Full Transcript
Right? And this is Gatriarchs.
David:
Gavin, it is episode thirty of Gatriarchs. Can you believe that shit? No, I can’t.
Gavin:
We’re in our we’re we’re in our thirties again. Oh, we’re in our thirties again. How cute is that? I’m proud of us. I wondered if we were gonna get to this point. It’s great. Same.
David:
Yeah, no, I’m I’m very proud of us. We did we we created something where it didn’t exist, and we uh thank all of our listeners for sticking by us as we figured out editing and mics and content and all the things.
Gavin:
So thank you so much for sticking with us.
David:
Yeah, a hundred percent. And we’re gonna spend the next 60 seconds only, and then we’re gonna move on to dick jokes, uh begging you for help because we need visibility, right? Yeah, we are on the internet and everyone is on the internet and everyone wants to listen to their show. Um, and so we need to get in front of people, and the way you can help with that is giving us reviews. And I know we ask it at the end of every episode, and it’s super annoying.
Gavin:
If you’ve listened that far, yes, just a quick reminder we always do ask for the reviews.
David:
Yeah, but like reviews and sharing our posts and just interacting with our content. I know everyone asks that and it’s so annoying, but it’s the only way we can grow, and we’re growing because we’re growers and showers.
Gavin:
Uh, we but we’re asking you to show a little more to help us grow.
David:
Oh, look at you bringing that around. That was really cute. So, anyway, our 60 seconds are up. That’s our plea. If you can somehow share the show with people you think that might like the show, we would so appreciate it. So we can continue to make the millions and millions and millions of dollars that we make on the show.
Gavin:
The millions. But as we all know, like with Amazon reviews and whatnot, it doesn’t take much time and it actually may makes a huge difference. And now back to dick jokes. Like, I’m not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great.
David:
It’s just a dad and dick joke. It is the perfect Gateriarch’s joke.
Gavin:
There we go.
David:
I mean, that’s a good joke.
Gavin:
I I I appreciate that. I just came up with it on the spot.
David:
So another uh milestone, uh other than it’s episode 30 for us, is that it’s the 20th anniversary of the New York City blackout. Do you remember the blackout gave him?
Gavin:
Yes. I can’t believe that was 20 years ago. Maybe it was 20 years. It does feel like yesterday. It was in the dark ages, pun intended, but it was a long time ago.
David:
And also, there are probably listeners who were like, I wasn’t alive 20 years ago. And I wasn’t sure. Let’s hope so. Unsubscribe.
Gavin:
Um, but that said, first give us a five-star review and then unsubscribe, please.
David:
And email us some dick pics at Gatarkspodcast at gmail.com. Anyway, uh, I was just thinking about where I was during the blackout because it was kind of like one of those big generational things where like September 11th or, you know, whatever, where you’re like, where were you during that? So, Gavin, I’m curious. I didn’t know you 20 years ago. Where were you?
Gavin:
Well, it it definitely is a uh a generational moment for the those of us who were there. I would imagine people in Oklahoma City were not thinking about the uh blackout. But my story there, listen, I’m so full of fantastic stories, as you know.
David:
Hold on, let me get my pillow and blanket.
Gavin:
But my blackout story is really boring. I should just make it a 10 second or less. I was home, I had an AMFM radio with batteries, I decided to just stay home, sleep on my the tile floor of my kitchen in my underwear, and read books by candlelight because there was literally nothing else to do. Although I did go out for a walk with my roommate that night, and uh there were restaurants handing out ice cream, and that was that was fun.
David:
It was dark, dark, dark, so dark. You forget like how how bright the world is at night. You forget that like everyone has even a porch light or a street light, like small things. Yeah, and when all that shit is gone, gone, you’re like, oh no, this is dark.
Gavin:
Yeah, for sure. And but it was also it felt it was super like party riffic festive um that evening for us, anyway. Um, was it was a party riffic for you?
David:
I mean, kind of. It was listen, New York City is such a great place where like everyone kind of when something big happens, everyone comes together. Sometimes they come together to fight each other, but sometimes they come together to celebrate. And so just the blackout for me, one of the things I wanted to say in context, first of all, super fucking hot outside. God, it was and second of all, there weren’t smartphones. So when you needed information, you would go to a computer or you would call somebody on the phone.
Gavin:
It was the dark ages.
David:
Literally the dark ages. And anyway, long story short, is I went out on the street when all the lights went out, and I started hearing people talking about what it was happening. And I was like, oh, we lost power in these blocks or whatever. And then somebody was like, I think it’s terrorism because this is right after 9-11.
Gavin:
Yeah, it wasn’t long after for sure. And we were all about terrorism and and cyber attacks and attacks of all kinds then.
David:
So yeah, no, 100%. Everyone was like thinking everything was terrorism. So I thought I was gonna die. I literally was like, oh, terrorists have bombed the Northeast. We’re gonna die. What should I do? And everyone was closing, everyone was closing up shop or handing out ice cream. So I ran upstairs and I grabbed all the change I could find, went to my bodega, and I bought what I thought would be my last meal, which I decided was chocolate-covered Intamin’s donuts. The little minis.
Gavin:
This tracks, this tracks so much. You you thinking I have to get a final meal, and what’s it gonna be? Okay.
David:
Yeah, and not like calling my mom or telling people I love them. No, no, no, no, no. Eating waxy chocolate donuts on my fire escape in my underwear, waiting for the end.
Gavin:
A dozen rings of cancer in a box for very cheap.
David:
But delicious cancer. Oh, the most delicious cancer.
Gavin:
It’s probably uh as far as the taste of most cancers, I would say it probably is the best.
David:
Oh, yeah, definitely. We should do a top three uh most delicious cancers.
unknown:
Wow.
David:
This is so fucked up. Anyway, so I just I literally sat on my fire scape eating donuts, waiting for the end. I thought this was gonna be the end for me, and then it didn’t come, so I fell asleep on my roommate’s floor in my underwear. Again, it was super fucking hot. At 3 a.m., I was awakened by the original cast recording of the last five years popping on at full volume on my speakers and all the lights turning on. And I realized that I was alive and I had just downed an entire box of donuts, and I was at least happy I was alive.
Gavin:
Once again, this is the gayest story that tracks for you. But having said that, God, I love that album. I love I’d love that you say original, as if there’s a there isn’t a revival or anything. Well, there’s the movie. Oh, right, of course.
David:
Which listen was not listen, movie musicals in the past 10 years have been hit or miss, as we know, right? Very hit or miss, yes. They have they have really struggled to let theatrical creators create the film version of things. And I think when they just have these film directors make anyway, I thought the last five years was pretty good. I thought they did a pretty good job.
