Full Transcript
Tell me the top three most cliche ways. Something about pride. Um, like the biggest bullshit, the bullshit ways people celebrate pride or corporations celebrate pride, or Gavin.
David:
I want you to know that 82% of our cold opens are just me. Trying to work out the top three lists.
Gavin:
I am aware of that because I do listen and I’m okay with it with the the the hole that I am digging here.
David:
Um the hole. And this is Gatriarchs. So this week has been a week where I darkly have enjoyed my daughter being very sick because she has had some sort of like stomach bug thing, but like a light, like poopy a little bit, kind of cramping, not just not uncomforta not comfortable. And my daughter is not cuddly. So she’s been really cuddly. She just wants to lay on me. So I’ve been like, oh, I I won the lottery, the parent lottery, because all we’re doing yesterday is we’re laying around. She just wants to lay on top of me. She’s putting all her weight on me, but she’s not sick, sick, where she’s like coughing in my face or throwing up or doing anything. So I was like, oh, I have won the lottery until that sound. The sound where she starts to cry and cough a little bit, but it’s a different kind of cough. Uh-huh. It you just it’s like those of you who have dogs know the sound I’m talking about. Yes, I’m equating children to dogs. And not the first time. She started, she sat up and she started crying, and then she started coughing, and I went, Oh, is this? And then she just projectile vomited all over me, all over the bed. And then she’s crying because she’s throwing up. Yeah. And I’m trying to comfort her while in my head going, oh my god, I’m covered in a three-year-old’s vomit, and trying to like maintain my sense of calm while also being so fucking disgusted that this happened.
SPEAKER_03:
And then she just wants to be held.
Gavin:
Oh, well, and just she wants to lay in her own sick on your chest.
David:
I’m doing the I’m doing the acting role of a lifetime by being so calm and I’m you saying, It’s totally fine.
SPEAKER_03:
Don’t worry about it. Daddy will shower later, we’ll clean up, like, don’t worry about it inside.
David:
I’m like, don’t fucking touch me. Don’t fucking touch me. This is disgusting. Oh, yeah. I think I got punished for kind of being happy that my kid was a little bit sick because I was getting cuddles.
Gavin:
You were celebrating the joy and the gratitude, and look what it gets you. Absolutely pointless. Um never again. Are you an immediate recoil from barf person? I know we’ve talked about this before, but I forget.
David:
My husband and I are literally our dividing line is the belly button. For whatever reason, anything above the neck, boogers, ear stuff, vomit, like that kind of stuff. Yeah. Grosses me out so badly, and it doesn’t affect my husband. And the reverse is true. We’re like, poop he, like, I don’t, it just doesn’t bother me. And my husband’s a little like, uh, why don’t you deal with that? So it works out usually. Yeah. But when I’m the like, he’ll just like reach in my kid’s ear and like pull stuff out. It’s so gross. But luckily, we’re a good team because he can do that half and I can do the other half.
Gavin:
Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, so this is funny because it’s this is reminding me of um, I have years of parenting PTSD from my son’s cough. Now, what I mean by that is I do think though he hasn’t tested super positive for a lot of allergies, he definitely has seasonal allergies like most of us do. And um, he has a very, very distinctive cough that absolutely this is when I become show my monstrous side when it just drives me bonkers. And it’s just the same. He has a it’s always a two-cough sneeze, a two-cough sneeze. The poor kid is going through it constantly, really suffering, never complaining, because that’s just not what he does. And it’s a cough, cough, a chew. And I mean, it’ll happen 15 times an hour. I mean, it really is seems I mean, probably people, a listener out there is thinking, you need to actually deal with this. But we do. I mean, we give him uh an allergy pill when he was younger. We gave him like the allergy um or the not the Benadryl, but the you know, like a cold and cough that’s uh got a whole lot of chemicals in it. So you just give like this microdose to kids. And a doctor friend of mine was like, listen, that’s just super conservative. You can give it, you can double him up on it. And it does seem to help. And it all goes away, but he has had this same pattern of cough, cough, sneeze, cough, cough, sneeze since he was two years old. And when it rears its ugly head, I’m reminded, oh geez, now I have to suffer through this for the next few weeks.
David:
I love how we have taken our children’s genuine illnesses and made it about us in our annoyances.
Gavin:
We uh this is a safe place. Are you mocking me for that?
David:
This is what this is in our 110-episode history. Did you consider Gatriarchs a safe place? But you know what’s also not a safe place? Oh god, what? Pride. It’s pride, it is pride, guys. It is week one of pride.
Gavin:
Unleash, have a Kiki, um, love it, hate it, whatever you’re gonna do. But yes, happy pride to you as well, David.
David:
It is it is pride. It is a month where we get to hang a rainfall, rainbow flag out our house and wonder if somebody’s gonna drive by and spray paint bag on the side of our house. But it is pride, and we are proud to it. Feels weird to say you’re proud to be who you are, because like I didn’t do anything to earn this.
Gavin:
Oh, yes, we did. Oh, yes, we did. Not only 110 episodes, we were born with it, baby. Yes, I agree, but we still get to be proud about it. So, how are we gonna celebrate? Do you think?
David:
We’re gonna celebrate, guys, by doing what a listener suggested.
Gavin:
We are, yes, we are. I’m not gonna pretend that I didn’t know this was coming. I’m really excited about it. We’re we’re gonna put our our money, yeah, and a balloon where our mouths are.
David:
Anyway, we’re gonna put other things where our mouths are, but also, listener, we decided to do this eight minutes before we started recording. So we are gonna do a Gatriarch’s Gay Dads Meetup. Yes, we are. We’re gonna do one. It’s gonna be in New York City. We are gonna just try this out, and we it literally could just be us. It could be Gavin and I standing in a park, yeah holding Gatriarch’s water bottles and just looking around at other people. But we’re gonna try it. Um, I know, listener, not everyone lives anywhere near New York City. That is totally fine. We’re gonna try to partner with some other organizations, but it’s we just want to try it. We’re just gonna see why don’t we all just hang out in a park together? So, what we’ve decided is we are gonna meet on Saturday, June 28th, and we’re gonna go from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m.
Gavin:
Which that time of the day, luckily, I mean, morning rhymes with liquor. So I’m gonna find a way to have mimosas. And it might just be a BYOB situation, just fill your own cup because we should be able to do that. We’re gonna get tickets for sure. We don’t want to get ticketed or arrested. Um, so we probably shouldn’t do that, but like BYOB, y’all, please. Yeah.
David:
Well, but don’t don’t like don’t like be cool about it. You know what I mean? Um, it’s like cruising. It’s like be cool about it. Don’t ruin this. Um, we’re gonna meet at the Heckshire Playground. If you don’t know where that is, I didn’t either. Um, Gavin was telling me about it. It’s on the southeast side of Central Park. It is so easy to access from either the Columbus Circle side or over by Apple. Like wherever you are, it’s this, it’s like the very bottom of Central Park.
