Full Transcript
We are, well, I laughed, and our hope is to get you to laugh too.
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Each week we share what we’ve learned from our latest journey down an internet rabbit hole.
SPEAKER_01:
Like the real origin story behind Cocaine Bear.
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And what the Unibomber is really about, and if we have anything in common with him.
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All in the hope of getting each other to laugh and potentially learn something new along the way.
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Join Grant, a public school teacher.
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And Maya, an engineer.
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As we arm ourselves with the next story to share at our dinner parties.
SPEAKER_01:
Well, I laughed. Available wherever you get your podcast.
Gavin:
Wait, but it’s we want it to be organic, don’t we? Everything about us is authentic and organic, right? And this is Gay Triox. Sorry, that was hemp. No, you could do it.
David:
No, what do but do it with just say it with your chest.
Gavin:
All right. And this is Gay T-Rex.
David:
So do you notice something different about me, Gavin?
Gavin:
Um, is it your hair? Is it your is it your is it your beard? Is it your eyes? Is it your is it your is it something on your face? Oh, wait a minute. There’s something that almost looks like it’s attached to your face.
David:
It’s my new microphone. So Daddy David has upgraded his microphone. He’s now a professional podcaster and now making millions of dollars. Millions. So I decided to upgrade my mic. So I don’t know. This is the first episode we’ve ever used this mic. So I hope it sounds good because your mic sounds so good. Already in these first 30 seconds, it’s a completely different podcast.
Gavin:
I mean, but do you think now we’ll actually make money at this thing? So that we can both uh afford to, I don’t know, have better soundproofing and whatnot. Yes, yes, this is it. This is you secreted this, you magic of believed this into happening.
David:
I’ve always known I was Oprah, and now I know. Um, so I want to come for our uh intern a little bit, Timothy. Oh, Timothy. Because Timothy came for me. He reminded me that I made the same fucking Pornhub joke twice on two different episodes. Oh, we’re so mad at that. I know. We’re really bad. We repeat ourselves a lot. Um, and but I don’t appreciate the accuracy or the mirror that he’s holding up to me. So, Timothy, you’re fired, but also please stay because we need you.
Gavin:
So, speaking of Pornhub and your repetitive jokes about Pornhub, I do have to make an all points bulletin announcement to people who have basically children that eventually you’re gonna have to talk about porn with your kids. And you’re gonna have to have the talk and sex and all the stuff that comes with it. Um, my kid recently asked me, what it, Daddy, what is corn hub? And I spit out my rose, my frose, and I was like, Cornhub, what is corn hub to you, buddy? Yeah, let me ask you a follow-up question before I answer it. I don’t know. Some kids were talking about it in the bus, and they were talking about how it’s all about corn and how it’s all, but it’s also naughty. I didn’t understand what it was, so he asked me about it, right? So I did immediately Google it. And I want to put out there for the entire world that on domainshop.com, cornhub.com is for sale for$445,000. Now, I don’t understand the intrawebs at all, but I do want you to know that I still use like a quill and and scroll to message people. So correct, and proud of it. But I want the world to know that we gotta talk about it. And uh and I don’t think there’s anything apart.
David:
But wait, were the kids on the bus referring to porn hub? Or was there is there actually a corn hub about like corn?
Gavin:
There’s always a bit of a filter when things are translated from your children, right? Yeah. I do believe that the kids are talking about porn 100%. I think that certain kids um have access to or don’t have filters and don’t have restrictions on their eye on their devices, and they are then poisoning the rest of our children uh by um talking about it and showing the stuff. But something got translated in the game of operator that is the school bus and or the camp bus, and Pornhub turned into Cornhub. So we just all gotta talk about it because like we shouldn’t be ashamed, and and at the same time, we want to have an educated uh child population.
David:
Yeah, you got and now you gotta have the conversation of like there are good pictures and there are bad pictures, and and man, what a new fucking world.
Gavin:
It’s a new fucking world, and also we I mean, my main thing is I I want my children to have a healthy attitude about sex, yeah. And um, and I don’t want them to learn everything that they have to learn from misogynistic violent porn on the internet, you know?
David:
Um which is the only kind I consume, so I’m sure it is.
Gavin:
You know what? Earlier in the episode, when you said, Have you noticed something different about me? And I was gonna be like, Oh, you’re tan. No, you’re you don’t notice about it. No, I’m not tan. I’m paying basically powder. You’re you look more powdered than ever, and yet it’s at the end of summer, so you should look tan. Wait a minute, is there something different about you? Wait a minute. Duh, you went on vacation recently. Can I quote a friend of mine that says, Will you please tell me about your fabulous vacation? But please don’t talk about it for more than five minutes because it’s gonna make me jealous and insanely um envious. And even though I asked about it, don’t make it a long story.
David:
Go ahead, David. I’m gonna start the clock now. Five minutes. Boom. Yeah, so I think I mentioned this many episodes ago, but we were really struggling with our timelines before, where I was like, hey, I just got back from Scotland like two months ago. That’s not true. I actually just got back from Scotland. Um, I so I uh my husband and I, San’s kids, by the way.
Gavin:
Whoa, we should do an entire episode about that.
David:
We took we took a dream trip to um a couple days in Amsterdam, and then we spent the rest of the week in Scotland. And uh my incredible sister, who’s a listener to the podcast and uh niece, came up to take care of the kids for an entire fucking week. Um, and so that’s that’s a whole nother wonderful thing that happened to us. But I want to just talk about Scotland because now I’m in my um annoying American, just got back from trip from Europe and wants to tell everyone how much better Europe is era.
Gavin:
Yes, all you listeners, you don’t see the pretension that is oozing out of the street.