Gavin:
I skipped it because it is uh such an important album in my life in New York City. I don’t want it to be screwed up. But um I get it. But uh, but that that story uh completely tracks. And for those who were not necessarily born even uh 20 years ago, um you should one definitely check out the original cast album of the last five years, and two unsubscribe because if you don’t know anything about the New York Black album.
David:
Absolutely, unsubscribe. We don’t want you here.
Gavin:
But but for but but before you do that, please give us a five-star review and uh download it and um tell all your friends and then unsubscribe. But still keep subscribing. But really, help us again um show so we can grow. Now, um, speaking of blackouts and having little hissy fits and frankly tantrums, it it occurs to me that sometimes we get too caught up in our own musical theater lives here on Gatriarch and don’t for we forget to talk about some of the coping mechanisms that come along with parenting. Because after all, we wanted to be a podcast that is, of course, about parenting, about being a gay parent, and also putting some good stuff out there in the world that’s not just goop saying, here’s a vagina egg, lube it up, have fun with it. And also parenting is a pottery bar and catalog uh photo spread, right? And if we’re gonna be dick jokes and dad hacks, we need more dad hacks. So let’s talk about dad hacks. Yeah. I want to know. Um, so just the other day, we had a tantrum in our house. And it’s been a while because we don’t have one or two or three-year-old tantrums. We now have 11-year-old tantrums, right? They are manageable. I’m not gonna say there’s anything actually wrong with it, but it is absurd because boy, there’s a lot of just sitting and waiting and trying to rationalize because frankly, you think you can rationalize with an 11-year-old, but guess what? You can’t, and you just have to sit through it, right? Or put your foot down or whatever. But I’m curious, you’re kind of in tantrum hell right now, aren’t you?
David:
A hundred percent. I have a four-year-old and a 20-month-old.
Gavin:
How do you deal with your tantrums?
David:
So I’m gonna give you really simple, simple, simple advice, which doesn’t always solve everything, but I think it’s helpful. In the event of a tantrum or just general crabbiness, my solution is add air or water.
SPEAKER_03:
And what that means is elucidate.
David:
Yes, um, is take them outside. Oh, yeah. Uh for air, right? Air. Look, we’re gonna go outside and we’re gonna go in a different place. Even if it’s in your front yard, we are a redneck people in our neighborhood. We just will sit in our front yard on a blanket and just hang out.
Gavin:
Um just steel billlies out on their front yard again. Go ahead and pee.
David:
Yeah, pee wherever you want. Yeah, this grass loves it. Um, so yeah, no, we’re we we add air or water. So water would be obviously like you could go to the water.
Gavin:
Splashing water in their face.
David:
No, I don’t actually mean that. I mean like, even like, hey, you want to do the dishes with me, they can just pour water back and forth. We have a water table outside, or here’s a fucking hose, go crazy. Something about air and water, at least with my limited four years of parenting experience, solves most problems.
Gavin:
You know, I think that still tracks, honestly, because uh recently when we were having an 11-year-old meltdown, uh, it we had kind of gotten over, we had crested, you know, the the climax of the um uh tantrum, but I did say, come on, let’s just go for a walk. No, I don’t wanna, no, let’s just go for a walk. No, I don’t wanna. And we did. We went for a 10-minute walk together. The first half was in silence. The second half was, hey dad, you know what I love about school right now? And I’m like, wait, what? And when you’re able to, you know, get push past it or inject the air, the kids breathe better, and then they open up to you again. And um, and we we had a very quick transition there. But um I will say there was a time that I was trying to get both my kids out the door when they were very little. One was going to essentially pre-pre preschool for you know three-year-olds, I think. And we had a double stroller. And for some reason, my daughter was having a completely illogical off-the-hook tantrum. And I had a family member there who was, I’m not gonna say judging my parenting or my ill-behaved child. They always are. We both looked at what’s that?
David:
They always are, even when they say they aren’t, they’re breathing in a certain way where you can hear their breathing. Yeah. Yes.
Gavin:
The breathing, the hemming, the hawing, the distaring. Yeah, you’re like, I am dying in this moment. I would be so much better off if nobody was watching me deal with the scantrum. But I did take my daughter and I shoved her into that double stroller and we just went outside. She was screaming, you know, how you have to hold down with an elbow to get the clip going. And the second we got outside, everything was fine. So I think air and water, let’s leave it at that. Air and water. Absolutely. How about another dick joke, huh? Might as well get to that, huh? Like, uh, what’s the difference between a dick and a bonus check? Someone is always down to blow your bonus. Gavin, you’re fired.
David:
Um well, let’s let’s I want to end this uh this opening segment before we move on to our top three on a real down note. Oh I really like to do that. I saw a TikTok, um, which really like it like hurt my soul a little bit, but in a way that I was like, okay, I need to think about things differently. Um, it was basically saying once your kids turn 18 and they let’s say move out of the house for you know college or whatever, um if you see your kids X amount of times per year, if you add up all the days you get to see your kids again after that, before you die at whatever your natural age is, it averages out to be one year. If you add up all the days you see your kids after they turn 18, before you die, it ends up being a year, which is such a fucked up way. I remember seeing a similar thing where it was like, How many times a year do you see your parents? Add that up to how many years you expect them to live, and you go, Oh my God, I have two months left with my mom, or 10 visits or whatever.
Gavin:
Let’s break this down into meaningful terms. We spend a lot of money on our children. This seems like a terrible return on investment. Oh, absolutely. I want my money back. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, having children is a purely financial decision. And then they abandon us. Yeah. Abandon us. We see them for one year, and most of the time they’re annoyed to be with us. And frankly, we’re probably annoyed or disappointed to be with them. And it’s still costing us money for that final year that spans hopefully 40 years of our life. Oh.
David:
You know what? Maybe we shouldn’t have kids, Gavin. Do you think we should maybe rethink this whole thing?
Gavin:
I mean, how often have you said, can I get a refund?
David:
But I do think that it is at least good for me to think that way. We’re like, the the time is precious, right? That that’s the thing you have to kind of you have to fast-forward yourself to when you’ll miss the things and try to pull some of that energy back when you’re holding two screaming kids and a Toys R Us or whatever. So that was one of those things that helped.
Gavin:
You were sounding tremendously holier than now, the person who’s able to be like, I just, I’m just gonna remember these times. I’ll miss the screaming tangent.
David:
My kids eat all organic, they don’t have any sugar, they’re well behaved, they don’t wear stained clothes. Oh, Jesus.