Gavin:
If you Google her um Heckshire Playground, which is spelled S H E C K S H E R. Are you sure there’s not another C in there? I think I don’t fucking know. I think you did your C’s wrong. Hold on. Whatever.
David:
Um, but it that’s where we’re gonna meet again, 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. This is aimed for kids, people who have kids who would play at a playground at 9 a.m. I know some of you have teenagers or older kids or whatever. Well, but Egan was saying this, yeah.
Gavin:
Yeah, to that point, actually, there’s a little kids section, there’s a big kid section, there’s lots of swings, there is a water um thing going on through the the the main feature of the playground is it’s kind of got this old style medieval castle that you can climb around. And then on the other side of the castle, there’s these big ass rocks that frankly everybody from five-year-olds to 55-year-olds, including me, I am not 55 to be clear, um, like to climb over and clamber over. So it is, it has truly got something for everyone, including a public restroom. And you know what a public restroom means in the middle of Central Park, don’t you, David?
David:
I know what it means at night, and I know what it means during the day. And during the day, for us, it’s gonna mean you can have a place to change your kid’s diaper.
Gavin:
You don’t have to bail just because your kid decided I don’t need to pee or poop before leaving the house in the morning. And then those assholes have to pee or poop the second they arrive.
David:
So there is a restroom there, yes. So we hope, listener, you join us. Um, we hope somebody joins us, and if it’s just us, it’ll be a great reason for Gabe and I to get together. So just one lesson. We’re gonna say this every episode until it’s over. But Saturday, June 28th from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. at the Hecksher Playground in Central Park, New York City. Anyway, um, so moving on. You were waiting for me to put a hat on that. But I realized I have no, I have nothing for you today. Okay, so I have a question for you. Tell me. You know, and I’ve said this since I think maybe episode one or two, is that I’m a big believer that we as parents have to put our mask on before we put the mask on our children. We have to make sure we are fully functioning people to be great parents to our kids. And one of the ways that I did this, my husband and I did this in infant, not in infancy, but like the first couple of years was we tried every Sunday, which meant every other Sunday and sometimes one Sunday a month, to get a babysitter for a couple of hours, even if that meant we just went to the basement and like watched a movie or something. Right. Because we needed that refill. Yeah. Well, so we have been really bad about it for like this whole year. We have not barely done it at all, other than like special times. And we’ve decided we we at least for the next month or two, we want to do it again every Sunday because we haven’t even like we can’t even, we don’t even have time to shop for socks. Yeah, like my husband’s like, I need socks. I’m like, who’s gonna buy it? I don’t know. So we’re gonna do it again. And so we planned every Sunday for the next month for three hours on Sunday, we’re getting a babysitter. Nice. Like my kids are pissed. And so now my husband and I had this conversation of like, we’re feeling guilty. We’re like, is this too much time? Are we ruining our kids’ lives? Rip that band because now they’re old enough to like care whether we’re not at home and they want us to be home all the time.
SPEAKER_03:
No, we see these fuckers all the fucking time.
Gavin:
And those fuckers see you guys as fuckers all the time. And why don’t they need a break from you, frankly? I mean, listen, uh now I’m at the point where my kids are kind of like, please don’t come home ever. Please don’t come, please don’t. We will eat ramen. We will just open some spaghettios and eat it cold. We don’t need you home. Anyway, you’ll see, you’ll see. But so have you found a solution to just abandoning your children?
David:
Oh, good. No, we’re doing it. We’re doing it, but we were just like having this, we were walking after lunch, and I was just like, I’m starting to feel a little guilty because our kids are like, No, I want to be with you. And I’m like, I want to go to Macy’s and look at blazers more than I want to spend time with that children. That’s not true, but but but we’re getting back into it because we were, we were, you know, we were trying to schedule a trip and we were trying to do this off. We were like, when are we gonna do this? Because we put the last one to bed and we come downstairs at nine. Uh I’m in bed at 9.27. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have a 27-minute window to like talk to my husband about anything by ourselves. And he will have fallen asleep by the end of the day. And he’s asleep immediately. I can always tell when we’re watching TV and he goes in a very specific position on the couch where he like has a blanket, but he like wraps his little hand around a pillow, and I always laugh. I’m like, oh, is that your awake position? Um, anyway, um, tell me some good news. I need some good news in my life.
Gavin:
There is some news in the the in the world right now to be to celebrate. And it falls under the line of, ha ha, that came back to bite you in the ass, didn’t it? So the Iowa legislature signed a bill that’s a don’t say gay bill, right? Okay. And it is super vague and bullshitty, and it’s uh it covers the entire gamut of blocking books and and not allowing teachers to be able to address the existence of what they would call alternative lifestyles, et cetera, right? Well, guess what? Somebody grew a pair and shot it down. And it was actually uh some peel, some folks appealed it, including the, I believe it was the Iowa ACLU and a major book publisher. It was Rand P Penguin Random House, also sued. And so there was a uh U.S. district court in the Southern District of Iowa judge who said, this is bullshit, and I say no. And it vi not only violates the First Amendment and freedom of speech and freedom of expression, but it also the law is just completely overly vague. So they shot it down. So I’m like, you know, thank goodness for talk about the first line of um defense we have right now. It’s all about attorneys. I mean, if I ever wished stronger than having a uh law degree, it is definitely uh, you know, I’m wishing for it right now.
David:
And then also, I need to pause because this is just while you’re pausing, we should tell our listener if you’re looking for places to donate, ACLU. Yeah. Right? Like a great place to put your money because I feel like at the end of the year, we’re always feeling guilty. We’re like, we did nothing for charity. And then we’re like, all right, what where should we put a hundred bucks, 200 bucks? And we’re always like, I don’t know, HRC, which is a great one. Yeah, Trevor Project. But then I always forget ACLU.
Gavin:
Those attorneys they’re fighting the good fight. They’re really fighting the good fight. So speaking of folks fighting the good fight, um, it was scientists and researchers and um social scientists and whatnot. Woke leftists, got it. Yeah, here’s a headline for you. Utah lawmakers’ own study found gender-affirming care ben benefits trans youth. Will they lift the treatment ban? So apparently the legislature actually did a ban of uh uh you know gender-affirming care in Utah, but thank goodness in 2020 they they commissioned uh this study at the same time that the law was passed, and they had to have an actual study looking into the benefits or you know, you know, lack of benefits for gender-affirming care. And so the study came out and said, No, no, no, you need to do this. That gender affirming care is really important for the welfare, the mental health, and the physical health of um trans youth. And so now the governor’s like, oh sh, uh, what do I do? So I think everything is in limbo as of this recording, but isn’t that fantastic?
