Full Transcript
Uh you know what else you forces me to do? God damn it, you ruined my you ruined my top three intro. God damn it.
Gavin:
And this is K3 Arch.
David:
Gaven, our listenership is out of control. And I I have I have I’m taking issue with you listening.
Gavin:
I’m already laughing. I’m over.
David:
I have I’m taking issue with you. I don’t know why you’re listening to this show. Every time I encounter a listener in the wild or or or online, my first thought is, why are you listening to this show? What are you doing? Yes. So one of them was my mother who came to me and she said, I was just listening to your show. I have a question for you. And of course, I’m already like, oh God, what does she want to know? What did I say that was disgusting? And she was like, She was like, What is Skibity toilet?
Gavin:
Fantastic.
David:
And then I have to explain to her what’s I don’t know I’m I’m 45. I don’t know what skibbity toilet. Yeah, except that you don’t even really know what it means. I don’t even know what it is. And then also I had a listener that I uh ran into in LA who was telling me she was like, Oh yeah, like I I often will like buy the books of the people who come on your show. I’ve bought in a couple books, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I was America’s finest news source. We are, we are. But guys, you have to stop it. You have to stop listening to the show and buying the books of the people who come in here promote. It is, it is out of control. So I need everyone to stop.
Gavin:
But thank you everybody for doing so. Yes, I heard on the I I was at my kids’ track meet just the other day, and I was saying something to my friend who is has been a regular listener. And he said, I was telling him about getting chickens, and he’s like, I know you got chickens. I listened to the show. And I’m like, Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Shout out, Dave. Thank you.
David:
I I mean, my first thought, again, maybe this is like you know, imposter syndrome or whatever, but every time somebody mentions they listen to the show, I go, my first thought is, what is wrong? Anyway, we love you, listener.
Gavin:
Yes, we do, and we do not suffer from uh insecurity, frankly. Our egos are completely out of control. So thank you, and please spread the word and and send more people our way, right? Yeah, right. Buying books, even like should we start a book club, a gaterich book club? But Gabe, but you know I don’t read. That’s the problem.
David:
That in fact is the unless you’re talking about like the label of the poppers model. I don’t read.
Gavin:
But you do like to watch movies, right? I do, yeah. So my partner Todd um actually let me know about a movie. Uh he he shared this with me. That there’s a, I believe it’s a short film that is all about um gay soccer leagues. And I am so interested to see this, I believe, again, short film. I haven’t done a lot of background for this, because why would I prepare anything in this uh for this? But the movie is called Mean Goals already. Oh, that’s a great title. It’s a colorful, quirky soccer comedy with a super queer cast. And watching the we’ll have to link in our show notes that don’t exist, but actually we can tweet it, like we have Twitter. Um, actually, I only know about it on blue sky. Anyway, uh, we’ll have to put it out there somehow because it is a very funny comedy about, you know, the gay soccer leagues, I guess, of LA, and you know, the scrappy ones who were never any good, but they’re gonna come out and beat the really big guys, you know, they’re gonna go from bottom to top, etc.
David:
All yes, all of that.
Gavin:
Anyway, I thought that I and I immediately thought, oh, uh, this is some some bit of media that David would happily uh indulge in because it doesn’t require reading.
David:
So, you know, yeah, which I yeah, as we know, I don’t do. But you know what’s funny? I, when I lived in Hollywood, I went to a one gay dodgeball meet. Oh, yeah. Because they were like, oh, there’s a date gay dodgeball league. It’s so fun. It’s and then we all go out to drinks later and we kiki, and I was like, this is for me. I love dodgeball, it’s fun. We could just like everyone will just be like dancing to Shania Twain, yeah, whatever. Those motherfuckers are these muscle queens with rage, and they throw so hard that it hit me so hard I thought it was 1997. I was legitimately unsure of where I was, and I was like, fuck this noise. I did not come here for this. Yeah, I came here to see short shorts, yeah, and yeah, it was intense.
Gavin:
The intensity, which I have only seen from the outside, I’ve never been part of any kind of gay sports league, but the intensity is like, oh, wait a minute. There’s a certain level of toxic masculinity. These are men. Yep, these are men. Joel. Like the velvet gloves, the boxing, the men’s boxing club of New York City. I’m like, that looks way too intense to me. Way too intense. I want to slap and tickle. I don’t want to punch in the face.
David:
Like, that’s insane.
Gavin:
Right, exactly. Well, I am now, I feel like I passed uh definitely uh a Rubicon because my son had a birthday. He is now 12. So I have a 12 and a 13-year-old. Gosh, I know happy birthday. Tell me about it. Happy birthday, daddy, who has gotten his kids up this far. I feel like we really should just be giving gifts to parents’ birthdays, you know, to just be like, congratulations. You have your kids still. I mean, right?
David:
People, this that’s the thing is like before you become a parent, you don’t realize that like we parents have no idea what we’re doing ever. And that feeling, and I always feel like the first time you feel that feeling is when you walk out of the hospital alone, yeah, and there’s no nurses, there’s no doctors, you aren’t tackled by police because you’re doing something illegally. Yeah, I can still see the automatic doors of the hospital opening, and then my father-in-law in the car waiting for us, and me going, Wait, hold on. Like suddenly realizing that I was fully responsible. And every new thing that comes, and you’re you’re ahead of me, but like every new thing comes, you go, I don’t know how to do this. I’m just gonna kind of wing it. Totally. Oh my god.
Gavin:
So we we for sure deserve that’s a that’s a great tradition we should start is gifts for the parents on the child’s can we can cancel out um goodie bags at birthdays and instead just bring you know little bottles of shots or whatever for the parents because I I knew it to alcohol. Of course, it’s cooked. Nobody needs the trinkets in a um baggie at the end, but um bringing the parent who’s hosting a little gifty is actually a much smarter. I a five a three dollar Starbucks would be appreciated, you know?
David:
Oh my god, yes. Um, side note, I I know this is again, so not me, but I do have a moment of awe. Oh, geez. Um I have been traveling quite a bit. I I my last trip is um leaving on Sunday for another week, but I have been gone for weeks at a time, every weekend. It’s been a crazy couple of months. Um, but I will say I was just gone for like a really long week. And the best thing in the world was going to pick up my kids from school after being gone for a week. Oh, nice. Because those motherfuckers have never been happier to see me. They ran at full speed, jumped into my heart, like squeezing me as hard as they could. And then everything for the rest of the day, they could not not be on my body. Yeah. And I don’t have cuddly kids, but these fuckers were obsessed with me. And it was just like it was it’s a moment of awe. Yeah. It’s just such a uh a wonderful reminder that sometimes parenting is fun until it’s not, which is gonna happen three hours later when we are arguing about going to bed. That’s awesome. And coming home from trips, that is awesome.
Gavin:
That’s awesome. Well, you know, in uh news of the week, there is really not that much to report, except there is a new daddy in town. And no, this is not a crossover with our dilf, but rather the Pope, which I want to uh point out that in Italian is papa, which means both Pope and Daddy.