Gavin:
You know what? I actually have heard the statistic recently, something along the lines of after 18, um, between 18, like in college years, you’re lucky to have a month with them, and then from ages 22 to 26, you’re lucky to have two weeks with them, and then afterwards afterwards it’s exponentially less. And that is fucking depressing. So we should really just go to another dick joke. Like, what do you call a herd of cows masturbating? What? Beef stroganov.
unknown:
Oh my god!
David:
Gaben. Gaben, where has this man been for 30 episodes? You’ve been the straight man for 29 episodes, and now you’re coming out with all these great dad plus dick jokes. This is perfect.
Gavin:
I’ve just made them up on the spot.
David:
Definitely haven’t been Googling this whole time. Nah. Um, all right. Enough of your bullshit. Let’s move on to our top three list this week. So let’s do it. This week is Q top three song. Oh shit, that’s right.
Gavin:
Gate three arcs, top three list, three, two, one.
David:
Okay, so that was Gaven and his husband creating our new top three theme song, which is very exciting. And it’s also appropriate because this week, our top three list is what are the top three sitcom theme songs?
Gavin:
Nice, yeah.
David:
So this was my list, so I will go first. These this is the one that I think the go that I think were the most influential to me and the world. So in number three, the Jeffersons.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh.
David:
We’re moving on up. Absolutely.
Gavin:
It was just like fish don’t fry in the kitchen. These don’t burn on the grill. Yes, it makes you want to stomp on the floor and clap. It makes me want to go to church. Yes, I want to go to church. I am an atheist and I want to go to church. When I was in college, we would have Sunday night dance nights at ground zero, where in the night was that the cave that you and your tribe lived in. It was definitely in a basement. But um, they would have 70s night, which was kind of at the beginning, dare I say, of 70 nights being cool. 70s nights being cool, and they would play the Jeffersons, and it brought the house down. It slaps, as the kids used to say.
David:
All right, so that is number three. For number two, this is every kid my age knows the song, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Oh so this was one of the first theme songs that was entirely rapped, and every single person of my age group still knows all of those lyrics. And it was that show was totally influential into the world, but that that theme song particularly was great. And number one, this is personal. I just love it. It’s it slaps to me. DuckTales.
Gavin:
Woo! Yes. Oh, DuckTales is great. Uh okay, so what comes to mind first was believe it or not, um, a kid’s a kid’s show, but I’m glad this to see that you had kid shows in there, except these are embarrassingly my kids’ shows that really stuck through. So my number three is Martha Speaks. Do you know Martha Speaks? No, never heard of that. Oh. Oh my God, how quickly things change over the time over the years. Um, and in not that many years. But anyway, Martha Speaks was something that my kids watched on PBS about a talking dog. And my favorite part was the the lyrics were really, really charming. And there was also a really great key change in the middle of the lyrics that went like Martha speaks, Martha speaks, Martha speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and communicates, enumerates, elucidates, exaggerates, indicates and explicates, pluviates and overstates and hyperventilates, Martha speaks.
David:
Lynn Manuel, move over. Gavin Lodge is here to stay and slay.
Gavin:
Slaying it. Another for number two for me is I was a huge fan of Scrubs. And I I loved that show. It was just so whimsical and silly. And I don’t know if you remember the theme song I Will Not Sing It For You, but it was clearly in the vein of Zach Braff being able to find really funky, independent music. And it was just a really it’s a hard one. Also, how sexy is he?
David:
Oh, it’s he was so sexy. Everyone, I would bang every single person on that show. I’m thinking from the janitor to all the doctors. Do you know what I mean? Like, like that janitor has got the daddy energy. Um, like, you know what I mean? He’s like meet me behind the garage kind of energy, which I’m totally there for. Um, and Dr.
Gavin:
Cox, who is Dr. Cox, frankly, I mean definitely a top A, top silver daddy, with I mean, without a doubt. And uh, and yeah, that’s hilarious. And then finally, number one for me is the show that pops into my head. I wasn’t even an avid, insane fan for it. I’ve seen my share of episodes, but every single time I look at an image or in life of the Chrysler building, I hear some Sex in the City.
David:
Yeah, you know, I had never watched that, and I think I almost got my homosexual card revoked at one point when I had mentioned. I’ve still never seen a single episode of the show. I think I might have seen one of the movies, but like somehow it just I missed it. But I know I’m sure I would love it.
Gavin:
I can’t wait now. That makes me think we should have a top three of, and yes, I’m just ideating this now with you. Let’s have a top three soon of the three ways we should have our gay cards revoked.
David:
Oh, I love that. That’s a good one. I’ve never seen Mommy Dearest. Oh, I love it. Okay, we’ll we’ll put that for uh in the future.
Gavin:
Okay. I also want to, we obviously have to give an honorable mention. This is Gateriarchs to one show, right? What is that show? We all know, right? Golden Girls. It has to be.
David:
Like, like it is that that first of all, that theme song starts. Especially like the remix that that guy on TikTok did. But like that is an iconic song. I didn’t put it in there. I don’t know why I didn’t, but like it absolutely deserves an honorary mention for sure.
Gavin:
Absolutely. Those ladies. I was um scrolling through Hulu just the other night and I see that the pilot, uh, Golden Girls is on there, and it said the pilot, where Rue, uh not Rue, where um where Blanche falls in love and feels stress or something like that. I thought isn’t that every single episode of Golden Girls? But anyway, I might revisit it at some point. Um, I want to hear your three secrets to throwing the best kids birthday party. So our next guest is, like so many of the fabulous people in the Gatriarch’s family, a multi-hyphenate. He is a travel writer, a soccer fanatic, a book publisher, a professional photographer, an influencer from before the time that influencers became a punchline, and of course, a father. Welcome the cruise king Jeff Bogle to Gatriarchs. Good God.
SPEAKER_04:
Can I ask?
Gavin:
Can I ask what is it that you love about cruising, Jeff? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, I I usually love the paychecks that I get from from writing about cruising. Not I to be honest, I’m not the biggest fan. Now, I was never on a cruise until I was about what am I now? 100? Um, 47 and a half, probably until I was about like 40, 38. So we were invited on one, it was free, and I had a job to write about it. So I’m like, I’m not gonna turn that down. And I had the kids with me, and they had fun, and we realized because I I grew up like I like to rent an apartment in the heart of the city and go to the market, go to markets and like live like a local as much as I can. Cruising, technically, you might think that that doesn’t really afford you the opportunity to do that. And you’re not a hundred and you’re not a hundred percent wrong. Um, but we soon learned that we can use cruising just as transportation and to like unpack well, unpack once and then use it as transportation, and then when we get somewhere, just go in the opposite direction of everyone else and have our own adventures. And it’s afforded us some incredible memories and and trips that weren’t excursions, they’re not being loaded onto a bus full of people. I mean, we’ve done that too. Yeah, but but most of the times I’ll like find a Hertz location in a port, rent a car, and just like go somewhere and just do our own thing and then race back so we don’t get left behind.