David:
They can hear it on the new mic. So um, I don’t know why, but something about Scotland has always drawn me. I I maybe because I’m white, I don’t know. I’m not Scottish, I’ve never been there, I’ve never been to uh anywhere in the UK, but something about it has always drawn me. And my sister so graciously said, You guys need a trip by yourselves. I’m flying up there, choose a place, and you can just go. So uh we I was like, I want to go to Scotland, but my for my weird vision of Scotland had always been uh San’s kids, first of all. Uh second of all, had always been like this like rural backpacky hiking, camping along the cliffs version of this, yeah, less like seeing amazing theater in Edinburgh or like going to uh castles. It was more a little bit of a rural uh thing. So um we hired this incredible tour guide um from this company called Distinct Scotland. His name is Brian.
Gavin:
Will we be able to talk to him someday? Will we Yeah, maybe we can interview him actually.
David:
That’s a really good idea. And he basically took us for three days um to the highlands of Scotland, which is kind of the northern part. It’s a lot of mountains. We did hiking, we went through waterfalls and caves and beaches, and um, we found all these old, kind of like forgotten about castles, and um we broke into some.
Gavin:
There was Oh my god, it’s a place that you can break into abandoned castles.
David:
There are so many castles that like people are just like, Yeah, grab a castle, like they’re everywhere, like nobody cares. So one of the days we woke up and he was like, We’re gonna go to this castle, and there was this castle on an island in the in this uh kind of lake, and there, and he was like, So we could either kind of just stand here on the beach and look at the castle, or if you want, we can like take our shoes off and like wade through the water. It was like hip deep. And and I was my shoes were already off. Yeah, I was like, I’m going, we’re fucking going. And so we get on the island, and on the island is a fucking stag just wandering around. Like it was like a cartoonish experience. And so we get up to the castle and they had put a gate on the kind of entrance to it because whoever owned it was maybe I don’t know, didn’t want people in there or whatever. Imagine that. Nobody’s on the island. And uh, and Brian, our tour guide, was like, you know, if you wanted to, you kind of probably squeeze under the door, and it kind of like wandered away, and we were already under the door. Yeah, and so we snuck into this castle, and it was incredible because you can kind of, it’s all kind of mostly in ruins. There’s no like roof or floors, but you can kind of see where the old floors used to be. The all the old fireplaces are still there. You can kind of see where storage was, where the kitchen was. And so we just uh spent three days kind of wandering the kind of quote unquote real Scotland, and it was just it was fucking magical. Um, if you go to my Instagram, you can see a whole bunch of photos, and I’m gonna post a video today. Um, but it was it was an incredible experience, and then we spent the last two days in the city um doing touristy stuff just to, you know, do the castle and the theater and stuff. But um, it was a vacation of a lifetime, and I’m already trying to figure out how I can move there without kids, obviously. Um, they’ll they’ll be fine. Um, but uh, you know, of course, that’s the first thing I thought was like, how do I live here? Because the culture’s amazing. There’s no guns, there’s no no trespassing laws, which was like, he was, I was like, what does that mean? He goes, Well, you know, people, if they’re walking down the street, they can walk through your yard to get somewhere else. There’s no trespassing laws. People could pitch a tent in a field, even if it’s your field. Like, and my first American thought was like, Oh god, there’s gonna be people all over my life. Get off my lawn. Yeah, I was like, get off my lawn. And our tour guide was like, Yeah, that’s because you’re an American. We don’t do that. We we we respect each other, we don’t have guns, national health care, we love gay people. I was like, I you had me, you had me at no guns.
Gavin:
So um of the many questions that I want to ask, you haven’t mentioned your children at all. Now, did you miss them? That’s right. I had to want, do you want to move? You already joked that you want to move back without them, but like, did you miss them? Did they miss you? And do you want to go back to Scotland with your kids?
David:
So, yes, no, of course. Like, I missed my kids. It was really hard because as we were leaving, there were both both of their faces pressed against the door, screaming and sobbing. So that’s never fun to leave. But like, right, luckily, my sister uh was incredible and sent us, you know, five minutes later a picture of them colouring and happy or whatever. Right. But yeah, I missed them, but I made sure not to just spend the whole trip with being sad that they were away from me. Yeah. And we really enjoyed our time, but we missed them. And of course, we check in at night when they were sleeping and looking at their your their nursery cams and stuff.
Gavin:
But oh, you were able to do your big brother from afar, right? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.
David:
I creep, I creep internationally. I want an international creeper. But yeah, no, yeah. And I definitely want to go back, but there was, I just wanted to go and not be like, don’t stand too close to the edge. Because we were like standing on the edge of fucking cliffs. Like we were in non-kid friendly places, but yeah, I definitely want to go back there with with kids. And I like I said, I’m moving there. So I need to find a job. So anybody out there who lives in Scotland, uh, preferably in Verness, somewhere in the Highlands, um, I want to do the job that you need to hire an American for. So, long story short, amazing trip. Thank you to my sister and my niece for taking care of my kids while we were gone. And now I consider myself um British. Okay, so enough about me being an annoying American coming home from Europe, thinking everything they do is better, because it is.
Gavin:
Uh, let’s move on to our top three list, shall we? Let’s hear it. Now, the topic was what are three of the things that you miss most now that you’re a parent, right?