SPEAKER_02:
So I’m just gonna say that’s potato. Then I don’t know, I just made that up. I assume. I think it’s potata.
Gavin:
Oh. Um uh which almost sounded like a humble brag that I know that, but I I as a kid I learned the term azamata patata tu, which means shut up, you stupid potato head in Italian. That’s a thing that has really stuck with me, clearly. This is what our listener comes up for. So anyway, news of the week is there’s a new daddy in town. Um hey, Pope Leo, don’t fuck it up for all the rest of us, okay? Who would hire an American at this time?
David:
I was so shocked by that. Who would say, of all the people in the world, let’s choose somebody from this garbage fire?
Gavin:
Because I’m an eternal optimist, I would like to think that the other cardinals were kind of like, hey, let’s throw a bone and say, we believe in you, please fix yourselves. We’re gonna throw this bone to you. Also, my favorite meme was a genius way for the Vatican to avoid tariffs. Choosing an American. That’s really good. Well, that would be a good hack. Speaking of hack, um, I don’t have a daddy hack of you uh for you, but I will say that if anybody doesn’t watch hacks, you have got to because that show is fantastic.
David:
Gene Smart is a gay gay icon, gay icon, but like national treasure. I know that that term is thrown around. Overused. Yeah. Oh my god, but she is a national treasure.
Gavin:
Yeah, to completely agree. That’s my dad hack of the week.
David:
Oh, that’s fantastic. You um forced me to find a dilf of the week. I sure did. So I literally Googled hot dads in Hollywood just to come up with somebody. Uh-huh. And like the third picture down, I literally gasped. So our hot, our dilf of the week is Mark Consuelos. We really’s Kelly Rippa’s husband, if you don’t know who that is. Nice. All right.
Gavin:
He’s like, we’re gonna have to, I’m gonna slide this into our um Instagram feed because we might as well like give some thirst traps to our listenerslash viewer, and we need to get those daddies up there. Mark Consuelos needs to know that he is our DIF of the week, doesn’t he? He really does.
David:
And I just I just texted you the picture that I used, but it was like it it I literally gasped. I was like, who is this gorgeous piece of meat? Um, so anyway, that’s our delf of the week. I didn’t spend any time on that. There’s no particular cultural reason why I brought him up right now, other than Gavin was forcing me, forcing me to do it. But you know what else I spent no time researching? Tell me. Our top three list. Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one. So our top three list is the top three first world problems. Um, I love a first world problem. They annoy me to no end. And here are my personal top three first world problems. All right. And number three, uh, the Costco parking lot. Oh my god. I mean, you could really insert this with like Trader Joe’s parking lot and like the dense packed parking lots with people who just don’t know how to do anything. Okay. It infuriates me like no other as I’m going into a store in America to buy bulk at a discounted rate. Um, number two, the 39 whole seconds it takes for your phone to restart after downloading a new iOS. I have never felt like a humble village girl like I am sitting looking at my brick restart. And I just think this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I’ve never felt more alone than this moment. And so that’s my number two. And number one, I I hope there’s crossover here, but if not, I you’re a psychopath. Pooping without a bidet. How to defecate in public without a bidet is it’s it’s it’s my it’s my Roman Empire. I don’t even know how to do it.
Gavin:
Uh this leaves me speechless, I do have to say, because we’re a bidet-less family, and I realize that we It’s different if you’ve never had a bidet.
David:
Okay, but once you have a bidet and you’re used to that level of cleanliness, it anything after is camping.
Gavin:
It’s like don’t under Okay. As long as we’re picking this apart. Oh God, here we go. What I don’t understand is just like suddenly being wet. And so then do you have to then you have to dry, right? I mean, I know that’s a very simple, stupid thing, but like I the idea of being just like randomly wet down there in the middle of the day. I mean, hey.
David:
Well, that’s why you use the toilet at the end of the at the end of the wash, you use the little toilet paper to dry yourself off.
Gavin:
And you use the TP for that. Okay. Correct. It’s just a little dabble. Okay, just a little dabble to you. Um all right. Well, in my realm of uh the first world problems that absolutely drive me uh bonkers, I will say there’s a slight bit of crossover here, which is that um my i in my office here where I record is I have a booster, an internet booster. And sometimes that thing takes so long to get engaged that it makes me, instead of being only one minute late to record with David, it makes me four minutes late because my boosters take so long. So number three for me is a Wi-Fi signal that isn’t fast enough.
David:
I And also unfairly having something David to hold over me. That’s probably yeah, part of that.
Gavin:
That’s fine. All of the above, all of the above. But mainly a weak Wi-Fi signal is just um intolerable now, that’s for sure. Uh, number two, chopped garlic and not always having chopped garlic to be able to cook with. Because if I don’t have um my chopped garlic, I like, oh geez, what is this, the 70s with garlic powder?
David:
I don’t you use jarlic?
Gavin:
Yeah, yeah, that’s what I mean. But if we are out of the jarlic, I suddenly think that I’m living in the developing world and nothing could be worse. Number one for me is still the number one, which I did mention last week in preparation for this, is being without sunglasses outside. I and I just think nobody has suffered more than me.
David:
Nobody has suffered.
Gavin:
Than me squinting in the sun on the sidelines of a soccer field or just generally in life, you know. That is that’s great.
David:
All right, what’s next week?
Gavin:
I have no idea. I haven’t given it. Of course you don’t.
David:
Of course you don’t. Gavin, I could smell it 10 minutes before you said.
Gavin:
But I’m honest about it. Will you give us another one to get into the week? And I’ll do two more, I promise, in a row.
David:
Okay, here it is. Next week’s top three list. Top three, guys named Dave.
Gavin:
All right. Our next guest has had his hands on most of the biggest Broadway hits for the last 20 years, but notably for longtime listeners of Gatriarchs, not legally blonde, which we might take him to task for. And that mild detracting factor aside, he has crafted so many of the earworms that you’ve had in your pretty pink queer heads of the last 20 years, including Frozen and Wicked and so many. He’s worked with conducted range for no-name talents talents you’ve probably never heard of, like uh Dolly, is it Parton? Dolly Parton, right. Parton, um, Shaka Khan, Ariana Grande, Rufus Wainwright, and Lady Ngaga here to demean himself, is the guy with the deepest cell phone rolodex of anyone we know. Welcome, conductor, arranger, orchestrator, vocal arranger, composer, and most importantly, gay dad, Stephen Aremus. Welcome.
SPEAKER_05:
Wow, wow. That was quite a you really you really you know, roll out the red carpet.
Gavin:
Well, and but yet um also uh Joshua and Razu a little bit because David and I repeatedly talk about our obsession with legally blonde on this show.
SPEAKER_05:
I I I I am aware.
David:
I mean, honestly, your resume is nothing without legally blonde. You are you’re a beginner and welcome.
Gavin:
Okay, so first and foremost, uh how has your daughter driven you bananas already today?
