Full Transcript
So this week the the top so this week the list is take a shot of coffee and this is Gage React.
Gavin:
So recently I was adulting. Adulting hard. I went to a conference that was unrelated to parenting and unrelated unrelated to being gay, frankly, although it was arts advocacy. So, you know. That’s pretty gay. Gay adjacent. Actually, I would say that the percentage of breeders to non-breeders was actually pretty balanced. But anyway, we might have to change that.
David:
We might have to change our slur for straight people because not a lot of straight people are not having kids anymore. They’re not interested. So we got to figure out another way to disparage an entire community of people. Work on that, okay?
Gavin:
No offense, straits. Anyway, so I was at a dinner, and um, of course, uh, we were we were all kind of like trying not to talk about work, and then of course, the people who are parents find each other and start talking about parenting complaining about their children, yeah. And then the rest of the table is like, oh god, parents talking about their kids, right? So anyway, my daughter was having a birthday coming up soon, and I was talking about how um our birthday party was to go to the mall to let the girls walk around like preteens, with the and the request was to have my cell phone and my Starbucks in hand. And um, and they were looking like straight out of the poster of mean girls. I’ll come back to the birthday party another time, frankly. But it was highly consumerist and capitalist. Your favorite. Anyway, my my two favorite things being the anti-capitalist that I sometimes am. So anyway, point being, I’m sitting there talking to this woman who said, you know what, in our neighborhood, she had a seven-year-old, in our um community, uh, we’ve all um uh agreed not to give gifts at birthday parties. And I’m like, uh excuse me? She said, Yeah, um, we just we don’t. We we have a book exchange instead at birthday parties. I’m like, uh what utopian communist commune in the middle of California are you living in? She’s like, Well, I mean, outside of Boston. I’m like, okay, that right, that fits. And she said, I’m like, did you start this? She said, No, it’s been going on for years. We just don’t do gifts. I’m like, that I I I I I wish I had thought about this and I wish I were part of this community, that’s for sure. I’m amazed by it. Like, do you think you could get away with that?
David:
I tr we tried it with our son’s second birthday. We said with the invites when they said when they conferred, we said, great, no gifts are allowed. Please just bring yourself about 50% of the people brought gifts, and it is suffocating. Yeah.
Gavin:
But uh but the it it does feel like the expectations are there. Like the kids grow up knowing that they get gifts for their birthday, right? I mean, but we have talked about in the past that like it would be so much better if everybody just gave me$15 and then we had enough money to buy a swing set or something. Sure. Anyway, so then this woman went on to make me feel like an asshole, a consumerist capitalist pig, when she’s like, Well, we um set up for my children, they’re allowed to ask for four things something they need, something they want, something to read, and something that they can wear. And I’m like, if you saw my kids my kids’ birthday list, where she’s like as the list unrolls and hits the ground and rolls across the kitchen floor, I mean damn, I went off the rails way too early. And I hope that somebody out there like you, David, and the the generations of your ilk of children can change this because it needs to change.
David:
Yeah, no, I’m I’m totally into it. So this morning I just had one of those. So I spent the weekend in Florida um with my son, and we had this just daddy-son trip, and it was so fun. And we went to it was so fun. It was I I I was a little nervous. I was like, he’s gonna be an asshole in the plane, it’s just me. He was fucking awesome, not to be fair. He had an iPad one time. But it was just great. We went and did all these really boring adult things. My mom was moving, and so we got to do a lot of different things, and he was awesome. Anyway, the long story short is whenever we have these weekends that are really fun, it was a four-day weekend, it was all it was just us, it was the best. That first day back at school, oh yeah, drop off is not cute. And I very much subscribe to because of my experience, that when your kid is having a hard drop-off, staying longer, more hugs, more cuddling just makes the problem worse. And it’s better just to rip the band-aid off. You knew that. I know. So I’m just saying, I’m bringing it up because this morning I’m dropping him off. We had this amazing four-day weekend, and I can feel it in the air. I can just sense it’s gonna go bad. So we put him down and he’s just like attached to my legs. And what I have to do, and it’s just the worst feeling in the world, is I have to push him off of me and shut the door as I’m pushing him back through the door as he’s sobbing. Daddy, I want to be with you. Daddy, please don’t leave me. Let me come home with you. And then he said, screaming through the door, Daddy, I miss you. And like, what a fucking psychopath. Because not a psychopath, a sociopath. No, he’s a sociopath because he’s fucking with my mind. Because that that’s hard to leave. But that’s there’s no other way. Me staying and hugging him is not going to make him calmer. So I literally have to like peel him off of me and like underwear. Like you’re you’re pulling your feet out of underwear. Correct. And so that was a really that just never feels good at all. But um, yeah. And you know, two seconds later he was fine, right? Oh no, a hundred percent. But it just it doesn’t feel good to like push your son by his face back through the door that you’re trying to lock so you can leave and go to Starbucks instead of Razor Out.