David:
Correct. And it’s my list, so I will go first. Tell us about it. And number three, comp tickets to Broadway shows. Man, that is prior to having kids, you, you know, because you and I have been in the Broadway biz forever. And so we inevitably have friends be like, hey, I have two tickets to um once upon a one more time at two o’clock, you want to come. It’s like 1 15 p.m. And you’re like, yeah, I’ll be there. I’m gonna jump on the subway. Yeah, that doesn’t happen. I have to buy Broadway tickets. First of all, I have to buy Broadway tickets. Second of all, I have to buy Broadway tickets weeks and months in advance to make it work. So number three, comp tickets to Broadway shows. Um, number two, the thing I miss, brunch. Like it’s my gay, it’s my gay right. And I can’t have brunch because yes, I can go to brunch with my kids, but I’m gonna be spending the whole time telling them to put that down. And I don’t want to do that. I want to get, I want to get brunch drunk with my gays. So that’s number two. Uh, number one, the thing I miss the most now that I’m a parent is Christmas decorations. I am a Christmas aholic and I can decorate the house, but I have things that sit on shelves and stuff that is maybe on the ground, or multiple Christmas trees with delicate ornaments. My Christmas decorating is very different now that I have two under four who want to grab shit and destroy it. So, number one, Christmas decorations for me. What about you, Gabin?
Gavin:
I was I was definitely confused by the Christmas part because I figured that I would actually assume that being a parent brings out the Christmas in you, but you’re like, no, no, the look don’t touch part of Christmas. Correct. The look don’t touch.
David:
Yeah, this is Nana’s 1930s glass ornament that I don’t want you to break.
Gavin:
I have those too. I have a few of those too. All right. So for my top three, I think mine might go a little uh, frankly, darker, but also philosophical in the um grand scheme of things. Number three is I miss being the least responsible person in the circle. Oh, I’m not sure. I mean, in some ways I do that. David, David, you know I um I I’m late, I don’t do what I say I’m gonna do, and I’m irresponsible and I don’t know how to manage a calendar, right? But those are in generally disappointing. I’m a I’m an overall disappointment with uh my friends and friends, but not with my kids. I always have to be the responsible one with my kids, and it’s so tiresome. Number two, spontaneous travel. Kind of like what you said about brunch, just being able to pick up and do whatever you want without having to be on a schedule, without having to think. Will they have something for the kids to eat? Will will everybody be comfortable in this room, et cetera, et cetera. I just miss being able to be totally impulsive. And then number one, my joy. Oh wow. I love being a dad more than anything on the entire planet. But so often I’m just policing and teaching so often, and I’m like, God, I wish I could just be happy, go lucky, and carefree. And instead, I’m like, pick up that towel. Are you gonna pick up that towel? What do we do with the plates when we’re done eating? Or are you thinking about flushing that toilet? Are you gonna did you brush your teeth? And um, so is this podcast not joyful enough for you? It it it makes it fills that part of my heart that feels ripped apart and stomped on the floor by my policing and teaching.
David:
So this is a really good advertisement for people to become parents.
Gavin:
Sure is, and yet at the same time, of course, I wouldn’t give up a single second of it. And I love it.
David:
Of course, and uh because we’re sociopaths, every one of us.
Gavin:
All right, what’s next week? Next week, our top three list is what are the top three movies or TV shows that simply don’t hold up.
David:
Our guest this week is a man I am 100% positive has come across your TikTok or Instagram feed at some point. His content involves him, just like Cher playing all the roles. He’s a dad, a creator, a billboard boss, which we’ll get into. I think he only owns one wig, and now he’s a resident of Florida. So blink twice if you need help. Please welcome to the show, Ooh Buddy, aka Jay Howard. Jay Howard!
unknown:
Thank you.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, uh happy to be here and just you know, stroking my ego.
Gavin:
Why only one wig when you’ve got so much content to create? And if you’re going to be compared to Cher, if only on our podcast, you definitely need to increase your number of wigs.
SPEAKER_04:
It’s one wig so far, and it matches generally matches my wife. Say, I’m only playing my wife so far as the universe grows, you know, as I uh as I craft this universe, I’ll bring in more characters.
David:
Is it like the is it gonna be like the Marvel universe where like you’re gonna be building all of these characters to eventually have some sort of Avengers movie where everyone appears in one?
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, there’s gonna be time there’s gonna be time jumps, alternate timelines where they cross over. Uh yeah, I actually have written a sketch based on time travel, like where I’m about to shave my beard down to just a mustache, and future me comes into the bathroom. Same way he’s got a mustache, and like, wait, before you go, like you’re gonna try to stop me. Like, no, I want to make sure you do it. We look fucking awesome right now. And then future wife comes in, like, yeah, but just clean up the beer trimmings. Okay, now I’m giving the whole thing away, but then like, wait, wait, before you all go, we should all have sex, right?
David:
Like nice! That actually brings me to my my one of my favorite parts about your your account. So if if if somebody’s listening to the show and doesn’t follow you, um, I want you to stop listening to this podcast. I want you to go onto TikTok and or Instagram, and I want you to follow. He’s like at BKO T P A, correct? That’s your that’s your handle. You have to follow him. But what I love especially about your account, and it’s very gateriarch-friendly, is that you uh do a lot of kind of like parenting content, aka like my kid does this, you know, three-year-olds eating breakfast or whatever. But then like you don’t shy away from adult content, which my personal favorite, and it I literally was watching it yesterday and just like guffawing again was the Scrabble Tiles uh video you did.
SPEAKER_01:
Yep where that was a good idea.
David:
Or like, you know, me and my wife are having this argument about these like tiles, and it shows you like an arrangement, and it’s all of your names, right? It’s your name, your last name, your kids’ names, all that stuff. You’re like, yeah, and then I I I thought about doing it this way, and then you rearrange them to say, re jam that dorky meat rod in my ass.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah.
David:
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04:
So I had I had to convert W’s to M’s, but it it worked.