SPEAKER_05:
Oh God. I mean, well, let’s just start with where where she’s at, which is she’s nine. Okay. Yeah. So so nine, like going on. We are launching into a whole new phase.
Gavin:
Just you wait.
SPEAKER_05:
Um yeah, no, I I I’ve heard, and it’s it’s intense. I mean, like, it’s just like I I was like, I don’t know where what like why the tweens are starting now, but they are. And there’s uh, you know, so uh yeah, so it there’s there’s there’s not a lot of listening, there’s a lot of like distract it’s it’s it’s really intense. So like even even in the morning, it’s just like just getting her out the door to school is yeah, like, I mean, it just adds it’s so much stress and so intense. So, you know, so you know, today is a perfect example. It’s just like, okay, we usually kind of like tag team it, Justin and myself, like, you know, and like, you know, I’ll get her started with breakfast, he’ll make sure that the lunch is made for you know for school if we if it hasn’t already been been sorted, you know, then then it’s like someone has to herd her into her room to make sure she’s getting dressed for school. Right. You know, and it’s like you know, the the the teeth brushing, everything, like everything, and it’s it’s it’s a lot. It’s just you know, it’s just everything is is very intense right now because it’s just like there’s not a lot of there’s not a lot of listening, there’s not a lot of uh there’s there’s not a lot of there’s a lot of like nasty talk back and I was gonna say, I mean, not trying to dig there, but there is there pushback that just comes from the like I’m finding my independence dad step off. Well, she was always very independent as a kid. I mean, you know, I mean unl I mean when she was even littler, you know, I mean you we saw that you know here’s the thing like we’re where we’re where we’re at is that she’s basically me. So the triggering is like so intense. Oh yeah. It’s so intense.
Gavin:
Good self-awareness.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah. So so so so she and I will go at it, and then you know, and Justin’s always the one that’s just kind of like, let’s talk about this, let’s you know, sort this out.
Gavin:
And you both look at him and say, shut up.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, seriously. It’s intense. So, so yeah, so um, you know, I I I mean, she’s a great kid, I but but but there’s there’s really a lot of uh there’s it’s just it’s it’s it’s a very weird, intense time, like in this in between, like not a little kid anymore. You know, and it’s like I mean, I you guys know like every day is like a different experience. I mean, like, you know, you know, every like you know, it goes like in in weak weak increments sometimes. It’s like all of a sudden I’m like, oh, we’re having that conversation now. Oh, you’re able to process that kind of discussion, but then she’ll fool you and you’ll you’ll have a mature conversation and then go, oh my gosh, you’re only nine, you can’t react all this. So like so there’s a lot of that where you know, where where we we have to, you know, I have to like walk it back and be like, oh, right, you this is not this is not where we’re at. Yeah.
Gavin:
Can you give an example of what it is about you in her that you’re like, oh, there’s a trigger.
David:
Oh yeah, yeah, like the ugly mirror syndrome, which we talk about all the time.
SPEAKER_05:
I mean, it’s so it’s I mean, just all of it, like, you know, her wanting to delay everything that she’s doing and like put things off, and you know, it’s just like the the the distraction and you know, I you know, uh like I’m I’m not big into like the you know, it’s like all the and the the letters and things that we’re gonna call things, but you know, maybe sort of ADHD-ish, you know, you know, kind of I mean like you know, the there’s a lot of uh there’s a lot of uh of that. There’s a lot of just snapping back at me like in a very, very nasty way, like that I would I mean it’s exactly the way I talked to my mom. Yeah. Everything. Like it’s I’m literally watching it replay. And I and I I have to take a m you know, it’s like we’re and we’re all supposed to like, you know, take the moment and take you know, pause and take a break. Bullshit. It never happens. I’m just like, oh.
Gavin:
Have you been able to acknowledge that? I assuming your mom is around. Have you been able to acknowledge that to her and say, thanks, mom, or sorry, mom?
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, no, yeah. I mean, look, I was always, I mean, I was I was like of the three of us, because I have uh I have siblings uh that are twins, and uh they were younger than me. And uh I I was I mean, I was like, you know, I was the the the the good one. Of course. You know what I mean? Like so, so uh, you know, so so but but the same triggers, like I’m just I’m it’s fascinating watching it all unfold because the same triggers of the shit that my that that triggered me with my mother is all like it just it’s happening instantly with her, and I’m like, oh my god. I was like, I am not gonna survive puberty with this kid. Oh my god.
David:
Guys, I have a three-year-old daughter. I don’t I’m you got every every single older parent says the shit, and I’m like, but not me. I’m I still have the, but not me, not my daughter. I think we all gave it. We need syndrome. We need to do a supercut of what episode are we on? 106. Of all 106 of our guests, uh, the little breath they all do ask after we ask that question. When we say, How has your kids of you been in? Every single guest goes, Yeah, it’s pretty unique. Like they’re reliving the argument about the shoes this morning. Just an hour ago. Uh literally an hour ago, my getting my son out the door to get to the bus on time. He’s five. And we got this huge argument because he was under a chair and he was crying because the chair was pinching him, but he wouldn’t leave. So I pushed him with my feet out of the chair. And then I hit him and he sobbed in the other room. I’m doing air quotes for the uh the broadcast listeners. And and then there I had to apologize for hitting him, which I did not hit him. I pushed him with my legs, but then it was this whole thing, and then he wouldn’t put on his shoes because now my now my chest hurts because you kicked me. And it was just like I was like, I I can’t, I assume this gets better, but you’re saying otherwise. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_05:
No, no. I mean, it you know, it goes in waves. I mean, like everything, you know, every every phase has been been just fascinating. Of course.
Gavin:
Well, taking back to the first phase, will you tell us uh how did you become a father?
SPEAKER_05:
Oh, yeah. Um, in 2015, well, you know, it you know, we were for we I we did it later. Um, you know, I I was not you know, for for years, the two of us were like, you know, we’ll be the cool gay uncles. You know, like we’re good. We’re good. We we like our life, we can take a take vacations, we don’t have to, we can give the kids back, you know what I mean? Like it’s it’s fun. You know, and uh and we were like the cool gay uncles in the city because we lived in New York City and you know, and it was just like you know, whatever. So my sister had twins, my brother uh and his wife have have two kids, they’re out in Colorado, and so we were like, this is gonna be great. And you know, and Justin’s sister has three kids. So uh so that was all good well and good, and then around 2014, 2015, it was like the most random thing. We were we were literally like watching TV on the couch, hanging out, and he was like, you know, I think we should have a kid. And I was like, Well, tick tock, I’m like over 40, you know what I mean? I was like, my eggs are powdered. Your eggs are powdered.
David:
So I so just little raisins on the vine. You’re like, bro.
SPEAKER_05:
And I was like, nah, I so have any. And so uh, and so yeah, so and then and then then he um you know, and then and then he’s like, no, I think we should do it. And um uh uh you know, we had uh and this is you know, this is now 10 years ago. So uh we we started to um you know I I there weren’t as man weirdly, even 10 years ago, there weren’t as many options for surrogacy. And I mean like they I mean you were doing it through like through through the there there were there was a kind of an explosion over the last 10 years of like more companies that were that were doing it and all that. So there was one company um that uh a friend of ours uh and his husband had had twins through uh called Growing Generations out in the same Z’s same Z.