David:
That’s Jeff. There’s been a big misunderstanding. Um uh cruising. I was under the impression, Gavin. I think we need to rethink uh how we phrase some of these things.
Gavin:
You know, according, yes. Well, I you know what that might help actually if I just asked you, David. You know, let’s bring you into the conversation. What is your favorite thing about cruising, David? Uh it’s not hurts, um, although sometimes it does.
David:
So um, yes, no, cruising, cruising is I mean, it’s a it’s a gay pastime, honestly. Um, but so is cruising. Why do I feel like we’re talking?
SPEAKER_02:
Why do I feel like we’re talking about two different things? Also a gay pastime. Yeah.
David:
Cruising, cruising and cruising. Jeff, cruising for gay men is sometimes um enjoying life on a boat, and sometimes it’s um giving hand jobs in the park. It can be it can be one or the other, honestly. And sometimes you can combine the two.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, yeah, some of these cruise ships have public parks with like real trees.
David:
So I’m aware.
Gavin:
David, if we could get paid for cruising and actually make a salary off of it, I would be a billionaire.
David:
I would be a billionaire.
Gavin:
I do want to point out that the urban dictionary says the definition of cruising is aimlessly wandering the streets with the hope of picking up a male for anonymous gay sex. Wow, you’re well.
SPEAKER_02:
Wow. We yeah, that I I was not on that itinerary. That that was not listed in the brochure. That is too bad for you.
David:
We are pretty mean to our straight guests. We apologize. We’re pretty mean to it.
Gavin:
Oh, yes, disclaimer, I didn’t put that in the intro, but yes, you being uh an honorary gay triarch, yes. Jeff is a uh Jeff has had relations with the other sex and we with the other gender, and we salute you love him. We salute you, yeah.
David:
We salute you, yeah.
Gavin:
So, but then okay, so in your line of cruising, can you tell us give us a dad hack for traveling um as a dad, and then we’ll come to the kids. But what is your what is your dad hack for traveling on cruises?
SPEAKER_02:
Oh, enroll them in the kids’ camps that are free. Like upsell that so fucking hard from the minute you start booking the trip. And they’re fun, it’s an easy sell. Um there’s so much crap to do because once you do that and you you get they get a taste of like the the autonomy and the freedom that’s involved and the scavenger hunts and the friends they’re gonna make and all that cool shit, it basically means you’ve got a week to yourself. Um which is beautiful, or with your partner, or giving hand jobs and bushes, like whatever you want to do. Yeah, as long as that kid is enrolled in the topiaries, yeah. As long as that kid is enrolled in camp and they’ve got like camp programs that go to like two, like dance parties that go to like one, two in the morning, you can you can have your own dance parties in in cabin and out of cabin.
David:
Nice. Now, are they for young kids? Like, I have a two-year-old and a two-year-old.
SPEAKER_02:
They are. I mean, they’ll do babies, but the um the the the meat of the programs are for your age group. So toddlers, they even go up to teens. So from like literally six months, if they might do infants, I’m not sure, but not applicable here anyway. But um, from like young people your kids’ age all the way up to teenagers, age-appropriate um group groups, uh what camps, I could not think of that word. Age appropriate camps with age-appropriate activities that they’ll have them like doing cool shit all over the ship. Go to lunch together, play video games, do arts and crafts, do like high-tech stuff. It’s so cool. And yes, two and four is the sweet spot. My youngest, so she’s 16, she was probably around six-ish when she started when on our first cruise, and she it it was the camps that did it for us. Like, if they had a bad experience, we probably wouldn’t have cruised again. But they loved it, and they’re two introverted kids, so it took them a little, it took us a little bit to like you’re going. You’re going into camp, goddammit, and just like like you know, leave shutting the door and walking out. Like, you’re you’re gone for the day. We’ll see you later. Um, but it took one day and they never we never saw them. They never wanted to hang out with us, they were just doing their own thing. So, four-year-old, two-year-old, they’re gonna love it. Absolutely.
David:
I went on a Disney cruise once, and um, they wouldn’t allow you to bring alcohol on board, but you could bring, I think, like one bottle of wine or something. I don’t remember what the thing was. Now, this was like 10, 15 years ago. I think people have caught on to this now, but so they’re like, you can bring a bottle of wine on, but like no alcohol. And I was like, I don’t want wine. So I just obviously bought a giant cheap bottle of wine. I emptied it out, I filled it with bourbon, and then I resealed it, and then I put it in my bags. And guess what? David David had an entire bottle of bourbon for his week-long Disney cruise. So that’s the that’s a travel hack I know.
Gavin:
Are Disney cruises dry?
David:
No, but I didn’t want to pay for the alcohol package. Are you kidding me? I’m a cruiser on a budget.
SPEAKER_02:
It’s not just Disney, like cruises. I’ve written an article about this for photors, and I can’t remember the the quantity limit, but yeah, they do have limits on the stuff you can bring on board because they want to sell you their own overpriced drinks packages and stuff. Right now, David, I’m so I’m straight and I’m sober, so I’m not gonna be very much fun for you at all. I know.
Gavin:
You are not, we’re not gonna cruise you anytime soon.
David:
We might as well just stop this.
Gavin:
Yeah, no.
David:
I’m actually not a big drinker, but there was something about the them telling me I couldn’t bring alcohol on board. Well, it’s like, well, now I’m gonna bring alcohol on board. How dare you!
SPEAKER_02:
You just smuggle bourbon onto a Disney cruise show. I’m not a big drinker at all. No.
Gavin:
That is amazing. I mean, that does lead me to ask, though, how do you deal with all of the things that drive one crazy about cruises without drinking? I feel like the entire point is you just drink to just take the ride with everybody. But why are you a better person than we are, yeah?
SPEAKER_02:
Oh boy, I how much time do we have for that for that answer? No, when it comes to cruising, so I make my own path off the ship. I also do that on the ship. So these cruise ships, most of them, especially the new ones, are so big that you can just find your own space, whether it’s like they have like little nooks and beautifully designed outdoor spaces. So we my wife and I just got back. It was a five-day trip. And every night after dinner, we would go outside. It was gorgeous, it was hot as shit. Hot as hell in Europe right now.
David:
Please don’t curse on this podcast. This is a good Christian podcast.