David:
It it like the fact that it actually worked, and that was the sentence that it created, is I I I think you’ve I think you’ve peeked. I think you may want to just stop right there. I’ve been told I’ve peaked on a few videos, but I always come back with something I think it’s better, but and honestly, to me, one of the draws of your account, besides the fact that you are very funny and your your stuff is very funny, is that it’s lo-fi, is that you have one wig and you almost have zero props. You do some a lot of editing, but like overall, it’s pretty normal stuff in your house. Um, I’ve I recognize your background right now. So I think that’s part of why it’s so funny. But I saw I I you came across my TikTok feed for a while, and I I don’t follow anyone. And then I was finally like, oh fuck, I gotta follow this guy because this guy’s really funny. And then listen, I shot my shot and I reached out to you and you said, Yeah, sure, let’s come on. So let’s and now and now you’re peaking.
Gavin:
This is actually a peak, yes. Yes. So speaking of peaking, then I’m kind of curious. Um, you talk about the that you’ve scripted out a really funny video for down the line. Do you always think ahead of time? Like, do you put a lot of time into the planning, or how often are you just like, oh, let’s make a TikTok right now and make it super spontaneous and impulsive?
SPEAKER_04:
Um, I do plan most of them out. I’ve got a got a note on my phone in the notes app. Yep. I throw down ideas, little bullet points, what I want to hit, check them off as I do them, uh come back to them. But uh but then sometimes, you know, re jam that dorky meat rod in my ass. That was just we were laying out the tiles and I said, hang on a minute.
David:
Wait a minute. And then like, you know, the like the the beautiful mind, you know, mathematics start swirling around your head. Uh-huh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
I got it to dorky meat rod, but how do I make the rest of it work from that?
David:
Oh, to me, it’s the rejam. Rejam somehow rejam is the I mean, that’s the chef’s kiss of that. So does your wife like, does she kind of take all of your content with like a laughing eye roll? Is she kind of annoyed by it? Does she love it? Like, what is her point of view on your content?
SPEAKER_04:
She has come around to like now, now that the money is coming in, you know. Well, of course, accelerates it better. Uh, you know, in the beginning, when I was when I was nobody, you know, 2022, she’s coming home from work, she’s a teacher, and I would just look what I did today. Stop. Stop. You’re not funny. Mow the lawn. You’re not funny. Right. But you know, as I I’ve gotten better at this stuff, I’ve learned how to be funnier, whether more so than what I think is funny in my mind. I can kind of play it for a wider audience. And yeah, she’s on board. She’s been helping me film this summer while she’s on break. Yeah, so she likes it. My my mother-in-law, my mom, they’ve created accounts to follow me now. So yeah, so kind of I can’t or should not post certain things because I know they’re gonna see them, but I I do it anyway, and we just don’t talk about it.
David:
Well, let so speaking of your wife, uh, you when we you and I were doing a pre-interview, you told me this wonderful story of how you all met. Please, please, please share with the audience how you met your beautiful wife. Um, it’s it’s very funny. And and and now that I know you a little bit, very you.
SPEAKER_04:
Okay, yeah. It was uh it was G in 2008, University of Florida, uh, summer A.
David:
Picture it.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. And uh I was in a class acting for non-majors, just elective summer class. And um, she was in it as well. And one of the first things we had assigned to us was you know doing doing a monologue for the class. Um, and I had seen her in class, she she caught my eye, and um I found her on Facebook and I said, I challenge you to uh you know a monologue competition.
David:
Which is that classic way to reel in a lady as one does.
Gavin:
First of all, I’ve never heard of a monologue competition. This sounds very 1912, Anne of Green Gables going up against somebody in a monologue competition. But what was the inspiration behind such a thing? I Jeff wanted to get late, but uh Well, right, okay. That that yeah, that is a great inspiration.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, so yeah. And you know, the rules that whoever does better in their monologue for the class, if you do better, we have to go to your dorm room and watch a movie of your choice. If I do better, you have to come to my frat house and watch whatever movie I want to watch.
David:
Which is a false choice, which everyone knows. The fact that you just said that was a false choice, that was a win-win that you set up already. There uh, regardless of the venue, we are gonna Netflix and chill, right? Yes.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. Or the answer would have been no, which what she accepted.
David:
Yeah. Uh yeah, it came away and it was a what, a VHS tape of like Jurassic Park? Like, what was it back in the day?
Gavin:
But wait a minute. I I I I have to have an answer here. A monologue competition is something that exists already, and I just didn’t know that? Or you just okay, you invented a monologue competition. And what was your monologue?
SPEAKER_04:
I forget.
Gavin:
Was it dramatic or comedic?
SPEAKER_04:
It was comedic.
Gavin:
Clearly, you can’t do it right now if you forgot what it was, huh?
SPEAKER_04:
Uh, geez, what was it? It was about um it was it was a one-sided, obviously it’s monologue, but it was supposed to be dialogue from the other side.
David:
But Gavin, it’s for non-majors. He doesn’t he didn’t know that a monologue meant one person. That’s okay. Continue.
SPEAKER_04:
Well, I guess I’m talking to someone else who is speaking back. You don’t hear what they’re saying, but it’s implied by my responses. Sure. That kind of thing. Um it was like uh a guy’s girlfriend who he had just broken up with shows up to his apartment and uh uh gets naked in front of him and he’s trying to resist it, but then gives in.
David:
It was funny. I alright. I’m sure it was. And you won. This was clearly more planned out than I had initially thought. Like you were you had like you, you probably had a note on your phone, you were like, okay, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna get a sexy monologue, get the vibe going. I win or lose, I I win, right? Yeah. So we cut to the chase. You won. We decided that I won.
SPEAKER_04:
She came over. Great. And I picked, of all things, like the first season of Dexter to watch.
Gavin:
Season. So not watching a movie. We are going to Netflix and Chill and Binge Watch.
SPEAKER_04:
We started the season and then, you know, right on. She has to come back to watch the rest of it. Sure. Sure.