Gavin:
Listen, I have a an episode of Gatriarchs I need to go record, buddy. So and it’s gonna pay for your college, so get the fuck off me.
David:
Now we’ve lost thousands of dollars on this thing. Um, anyway, uh, do you want to do your Oh yes, it is time for the top three list.
Gavin:
Gatree arcs, top three list, three, two, one. Those dulcet tones, huh? So this week’s top three list is the three things you hope your kid fails at. That’s mean. But I mean, it’s totally self-serving, I suppose. And this might unfortunately it has a funny title, but I think I’m gonna be disgustingly sincere when I say number three is I hope my kid fails at being a dick. Just don’t be a dick, right? Just like, can we just not be a dick? Right now, we have a lot of dickishness that’s going on in the house, and I’m like, can we just fail at this and move on? Number two, being popular. I want you to fail at being popular because nothing good comes from being the popular kid, you know? You need to suffer a little bit, right? Uh number one, basketball. Please just don’t be good at basketball because I don’t want to have to watch it. That’s the sport that has traumatized me my entire life because everybody said, Oh, you’re tall, so you must be good at basketball at a very young age. And I’m like, at nine, I was like, fuck you. I’m terrible at basketball, and now I hate it because you make me feel less than for being bad at basketball.
David:
So man, being tall has been just a curse for you. I mean, it’s just it’s just been such a trauma in your life. So I hope my kids fail at basketball. What about you? What do you hope your kids fail at? We uh have a little bit of overlap because number three for me is being a bully.
SPEAKER_02:
Uh okay.
David:
Uh uh, which is kind of like being a dick because I think they need to try, but I need to see them fail and realize that that doesn’t benefit you at all.
Gavin:
Oh, in all of these cases, I want them to try and I hope they fail.
David:
Yeah. Yeah. Um, number two, I want him to fail at something he really loves. And I bring that up because I very much wanted to be an actor. And when I went to college, I went to um a very well-known college for theater, and I auditioned for their program and I didn’t get in twice. And the good thing about that, I mean, listen, it sucked, but the good thing about it was I kept going, and just because I kept going proved that I really, really, really wanted it. So if he fails at something and he doesn’t go back to it, I’m like, well, he didn’t really like it. Yeah. So I think him failing at something he really loves. Um, and number one for me, I hope my kid fails at coming for me. Do you know what I mean? Coming for the king when he tries to outsmart me. That like what it was, like 13, 14, whatever like boys just want to like destroy their fathers. I want him to fail because I always want to be top dog. I have no interest in passing the torch to anybody. Never this is my house. I pay the bills, and until I’m dead, then you can be the king. You can take my toxic masculinity out of my cold, dead, gay hand. Um, all right. So next week, let’s go back to babies. Listen, I I have a 20-month-old, but I don’t, that’s not a baby anymore. I have no babies. We don’t have babies anymore, but let’s go back to babies. A lot of a lot of dads have babies, and let’s go back to the top three baby products that are garbage.
Gavin:
Oh, all right. Top three baby products that are garbage. I do you think it’s helpful that I repeated that?
David:
All right, our next guest is a mom. She’s a dancer, a voice actor, and the host of our new favorite show, the Queer Family Podcast, which has a mission to normalize, elevate, and celebrate LGBTQ families. Now, it is basically if we were classy and eloquent and smart and thoughtful with like a little bit more lesbian than we have. And uh please, yeah, please welcome to our show, Gatriarch’s Jamie Kelton. Welcome to the show.