SPEAKER_02:
I just realized I cursed and it didn’t, it wasn’t the curse. I would hot as whatever I just said, it didn’t like hot as fuck is whatever. Balls, Jeff. Hot as balls, hot as balls, hot as the the underbell underside of my balls. Yeah, nice. There we go. There we go. There you go. Uh but at night it was beautiful. So we would have dinner, we would go outside, they had these swing chairs, two-person swing chairs with cushions and pillows, and nobody was outside. Everybody was going to the shows or eating late dinner or whatever. And we had the entire outdoor deck, the sound of the ocean. It was dark out there. We got a little handsy, not gonna lie.
Gavin:
Um and it was beautiful. So you were cruising with cruise with my with my wife, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
You can cruise with your wife, right? Hell yeah.
Gavin:
Oh, well, I guess according to the Urban Dictionary, it was cruising, means searching for anonymous gay sex. But anyway, all right. So, anyway, it got handsy. I’m glad to hear it. Glad to hear it.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, and it was it was our own experience. And we do that, that’s kind of the way we cruise. We stay away from people. I mean, sometimes you getting on and off can be a pain in the ass, but like as long as you’re not cueing up when you get to port, because that’s when every you know you let everybody get off, give it like a half hour, and then you can just wander off and you’re not in a line. And get back before the very end, and you’ll wander right back on, and you’re not standing in lines with people, which is what most people complain about with cruising, and I fucking hate lines.
David:
I hate to be like, human hypocrisy, isn’t that hilarious? That like when we’re around other people, we’re like, God, I just want to be by myself. And then when you’re by yourself, you’re like, I miss people. I need to be in the community.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, the big the big the big um paradox with me is I’m the two words that have I’ve said so often in the last five years is social infrastructure. I’m such a huge proponent of this idea of these gate-free spaces. Now, cruising doesn’t apply because you’re spending good money to be on this ship, but like libraries and parks for cruising or whatever, where you can come to come together anonymously or not. Oh my god, what oh my god, social infrastructure is just a hash to have sex with people. Sure.
David:
Well, finally you get it, Jeff. You get what the gay agenda is about.
SPEAKER_02:
Um but no, but like I I’m a I love the idea. I see restaurants that have like community tables, and I’m like, my my glut my rose-colored glasses, I’m like, that’s so beautiful. I want to like be together with people. I’m like, the real me is like, oh my god, I don’t want to be anywhere. In around people? No. But yes, but I like the idea of people like sharing ideas and breaking bread or whatever non-religious version of saying that um is.
David:
That’s so true. I mean, I I remember going to a restaurant in in Georgia, but like it was a restaurant where you’re not you’re not allowed to have your own table. Everything was really, really, really long, and everything was family style. So it wasn’t a buffet, but it was like like you know, the big bowl of corn and you’d pass it down or whatever, and you were kind of forced to minimally interact with people.
SPEAKER_02:
And it’s that’s democracy and freedom, David. It is. Yes.
David:
And it was it was actually, I mean, I was I was much younger, but it was it was actually pretty lovely. Yeah. Um except for the Georgia part. It was actually kind of nice, you know.
SPEAKER_02:
But it’s that’s an if that if that’s happening in a charming Vermont, like quaint Vermont village, that’s oh yeah, get me there. That’s amazing.
Gavin:
Well, but that’s also kind of like forced uh interaction in in uh integrated theater, though, right? I mean, and do we think that we don’t like that, but being forced to socialize and being forced to be part of an activity is actually in the end, you’re like, you know what? It was kind of fun. We don’t we’re of we have phobias of it going into it, but coming out, we’re you know, all better off, right? We’re always better off coming out.
SPEAKER_02:
Coming out. That’s I was right. I’m like, am I gonna be able to jump in and say that first? Or are you doing it?
Gavin:
Sorry, I I should have left it to you. I I I I definitely jumped all over that. So speaking jumping all over and getting handsy and swinging, uh, I’m curious how much of your time writing about cruises is explaining um upside down pineapples.
David:
Oh shit.
SPEAKER_02:
Uh well, that would be zero because I don’t know.
David:
Jeff, we are here to educate you, Clearly. This is this we are your guest in life right now. And so upside down pineapples, oh my goodness. So this is actually your world. This is straight people, right? Gay people don’t do the pineapple thing.
Gavin:
I’m new to understanding. Upside down pineapple.
David:
Evidently, like cruise lore is that if you go onto a cruise ship, you’re a male-female couple, and you are open to enjoying the company of other people, if you know what I mean, um, you put an upside down pineapple on your door. The pineapple is this this like sign of you know, swinging or polyamory or whatever you call it. And so people on cruises will put, you know, you know, the Connors and then like put the upside-down pineapple on their room. And that kind of means wink wink, like we’re open to some fun. Wow.
Gavin:
And that it that includes pineapples on shirts, pineapples on socks, pineapples on shorts, pineapple brooches, pineapple scarves. I mean, hey, I uh uh David, how well versed are you in this? Because I’m new to even realizing that this was.
David:
I only found out about this like straight culture stuff because of um TikTok, honestly. TikTok, which is my honestly the only education I need for the rest of my life. Um, I saw people talking about like the upside-down pineapple thing, and then people on cruises like taking pictures of people’s doors. I had no idea prior to this that pineapple. Because I know pineapple is a general symbol for just welcome, right? It’s just yes, yeah, it’s a welcome.
Gavin:
Oh, okay. It’s a like a colonial thing, isn’t it? Like uh pineapples are a symbol of welcome, like our our our door is open to you, kind of thing. Guys, Jeff is getting educated today. You’re welcome, Jeff. Do you believe it?
SPEAKER_02:
What’s disturbing is my wife used to tell me that she had like a mild addiction to pineapple juice and that she wanted to like steer clear of it.
David:
And I was like, There it is. What was she talking about this whole time? She’s addicted to cruising. That’s what it is. She’s addicted to cruising, and she wants you to know that.
Gavin:
You’re welcome. Well, Jeff, I do hope you’re able to integrate this at some point, and I cannot wait to uh I’m gonna be keeping my eyes peeled out, like peeled for pineapples.
SPEAKER_02:
I can’t believe we we have we didn’t. I wish we did this podcast before I was on. I don’t know when I’m on my next ship. Hopefully it’ll be a while. I get really shipped out um and I need to take long breaks to like be on dry land and like explore. Uh but I’m gonna keep my eye out for pineapples and like look at people and be like, maybe you can come back on the show and give us like a pineapple update, like a quick five-minute pineapple update.
David:
Okay. I cannot wait for that. Pineapple updates with Jeff.