David:
Dexter, though. Like let’s set the romantic mood here with a serial killer with a with a heart of gold. The charming serial killer in living in plain sight. I mean, listen, she the what I said in the pre-interview stays. Like it worked. What however strange and weird. It yeah, you’re married, you got two kids now.
Gavin:
Um so are you able to employ your acting skills you got from your non-major acting class in your TikTok videos?
SPEAKER_04:
I’ve always thought I’ve been something of a good actor. The class was just a fun way to a fun outlet for it. Totally. And then uh TikTok, way better outlet for being creative.
David:
Why did you still so tell me how you started your TikTok? Was it just like, I don’t know, uh, everyone’s doing this TikTok thing. I guess I’ll I’ll try it and see what happens, or was there more than a lot of things?
SPEAKER_04:
You know, I I saw TikToks being like reposted to Reddit. They were funny. That’s how I kind of got introduced to the app. This was back in like 2020, and then it’s like I got funny ideas I want to do. I had no idea how to edit anything, but um, yeah, first one I wanted to do, didn’t get to do it because the world shut down. Was like, ugh, yeah, set to music part of your world from The Little Mermaid, and like me getting the text, me getting the text from my doctor, like you you got COVID, uh, you know, isolate for two weeks, and then like I got gadgets against funny. I want to be where the people are cuts in me at Disney World, coughing, you know.
David:
But now where’s now is this where the wig came into play?
SPEAKER_04:
No, no, I got that. Uh I had been using uh turby twists when I was playing my wife. And she’s like, that doesn’t look like hair. It looks like I just got out of the shower. Like, get wigs are$20 on Amazon. You’re we’re making money off this now.
David:
Yeah. And so where does the wig live when it’s not being used?
SPEAKER_04:
I I don’t I don’t have the head or the stand for it.
David:
It just sits. It just it just kind of exists on the floor somewhere.
SPEAKER_04:
It’s somewhere around here, yeah.
David:
Yeah, I I think this interview probably would make more sense with you wearing it. Um, so so you started your TikTok account and you told me that the Will Smith audio was that the Oscar’s audio is the what made you go viral for the first time. What was that video?
SPEAKER_04:
When my son calls for his mom while we’re trying to smash, and like me just busting into his room with like my shirt open, like keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth. We play my son is like, okay, I’m going to.
David:
But see, and and that to me is is what is makes your account so funny is that like you’re doing this kid content, which is any parent is immediately like relatable, but it’s adult. Like you you are you were talking about your life or your experience as adult, either trying to smash your wife or re jamming that dorky meat rod. But I would say the majority of your content is just kind of kid focused. Like one of my favorites of yours, and I I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to explain it, it’s so nuanced but smart, is the ketchup one where it’s that Mumford and I think it’s Mumford and Sons audio where the where it kind of stutters for a second and it says, you know, your kid wants ketchup. Yeah, exactly. That as a parent of two kids who demand shit when they want it, it is. I was just like, it’s it’s I’m I’m holding the fucking ketchup in my hand and you’re screaming at me for the ketchup. I’m gonna push you into the ocean.
Gavin:
Um is it hard to get your kids to cooperate in filming? And especially if I mean uh if you have to take multiple takes, or are you having to pay them now to to cooperate, or are they down for it? They’re not in any. He plays all the parts. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of the videos, but how on earth do you not you’re right, you that and that’s the way you get around it. Well done.
SPEAKER_04:
Sometimes they’re in it, they’re they’re very passively in it.
Gavin:
Yeah. But like they’re just on the side. And do but do they get to watch do they get to watch any of them?
SPEAKER_04:
Um I’ve tried with the four-year-old. Like, look, I’m pretending to be you. And he like, don’t he actually kind of got like upset. Like, don’t pretend to be, he’s very sensitive. Uh he’s like, that’s not Bluey. You’re like, no, I’m not.
David:
Never mind.
SPEAKER_04:
No, it’s me. Yeah. He didn’t quite get it. This is paying for your college education, so fucking. I do have I’ll get comments or messages like, oh, I watch all your videos with my four-year-old. He thinks this is hilarious. That’s great. Please watch the videos yourself first before you don’t do a little bit of screening. Don’t just go in raw to the look.
Gavin:
You might get a little rejam that you’re not expecting. Uh so luckily, you are able to uh spend some time during the day. Your your job allows you to like sit around and be creative an awful lot of the time, too. How does that balance out?
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, I mean yes, I I I have a job. I am the BKO TPA Billboard King of Tampa. That that is look at that.
Gavin:
Uh huh. Yeah.
David:
He showed us a miniature version of a uh a billboard that says J. Oh right. This is audio. Good. Yeah, it’s audio. But um, yeah, so you are the billboard king, and and that is something that I think is the first time for us on the podcast. I we’ve never had a billboard boss. So many firsts here, so many. So tell us, what does that even mean? Like you’re you’re the boss of billboards? What’s what does that even mean?
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, well, it’s a self self-proclaimed title.
David:
Yeah, great. Yeah, that’s all right. We gotta say it to make it happen. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. Uh you know, so my job is uh primarily I work with ad agencies or brands, and when they want to go, we call it the out-of-home advertising space, billboards, buses, you know, when they’re at the airport, all the screens in there. That whole realm of advertising. That’s what I specialize in. Um, so yeah, I work with ad agencies or brands, they’ve got their goals for an ad campaign. Um, I say, here’s some good ideas that we could do with billboards, etc. Uh here’s who owns them, here’s how much it costs. I facilitate it, I do the production, uh make make it a one-stop, easy process for them. Because billboards seem easy, but you know, there’s a thousand different companies in the US offering them in different places and just and also somebody has to make, like you said, somebody has to do it.
David:
And I think about some of the fucked up billboards I’ve seen. Oh, yeah. Just like like really stupid shitty ones. I don’t mean like poor quality, I mean saying really horrible things. Do you have any sort of like, do you say yes or no to things, or are you just kind of a yes to everything? I’m just the facilitator.