SPEAKER_03:
Welcome to the David and Gavin. I’m so happy to be here. And I love that you you keep saying that my show is classy, yet you just had a whole monologue prepared about my show. I didn’t do that for yours. The episode. That’s true.
Gavin:
We plug our show right at the top. So we do want to say it once again, over and over and over again. Queer Family Podcast. Jamie’s like, you’re like um the the uh you’re you’re you’re what is it?
David:
Oh madam. The madam of the gay podcast.
SPEAKER_03:
I like that because I was thinking like grandma for a second, but you know, I was avoiding.
David:
You can be a guilf. You know, I didn’t want to make you feel old, but you will be a guilf, no doubt. I don’t know what that means.
SPEAKER_03:
What is that?
David:
Grandma, I’d like to fuck.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh yeah.
David:
I know just a reminder. You’re on our show now where we talk disgusting.
SPEAKER_03:
I know Dilf because I just listened to that episode. So I know what that means. Wasn’t she fascinating? I don’t well, I didn’t get to her. I just listened to your intro, to be completely honest. I haven’t gotten to her yet. Um, because I’m really into your I like your intros, so that’s fun. I like hearing about the parenting and the crazy.
Gavin:
Well, we can’t wait to get corporate sponsorship from Disney, thanks to Dilfs of Disneyland. But um get on it. Yeah, but the GIF uh factor, I mean, uh hey, we all aspire to be a guil at some point.
SPEAKER_03:
So yeah, come on now. But I’m not let’s be clear. I just want to be 100% clear with your audience. I am not a grandma, not that old. Like, am I sure?
David:
She’s young and beautiful. She’s young and she’s the youngest of the three of us, to be honest.
Gavin:
No, I’m not sure. Yeah, I’m sure you are. But we’re also super ageist here. And by we, I mean David, who constantly gives me shit for my age, which is not that old.
David:
He’s literally four years older than me, but I talk about him growing up in the 1800s all the time. And and for for transparency for those of you listening, we literally just now finished recording our interview for her show, and we were trying to be buttoned up, but I could just see in Jamie’s face as we were recording, she was so desperate to be on our show where she could take her bra off and just let it hang out.
SPEAKER_03:
But it’s so funny because it’s not buttoned up over there, um, nor is it classy. So I appreciate you saying that, but um, it’s pretty much it’s pretty much flying by the team of our pants, just to uplift and highlight our beautiful, effed up families. Like we’re all ruining our kids. We are all doing that, just not for the gay reason, and that’s the point.
David:
Yeah, it’s it all in our own special, special ways. So um, for those of you who are listening who don’t know, she you host a podcast called the Queer Family Podcast, which we were talking about was at the time, six years ago when you started it, was the first gay family kind of podcast that existed. And now, in in a good way, there are more, right? There’s us, there’s you guys, which I honestly think are the top ones. The other ones are fine or great, but they don’t, they’re not consistent, right? They’re not posting every week. And you see the kind of shell remnants of people who maybe tried to do one and then they just stopped posting or whatever. Yeah, to try this on the side of the highway.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah. When we first started, there were a couple others who had cute names and stuff. And I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh. But they just really quickly fizzled out because it is a lot of work. It really is.
David:
It is so much work. Booking a guest every week. I know your show do you have guests every week. You have to prepare stuff. There’s money hosting. Anyway, who cares about that? We’re to have you on our show. And you are a mom and a lesbian. So tell us everything. So tell us how you became not a lesbian. We know how you became a lesbian. Um that might be a good story too.
SPEAKER_03:
That’s true.
David:
How did you become a mom?
SPEAKER_03:
Oh, God. Well, I always wanted to be a mom. I did. And um being gay never like deterred me from that. Yeah, I always knew I would be a mom, figure it out somehow. Um and when I met my wife, like it was supposed to, so I had been in this like long distance, seven-year relationship. Not long distance, long term. Why did I say long distance? Long term, seven-year-old emotionally distant.
David:
Yeah. Long term.
SPEAKER_03:
We were actually great. She was a stage manager. We were like, you know, we toured together. Um, you know, that old story.