Gavin:
Okay, one more cruise, one more cruising question is Has cruising made you a better or parent or taught you uh certain skills about parenting?
SPEAKER_02:
Has cruising made me a better parent? Well, I just admitted to like get your kids in camp for 12 hours. So I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to do that.
Gavin:
I mean having a break from your kids actually can make you a better parent without a doubt.
SPEAKER_02:
Oh, it absolutely you’d need breaks from your children. But one interesting thing, the the I just filed a story um that says, I think the title, the working title, I don’t know what it’ll end up being called. It hasn’t been published yet, but it was like, can you can you call yourself an environmentalist? Can you can you care about the environment and still like cruising?
unknown:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
Um and I interviewed a bunch of people about like the new cruise ships and the new kind of gas and the the new technological advancements that make cruising less ugly for the environment. Um my my children haven’t cruised in years because they heard the news stories about dump cruise ships dumping shit in the ocean and the planet.
Gavin:
They do they have principles that are more evolved than your own in terms of cruising. Yes, yes, got it.
SPEAKER_02:
That’s that’s true on a lot of different levels. Yeah, they not just cruising, they’re very principled.
David:
Um but hasn’t it changed? The cruising industry changed like culturally, where it used to be cruising was get on a ship to go to a destination that is the vacation, and it’s become that the time on the ship is the destination. The ship is ship is for a couple of things. I’ve gone on cruises before where it’s like five days and it goes to one island once and nobody really gets off, and they just sit in the middle of the ocean idling so people can go down the slides in the ocean. So it’s the culture of cruising has changed, hasn’t it?
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, as these ships get bigger and bigger, and there’s you know, ziplining and ice skating and laser tag and bumper cars and a million water slides and dry slides, like the ships are the destinations for a lot of people. And and but what I was gonna say, Gavin, is my kids made me look at uh at cruising in a different way because I was just like, oh, this is fun, we’re having fun. I I didn’t really there’s so much to pay there’s so much shit to pay attention to in the world, terrible things happening and terrible people in it, that I was like, I love the environment, but I’m like, this is fun, and I’m getting paid to write these stories, but um I’m becoming more aware and more cognizant and more vocal in the way I talk about cruising and that the articles that I pitch and write, um, and that is directly because of my children. So in a roundabout way, and because of that story and the interviews I did, and I was telling my youngest who’s 16, she’s excited, she wants to get back on board. She’s like, it sounds like they’re going in the right direction and they’re doing better things and caring about the planet more. And it’s not, it doesn’t I I have a high bullshit radar, and in talking in all the different interviews I did, it sounds like it’s real, and they’re not just trying to meet today’s government stand minimum, bare minimum shit, that they’re going way above and beyond what the governments are making them do.
David:
Um, I think they’ve realized that like in the 90s and early 2000s, I think like any sort of like environmental thought process was looked at as a fad or something cool or whatever. And I think now a lot, I hope a lot of these companies and governments have realized oh no, no, no, they are that this is a we’re digging our heels in. This is important to us. It’s been important to two generations now. Fucking figures your shit out. Yeah, I think that’s why the rise of electric cars and and all these all sorts of more modes of transportation and engines and things that uh cruise ships are adopting to make them greener is important because again, money talks, but also they realize this is not a cult, this is not a diet culture thing. This is a real thing that people are gonna think commit to.
Gavin:
This is getting way too principled because David. No, yeah. Let’s talk about cruising some more. Haven’t you wanted to giggle every single time Jeff says cruising? I mean literally everyone’s I’m watching. So so Jeff, you and I met as daddy bloggers, and I’m so curious. I I I know, listen, listen to that. Uh, daddy blogging. What’s what’s happened to daddy blogging, would you say?
SPEAKER_02:
I I well, I don’t know what’s happened to blogging. I guess social media is what happened to blogging. Like people just tweet everything and TikTok stuff or dance.
David:
You mean X everything?
SPEAKER_02:
I refuse. I refuse.
Gavin:
I refuse. This you’re taking your principled stand right there. Yeah, it’s it’s pro cruising and anti Xing.
David:
I mean, honestly, watching watching a grown ass man burn billions of dollars in seconds just because of ego. Has been like one of the wild things. I mean, we’ve we have peep we have seen a lot of wild things in our lifetimes. That is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen is to watch a man take a mostly successful company and burn it around in real time.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, yeah, to the point where Cheech and Chong are the only people that want to advertise on you.
Gavin:
So, okay, so blogging is basically dead, but for you, you are still, you are still obviously a writer, and you’re also a publisher. So will you tell us about your journey with stanchion?
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, so um, yeah, so we met, we we daddy blogging, working with you know, telling personal stories of raising kids, and then it became sponsored stories about raising kids where you’re cramming references to Clorox or bounty paper towels into your into your stories for a paycheck. Which you did remarkably well. You didn’t have elegance. It’s true. I tried to do it as natural, and I do think that’s it like between being able to take a decent photo and tell a real human story that’s honest and vulnerable, and yeah, maybe there’s a brand mentioned in there, but it’s not being driven by this like cheerleading for some cleaning brand, you know? It’s just part of being a dad. Um, I think it’s directly relates to this whole journey that started the whole thing. So I started freelance writing and writing for for publications and then kind of left the blogging behind. Once influencing became like a dirty word for me, and blogging in a way actually kind of became a dirty word. Um, I did not want to be associated. I wanted to be a writer, I didn’t want to be a blogger or an influencer. I wanted to influence people, but not like wear a t-shirt that had my YouTube channel on it. Um and film and then film and talk about everything I’m eating when you’re at a group with people. It’s it’s it’s so exhausting. So exhausting. It’s so exhausting. So um, yeah, so I I and I’m like make a living, barely. It’s getting harder and harder. AI, I don’t think, is helping, but um, making a living, telling stories about what it’s like to be out there in the world, what it’s like to be divorced and to meet a new love and introduce her to my kids. That was my first Washington Post story about how to do that uh based on your kids’ ages, like inner a reported personal narrative piece. Got me my first Washington Post byline, which was very cool. Very cool. Published a couple of books, guided journals for dads to help them be vulnerable and like tell their own story. But then, yeah, I started so it was first couple months of COVID. Um, I thought my career was over, like nobody was hiring. Hey, there’s one.
Gavin:
Let me interrupt just real quick. I realized wait, I have Bogle’s book right behind me. Yes, a hundred questions for dad, a journal to inspire reflection and connection, which is so dangerously nostalgic and full of gratitude that I love it. And David is absolutely gonna shit on it.
David:
That’s porn for Gavin right there.