SPEAKER_04:
No, I give I want the campaign to be good. You know, yeah. If I put up a bad billboard, it sucks. You get bad feedback, you blame the blame me and the billboards for your shitty campaign.
Gavin:
You’re the creative who’s helping sell whatever shit that’s gonna be.
David:
So you would say no if somebody said, like, you know, God hates fags. I would not take that deal.
Gavin:
No.
David:
Yeah. Because I have seen that billboard. There’s seen that billboard in multiple places that says God hates fags. Um, and so so that’s kind of cool that you get a little bit of a you get to you get to kind of decide all the things. You don’t you you don’t just hide behind like, sorry, it’s just my job. I just I just make the billboards happen.
SPEAKER_04:
I would if uh you know Governor DeSantis wants me to help with billboards, I’d probably referring him to someone else.
David:
Yeah, no, well, and you live in Florida now, so you’re you’re listening I grew up there. I I know I know where you live, I know how it feels. I actually grew up within 15 minutes from you, but you used to live in West Hollywood, California. Which are very different billboards, very different billboards, very different advertising campaigns. So tell me a little bit about your life in Wiiho because you are not gay, but I feel like you are gay adjacent in that like you are a friend of a friend of Dorothy’s. So like tell us a little bit about your time in Wiiho.
SPEAKER_04:
Time in Wii Ho, yeah. So I moved out to we moved out to LA for the billboards, the big city, the bright lights.
David:
The big billboards, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
The big billboards. Um and you know, we lived our first year in downtown LA, sight unseen, um coming from Orlando, Florida. So yeah, downtown LA is not cute. Oh, downtown Orlando is fun. Why wouldn’t downtown LA be that much more fun? There’s an apartment at uh Seventh Flower.
David:
And it’s like, why is it so cheap here? And then you found out.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. Oh, okay. It smells like shit all the time.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Uh so we got out of there after a year, and my wife just she she was doing substitute teaching around. She found out of she discovered little little gem of Wii Ho. Um, so she’s like, yeah, let’s let’s move there. So yeah, yeah, we found a great place there. Um lived there for five years. Um and honestly, that is probably the happiest time of of my life. You know, I was just a block below sunset, right off Santa Monica Boulevard, La Sianega, right in there. All the hits, you know. Um had a great group of friends there. My sons have a lot of gunkles that they they keep up with them. Um yeah, weho was great. And I guess, yeah, just a funny story. Very Wiho. You know, one morning before kids, like a Sunday morning, my wife says, uh, hey, you want to try that uh new coffee shop? It’s right underneath the uh leather and custom custom leather fetish place. Like which one? There were multiple coffee shops that fit that build. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David:
Within like a couple of blocks. You’re gonna have to be more specific.
Gavin:
So, did you get any leather gear uh along with your latte?
David:
Wait, leather and lattes? There, you just combine the two, one one place. Get your harnesses and uh a chai latte, a tumoric latte. That actually sounds really fun. For those of you listening, he’s just he’s writing this down. This is his next idea. He’s literally, he’s he’s literally gonna write, he’s gonna give up all the billboards and he’s gonna open up a leather uh coffee shop.
Gavin:
It’s all content. So did you like uh come bursting out of college ready to write um ads in very short quips on um on billboards?
SPEAKER_04:
No, I came out of college working in hospitality. Uh worked my first job out of college was at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Miami. Um and then that was that was a rough that was a rough place. Rough rough why. So it’s like a it’s an older hotel and it just catered to business travelers, but it had these uh airline contracts, like the airline crews would come in and stay at the hotel. Um but we’re talking hundreds of people, multiple airlines, and they every night, I bet. Every night. They don’t check out until like 7 p.m. So you got hundreds of rooms that are not clean for people who are trying to check in at 3 o’clock.
Gavin:
So I’m but do they have to pay for that second night essentially if they’re not checking out until 7 p.m.? Or you’re you’re like, whatever, we’ll take your Delta Airlines contract.
SPEAKER_04:
Airlines contract, you know? Yeah. Guarantees so that was just constant. I’m I’m telling people trying to check in at nine o’clock. Like, I don’t have a clean room for you. Can you wait here for two hours every night?
David:
I mean, I feel like they used to have things called crash pads, which were like apartment style things where they would share with other airline people for that exact reason. But I didn’t know they actually had contracts with hotels.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, it’s just, you know, it it yeah, for for their overnights in a new city before they go back to their home base. Yeah. They put them in a hotel. Um yeah, I was really I was looking for a way out from that almost immediately.
Gavin:
And then So then you wrote then you somehow switched into the world of like billboard jingle writing.
SPEAKER_04:
I don’t I don’t create the ads. I it’s I’m I’m about the media space, the billboards themselves, negotiating all that stuff.
Gavin:
But you have some creative input. Uh I would under the impression, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
I I’ll say this is not gonna work. Do it like this. Take this out. You don’t need your URL. Please do not put a QR code on a billboard.
David:
HTTP colon forward slash forward slash like W. Don’t we need the WWW? No, you don’t even need a website.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah. I knew a guy who knew guys who sold the advertising on the buses in Orlando. Just recently started doing that. So talk to them. They they hire me to do that.
David:
And so how much, okay, so how much would like a billboard cost? Like, give me a, I know there’s a lot of metrics, like where it is, how long, is there like, is it 3D? Is it digital? But like, what’s an average cost? Like if I had, if we wanted to do Gatriarchs, everyone subscribe to Gatriarchs Podcast on a without a QR code, no QR code. No QR code. We won’t do a QR code. We might have like cows, 3D cows like painting it, like Chipotle. But other than that, what would that call? What would that run a month? Where? Where? Where are you doing this? Uh the the mediumest highway in Orlando.