Gavin:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah do you you did Growing Generations? Yep. Oh great, yeah. So um we like we just got so uh any anyway, and I was out in LA um for uh a big gig and in and in February of 2015, and then I um and then we we went and met with them and you know and it was and we hadn’t had you know what’s interesting is that we hadn’t had really uh detailed conversations about it. Uh Justin and I, we were just like, okay, yeah, let’s look into it, let’s see, you know, and we we sat down um uh with Kim, she was amazing. I mean she’s just so so awesome. Uh um and we we we you know she she was just kind of like interviewing us and talking to us about it, and and and and and then and and she said, So what you know, do you have a preference, a boy or a girl? And both of us, without ever having discussed it, we just went both like girl. We both want a girl.
Gavin:
Interesting.
SPEAKER_05:
We instantly both knew. We both have sisters, we both, you know, it’s like I don’t know, there was something about it. So we were like, okay, at least we we know that.
David:
Um are you thinking about that conversation this morning while you’re having the argument with your girl? You’re like, oh shit. Yeah, like made a huge mistake.
SPEAKER_05:
No, no, I still would take a girl anytime over boys, my friends that have been dealing with boys, and then like, but yeah, no, no, I I I’m I’m good. But anyway, so so we so we uh we started chatting with her and we started doing a whole um you know uh we started going and getting into the process and we just lucked at like it was all just meant to be. It was one of those weird, like magical I mean it wasn’t without its its uh you know it’s hiccups here and there. But but uh you know, we we met with her in February of 2015, at the end of February of 2015, and then we uh we had Skylar May of 2016, May 2nd of 2016. Wow, like it was that quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was pretty fast tracky. It it was, I mean, largely because well, it was also one of those things where our like surrogate-wise, there was a there was a woman who had worked with them before, and um, and then some couple was like, I don’t want to do babies, a baby right now. And she they she freed up. Oh, sweet. And we and we met with her and her husband and spent the day with them, and it was like a you know, it was really cool. And and uh and when then we decided to do it. She had three girls of her own, had another girl for another gay couple, and then Skylar was her last her last girl, our our daughter was her last girl.
David:
I feel like gays also have a little bit of privilege when it comes to surrogacy. I feel like we have a little bit of a genie pass because I think a lot of women want to have babies for gay men. I do. I feel like we get a little bit of a lightning lane. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, it’s true. Well, and also like, you know, it’s like I but but but I also love the whole like, oh, I don’t want a baby now. So like that surrogate became available. It’s like it’s like there’s no oops with gay men.
David:
No, no, we represent that a lot.
SPEAKER_05:
Like it’s like, do you want to buy a house?
David:
Yeah, I I can’t imagine just being like JK on the like creating a child with another human via an agency and an egg donor and IVM.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, it’s a it’s a whole intense stuff. Definitely happened. Oh my god. So anyway, so so we we so we really lucked out, and then and she was out in l in in uh California, and uh, and so we um uh but it but she was she was a C-section, so we knew we could schedule it, which was great.
Gavin:
Convenient.
SPEAKER_05:
You know, yeah.
Gavin:
And were you there to catch the baby, as it were?
SPEAKER_05:
I mean, well, the whole thing I mean I I I don’t we don’t even have the time to get into the the the story was so hilarious and so insane. So what happened we did like back then, um, you know, it was a big deal about live transfer or not, right? Like, you know, to like once the embryos were grown, like they there was no freezing, they put them right in. You know what I mean? You know, kind of thing. And um, and so we we were there, yeah. We were there in the room when she was impregnated and the whole thing. And it was it was wild. It was wild. It was just a wild experience.
David:
Wait, you’re in the room for transfer?
Gavin:
Oh yeah. Oh my god, that is Oh yeah. I was I had a mind gap there thinking, wait a minute, I nobody has ever talked about that.
David:
My sister-in-law was our first surrogate, and she she was trying to take a like a picture like dirt, like before the process, and they were like, no phones in here, no recording. So she has a sneaky photo, and I don’t think she’ll ever let me post it, but I but she has a sneaky photo of her legs way up in the air and two doctors masked up, like up in her guts, and she literally has like a selfie version of it. It is so fucking funny. And I was like, there it is, there’s transfer right there.
SPEAKER_05:
Oh, well, let me tell you about that. Let me tell you so, so like the trans the what was crazy was it was so we worked with this uh with this uh um fertility doctor in uh Beverly Hills named Dr. Ghadir, who’s really wonderful, and um and you know, and we it was a very like that whole office, it was like we were we were definitely unicorns, you know what I mean. There it was, it was there was a lot of straight people, you know.
David:
I mean there were not a lot actually at the time.
SPEAKER_05:
It was 10 years ago. Oh still, you know, but still, I know.
Gavin:
Um but it was so so I was just gonna say my question there is uh it’s surprising to me because you were working with grenad during growing generations, so I would have thought that they would have kind of hooked you up.
SPEAKER_05:
They they use a lot of different people. All right.
David:
Well, you’re talking the IVF clinic was I remember that too, being at the IVF clinic and seeing a lot of kind of straight people.
SPEAKER_05:
I mean, the story about when we gave our samples and the and the and and the the little video thing that they put in front of me, and the girl awkward the the young nurse’s assistant awkwardly trying to show me how to like call up this like really filthy porn. Yeah.
David:
And I was like, Girl, you’re like, I have Sean Cody on my phone. I’m good to go. Like, I don’t know what to tell you.
SPEAKER_05:
I was like, I got some bookmarks. You make some good.
David:
I be ball myself bookmarks from Pornhub. I’m good. But it’s so funny. When we went, so when my husband and I did it, we went to separate rooms and my husband came out and his like face was just white, and I was like, what? And he said, like, he he, you know, we’re looking around and they have like VHS tapes and magazines, which is the most 1987 thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. But he had this only happened a few years ago. Yeah, somebody’s like, I have my phone, but he was like, just for my own curiosity, I want to see what’s in these these magazines, and they’re all straight, right? And he found the one man magazine and he opened it up to a random page, and it was men in clown makeup fucking each other. And he was like, How could you look at this and then create a baby? And he was like, Nope, I’m sorry. I something for everyone. There’s something for everyone. I’m going on to manhunt. I will be back.
SPEAKER_04:
Um, no, it was, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Anyway, so so when we got to the transfer, um, and I was so nervous. Like we we were having breakfast with uh with our surrogate uh and her Lori and her husband Oscar, and we were laughing so hard because we you know we’re just having this lovely breakfast, and then we get a call from the doctor saying, Okay, so what are we gonna do? Uh, you know, who’s gonna be the biodad? What you know, what are we, you know, is boy, girl, what you know, what what and I I I was I was like, I oh I don’t know. I mean, like pick the healthiest girl and stick her in there, you know what I mean? Like that’s all we don’t care. Um, and and so uh and then I and then I went and threw up my breakfast because I was so I was so scared. And girl, anyway, so we got we we got into this little room uh uh for the transfer, and and you know, she’s up in the stirrups, we were in the front part of her. Yeah like the the husband can be you know there.