David:
That um, you know, yeah, I guess I just feel like we have the only way to get these people to stop is we’re gonna have to attach. Every time they say we want to ban gender affirming care, I think we have to say, great, attach to that, Viagra, hair transplants for men, French tips for women. All of this stuff is gender-affirming care, and we have to get rid of all of it. So every time they say we’re gonna get rid of it, great, let’s put all of it together. All of gender-affirming care. And then we’re psyched constructive, great, get rid of it. Let’s talk about Dilfs. Shall we?
Gavin:
You know what? I have such, such hair envy for the this week’s Dilf of the Week. I think he sets the bar for hair fabulosity, and that is Tan France from great, great hair. From the new queer eye. That and also that guy is nothing but light and positivity and smiles.
David:
We have a lot of good hair in this episode. Our guest in a few minutes has also really great hair. It’s a good hair. So it’s a great hair episode. This is Becky with the good hair episode.
Gavin:
You know what makes hair look really good, also? What? Our top three list? Gate three marks. Top three list, three, two, one.
David:
I love how you I have you did that segue with a question mark at the end.
Gavin:
I maybe like is this good? It felt like we didn’t need to talk about Tan France much more. And uh, everyone knows who he is.
David:
Um, all right, so this top three list is mine. Yeah. Um, and it is the top three Olympic sports for the gay male gays. Um, yes, I’m talking about just staring at hot Olympians and just thinking about them from the point of view of your own sexual desires. Yeah. Not the best sports, yeah. Not even the most interesting sports, but the ones that are the best to look at for. Now we’re gonna have some crossover, but I think that will be fun. Um, and this is also my point of view. Um, all right, so in number three for me, obviously, men’s gymnastics, specifically the high bar. And I don’t know, was something about I mean, just as of last summer.
Gavin:
Was this before last summer that was no?
David:
I just I just I’ve always been like those men in those like long pants and they’ve got the little stirrups on the bottom. And they’re like, oh, it’s just there’s something about them flipping up in the air that is makes them extra hot. Most people I think would say rings because you get a lot of shoulders, but I just I don’t know something about the high bar for me. Uh number two for legs, speed skating.
Gavin:
Oh yeah. Oh my god, I was only thinking summer sports. Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
David:
Okay, anyway, keep going. No, it it the the the speed skate, the legs on those boys, the butts on those boys are and they’re just bent over the whole time. Yeah, the entire time men with beautiful butts and asses and legs just bent over. That is the kind of Olympian I’m interested in. Totally. And number one, this is by far, I think, the best Olympic sport for the gay male gays is track, but specifically when they do those slow motion recaps at the end where you see everything moving alien brains just dancing around in those boys’ shorts, and you are just hypnotized. The slow-mo dick prints.
Gavin:
Oh, that’s really funny. Is my number one. That’s really, really funny. Okay. Well, obviously, gymnasts and swimmers. I feel like there’s no point in even talking about gymnasts and swimmers. So I don’t mean to, you know, shit on your number three, but obviously gymnasts and swimmers are up there. Um, but I will say for me, uh, number three, cycling. Kind of like you with um with the speed skaters. I mean, they’re all bent over and they are just, I mean, the calves on those dudes, uh just like I mean, just grapefruits on their calves, right? Yeah, uh, I think that’s pretty awesome. And they all have ED though, because they’ve been sitting on those bike seats for their whole lives. True.
David:
Okay, yeah.
Gavin:
Does that actually I mean we know about Lance Armstrong and cancer and everything, but ED.
David:
Yeah, but I I think it it is, I think there is an ED component to that, but I think they’ve they’ve figured it out. But this is just for the gays. This is not just for, this is not for the gays, gays, sex with these nah. This is just the gays, gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.
Gavin:
Uh number two, water polo. Because aside from the helmets, the stupid helmets that look like they basically have headphones on, which are so dumb. Um, but then number one, a far and away above gymnastics and swimmers, I would say, is actually rowing. Rowers, they have a lot of arms and back and legs. I mean, it is a completely all encompassing sport. Um, they say um. That it is the most all-encompassing sport after cross-country skiing. That the rowers have the biggest hearts and lungs. Now, I was told that when I was a rower back in the day. So does this hit home? Absolutely. Was I gay when I was a rower? Well, I suppose born with it so obvi, but I was not able to completely realize how awesome it was to be a rower and the people I was surrounded by.
David:
Um is it also because you want to yell at a group of like 20 young men and they all do what you tell them to do? Is that part of your fantasy?
Gavin:
Uh you just said this was the gays, gays, not necessarily fantasy life, but um sure. You’re right. Sure. Yeah. Being well, you know, if I were the cocks yelling at the four or the eight to do what I was saying, you’re welcome.
David:
Insert joke here. Four or eight. I know. I could you could have told me a hundred and I would have believed you. I have no idea how doing this quote. Um, all right, what’s next week? I want to know the top three ways you call bullshit on pride. Our guest this week is a dad of three who, after losing his wife to cancer, turned his grief into a new book called Let’s Skip the Bull Lessons from Dad After Your Mom Died. In addition to being an author, he’s also a community-minded real estate developer. I don’t know what that is. Yeah, a marketing exhibitor. An art director, and even a mechanic? What? And even though he’s straight, we have decided in an effort to promote DEI, we would allow him to be on our show. You’re welcome. A man from the American South and easily the hottest guest we’ve ever had. Please welcome to the show, Daryl Kalfi.
SPEAKER_03:
Hey Daryl. What’s up, man?
SPEAKER_04:
Thank you. Thank you both. I appreciate you allowing the straight man to enter the Gay Sharks podcast. Yeah, I feel loved and accepted. This is why DEI is important.
David:
Um, and also I want to point out that before we started recording, you said to us, you woke up thinking about us. So I did. You know what I mean? Like, I don’t know. Um, so we start every interview the same way, which is how have your children driven you nuts today? Okay, real talk.
SPEAKER_04:
Uh-huh. Real talk. Two nights ago, we’re on date night, and date night’s supposed to be super sacred, right? Where it’s like I’m not being um bothered by my kids or the babysitter or whatever until after date night’s over. I my phone starts blowing up. I get a text from uh my kids like, hey, can we talk? Well, when I get home, I find out that the two oldest girls have decided that it’s a good night to tell the five-year-old that there’s a zombie outside. And I’m shitting you, I am shitting you not. One of them dressed up with a pink wig on. I’ve got all this on camera, walks out, stands in the yard, and the older one says, Hey, come here, come here, come here, look, and opens up the window blinds in order to show him that there is a zombie in the yard that’s amazing. And then the reason I’m getting called is because the kid won’t go back to bed because he literally thinks they’re zombies.
David:
I so appreciate the follow-through from your kids. You know what I mean? It’s not just like we we like planted a seed of a rumor of a like we planted the seed and then we followed up with making it.
Gavin:
We’re following through and delivering on that zombiness. That’s fantastic. Was this a surprise to you, or is this on brand for them?