SPEAKER_04:
The mediumest highway in Orlando. For a four-week period, just standard billboard for the space, that’s gonna cost you maybe$4,500.
Gavin:
Oh, that’s less than I would have expected.
SPEAKER_04:
If you want to fabricate those 3D cows, that’s gonna be about$75,000.
Gavin:
Just ideal meal. Near where I live in I on the I-95 corridor in Connecticut, there is a billboard that has probably been there since 1977. And it’s a ad for a pool company, and it’s a picture of a pool, and huge block lettering says, Your wife is hot. And you know this. And then there’s a diving board off the top of it with what looks like a busted mannequin from Macy’s circa 1983 with your wife’s wig on it with one arm up. She looks like she’s just like a mannequin sitting there in the winter, in the summer. It has been there for my entire experience in Connecticut, which goes back to the mid-2000s. I am astounded that that I one, I what please tell me that they actually they must be selling pools, too. Did they buy that uh billboard permanently? Because it never changes. It’s been there for more than 15 years.
David:
And they must see, they must assume that the return is higher than what they’re spending, so they’d keep it going. Must be.
Gavin:
But wait a minute, you also just mouthed it with me as I said it. Like, is this a national thing that pool companies have your wife is hot and they they exploit HVAC AC companies use that uh uh South Florida?
SPEAKER_04:
Your wife is hot, get a new AC. Or get yeah, I I’ve seen that. Um, and that’s kind of like an iconic board in itself down in South Florida. People talk about the your wife is hot board.
David:
Oh, see, we have in uh so I live in New Jersey at near New York City, and we have there’s a guy called RobsellsnewJersey.com, and he is like this real estate agent in in New Jersey. He actually is like he just owns the team of hundreds of agents below him to do it, but he is on a couple hundred billboards in New Jersey, and he is on ev I mean, he is ever where. First of all, his headshot is not recent, for those of you wondering. Um Second of all, I’m I’m just I I’m baffled at how much something like that would cost. Because it’s on like the parkway, it’s on 95. It is on these like big, big New Jersey roads. Uh he’s gotta be spending six to seven figures on. I mean, I just I cannot imagine what his yearly cost for those must be.
SPEAKER_04:
I can.
David:
Oh, Jay’s gonna do it. We’re gonna do we have live accounting, everyone. Live accounting of how much that would cost.
SPEAKER_04:
All right, so let’s assume it’s 200 billboards and he’s doing what we call like a rotary plan where you just you your your ads bounce around as the availability shifts, you know, you’re not picking certain spots to be on permanently. Um if you’re doing an annual contract on that, so you’re getting 200 New Jersey, maybe you can get them at like$750 a piece.
David:
Oh, discount.
SPEAKER_04:
Wait, yeah. Wow. Right. Because I mean if you’re saying if you’re buying that many, one for sure.
SPEAKER_05:
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Annual contract. Sure. And saying like put them wherever you want. If someone wants to buy that parkway board at its like posted rate, then move me somewhere else.
David:
And he could have had a coupon. You don’t know. He could have got a coupon. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04:
So uh 150,000 per four-week period. There’s 13 four-week periods a year. It’s just it’s just under just under two million a year.
David:
So that that’s what the I mean, I have to I have to put it in the middle of the house.
SPEAKER_04:
How many houses does he need to move to to recoup that?
David:
I I gotta believe yeah, I gotta believe in the capitalistic he’s making more than two million on the fact that those billboards exist. It just blows my fucking mind because that is that is a lot of money. He he is I he’s over he’s on over half of the billboards in New Jersey, which is blows my mind.
Gavin:
There’s a there’s a lot of real estate to be moved in New Jersey, though. That makes sense.
David:
So let’s get back to your TikTok account because your TikTok and your Instagram is honestly why you’re here. It’s why you’re famous, it’s why your kids are gonna go to UF and not Florida State, where I went. Um so what is what’s the future like now? You we we talked a little bit about you’re you’re starting to get money, you’re in the creator fund. Are you starting to get approached by like uh people asking for you to create content for them?
SPEAKER_04:
I’ve I’ve done a couple of those.
David:
Yeah.
Gavin:
Um yeah, smarty pants, vitamins, they Does it feel naughty and dirty to do it for somebody else?
SPEAKER_04:
You gonna watch me while I do it? Yeah. Uh yeah, I mean, they give you a lot of leeway. They just say, make a sketch, feature the product, try to hit these points, don’t say this.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
But like I I like to be I like to merge it into my style. I’m not just a it’s a look at the you know, look at these vitamins, buy these vitamins, please.
David:
Right. And that’s also important for you as the creator is to make sure that your your content isn’t diluted with stupid products that don’t fit your brand. Because we all who follow you, we see the sponsored, we know it’s an ad, and we’re already a little annoyed. But if it’s totally out of the realm of what you normally do, that is that’s bad news for your future. Being able to charge$10,000 to Dunkin’ Donuts to advertise their donuts. I love the idea of uh uh like an email from Dunkin’ Donuts that says, make sure you say our donuts are delicious and they cost$5.99. Please don’t say that our donuts are racist. Like something really weird, some sort of weird metric that they have discovered is like everyone thinks Dunkin’ Donuts hates black people. So we’ve got to make sure that you do not hit that point. And you and you’re like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Share up my script and I’ve rewritten.
David:
Yeah, you’re just like my entire thoughts exactly. Um, so this is something you’re gonna keep doing.
SPEAKER_04:
Oh, yeah. Hey, as long as people are still watching and liking and engaging, I I’ll keep going. Um, you know, those dopamine hits from just seeing those numbers go up.
Gavin:
Applause, we can relate. Applause.
