate. And I’m so glad that she leans into that and knew that she was um playing a comedic game of lacrosse out there, and she she was living her best life. And that was a pretty awesome thing to realize that um I was the asshole on the field, uh, on the sidelines, as always, and she was the badass out on the field. And that’s our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFmonEverywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Launch on making fun of his children who are playing sports and trying their best. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcast. Thanks, and we’ll drag you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.