David:
You’re uptown, he’s downtown, got it.
SPEAKER_05:
We’re uptown. And then and there was a and and there was the fertility doctor and the and the um uh uh the the the ultrasound uh nurse. There was a nurse they’re doing the ultrasound to make sure that they could see what was going on.
Gavin:
Wow, you can watch it in real time like that?
SPEAKER_05:
Oh yes, and they they they do, that’s how they do it. They were and then they’re watching it to like see where he’s implanting.
Gavin:
Where the tool or oh, because we are talking about an embryo, we’re not just squirting some smell.
SPEAKER_05:
This is like we’re gonna embryo deliberately implanting it in her uterus. Yeah. So so this thing starts to happen, and all like and he starts he starts to get into it, and we’re like, we first of all, the four of us were left alone with no one, and we’re just laughing, like, this is so awkward. And she’s up in the stirrup. Yep. And I was like, this is crazy. And then he you know, they come in, and and then the and then the the embryologist comes in, and I mean you just mentioned Sean Cody. I mean, it literally was like he walked out of like I it was like the hottest.
David:
You’re like this about this Bellamy model walks in. Bro, you wanna you wanna hang out?
SPEAKER_05:
You know, um, it was crazy. We were like, who is that?
SPEAKER_04:
The two of us. Anyway.
David:
And then I love how cruising for gay men doesn’t stop at creation of their children. Cruising, it’s uh my my friend Jamie says A B C. She goes, You are always B cruising. I’m like, yep, that’s that’s it.
SPEAKER_05:
And then and then the and and the and the um and I would say that the uh the the the the lady who was doing the the the nurse that was doing the um the ultrasound had like a kind of a buffant like you know, kind of like flow from Alice, you know, like uh you know Polly Holiday back in uh you know, so so like she she looked like a she was she was a waitress at a diner kind of thing.
David:
Like she called you know in the south. She called you Sug. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Well, and and so so then we’re watching him like in real time implanting the embryo inside you know uh our our surrogate and and and and he was having some difficulty, and then she goes, Oh, I know I have a tilted uterus. And we’re like, she’s like, it’s a thing, and we’re like, oh god, and then now we’re panicking. We’re like, is something gonna be wrong?
SPEAKER_04:
Is our baby gonna come out tilted?
SPEAKER_05:
Like, what’s happening? And then uh, and then the the ultrasound nurse goes, she looked at us and she saw us panic, and she was like, Honey, the here’s the good news. Once he gets us in, get it gets it in there, it’s not coming out.
SPEAKER_00:
No.
SPEAKER_05:
She’s like, it’s she’s like, you’re gonna be fine. She’s like, it’s you know, it’s he’s it’s like a whole thing. He so the implantation wor worked well, it all happened, and then it was like that, you know, you got it’s it’s it was touch and go. You know, and it’s like it’s like they’re like, well, her levels haven’t spiked, we don’t know. And then like the next week it was like through the roof, and they’re like, Congratulations, you have a baby.
David:
Oh my gosh. But I’ve always wanted, I’ve always wanted a surrogate who’s like really dark. Like my my sister-in-law Erin, who’s amazing, has the same dark sense of humor as me. And we fucked with a family photographer one time because she was taking pictures of my my sister-in-law’s belly, and she was like, Oh, this isn’t mine, this is my brother’s. And like, just and just letting it sit for a while. But I but in in my mind, I want a surrogate as the like the implant, like the transfer is happening for her to just go, uh, like just to really fuck with everyone, just to fuck with everyone in the room, just to make it real, real awkward for everyone. Because that’s the truth, is that even though we’re all like joking, it is an awkward thing to do witness to. And you might as well be going to talk about.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, it was so weird. And well, and you know, and I mean, I I’d like to think, I mean, like in on some level, that like one of the reasons my daughter is so such like a fun, bubbly, hilarious kid is because we she was conceived in that hilarity. Totally. We were crying laughing. It’s a good way of saying so so bizarre and so hilarious, and we we just laughed till we cried, and we’re like, okay, well, good luck, everybody.
David:
You know, I think I think that’s true. And I remember thinking, like, honestly, even after my son was born, being like, oh, the gestational character has no biological biological connection to the child at all, right? Because you have an egg donor and you have the spirit or what I learned was that the the the surrogate’s body does have an influence sometimes over which switches of the RNA are switched on and off. So there is some sort of I mean, it it’s a little little woo-woo, but I think I totally agree with you that there was like this like joy and laughter surrounding this.
Gavin:
There’s nature and nurture being implanted there at all at the same time, too.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, for sure, for sure. So anyway, so it it so and that that’s and and then uh like I said, you know, that then then we we got pregnant, and then it was a little intense, like the the the cross country thing, yeah, you know, and and just trying to you know get get in touch, and uh, you know, so finally I was just like, here’s an iPhone. Not FaceTime us from FaceTime Us from every from every every second that you’re at that doctor’s office. You know, so stuff like that.
Gavin:
But it was great, it was we we we had a great time and we had a and a wonderful experience with them, and you know so Steven, you’ve been very, very busy of late with oh so very, very many projects going on all at the same time uh with to worldwide fame. I’m curious though, if an alien came down and said, not only said to your daughter, what is this dad, what is Stephen doing these days? Would she give a shit what you do? Or is she like, fuck yeah, my dad does all this stuff?
SPEAKER_05:
She i it it’s somewhere in the middle, you know what I mean? I mean, she she does, she she gets it and she she loves it. Like she she now, like she’s she took up like a couple of years ago, she was like, I want to play the piano, you know, because of me. Yeah, because she knew that but you know, like she she and she she really loves it. She loves playing the piano and singing. She has not been bitten by the look at me, look at me theater bug, thank God, so far. But we’ll see, we’ll see. You know what I mean? Whatever, whatever. But um, but she is uh, you know, but she she does like you know, she grew up in the like sitting in like she was three years old when you know when we put up Frozen and she was like in the orchestra pit, like watching the musicians play, and you know, and she you know, she she was like, you know, she was she was like two, yeah. Well she was she was around that same age when Frozen 2 came out and we went to a screening of it, you know, and she got to be there with you know with the with the with the writers and and and you know and some of the stars. And yeah, it was a whole thing, like she’s she gets it, she really does get it. Um and uh and now now I think that people, especially with the wicked movie, um uh she you know, like Oh, there’s a movie of it? Oh, is that the one? Yeah, I didn’t know. I didn’t see any of that. I know, right. And maybe another one coming out soon. And so so, you know, but she she uh which she sang she sang on the soundtrack, actually. She actually did. Oh, that’s great.
Gavin:
I mean membership has its privileges, so that’s awesome.