SPEAKER_04:
This is creatively on brand, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve gotten more creative in the ways to like just mess up everything, right? They’re they’re fantastic kids. I love them to death. Of course.
Gavin:
Hey, we we’re all about the disclaimers here. Like we love our kids and uh yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
But I will tell you that with that creativity, there’s a dark side and there’s a light side. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Gavin:
Well, I mean, that will take them far. How old are all of the kids?
SPEAKER_04:
So today, Ella, our oldest, is 14. Easton is 11, and they’re both gonna have birthdays this summer, and Emmanuel is five, and he’ll be going into kindergarten next year. Uh-huh. Oh man.
Gavin:
That’s uh that seems a spread. That’s a spread. And also that seems very 14-year-old-ish, and I suppose 11-year-old-ish. So I mean, it seems like you’re doing all the right things.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, I know I talked to David last week about you know having to apply vaginal cream and those kind of things, like, hey, super awkward moments as a dad. Um, my two daughters now have both started their periods. Okay. And so tracking those and like managing, like, you know, dodging and ducting hormones.
David:
I’m I’m curious about that because I have a daughter. She’s three, so she’s a little, she’s a little ways away from that. But like, how as a dad, you’re kind of like, what is my what is my uh the the point of which I stop being helpful and and it’s awkward? Like, are you just like there for when they need it? Or like because like do I have to track this? This is all new information to me.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. Yeah. So I have uh I have an app on my phone that will help me track their period cycles. And then I have in my Amazon cart reoccurring orders for three things my doll, myDAL patches, and pads. All right. That might be a little bit much information, but I’m using those things.
Gavin:
No, I’m writing this shit down. It is also not too much information because honestly, there’s no reason. Uh it’s it’s great here. I hey, something that makes you a gatriarch is that you’re not going to shy away from the fact that you have to show up for your kids, even if it is a girl having a period, which let’s not shame the girls and being like, oh, this is gross. I don’t want to have to deal with this because I’m a man. No, no, no, no. We man up and deal with the periods as well.
David:
So and also I don’t think people understand, like, at least for me, I don’t know if this is, you know, we all have multiple children, is that I get very confused with the amounts of creams and and medicines or whatever that I’ve just learned taking a Sharpie and writing on the tube Hannah’s vagina. Like, like it’ll literally say Hannah’s vagina and its butt like you just have because I’m like, I don’t know what minoxidol syphiline means. I do know that this is for Hannah’s vagina and just leave it there. Yeah, I I I have said this story on the podcast before, but like my daughter has she doesn’t understand that you can’t just say anything anywhere and she’ll just scream out in the middle of the grocery store, my vagina hurts. And I’m like, okay, all right, cool. Yeah, I will deal with that when we get home.
Gavin:
It’s still cute now. Um if she’s doing it when Daryl’s oldest is when she’s 14. That’ll be that requires a little bit of uh intervention, I would say.
David:
So tell us. You wrote this book. Tell us a little bit about how this book came to be.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, uh, so first of all, thanks for having me on. Grateful for the opportunity. My um, I would say my writing came from the loss, is really what it came from. So my wife of over 20 years passed away in 2023, and she had battled breast cancer for over four years. Wow. And so when she was gone, all of a sudden it hit me as I was going through therapy. If I’m not here, who’s gonna share the stories with the kids? And I don’t just mean like, hey, your grandmother made great cookies, or hey, here’s a story from our family. I mean like that hard fought wisdom, and you guys know this that you earn over, you know, being in a relationship with someone for a long period of time. Yep. And it’s we call it hard fought wisdom, right? Where it’s like, I just this isn’t easy stuff. And so I thought, man, I need to write this stuff down. And on top of that, there were some funny farm stories. Like I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, West Virginia. And so there were some really funny farm stories from when I grew up, and I always wanted them to know those long term. So I thought, okay, this is my opportunity. So I met a publisher through the death of my wife. He um was also a widower, and he was like, Hey, I’ve heard your story from some relationships that we have that know each other. I’m not telling you now, but like, hey, in the future, when you’re ready, like I think you should should do this. It’ll help you, it’ll be therapy, but there’s also like a book inside of you, I can tell. So I said, Hey, I appreciate that, but not now. And so tracking forward until April of 24, I said, okay, I’m ready, I’ll sign. And so I wrote for about six months from April to September.
Gavin:
In addition to being a mechanic, a realtor, a marketing director, and an art director. Okay. Yeah. And a dad. And a dad.
SPEAKER_04:
And yeah, a full-time dad. Yeah, that’s that’s a whole nother conversation, right? About being a single parent last year for the first time. Like I had felt like a single parent while Johanna was sick. Um, and especially in the last two years of her life, once the cancer got worse and worse and worse. Like, I definitely felt like a single parent. But being physically the only person, the only person signing things, the only person going to meetings, like all that kind of stuff.
Gavin:
That’s another level.
SPEAKER_04:
That was another level. And I don’t think, and I, you know, I can’t, I can’t speak for everybody, but I don’t think we give single parents enough credit because often it’s about surviving, and there’s not enough space for creativity. And so by the end of the day, if you’re trying to be a single parent, you don’t have all of those things that we love to say, oh, these are attributes of the traditional family or whatever, because you don’t have space for it. You’re just trying to survive. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt that way a lot last year. Um, so anyway, all that to be said, I just wrote every morning, guys. Like I sat down and I wrote for about 30 minutes as I got ready for my day. And then I had this amazing editor. Her name is Rachel Mitchell. Shout out to Rachel. Shout out to Rachel. She works for a company called Blue Hat Publishing. And Rachel, unbeknownst to me, was diagnosed with breast cancer as I was writing. Oh wow. So as I’m writing this out, she reaches out and she says, Hey, if I’m not as available as normal, it’s because I’m going to meetings and appointments. And by the way, I want you to know that I’m battling breast cancer. And so it was this wild experience of me writing about my personal experience from one side of grief and going through cancer with your partner to her reading about that on the other side as she’s battling it herself. Wow. Wow. And in a weird way, it was healing for us both. Yeah, I’m sure.
Gavin:
So will you tell our listeners uh is the book for kids or is it for uh parents uh excuse me, adults going through loss, or who is your intended audience?
SPEAKER_04:
My intended audience was three kids, like literally Ella Easton and Emmanuel. And what happened is is as I was writing it, it became clear that hey, there are gonna be other people in your life uh that are going through hard things or that have experienced cancer or trauma, those kind of things that maybe this would be helpful for. Um, but I think my core motivation was to write to the kids, right? Like for this to be some kind of legacy piece for them. Yeah. And the responses that I’ve got from the pre-sale and through the editing process have just been hey, this was really helpful for me for this hard area of my life. And I really appreciate that feedback.
David:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that I I will say, like, so tomorrow, as we’re recording this, but now I don’t know, a week and a half ago when this is airing, um, I wrote for a children’s TV show, and we have for many seasons fought, and it’s it’s it’s aimed for five to seven. We have fought to do an episode about death, about grief, because we have been fighting with the network the uh the whole time as like this is something kids have to deal with, yep, whether or not you think it’s appropriate. Kids in this age range are going to have people in their life who die. Yeah, let’s let’s do an episode for them about death. And they just like, no, no, no, no. And finally in season three, they said, Okay, the last episode can be about death and about grief, and what what does it look like from a kid’s point of view? Yeah, and we were really proud of the episode we wrote, and it comes out tomorrow or a week and a half ago. So I hope it’s great. I haven’t seen it yet. Um, but it was like it was pretty incredible, and um, you forget that like whether or not you think it’s appropriate or it’s hard to talk about, kids have to deal with it. It just happens, yeah. Yeah, people have, you know, uh Gavin had uh lost his mother. Like, we you know, there’s there’s it’s gonna happen. And so I very much appreciate that you are even doing this, addressing it directly. People who go through this are like, what the fuck do I do? And there’s at least a place for them to go. Well, let me look at this.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, and I think one of the things that I have has changed about my parenting, right? So as a dad, one of the things that has changed about me after death is that I had three people that stood in that room with me as she died. So Johanna passed away sometime between 6:30 and 7 o’clock. And as soon as she did, I called my in-laws and my kids downstairs. And they stood in front of her, she passed away. And then my five-year-old, who at that time was three, crawled out of his crib and crawled into the hospice bed with her, and she was gone. And they stood there and they had to face that, and there was no running away from it, right? And so what I know to be true about that is is that traumatizing? Absolutely, it is, and they’re gonna continue to need to work that out in therapy, not only now, but as they get older. But they’ve also been more resilient than kids their age because they face something really hard up front and they weren’t able to run away from it.
SPEAKER_00:
Yep.
SPEAKER_04:
And so if you think about most of our experiences growing up, most of us were fortunate enough to maybe, you know, only have the loss of a grandparent or a family pet, those kind of things. But to stand in front of your mother she dies is kind of uncommon for them in their friend groups. And so I think, and I want to believe this, that it will make them more resilient, more anti-fragile as they continue to grow. Um so, and that’s gonna take, you know, you’re gonna have to manage that very carefully, especially with our girls in the teenage years.
Gavin:
So yeah, but having that resilience and knowing um some realities about life is um is gonna be a gift, frankly. I mean, some people I it seems to, to my perspective. Also, the fact that you use the term anti-fragile seems very 2025. I’m like, what does anti-fragility mean, actually? But I I feel like in in different semantics, I’m constantly trying to de-fragilize my children all the time.
David:
I think it’s because like we when we grew up, and not not Gabin, he’s from the 1800s, but like when we grew up, Daryl, um, there I I don’t know if this was your experience. I also grew up in the American South, but Florida South, so like a little more meth labs and orange groves. But um it there was a culture of like shield the kids from anything real. Like, like, like it is there’s there is a like formal way of being in front of your kids while all this stuff is happening behind the closed doors.
Gavin:
Always protect, always protect, always protect, always protect.
David:
And and and it is it maybe our kind of raising our kids with a little more of like this is the brutal truth is a response to that. I feel like that is in my life. I am always the second I meet somebody I love, I’m like, here’s everything about me, you know. You know, and and I think that is in response to growing up in a world where like everything is kind of quiet and not talked about, and then you don’t feel quite as emotionally ready for big things, whether it be something as huge as like losing your mother or even like dating or being for us, like being gay or like I had gay family members who are out and gay, but we didn’t talk about it. Yeah, and that is was pretty harmful in the way I could exist and you know have role models and stuff. Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, yeah. So, Daryl, um moving to uh West Virginia, which you had said that you have some experience with rural West Virginia. I’ve I have a question.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, hit me.
David:
Because listen, I’m from Florida, so I’m sorry, but I feel like I have to answer this question a lot. So I want you to answer this question about West Virginia. What are the stereotypes about West Virginia that are true? Oh because we all know the ones that are not true, right? Like, oh no, we don’t we don’t all lay on the beach in Florida, but like what what is true about West Virginia? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Um, well, first of all, it’s beautiful, but it’s only beautiful for about four or five months in the spring and summer. Sure. When all of the foliage is out. Because man, when all of those leaves go away, you see the real version of West Virginia.
Gavin:
So it looks beautiful when you’re hiding what is West Virginia. Yeah, the reality. So back to protecting ourselves and our children from truth. Let’s just let’s foliage over it all.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_04:
No, I mean the great things about where I grew up were um we were outside all the time. Um we were always allowed to be on adventures, right? Like we weren’t shielded from the fears of, you know, somebody was gonna accost us or, you know, kidnap us, or nobody was showing up in a van, right? Like that kind of thing. Yeah. But we were pretty insulated. Uh so we grew up in a really small community, uh, pretty conservative community. And I would say that, you know, my first experiences outside of West Virginia growing up, where uh my first jobs were in New York, right? And like that burst huge bubbles for me.
David:
Um so unpack that though, because you mentioned that in the pre-interview, and that that I loved hearing. And I want to know what like what changed when you went to New York City, what worldviews did it change?
Gavin:
And was it beyond just getting a really fantastic haircut?
SPEAKER_04:
Or because we know you didn’t get that haircut in Western. Dude, I looked I looked like I was straight out of in sync when I went to New York with that.
Gavin:
Oh, well, which maybe things haven’t changed, actually.
David:
It looks like you were it’s not a bad thing. It was like JC Chazet. But like if you think about some of the others, you’re like, ooh, yeah, rough.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, I was walking that line between 98 degrees and you know, whatever other boy brands is out at the end.
Gavin:
Say say no more. I it’s very relatable, very relatable.
SPEAKER_04:
But you know, I think for me, the I had the advantage of I was adopted, adopted by an African-American family in DC, Baltimore area when I was 18, because my roommate and my best friend in college, like he took me home every other weekend. And so I grew up in a really conservative, all white but poor area of the country. He all of a sudden took me to a very affluent African-American um part of the country that I’d never been to before, right? And so the cultural norms were so different in that community, but I was accepted as family. I was cook-out approved, baby. That’s that is a high level of honor. That is, for a straight white dude, if you’re cook-out approved, that’s a big deal, you know? Yeah, absolutely. But uh, so that was kind of like the first like un unraveling for me. And then my first job, I lived in New York, worked in North Jersey, and commuted to the city about two or three days a week because we were building a flagship store at 33rd and 7th. And so here I am in my red five-speed firebird with West Virginia plate still driving in through the Lincoln Tunnel and parking below the garden, right? Amazing. I was I was like really uncomfortable. I was nervous, but I learned a whole bunch. I learned how to navigate the city, right? And I learned the cultural norms of the city and and those type of things. But the experiences that I had and the people that I met with were so different than the ones that I grew up with, right? And so it was this constant having to adapt or learning to adapt, learning to ask great questions, learning to be curious, um, and then honestly creating some of the most amazing friendships that I I’ve ever had, right? And and maybe that’s because we were all going through trauma at the same time, right? So we were all like we all trauma bonded over the fact that nobody had lived in New York before. But yeah, um, yeah, that’s a great experience for me.