Gavin:
Yeah, I was gonna say this is uh I see cliches coming out all over the place. And you were on the road and you bought a Subaru.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, it was a the first two, it was a bus and truck tour, and we drove the set van. Oh yeah, we we were we were like lesbian in it. Uh and we were like secret. Yeah, so I was with her, Sarah, for um uh seven years, and uh we broke up. Um it was an amical break, amicable breakup, but um I was like kind of on a rebound. I was like, let’s let me try some things out. Let me have fun. I’m gonna have a little fun. I met Ann at a Pride party, my wife. Um, and she was supposed to be a one-night stand. Like I was excited, let’s do this. Here we go.
Gavin:
That old story and then bye-bye.
SPEAKER_03:
And then like that old story of the U-Haul situation really did happen. It was like by the time morning came, it was a done deal. It was a done deal.
David:
A U-Haul and six kids.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, and that night, the long night, the the long, beautiful night through the night, uh, we asked each other, like that conversation came up. Do you want kids? And um, like that’s how early on we start this shit, right? Um and her response was actually, well, I think it’s it’s uh it’s too late for me because she’s seven years older than me. I was 30, she was 37, so she was not correct in that assumption. Um, so I had to do a little bit of convincing, but it didn’t take much actually. And so we always knew we wanted to have kids. And then we toyed with the idea of using a known donor. Um, because we even had a friend, my gay actor friend, as you do, um, who we would ask who you know we were really, really thinking about. Um, and then in the end, just decided because it just would be too complicated. We’d have to get a lawyer and make sure everything was buttoned up. And we just decided, you know what? Let’s do what our best friends did and use uh anonymous sperm bank. Um use a don’t use a sperm bank, get the donor, and do it that way. So she um the plan was always that she was going to have. I mean, I was always God Jamie, I’m messing up my own story.
David:
Have you been drinking? It’s it’s 10 49 a.m.
SPEAKER_03:
You don’t know what’s in the you don’t know what it’s in this uh Starbucks.
David:
Cut off your kids.
SPEAKER_03:
Um no, the plan was always that I was gonna carry, and then literally like the week after our wedding, we’re sitting in a bar having beers, like self-respecting lesbians do.
David:
Coors light in a can, I imagine.
SPEAKER_03:
No, IPA. Actually, no, she was in on Stella’s back then. Anyway, um the funny thing is, I know like her, like I gauge years by the beers my wife was drinking at that time, which is very lesbian-ish too, I think. Um what was that?
David:
Muted Gavin. He’s muted. Gavin Gavin is logging into his AOL address right now.
Gavin:
I coughed a second ago and I was being very respectable, but I I think I had many funny quips over the last seven minutes that I’ve been muted about.
David:
It’s amazing how the funniest parts of him are always when he’s muted.
Gavin:
It’s so bizarre that works that way. But I am curious what beer chapter of beeriness are you on right now, both of you?
SPEAKER_03:
Well, she’s an IPA. We both love IPAs. Um you know, we’re bougie like that. And uh I’ll drink any IPA you put in front of me. I’m more of a wine drinker too, because I’m bougie like that. Uh-oh. But um, and beers I have, you know, when I’ve had too much wine. So uh uh she’s drinking a certain brand that I can’t think of the name of it’s an orange candy.
Gavin:
That’s right.
SPEAKER_03:
I just know that.
Gavin:
If you could think of it, maybe we could get some corporate sponsorship as far as that goes.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, we should. I should think of it.
unknown:
Yeah.
David:
So you’re at the bar, yeah, and and and she says and she says, you know what?
SPEAKER_03:
I think I want to carry too. I do her like she’s the most New York accent.
David:
I was about to say, is she from like Staten Island? Where is she from?
SPEAKER_03:
Queens, and she gets mad. There it is. She gets so mad about my impression of her, but it’s kind of almost sort of that way, but not really.
Gavin:
I way at but what’s her impression of you? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
She doesn’t do impressions, she’s in education. She’s a stage manager.
Gavin:
Oh, well, no, that was the last sorry, that was the last one.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, but she didn’t do impressions either. I I I like the dry. I have I go for the dry types. Um, she’s hilarious, but she doesn’t do impressions. She said, you know, I think I want to carry two. And that put a wrench in the plans because she’s older, like she’s 38, she’s 39, 40. No, she was 41 at this point. So I was like, well, shit, now we have to do this now. And I wasn’t ready. My career was popping. And by popping, I mean I was like working in um regional theaters regularly. Yeah. Listen, that’s popping. Yeah. And I was like, this is not the time. I’m not ready for this.