SPEAKER_05:
Well, she you know, you know, we need a kid, and I was like, yeah, sure. But anyway, but she but sh but but she but she was uh you know but she’s really uh she she she’s she’s watched me conduct you know orchestras and she’s watched me conduct shows and so so yeah, so she gets it and she and she she’s proud of it. That’s awesome.
Gavin:
Is she more your daughter? Is she more a Glinda or an Alphaba? An Elsa or an Anna? Can you categorize her that way yet? Or an Oda?
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, right. Well, yeah, well, she’s much more uh she’s much I I mean she’s definitely more of I mean she’s she’s she she’s she started as more of an Anna.
David:
Okay.
SPEAKER_05:
And then she’s kind of she’s she’s definitely now more of a Glinda.
SPEAKER_00:
Okay.
David:
I will say. Like it’s just it’s more And it’s gonna be and at like 13, she’s gonna be like an a Madame Morable. She’s gonna just start being really, really fucking bossy. Yeah. Something else is going on. We know something else is going on.
SPEAKER_05:
She’s got some elfy qualities, but like she’s she’s very and and I don’t know where again the Like th this is not stuff that we we that we that we did, but like she’s so girly and so like the makeup and the outfits and you know and and the like well now it’s like just sweatshirts and shit.
Gavin:
She’s in that weird mode. It’s gonna stay that way. Theoretically it’ll stay that way for a little while.
SPEAKER_05:
But but she you know, but she’s really, really into you know, just the the the like the the super feminine of it all, like she loves it, you know. So so um yeah.
David:
So wait, I wanna I want just for our listener out there, the one listener we have in the Jersey Island, um, who doesn’t know what an arranger, conductor, orchestrator, vocal, like what do you do when you say, like, oh, you worked for Wicked, and we say, Oh, yeah, he he created the orchestrations or he musical director, what does that actually mean? Explaining to that alien who just came down to ask your daughter.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just make the music sound pretty. You know what I mean? Like they, you know, it’s like it’s like they take so so like Stephen Schwartz would write something, and then I would build on it. Like, you know, so all the harmonies that people sing in the show, like I wrote those harmonies, you know, with him. I mean, like he and I worked together on all that stuff, but like, you know, and with his approval, you know, I I worked on all that stuff, you know, the the connective tissue of like the music like leading from one thing to another, you know, in and wicked, you know, Alex Lackamore and I did a bunch of the orchestrations as far as like the all the rhythm section, which is all the the instruments that are not the orchestral instruments, uh, you know, and so so I just depending on the show, um, it’s it’s really like just uh it you know, it varies, but in but generally as a music director or music supervisor, I’m in charge of the big the overall package of how it all sounds.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
Not you know, of you know, it’s like I I’ve got to deal with the musicians, I gotta deal with the sound people, I gotta deal with the actors, I know all of it. And I’m you know, and it’s really like kind of it’s really it’s my job to kind of produce all of that music and make it sound.
David:
I will say I feel like you’re being a little humble about kind of what you do because I know many uh uh I I think musical arrangements and orchestrations to me is my favorite art form in the world. It is the thing I have been obsessed with. I wanted to be a film scoring major in college. Like it is something I was I yeah, I know you were, and I remember walking into the film scoring, I I talked to the professor, I was like, Can I be in this? And he was like, No, like he was like, No, you’re in musical because I was like, I was in the opera program, and I just wanted to like wander in and learn how to be you know John Williams. But but but what you can do, because I know many c composers who will hand you G over B and they’re like, make that a song and you go, Oh shit. I and you make you’re you’re layering all the instruments because like Wicked, for example, I know that’s like the marquee one, but like the the the texture and depth you get out of fucking what a 24, 23 musicians. I remember like Altar Boys, I was like, there are four motherfuckers in that pit. And it sounds like this world, and it is a wild trill, and you’re obviously a master at it, but uh, it is it, I I it’s it’s it it’s what I think takes music to where where it is, which is like this whor.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, and I mean that and that’s a big um a much bigger collaboration. You know, it’s like Bill Brown did did the big orchestral side of Wicked, and we you know, we melded all of the worlds together and created the you know the the the the the the sound and you know it’s like you know we just opened Smash on Broadway, like Doug Besterman’s orchestrations that he you know he did the original TV show and like it just evokes this whole world and like you know we were able to like you know do all this uh all these arrangements to uh you know kind of blow that up. And you know, so it’s it’s really um uh it’s really uh exciting. I mean it you know I love doing that part of it. I mean it’s it it you know taking all this stuff and you know in some cases it does verge on you know arranging is writing on top of writing, basically, right? It’s like it’s just you know it’s more of that.
Gavin:
So if you if somebody uh if somebody slipped and broke their ankle tomorrow, and so did both of the understudies and all of the swings from the various tours slipped, could you step on and be Fiero tomorrow? Oh yeah.
David:
And can we see you in the white pants right now?
SPEAKER_05:
I I don’t have yeah, no, I can’t. Uh well and the white or off-white depending on the you know on the uh but yeah, no, uh the no, I don’t um uh I I Fiero’s not not a not a terribly uh intense vocal track. I I think I I would be a little d difficult for me to do all the floaty shit in in the duet, but um have you ever been an actor? Um I I mean the last time I was on stage was like in high school.
Gavin:
Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_05:
You know, I mean I did high school shows and I, you know, they they always screwed me because they wanted me to play the piano for the show, so they would always give me like you know, it’s like it’s like by the time I got to like 11th grade and I was I was I was I wanted to be Eddie Ryan and in Funny Girl. And like they gave me the you know the pivotal role of the stage manager because they wanted me to play the piano for the whole show. Of course. So I had lines like five minutes, Miss Bryce.
David:
Oh, see? But you probably also acted like you were straight for quite a quite a few years in your early years. So that was that was a that was an Oscar-worthy performance, honestly.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, for sure. No, no, no. I was well, I I mean I did get to kind of I mean, uh when I look back at the tapes, like uh uh I was I was Applegate in uh damn Yankees, my senior year. That was my my swallow.
Gavin:
Did you have to play the piano just cuz Applegate can do whatever he wants to do? I mean I did, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:
And and also we smoked real cigarettes on stage. What? Let’s just talk about that. It was the 80s. It was the 80s. Bring it back. I I had a I I had a um uh I had a a special like a magic trick of where he pulls the cigarette out of his coat. And I so I had uh I had like this little um metal tube that was that was like inside my lapel, and I would light a cigarette, actual real cigarette. Amazing. Put it and and and the tube had a little pin in it, and you would put a lit cigarette in the metal tube inside my lapel, and then I had like a ring that had like a button that would like spark, and I would spark the ring and pull the lit cigarette out of my coat.
David:
That’s pretty stuff. I mean, 80s were all about teaching children. 1989, 1989.
SPEAKER_05:
That’s awesome. You know what I mean?
Gavin:
That’s all crazy in San Francisco. Will it will you please tell us what’s your favorite little anecdote about the wicked movie?