Gavin:
That’s definitely a bonding experience being the newbies um in town, that’s for sure.
David:
I mean, it’s kind of like how when you think about, you know, people say like traveling the world cures racism and cures homophobia. Like it cures a lot of that stuff because a lot of that stuff is just being insulated from the world, right? Like the exposure. I I feel that way about growing up in this in the south where I think having moved to New York ch like changed my view. And if I had stayed in Florida, I don’t know if my views would have changed. And I’m embarrassed to say that, but I’m admitting it because I I there was no all I knew about whatever the quote unquote other side was was just the talking points or whatever. And so being forced to like, no, no, no, you live with these people now, it does you like you have to face the reality of it. And that’s why people say all the time, like, you know, travel the world. It will cure a lot of that stuff. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, and I think bringing that back to being a dad, right? You now have such a different view on what the world really is and what’s available in the world. And so as you parent your children, you’re able to say, like, hey, like, you don’t have to stay here. You don’t have to be in this bubble. And I want to help you experience these other things so you become more well-rounded. And I think that’s what we can offer our kids because of that.
Gavin:
Speaking of um, then what we offer to our kids, you are in the dating pool, right? You are actually quietly. Oh, quietly, I remarried. Oh shit. Yeah. You breaking news here on Gatriarchs, America’s Finest News Source. Okay. Well, what do you mean by quietly?
David:
Quietly as in like you eloped? That’s so West Virginia. Or do you mean like quietly as in like you it was not on social media? It was not because I will say because I scoured your social media for shirtless photos. And so I’ve seen years, years of your Instagram, and there are no shirtless photos, which I’m slightly perturbed about. It’s a couple of tank tops, which I appreciated. But like we’re gonna need to work on that. But anyway, so quietly explain that.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, um, so when Johanna passed away, I spent several, several months in therapy, as did my kids. And then at the end of that year, I was trying to figure out like, hey, where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to be doing? Do we leave our community? Do we go to the coast? I’ve always wanted to live by the ocean, you know, like what are we supposed to do? And the kids wanted to stay in our community. And so I was like, okay, that’s like let’s be here. And I met with one of my mentors and I said, Hey, in a small town, have you ever seen an example of somebody that’s become version 2.0 of themselves without going to jail? That’s a quote. Yes, right. And he he guided me through basically this idea of I was asking the wrong questions. So I was really concerned about how other people would perceive the new version of me, whatever that was. And he was like, dude, like you’re asking the wrong questions. You should be asking, like, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? Right. And stop worrying about what everybody else thinks. And so it gave me a lot of freedom. And so as we progressed into the spring of that year, there was a woman in our lives who kept showing up. Uh, she kept helping our family. She’d actually been a really close friend of ours since like 2009, 2010. So my kids have always called her Kiki. They’ve always known her as Aunt Kiki. We are all here for a Kiki. Everybody needs an Aunt Kiki.
David:
Do you know what Kiki means in gay language, Daryl? No, please tell me. Kiki equals a good time, a party. Like if we’re gonna go out for drinks, we’re gonna go for a kiki. I kikied with Daryl last night. It was crazy. Are you serious? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to be confused with Kai Kai, which I won’t explain to you what Kaikai is, but Kiki, yeah, it’s just like we had a great time. We had a ball. Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, she’s the definition of that. And it’s it’s a nickname that our kids gave her when she was really young, because her name is Erica. And so they couldn’t say Erica, but they could say Kiki. So sure. So anyway, so Erica moved back to our community um from San Antonio. She was single, thought she was gonna grow old with her dog, and we’re both in our mid-40s. And so um, we started dating last year, and it was like, oh man, you know, like what’s this gonna be like? And honestly, like I was super uncomfortable because I haven’t dated anybody in over 23 years. And so I told her straight up, I was like, listen, I’ve got no Riz, I’ve got zero game, and but I’m I’m sensing that there’s something between us, and and I would like to explore that, right? And she was like, Yeah, me too. But to be honest with you, like I need time to like process that. And so, like any two professionals in their mid 40s would do, we sat down and put together strat comms plans.
David:
Obviously. Yeah, really romantic, or really romantic XLS document.
SPEAKER_04:
This is another book, yeah, that is your next book. Yeah. I I mean, I I still have the notes that of our strat comms plan, right? And we were like, hey, how are we gonna do this? What’s at risk, right? Because you think about okay, you don’t want to hurt the kids anymore, right? It’s amazing. You’ve got joint friendships that you’ve had for 15 years, right? You don’t want those to go bad. And then also, like, hey, like, how do we handle this with uh Johanna, my my past my wife who passed away, like her parents, her family, like, hey, how do we how do we handle all this? Yeah, and so we didn’t run from it, we just leaned into it. And I think that conversation I had with my mentor about hey, like you’re asking the wrong questions, really helped me to realize the truth of hey, when when you wake up, you’re the only one that’s concerned about your happiness. And the moment that you realize that, the moment you make decisions faster. And that’s not to say that you should live selfish, it’s not to say that you should be focused on just you. But what it means is it’s like, hey, when you wake up every morning, you’re the only person that has to decide what makes me happy each day. And if you make all of your decisions based on pleasing other people, you’re never gonna enjoy life, right? So I said, Well, I would like to date this woman. And so we did, and we had a beautiful like courtship last year, and my kids just asked, like, hey, when are you guys gonna marry? Like, hey, dad, when are you gonna marry Kiki? And I said, Okay, well, if you guys are ready, like let’s do it. And we had a really busy season of life coming up. We were finishing some projects, we were opening some businesses, and we just said, let’s just quietly do this. So we had like a really quiet uh wedding at a winery in November, and then we moved her to the house.
David:
That’s great. I mean, I I will I will argue for the rislessness because I think you are your most attractive when you are all of the bullshit, all of like the the the peacocking of your 20s is gone because we know that when you start dating somebody, you’re showing her your best self. Yeah, look how beautiful and wonderful and fit and cool I am. Yeah, but then eventually you have to fart in front of them. And so you were already there, and not even in a funny way, like in a few years. No, I mean like legitimately, but like when you met her, when you met Kiki, you were basically like, I have none of the bullshit. This is just earnestly who I am. So you guys were already so far ahead, I think, of like all the bullshit, because I think that’s why so many people break up around six months. Because that’s when you’re kind of tired of like all the rizziness. And so, yeah, I would I would say that that’s probably partially due to why you guys it was so solid from the beginning.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, that’s a really healthy view of it. I think you know, you’re onto something where the first time anybody’s ever said that about anything I’ve ever said.