Gavin:
It’s talking about like gratitude diaries, I am all about it. But yes, that is a plug. I it will be your product placement and say, yes, you’re you have two books about um about actually helping dads be a little more thoughtful and reflective.
SPEAKER_02:
Well, it is so I wrote that, I got that that publishing that book deal right after my dad had died, and I realized, and I’m gonna I know this is supposed to be funny, so I’m gonna get a little sappy here. My dad died, um, and I, as a storyteller, was like, I can’t believe I never, a so-called storyteller, sat down with him and asked for more of his stories. Like every guy that gets to be 80 years old or 47 years old has like his seven. It’s like, here’s number six, here’s the story from when I was 16, and I I hit all the notes the same way, and I the intonation. Well, my dad did that, and I never once was like, tell me more. Like, what did it feel like? What did it look like? And tell me more of your stories. And then he died, and I was like, fuck. Like, I this is what I do for a living, and I never just took a day to sit with him. And I had a great relationship with my dad, so it wasn’t I didn’t have any excuse whatsoever. Um, so I I wrote this filled with questions, a hundred of them, as the title says, that hope that are supposed to help guys like think back on things and be vulnerable. Like it’s it’s a modern guy’s journal, like from a modern dude who isn’t afraid to like try to cry and make guys think about like one of the questions is like describe your first friendship with um someone of a different gender than you. And if you and if you can’t answer that, why is that? Like, that’s legit one of the questions. Yeah. Because so many guys would have like, I don’t I can’t have girlfriends, I just want to fuck everyone. Um I want guys to think about like why have you never considered a woman a friend? And and it’s it’s filled with like other fun questions too. Right. Well, I mean that could be that could be a fun question as well. Well, it’s just different. I tried to do something different than like there’s a million journals, guided journals for dads and moms, and I tried to be like bring my sensibility to it. So I’m proud of it.
Gavin:
That that well um and I hope there are references to cruising in the book as well. I’ll leave it to our listeners to go listen. Yeah, nice. So I interrupted you. I’m sorry, back to extension.
SPEAKER_02:
So you beginning of COVID, um, like May, June of COVID year, whenever the hell, whatever year that was, I had no work. Obviously, nobody’s hiring me to write travel stories, nobody could go anywhere. Thought my whole career was dead, um trying to stay alive. My wife is like super autoimmune, compromised, immunocompromised. She’s got so many weird, rare diseases. I’m like keeping her in a bubble, not working. And I’m a strict contrarian, I’m a lifelong contrarian. Somebody tells me that something doesn’t make sense, I’m gonna try to figure out how to do it. So, you know, doing blogging and writing and writing for online shit, everybody’s like, print is dead, it’s video is king, and blogging is king. And I’m like, well, I don’t believe you. I think print matters. I think I buy vinyl records, I think print matters, and so I can’t write anything. I’m gonna start, and I don’t have any money, so I’m gonna invest money into a print-only high art literary publication. Why not? That makes absolutely no fucking sense, and uh and I did, and I started it, and it’s like museum quality magazine, A5 size. Everything I do is like anglophile, I’m an Anglophile through and through. So A5 size, and uh Gavin is frantically looking for a copy of a stanzas.
Gavin:
I have I I don’t know. Long time subscriber because I’m long since the very beginning, and I would say it’s my bedside reading. So say what you in your boudoir.
David:
Mine is the Costco coupon book for every month. That’s what I have next to my bed.
Gavin:
That it tell me you’re old without telling me you’re old. Well, I do I I I know that I have copies of stanchion just not around me at this very moment. But anyway, yes, it is totally museum quality, and it is your anglophilia is uh on high display.
SPEAKER_02:
But it’s well, that’s the name of it, too. The name of it comes from the the metal poles that hold up floodlights in the corners of old set soccer grounds in England.
Gavin:
I was I was gonna ask David to I was gonna it was gonna be a trick question for him to say do you know what a stanchion is?
SPEAKER_02:
Oh god damn it.
David:
Yeah, it’s the old metal things that would hold up the lights for the stadium. Yeah, yeah. I know that. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_02:
But interesting, it’s also the poles that hold up velvet ropes that prevent people from getting into like fancy ass clothes.
David:
Oh yeah, that that I for sure knew about. Yeah, yeah. It serves two purposes.
SPEAKER_02:
Oh yeah, velvet rope holders. But they h so it’s two things. It’s it’s the it’s the utilitarian thing that shines light on well, be so I think soccer is beautiful, on beauty and like grace. And it’s also the thing that keeps it’s the gatekeeping thing that keeps people out, regular people out of stuff. So I love the double meaning of of what Stanton stood for stands for. But yeah, for me, it’s the gate, there’s no well, I guess I’m a gatekeeper. I mean, I decide what I’m publishing and not, but um, what it’s grown into. The 13th issue comes out in this fall. It started at 40 pages. The 13th issue is gonna be 88 pages. Um I pay the writers, and I this year I started a book press. So I I publish single author collection, book collections too, from people all over the world um who submit their manuscripts, poetry, short stories, all kinds of stuff. So it’s it’s grown into my other than my children, it’s the best thing I’ve created. And it’s the best thing I’ve created without putting my penis in someone.
Gavin:
Yes, bringing it back to Gatriarchs. Thank you so much. And cruising, frankly. Um, and so and to be very clear, also, for uh I I feel like some of the point might be lost that this is it’s a magazine full of well, I’m gonna re-emphasize poetry and short stories and photography that um in large part tell us about the community of folks that tend to be published in your instantiation.
SPEAKER_02:
When I when I kind of I did a lot of times, I always tell people they should like re if they were to start something, they should kind of research the marketplace and like that’s what anybody would tell you if you have an entrepreneurial idea. Know what you’re getting into. I had no idea. I’m like, I’m just gonna do this. I asked some friends who are really great writers um to to share with me some let me publish and print some old stories that they published online to get started. Um, but then I screwed up.
Gavin:
I was in volume one. Let’s let the record show. I was I was published in volume one.
SPEAKER_02:
You were indeed. Um, and uh it quickly realized it and it grew on Twitter. So like there’s I’m over 10,000 Twitter followers now, and and part of a community of an independent literature, which is by and large, at least the way I see it and curated it or siloed it, is very, very queer and very modern and very inclusive. And it’s wonderful to be a part of. So, like when I open for submissions, I was gonna be the publication that I’m like, I’m gonna be open all the time. Just send me whatever you have whenever you have it. And that became completely untenable. Now so the magazine comes out once every three months. I open for submissions once every for one day, 24 hours every three months. So I’m only open four days a year for submissions. Uh-huh. Because in 24 hours, I will get roughly 1,800 submissions.