David:
Like, we literally chose to spend our lives working on Broadway where people would just clap for us after our end of our job. It’s fantastic. And when people don’t do it now, it’s like, wait, what’s the point of working if people don’t applaud for each other? What is the point?
Gavin:
Yeah, it’s not the same as a like either.
David:
Tell me I’m good.
Gavin:
Tell me that was good.
David:
Yeah, tell me it was good and tell me why it was good in specific detail. Go.
SPEAKER_04:
Why did I make you do it?
David:
Look at me, look at me. You like you tilt their chin up a little bit, you’re like, look right into my eyes, and they’re like, they’re starting to tear up. They’re like, I don’t, I don’t like this anymore. I just thought your video was funny. Are you ever recognized in public?
SPEAKER_04:
I’ve not been approached in public, but I have had people say on TikTok, like, I saw you at Bush Gardens today. Yeah, I was there.
David:
Oh wow.
SPEAKER_04:
Why didn’t you stroke my ego and say hi, please?
David:
So that’s a note for everyone. If you recognize Jay in public, run full speed towards him. Um, he really would feel comfortable with that.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, but please. Yeah.
David:
His face just melted. He just looked at me like, wait, no, I don’t, I don’t want that. It’s actually probably creepier. It’s not creepy for somebody to walk up to be like, oh my God, I love your account, you’re so funny, versus like a day later being like, I saw you getting gas at the shell. And you’re like, whoa, bro, what is that about? I followed you home. I your toothbrush spells kind of funny.
Gavin:
Now, would you how soon would you encourage your kids to be creative in uh making their own videos? I mean, I I realize they’re four, they’re not gonna be anytime soon, but do you like the idea of um encouraging your own kids’ creativity in writing and whatnot?
SPEAKER_04:
Stay off the internet until you are 20 years old.
Gavin:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:
Uh social media to teenagers is poison.
Gavin:
Uh well said.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, just it it’s it’s poison, it’s dangerous, reshapes your worldview, your view on um gendered women.
David:
It’s and it’s where it’s where and it’s where the young generation now is getting their news from, too. Yes. TikTok and Instagram, not not even from like uh online news publications, from TikTok. So it is, like you said, very dangerous, not only culturally, like you’re talking about shaping gender and your identity of what is uh is okay and what is not, and but also like what is the truth? Who is the president of Brazil? Gavin, who’s the president of Brazil?
Gavin:
It Lula, Lula, that’s it. It’s Lula. I pretty it used to be Bolsonaro, he lost, or he’s claiming it anyway. Oh god, that was that was awkward. Has it skewed your view of the world also? I mean, has social media tweaked with your synapses, aside from needing applause and likes and comments?
SPEAKER_04:
Look, I mean it did, you know. Um I got on MySpace and Facebook like most of us of of this age did when it first came out. Oh five. Wait, wait, you know, when it was the Wild West. Um well, you know, I deleted Facebook in 2019 just because I didn’t like how angry I was getting at people I consider friends and family, you know, just because of everyone’s need to spout their nonsense. Um so yeah, I deleted it and I’ve been have not missed it at all. Like the first two weeks my fingers would sometimes just instinctively type face on the keyboard, but got over it. Um and I only created the Instagram account fairly recently just to port over the the TikTok content as well. So I don’t yeah, I I don’t really I don’t engage in social media for me as myself. Yeah. Do it as a content creator.
David:
So I have a very important question for you as a straight man. Sure. What is the gayest part about you? Well, I I really like watching RuPaul’s drag race. Um not gay enough. I need something gayer. So every straight guy watches that now.
SPEAKER_04:
Uh Peggy, is that?
David:
Yeah. Okay. Oh, that was good. That was not what I expected. Well, listen, Jay, you you’re I I I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass for any other reason. I I he is re he is rejamming smoking. I am rejaming that dorky meat rod in my ass because I your content is so funny as a as a parent of two kids that are similar ages as yours. Your stuff is so funny. Um, I I love your stuff. I love talking with you. Everyone out there, please, please, please go right now, pause this video, pause this audio and go follow him. He is at BKO T P A. Um, and you can thank me later. And thank you, Jay, for joining us and beating yourself by being on our stupid little podcast. Truly.
Gavin:
Thank you for watching my stupid podcast. So we’re at the end of summer. I’m in total denial about it. But at the same time, keep uh keep keeping a summer mind frame, right? But I uh my kid was in a summer camp this week and they went basically hiking along a state highway. I mean, uh it’s a two-lane road. Uh, not the kind of place that kids should really be walking, but they were doing it very safely. And I got to drive by him. I hadn’t seen him in days because it’s a sleepaway camp. And I got to drive by him. And funny enough, my partner drove by them earlier in the day as they were going heading out on their little walk, and I got to come back. And he said when he drove by them, my kid lit up. He was so excited to wave and say hi. And which was just a beautiful moment that um that they shared. And then when I drove by, he looked at me like, Oh, you again, and barely waved, barely acknowledged my existence, which was funny, still something great. What about you, Dave?
David:
Uh, so this week my son was playing on the couch and he ran and kind of like jumped onto the arm of the couch, and it hurt him, and he went, Oh, I cracked my vagina. And, you know, kids are the darnest things, but I did not expect that to come out of his mouth. Cause why not? Because why not? And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments for David, you can email us at Gatriarchpodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFMVaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at irresponsibility on nothing. Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll boat by you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.
SPEAKER_04:
The rejam. That was my wife doing. I had jammed that dorky meat rod in my ass and I holding on to an ER. Like, where what do I do? And she like magic took them.
David:
Nice. Yeah. That was that marriage was destined to be. Somebody who can be like, I’m gonna take your jam and I’m gonna rejam it. Speaking of pegging. This was yeah.