Gavin:
I had so many thoughts and I didn’t want to interrupt him in being like I’ll interrupt you. You basically sorry, like continue, Daryl. David, you’re really helpful, you were really insightful, really thoughtful and insightful. Usually it’s just dick jokes, which he’ll get to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, don’t worry. We’ll get there with you, Daryl.
SPEAKER_04:
Sorry, continue, Daryl. But I I do think that in your mid-40s, you’ve hopefully come to a spot, and not everybody does, but like where you’re a healthier version of yourself. And so that person that you’re presenting, you’re just like, hey, this is who I am, and I hope you like it. And if you don’t, I’m okay with that, right? But you’re more self-aware, probably, than you’ve ever been.
David:
It’s so it is so fucking powerful what you’re saying. It is so true. Like, I feel that in my early 40s, where like I still am like sensitive about like, I don’t know, my body and other things. But really, I’ve let go of so much of that shit. When somebody’s like, Oh, I don’t like you, I would I would stay up at night thinking about it. Now I’m like, Yeah, you can go fuck yourself anyway. You know what I mean? Like that there is a power of like your early 40s. Also, something you were saying before about version 2.0 of yourself in a small town. I felt that when I was when I first went to college, I could feel the gayness underneath me, put pushing its way, just trying to crack. The magma wanted to spew out, but I was like fighting it down, and I remember thinking, I can’t become this version of myself here. Like I have set up an entire life that looks a certain way, even though everybody fucking knew. I was a figure skater who liked musical theater. Like, are you fucking kidding me? But I moved four hours north to come out. Like that was the reason. Because I had just like, if I’m gonna be 2.0, I want to be 1.0 in a new town. I couldn’t imagine having to unwind everything from my family and friends. I just wanted to start over as my new version of myself.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, and and in fairness to you, I feel like that’s a really common story for my male friends who are gay. And I hate that, right? Because at some point in your life, you’ve literally had to not be who you are consistently enough that I can’t imagine what that feels like over a period of time where you’re not truly authentic in every in every way, right?
David:
There’s a really beautiful quote, which I don’t have in front of me and I’m gonna butcher it, but it was it was basically talking like gay people when they come out have to sort through themselves and determine what parts of themselves are real and what parts of themselves they created to protect themselves. Yeah. And it’s uh I I’ve just butchered it, but it’s so true because you do. This is why when people come out really late in life, like 40s and later, yeah, they go through this adolescence again. Because you do, you have to, you have to start over. You have to learn how to date and have sex and and flirt and do all the things that you you’ve you haven’t done. And when it happens at 45, when you’re 45 and going to the club and taking your shirt off on the dance floor, it is good for you. Have a kiki. Have a kiki, but it is not cute. But that’s why when you come out, you know, at 18, it’s a little less. But like you do, you have to kind of start over with all that stuff.
Gavin:
But this is also, I mean, uh, gay people coming out is a much more um uh it’s much more an exposed kind of sense of like unveiling of stuff. Yeah, but I think this is metaphorical for an awful lot of life too. Um, because you straight people are much more repressed than we are, frankly. And because of that repression, there is so there are so many layers of um inauthentic inauthenticity hiding the insecurities. So to me.
David:
And I think it’s less straight and more male. I feel like the map, like what is male, what is masculine. I guess it goes into straight, but like, you know, the idea of like saying I love you and hugging your male friend in general is like that’s a little sus, bro. But that that’s what I’m like that that that’s so fucking stupid. All I’m saying is like, straight men, have sex with your male friends. It’s not Jay. Okay, sorry. So I want to know, I want to know about 3.0 of Daryl. Like, what is the future now for you? What does it look like?
SPEAKER_04:
Um, you know, I I want to be able to look back on this season and say, I was a really intentional parent and I built and created some things that had some longevity to them. Like if I could do that in this season, I think I’d be really satisfied with who I am. Um and I think too, I’ve become more empathetic, I’ve become more self-aware, like we talked about. I hopefully have become a little bit more wise. And so if I can take all of that and apply it to being that better dad and building those things that have more longevity to them, then like that’s what I’m supposed to do, right? And I think too, there’s there’s something to this space of hey, because I was early. Like I I’ve told all my friends this. I was like, hey, like we all signed an agreement. Anytime you’re in a partnership or a marriage and you don’t talk about it openly, but there’s this realization that one of you is gonna die first. And I just happen to be first up, like I just happen to be the tip of the spear in a lot of our friend group. I’ve met other widowers who are at my age, right, who have young kids, who have been through this stuff first, and we’re and while we’re rare in our space in the world that we live in today, it’s gonna happen to all of us.
Gavin:
Yeah, it’s not unheard of. It might be rare, but it it happens more than we want to realize. That’s right.
SPEAKER_04:
That’s right. And so what I think is is like having that wisdom and empathy now, how can I help others that are gonna go through that same thing in the future? How can I walk alongside somebody else? Because that’s happened since Johanna passed. I’ve already had multiple guys that reach out and be like, hey, my wife has cancer. You know, do you have any insight? Like, not only just like, hey, where could I get help, but like what should I be doing? And the truth is I can’t fix it for you, man. Like I can’t, I can’t make this any better. This just sucks. Um, but here’s some practical things that you can be doing that have nothing to do with your emotional state.
Gavin:
So and what are those? Can you think of a couple?
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, absolutely. So if your partner has cancer, right, one of the first things you should do is say, Hey, do we have our house in order? Do we have our wills, our trusts? Have you signed um a non-resuscitation order? Like those kind of things, like if they’re in their good mental state, like get that stuff done now. Yeah. Um, you know, to be honest with you, like most guys don’t like to think about life insurance. I have three policies now. You know, if I’m not here, my family’s way better off, like, you know, than if I was right. But I mean, I think often about like taking care of them in a way of like setting them up and being prepared for when I’m not here, even though sometimes in our mid-40s, like we don’t want to think about that stuff, you know?
Gavin:
Yeah. Yeah. What are the uh practical things that you would say about dealing with your children in that situation? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, I think there’s gonna be a constant fear of me dying. So there’s gonna be a constant fear of like every time dad leaves the house or he’s gone overnight or whatever, like, oh, is he gonna die too? Is he gonna come back? And so, like trying to say, hey, like the reality is that we’re all gonna die. Um, but if I’m never here, here is how you’re gonna be taken care of. Here are the things that I’ve put in place, you know, and here’s who you would be with, and here’s the money that would help you live. And, you know, put basically put their fears aside, if you will, so that they don’t have this sense of helplessness, and then just try to reaffirm that, hey, I love you. And, you know, I’ll always be with you in that way.