Gavin:
Damn.
SPEAKER_02:
From people all over the world. Teenagers, seven-year-olds who have 73-year-olds who have never been published before, people in India, people in Singapore, um, people who don’t know what their gender is, people who are who are unabashedly gay, and and that permeates through their poems and their stories. Everybody. Like and and boring old middle-aged straight white guys like me.
Gavin:
Well, actually, I’ve heard that gays can be super boring too. I mean, David, tell us about it. I’ve I’ve read a lot of these David I’ve read a lot of these submissions.
SPEAKER_02:
That is absolutely true.
Gavin:
We’re just we’re just as bad as the other guys are.
David:
We’re just as boring as everyone.
Gavin:
Just as boring. Just yes.
SPEAKER_02:
Um, so that that’s who I publish. And in in the magazine, and uh I’ve the first six books are a nice cross-section. I mean, I all I published this year, it’s a book every two months, every other month. So that’s six in and I have six on deck for next year. And it’s a good cross-section of people, but it’s it’s nowhere near as diverse as each issue of stanchion is. But what’s interesting, so like I don’t set that out. I don’t like I like a piece, but I’m like, oh, let me make sure you’re queer enough to fill like some quota. Uh it just turns out that way, just because that’s the independent literary community. Probably, and I don’t have statistics on publishing, but probably because big corporate publishing is very much not that way. So you have to exist. Even in 2023, it’s still I would imagine. I again, I don’t know, but I I’m gonna assume like if you look at the bestsellers list, not that you can judge all of publishing just by that, but I’m gonna assume it’s a lot of white people.
Gavin:
Um yeah, yeah, but undoubtedly it still is. On another note of communicating, tell us about the absolute biggest shit show of a cruise you’ve ever been on. And why was it Carnival?
David:
The Spirit Airlines of the Ocean.
SPEAKER_02:
Carnival is where my cruising journey began, actually. Um well, okay.
Gavin:
So, what about though a case of really horrendous behavior that you have witnessed on a on a cruise?
SPEAKER_02:
I mean, I’ve witnessed a lot of creepy old guys checking out young girls on cruises. I mean, that’s called.
David:
Why do you look at Gavin when you say that? That’s my question.
SPEAKER_02:
Um, that’s there’s a lot of unsavory looks and stares and I was on a cruise and we were docked in somewhere Bahamas-ish.
David:
Um, and uh we were leaving port, and then we came right back to port, and it was like right at sunset, and nobody knew what was going on, and we saw some people going on and off the boat, and then we kept going. Well, we had found out that there was some creepy ass old man who tried to like get in this girl’s room, who like like followed her back, and then like it was one of those like scary movies where like she locked the door just the second he was pushing or whatever, and so they fucking were like, guess what? You’re getting off here, and we’re leaving your ass here. Can you imagine? Like, can you imagine the the I like being like JK, you don’t get to be back on this cruise ship because of what you did? Good luck in this foreign fucking country.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, just like that’s fantastic. It is right. Well, it’s great, it’s totally great line.
SPEAKER_04:
Yeah, hey.
SPEAKER_02:
Um, but you know, I always gave my kids so much autonomy when they cruised, never really thinking because I’m like, you’re in a safe space, but yeah, I guess all it takes is one creeper who’s gonna follow you to your room and push the door open before you can get it shut.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
It actually never really crossed my mind that people would do that. But then again, I never knew about upside-down pineapples on doors either. There’s a lot, I don’t know.
Gavin:
I’m glad that we’ve taught you more than you have are teaching our guests or our listeners right now. But nevertheless, it is a total pleasure to hear. You have so many stories from all over the place, and also you continue furthering other stories, so everybody should check out Stansion’s uh the the Instagram handle is at Stansion Zine, right? S T.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, yeah, because I’m a punk rock kid, so I I started it by calling it a zine, uh Z-I-N-E, you know, short for you take the MAGA off magazine.
Gavin:
Thank God. Get rid of the MAGA. Absolutely. No more MAGAs and no more creepy old men on cruises. But we cannot wait to read about the the double entendres of cruising in your next article and tell us about the pineapples. Thank you so much for joining us, J.
SPEAKER_02:
David, Gavin, thank you so much for having me. This was fun.
Gavin:
So something great happened this week in that a neighbor was out of town uh because they’re grown-ups without children, so they get to take vacations here in the middle of September. Nice. And they were away for a little while, and so my kids uh were nicely employed to take the kid take the dog out and take it out for walks during the day and feed it at night. But then those people who were leaving, their uh their grown children, or the you know, their like 25-year-old son, would sleep there at night, so the dog didn’t need, you know, it was fine overnight. So anyway, point being, they took it out twice a day, just for quick walks, probably five minutes at a time. They probably, you know, they just ran rip shot around that house looking at drawers, underwear drawers and everything.
David:
I mean, I did the exact same thing.
Gavin:
I was like I was going into people’s bank accounts for sure. Yeah. You know they were. I hope they weren’t, but you know they were. But they were, yeah. Anyway, uh so the woman, i they did this for, I believe, four days or maybe no, no, excuse me. It was eight days. And she left them um 80 bucks. And they came out uh stunned, each of them with 20s in each hand, and they said to me, I mean, we didn’t really do anything. We just like walked with the dog. It wasn’t that big a deal. I don’t think we should take this. And I was like, Really? You don’t think you should really? Oh, okay. Uh wow, I’m not gonna argue with you. And so they both uh collectively chose to leave behind a 20 each. So they just took 40 instead of 80. Which I thought, wow, you all are one, better than I am. Yeah, where’d they learn that? And two, fucking stupid. But I was proud of it.
David:
What about you? Oh gosh. Well, you know what? My something great is a little sad, but it is something great. So um our uh uh exquisite and wonderful intern, Timothy, um, is departing the Gay Sharks family. Unfortunately, it is time for him to go back to school where he can learn things. I don’t know. What would it say? Think big thoughts.
Gavin:
Think way bigger thoughts. I mean, we killed so many brain cells, and we never even saw him in person to like like do shots or anything. So also I think he’s underage.
David:
Timothy was uh a big part of the Gate Sharks family for a couple months here while he interned with us for the summer. And so all the good things you saw during Gatriarch’s were definitely because of him, and we will miss him. And thank you, Timothy, for everything. And uh, you were our something great this week.
Gavin:
You were fantastic, Timothy. Thank you so much. And that’s our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
David:
On the internet, David is at David FM Vaughn Everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge at North Carolina Politics.edu. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we’ll stomp on you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.