SPEAKER_05:
About the wicked movie. Oh god. I mean, my god, there’s a I’m sure there’s a billion, but what comes to mind? Um, you know, uh like uh there there were so many different phases of it, you know. Um, and and and so I I mean I think that like the the most intense and exciting time was was the was the rehearsal period leading into the shoot and getting to be on those sets and like just being like you know in that world all of a sudden. It was just insane. Because I was over there for three months rehearsing with um with uh mostly our Ariane and Cynthia, and uh and then as they started adding, you know, um Johnny came over and a but uh a few of the other uh the other actors and the dancers were all in rehearsals, and and then we we started shooting um at the end of uh 20, what was it, 22? I don’t know, 23 I I I forget, I forget now. 23, I I don’t even remember what what the date was. Um anyway, uh and and and so so I mean I I have to say, like, there there like for me having I I’ve now been a part of Wicked for 25 years from the very first reading. Damn, yeah, the first reading of Act One was 25 years ago this September. Wow. And that was me at a piano with like 10 actors.
Gavin:
How cool. And how is it going so far?
SPEAKER_05:
Is it going okay? It’s okay. Okay. Not too bad. All right, you know, it was, you know, it was it was me like sweating at a piano, being like, are they at the Emerald City yet? And so, um, but anyway, uh, you know, so I think for you know, for for the movie, you know, it just like getting to, you know, I like getting to be a part of uh of that whole like being a part in like walking into the that world blew my mind every fucking day. Yeah. So every as soon as we were on the sets, and you know, because that that was all like, I mean, they’ve talked about it, but like those were all practical worlds that were. There were three giant sets built in the middle of a farmer’s field, like a turf farm in in England. And um, and I think that, you know, like getting to like I was like watching the movie now, I’ll be like, oh my god, I was there when they shot that, and they like, you know, and and and they’re coming towards the camera. I’m like, I was behind the camera. And now wait a minute.
Gavin:
Like these moments. Why did you need to be behind the camera at that moment? Was it? Oh, you just got to be. You just okay.
SPEAKER_05:
He’s just a queer on the set of wicked. I’m the executive music producer. All right. So yeah. Okay. So yeah, so no, I you know, I just got to be. So, so like, so you know, so and and I think that those those moments, like like the courtyard moments and the stuff, the stuff that we were shooting for Shiz, like when Bowen was on set, and like it was just it was just it was just so hilarious and so fun. And you know, and I have to say, like, you know, uh uh getting to be there to to like actually see some of this come to life after all these years in such a different, exciting new way. I mean, yeah, you know, it was just it was wild. So I mean, I don’t have any I mean I wish I had like a dreamed experience for sure. It was it was really, yeah, it was it was beyond special.
Gavin:
Hearing about you being at the piano though for day one of the um uh reading of act one, that’s pretty um okay.
David:
So you’ve done a couple of these flops, right? Wicked, Avenue Q, um, Smash. These are like no names. What is what’s in the future for you? What’s new? What’s exciting? What are you hoping to do? What is next on your plate that you can sell?
SPEAKER_05:
Um Yeah, I mean, uh well, uh well, there’s there’s still part two of Wicked that we’re working on. Never thing.
Gavin:
Fishpash. Never heard of it. But that’s very exciting, and I can’t wait to see it.
SPEAKER_05:
And that’s literally like the next four or five months. That’s what you’ve got to work on entirely. Like it’s really like we’re we’re we’re in post-production for that, and we’re putting all that together. Um, you know, uh, and then I’m uh and I’m going to be in uh at the Hollywood Bowl uh doing Jesus by Superstar with Cynthia Rebo.
Gavin:
Right on! That’s awesome!
SPEAKER_05:
She’s singing Jesus.
Gavin:
Yep. Oh my gosh, she’s singing the shit out of it, that’s for sure.
SPEAKER_05:
Yes, we’re gonna have a big orchestra, it’s really exciting. So that’s so that’s all happening. And then I’m working, I’m working with Cindy Lopper on her new musical, and she’s written the new musical of Working Girl, the 80s movie.
SPEAKER_00:
Yep.
SPEAKER_05:
So uh that’s happening in the fall at La Jolla. Awesome. So yeah, so things, you know, it’s like still still still still dipping my toe in the in you know in the in the the the theater stuff as well.
Gavin:
And you know when you have a moment to just go sit on a beach or do a vacation or scrap on a backpack. Oh, where are you going? Can you tell me? St. Thomas. Oh nice. Oh nice. That’s awesome.
David:
Well, you know what, Steven, I think you’re I think I think you’re poised for success someday. I feel like you’re building your resume. Yeah, and someday you’re gonna be successful. And I’m really, I’m really my fingers are crossed for you. I’m very excited.
SPEAKER_05:
I appreciate that.
David:
I really, really I like that support.
Gavin:
Now please come back and demean us um some more with your um tell us a tale of I will never forget the time when my daughter.
David:
There’s the breath. There’s the breath, I’m telling you. Every time I’m gonna do that.
SPEAKER_05:
I know, I know. Um, you know, there there is there’s really uh this is it’s a hard one. You know, she she’s really, she’s she’s you know, we’re like I said, we’re we’re we we we’ve been through these these breakdown moments, like where she just melts, melts the fuck down. And the other day, I will say I had I had I had a great one because uh she she literally um she she was on the phone with a friend uh on her iPad with a friend.
SPEAKER_00:
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05:
You know, they they play games together, but they they can only face time each other in order, like I don’t let them chat through the game and all that, whatever. Good call. So so uh so she and she was on the phone with a friend, and and she she’s literally like she came up to talk to me and she still had her headphones on, like one headphone off.
Gavin:
So, but I didn’t realize yeah, like a true musician, she has her cans on and off, but anyway, yes.
SPEAKER_05:
And she’s now getting to the point where she’s she’s she’s she’s trying to work the system because my like Justin will tell her one thing and then I will and then she’ll come to me and be like, Well, what do you think of this? Like, can I do this? And I’ll be like, Okay, and she’s like, and then Justin’s like, Why did you tell her that? I said no, you know what I mean? Like, you know, that sort of thing. And so she’s in she’s in this place now where she’s she’s working out, you know, how to play us, and she’s you know, and it’s it’s never a good thing. And so she comes up, she’s talking to me, and she’s just like and and then and then she was just like she she she she she asks me to, you know, she’s like, Can I have a sleepover? And I’m like, You had two sleepovers last week, we’re not doing a sleepover. And then she starts, she bursts into like the eyes well up, she bursts into tears. Okay, she’s she’s she’s got the the headphones on, by the way, like it’s it’s half on, and then and then she’s she starts crying, and then I was just like, no, I was like, we’re not having a sleepover, blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_04:
I find out the friend was still on the phone while we were having a private conversation, and I was just like, what the I was like, you can’t and she was just like, I can’t believe you’re not letting me have a sleepover. And I was like, what? Like she she’s just like, she’s like, but I need to see my friends, and like it’s necessary for me to be around my friends, and like it was like and I started and I literally started laughing so hard.