David:
So man, what are you doing on this podcast? That’s what I want to know. You are too thoughtful, too smart, too, uh, there’s too much here. But we so appreciate you coming by. Before I let you go, I gotta ask you the question that we always ask our guests, which is what is that story from being a dad where you were like, fuck, I just earned my parenting badge where everything went wrong.
SPEAKER_04:
So the the the first of many um was we taught Ella to pee outside. We lived in a kind of a wooded area on a couple acres, and I often just told her to pee outside, right? So I’m like, hey, just go pee outside, right? Just like a boy, like a boy. Like it just feels really good. I don’t know why.
David:
It just feels great. Save water.
SPEAKER_04:
So one day we’re at the ice cream truck. We have this small ice cream truck in a parking lot here in our community, and Ella is with Johanna, and they’re talking to her preschool teacher. And about mid-conversation, she goes, I think Ella is over there peeing on the tree. And we look over, and Ella, sure enough, in front of the ice cream truck, is peeing openly on the tree. Yep. That was the first moment where I’m like, oh, I might be the worst parent ever. Like, I have enabled this behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So fast forward about 10 years. Oh no. Emmanuel is outside three days ago. It’s what, Monday morning. He’s outside and he’s got that look on his face. You know that look your kid has on you, like, like, I’m doing something I probably shouldn’t be doing, and you should just go back to doing whatever it was you’re doing. Yeah, yeah, nothing to see here, Dad. Nothing to see. Nothing to see here. And so he tells me, Oh, I’m going to the bathroom outside. I’m like, okay, great. He’s peeing outside, right? Guys, when I tell you that he shit all over himself, I mean it was everywhere. He came back inside, his pants were around his knees, and there was poop everywhere. I mean, I haven’t seen it this bad since a diaper, right? And this kid’s been potty trained for three years. Yeah. What happened was he got so excited about being outside in the morning and playing that he just decided that pooping outside was a good idea, but he didn’t manage that whole pooping outside thing very well. That’s a very steep angle you got to be at to poop outside. You know what I mean? Yeah. Rookie move. Yeah. He’s wearing it. He’s wearing it. Kiki comes around the corner and she’s like, hey, if he’s gonna go with me to preschool, like he’s got to be ready. And I said, I I am dealing with a five-year-old that has shit all over him right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David:
Yeah. This is a bath moment. We’re we’re into bath territory. We have reached shower time.
Gavin:
Yeah, this is not a wipe. He’s missing social studies, science, and math at preschool this morning because he’s got to take a bath.
SPEAKER_04:
This was all at like 7, 10 a.m.
David:
Oh, there’s no better way to start the day as a parent than just being like, what? Because you look at that situation. I bet he walked up to you and you went, Where do I begin? Like, what is the for me? Because even taking off his clothes from his ankles, now I’m gonna smear shit on his feet. And now I now I’ve got to carry him. I gotta fire him and carry him. Now I’m covered in shit. Now this is a family shower. We’re gonna miss. I mean, it’s just I’m that that’s that is a fantastic story. I I so love that. Well done. Well done. Again, thank you so much for demeaning yourself by being on our stupid little podcast. The book is called Let’s Skip the Bull Lessons from Dad After Your Mom Dad Died. Thank you so much for coming by. And please, please, please, please, on your Instagram a shirtless photo or two, just to give the people what they want. Thank you, Daryl. Boys, thank you so much. Well, my something great sounds not great, but it is great. So um, I um I am a very fair-haired, fair-skinned person. And so I’m obviously very susceptible to skin cancer and skin, the sun in general. And so I’m very diligent about going to my dermatologist once a year because A, he’s very hot, like very hot. And also he has like no boundaries. So like as he’s doing his like skin check, he just like moves my balls to the side to like look like he is very handy. It’s very hot. Anyway, that’s not the point of this something great. That’s not the something great. I got a little bit of a- I don’t know. I’m a little like heated. This episode we had the we had the hottest guest we’ve ever had. We were talking about tan france, we were talking about Olympic sports. Like, I’ve just hair, uh, hair, right up. So um, anyway, my doctor this year he found a piece of skin cancer on my face. It’s no big deal. I had to go get it cut off or whatever. It was right on my nose. And um it was, you know, if if you’ve ever had basal cell uh skin cancer, it is like you go in and they like like take a little slice and they try to like remove it like a layer at a time so it’s not like a big chunk of your face taken. And he was like, we usually get it in one or two passes. Well, it took four. Ooh, yikes, wow. After my surgery, um, I had quite possibly the grossest, most significant. I look like Frankenstein. My face was mangled, my nose was crazy. Thank goodness this is an audio platform, not a bit. It was really, really bad. I’ve shown people the picture and it’s made people cry. But the good news is that I had a really great doctor and he did a really great job. And as it’s healed, it’s healed so well now. And you can, when you’re up close, you can kind of see the outline of a little bit of a scar. But in general, my nose looks totally normal now and everything was great. Well, I went in for my final follow up to this surgeon. And I walked in and he goes, Oh, oh, it looks so good. Hey, hey, darn. Darlene, Darlene, come in here. And he called every nurse in. He called the other doctors in, and he made such a big deal, A, about his work, but also about how great I looked. And so my something great is my skin surgeon thinks I’m attractive. And thinks I have the best looking nose of all time.
Gavin:
I think that that is exact you have interpreted that in exactly as intended. Yes. Well done. My something great is this weekend, it was a holiday weekend. Uh everybody knows that we are not recording this in real time. And uh my kid had a soccer tournament and we were eliminated from the soccer tournament fairly early, but our games were just early too. And uh everybody else on the team was just going home, basically. And I had already made a hotel reservation. I’m like, oh my God, I don’t want to waste this money. But it’s only one o’clock in the afternoon. We would be home by 3:30. Why are we doing this? And my son’s arguing with me because he really he’s like, I’ve just been looking forward to this. I really want to go to the hotel with a pool and I really want to do this. I’m like, dude, we’re gonna be the only ones there. It’s not gonna be fun. I mean, it will be fun, but I mean, we can have fun. And he finally looks at me, he goes, I just wanted some, you know, time, just you and me. Con artist. And I’m like, bullshit. You just want to sleep in a queen-size bed all by yourself. That’s what this comes down to. But I still thought it was something great that he claimed to want to spend time with me. And that’s our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can uh email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at David FM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavid is at Gavin Lodge on drinking in Central Park.
Gavin:
Which you should come do with us on Saturday, September 28th from 9 to June. June 28th. June. What did I say? September. We have this is the first time I’ve botched the boilerplate at the end. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is for sure first. Everybody come play with us at the Hector Playground on Saturday, June 28th for between 9 and 12. And uh BYOB, but in the meantime, please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts.
David:
Thanks, and we’ll get a new nose with you next time on another episode of Gatearks.