SPEAKER_05:
I like I’m looking at her and then she’s like, Stop laughing at me.
SPEAKER_04:
I’m literally trying to stop. Like, I can’t. It’s hard not to sometimes.
SPEAKER_05:
They’re having the worst day of their life, and you’re like this is funny. No, but like she is, she is it’s it’s it’s really it’s it’s the drama is really intense. And then she’ll she’ll hit me with one of those things where she just where all of a sudden she’ll be just like you know, she like she’s just like she’s like, I need this. I I this is very important to me. This is you you never let me do. And I’m like, never. She’s like, I’ve it’s been forever. I was like, it was last week.
Gavin:
Maybe it was last week. Yeah, definitely she’s going through her Galinda era for sure.
SPEAKER_05:
It’s all it’s all so intense, you know. So so I mean, like, I you know, and I I I will say, like, she she’s she’s really not a you know, she’s not a bad kid, but it’s it’s like the feelings are big and they’re getting bigger. Yeah, and and that is terrifying. Yeah, and but exciting. I mean, like, you know, I mean, I you know, like it’s just you know, and all I can think is like we’re trying to get her to, you know, like I mean, like, I mean, we’re trying to get her. We’re we’re trying to shepherd her through all of this to like to be able to say, like, here’s how we deal with these feelings, and here’s here’s an appropriate response, and here’s how we work through this this sort of stuff and everything. But it all happens afterwards. So I I will say, like, you know, she’s she’s good. Like, we’ve had so many like like next day conversations where I’m driving her to school and I’m like, That’s good, you know what? Yeah, how about that thing last night? She’ll be like, yeah. Okay. You know, like I know, and so but that’s all we can do.
Gavin:
That’s the important kind of shit that our I don’t think that our I don’t think that our parents were necessarily as good at that as I think that that’s one of our superpowers these days, is to be able to go back and we can do our apologies. We open the door for them to do their apologies and debrief it, and we will uh we are doing our best to make a better world for our kids.
David:
But it’s also hard not to imagine a little mute button that you have in your pocket because when my daughter goes off on these, like she’ll whatever whatever’s on the dinner plate, whatever it is, it could be the thing she’s dreamed of, she will fall on the ground sobbing and screaming because she doesn’t like it. I just I want to click that button. I just want to mute that button and continue eating in silence. And I I hate that I feel that way, but sometimes I feel that way.
SPEAKER_05:
No, it’s so true. It’s so true. Yeah, no, I I mean, uh, you know, look, I think that I think that it’s like look, we we’re all just doing our best. But but but uh and I and I think that as far as it’s a little harder for me, you know, because what what uh as far as as far as the dynamic in our family, because I’m the one that’s always away. So like I’m the like I I I’m the like my husband is owns a business in New Jersey, like he he, you know, and and and and is like is here and and is is uh here all the time.
Gavin:
And that’s an interesting dynamic you have to balance then too, because you’re the clown who comes in once in a while to disrupt.
David:
Well, I mean you’re there Maven Lodge calls Stephen Aramis a clown. It’s gonna put that on Broadwayworld.com. That’ll be the title of the story.
SPEAKER_05:
No, but I mean it really like I I’m all I’m constantly resetting the relationship dynamic. Yeah. Every time I walk back in, I’m like, oh right. Like, you know, so and looks listen, I mean, that that wouldn’t work if you know my husband and I didn’t communicate. And of course we communicate, and like, of course, you know, we like, but but like things get so intense where I’m away for like a little chunk of time, and then I’m back, and I’m like, what’s happening here? Why is she doing this? And why are we? Everything it’s a whole new world.
David:
Why are the forks in this drawer? Put them back where they were.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, it’s it’s it’s crazy. So so you yeah, anyway, go ahead.
Gavin:
Well, speaking of crazy, I think it’s crazy that you did demean yourself by coming on our stupid little podcast, but sorry. Thank you, Steven. Thank you for joining us. This was you. Oh my god. We are huge fans, obviously. Wicked is amazing. Smash.
SPEAKER_05:
Even though I didn’t do I’m sorry I didn’t do legally blonde. I’m so sorry. Yeah, that’s that’s a problem.
David:
That’s gonna that’s that that one I’m gonna have to recover from.
Gavin:
I might be ready for um um a revival. I want nothing.
David:
I want nothing changed except the choreography into the courtroom and act two. That’s all I want changed. Everything must be exactly the same.
Gavin:
Yeah, we’ll we’ll have to let them know after we don’t know. Steven, thank you so very, very much. Thank you. I am really proud of this week’s something great. Oh. Uh my partner, Todd, has started a new tradition in the house. And by new tradition, it’s hey, we should do this, but we’ve only done it like once in the last week. But he uh loves the on the road series from CBS. And I think it’s the CBS Sunday morning news. Yes, go ahead and call me a you know um little old lady. But the CBS Sunday news uh or Sunday, yeah, it’s the Sunday news? No. It’s called CBS Sunday morning. Yeah, yeah. CBS Sunday morning. Uh it’s a fantastic uh, you know, show, period. But they do this on the road series that’s always just like these heartwarming stories, and of course, through the magic of the introwebs, I don’t know if you’re aware that you can get little, you know, two-minute stories on your phone on something called YouTube. Anyway, he’s been showing these videos before the kids go to sleep, and they are all heartwarming stories about gratitude and how good we have it.
David:
It’s your own little porn studio.
Gavin:
They are all tear jerkers, uh-huh, but the kids are riveted by them. And it’s a really lovely way to go to bed with you know warm fuzzies. So I highly recommend looking up the On the Road series on you know, whatever wherever you get your 15-second videos.
David:
I yeah, I will say I I know exactly what you’re talking about, and they are like beautifully produced like little stories. I also love that you have now just discovered YouTube 25 years later. YouTube debuted in like 2001 or something. Um yes, that’s fantastic. Okay, my something great. Refers to a previous something great, which is I mentioned that we were about to record and I found out my friend had just had their baby. Well, I was just in LA last week and I got to meet said baby. Oh. And it was so wonderful. And thank you, listener Maggie is my friend who just had her baby. Shout out to me. It was so fun to be in a house with newborn parents. Like just like the air, like just remembering how it felt, like just it and and and what they were feeling and everything. It was such a like a throwback because it’s been you know three years since I’ve had an infant, and it doesn’t sound like a long time, but you get around like bottles and breast pumps and diapers and wipes and stroll, and you’re like, oh yeah, I don’t have any of this stuff in my house anymore. But I it was so fun. It was the perfect like little thing because I got to hold the baby and feed and like and burp and just to do all the things I had I held him for hours, and then you handed him back and I said, bye bye, and I walked out the door. It was like the perfect little thing. So very grandma David, totally, but it was so fun. They are great parents, they’re they look great, they’re like they’re feeling positive. But this is month one, Gaben. So we know what’s coming for them. We know, but it’s down in the world. It’s so fun to hold this little beautiful baby and spend some time with my new little friend. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge, defying gravity. Oh, please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll make you popular next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.