David:
Um, and there’s an ensemble of Joseph and the amazing technicolor dream code at North Carolina Theater. I got to be in. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:
Exactly. I had two shows lined up already. Like it was, it was anyway, it was tough. But uh, you know, and then we had to start right away. And also, this means we’re having two because I’m ha I’m carrying a child. So everything got changed so quickly. Um, and then I was so afraid of not having a biological connection. I made her like basically write a contract that she wouldn’t change her mind that we were having two, don’t matter how hard it got. Like, yeah, I got a little cry cry, a little bit. Come to find out that connection doesn’t really matter, but I didn’t know it at the time. Um, and then you know, she got pregnant, IVF, I got pregnant, and then when it was my turn, I had a lot of um infertility. It took me two and a half years. We had no idea it was gonna take so long, and then that’s why the podcast was born because I was looking for um stories like mine. I was looking to hear my story mirrored back to me, and I couldn’t find it. Anywhere and I thought, surely there’s a podcast about families like ours because there’s a podcast about freaking everything, even seven years ago. Um and there wasn’t, and I was shocked, and I just kept saying, ‘Somebody has to make this show, somebody has to do this,’ and then finally I was like, ‘Oh, duh, I have to make this show.’ Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
So let me make the show. And then I did. And then it turns out a lot of other people wanted to hear their stories mirrored back to them as well.
Gavin:
Your show does a great job of reminding us all that it is frankly a fucking miracle that any of us are here. And there are so many challenges, and especially in queer families, we think. I mean, David, I don’t know if you felt this way, but we thought we had everything under control. And there were so many completely random things that were thrown our way that you’re reminded, like, oh, I just need to take a chill pill and take a step back. And you know, it it you get the kid that you are supposed to have, but you’re gonna have a lot of detours along the way.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, parenting is in general is just out of control. Then you add the queer aspect to it, and then you know, then it’s it’s so out of our hands, the control.
David:
Yeah, yeah. It’s the same as regular parenting, just more like Mariah Carey and like maybe some more like Lisa Loeb for you. I don’t know what what is a nice.
SPEAKER_03:
Lisa Loeb. I mean, my daughter knows 32 flavors, you know, she can sing it. Yeah, a little Ani, a little um, you know, because I’m an and I’m a 90s lesbian. Indigo girls.
Gavin:
Indigo nice. Oh, yeah, indigo girls, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Uh-huh. Tracy Chapman, you know.
Gavin:
Oh, what do we think about the reef the read it of that song?
SPEAKER_03:
I liked it. I liked it.
Gavin:
Did you like it?
SPEAKER_03:
I liked it because I just love that song so much. It is a fantastic song.
Gavin:
God, I hope Tracy Chapman is making millions off of the song.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh, she better be, right? She better. I bet she isn’t, though.
David:
But that that was something we were talking about with my husband upstairs, literally during dinner. I was talking about how the moments you choose to ingest all the craziness and the moments you try to let it wash over you. And you always say, like when two kids are crying and reaching for you and screaming and shitting and doing all the things, you’re always like, I’m just gonna let it wash over me. I’m just gonna laugh. I’m gonna think about myself at 80 years old, wishing I had this moment back. And then there’s the times you physically cannot manipulate that back, and you just ingest everything, and you’re like, I’m gonna push you off a bridge. Like, I don’t know what to tell you. That was last night. To me, my new, my new, the new thing that makes me crazy is when the kids are like, I’m hungry for breakfast. I’m hungry for a snack. I’m hungry for that. It’s like great, I will make you anything you want. I want peanut butter sandwich. Fantastic. Yeah. I this is not how it goes, but I’m like, great, I’ll get the bread and the peanut butter. I want it. Yeah, I I’m making it for you now. I want my sandwich. I said, I’m physically making you the sandwich now. If you don’t shut up, I’m going to hand you to Penny, our mail carrier, and she’s gonna take you to somebody else’s house because I can’t do this anymore.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, yeah. No, it’s they they do that. They take you there. They sure do.
Gavin:
I am curious in all of the interviews that you have done, you it is not just a lesbian-focused uh podcast, obviously. You have lots of queer families of all kinds. I am curious over the years that you’ve been doing this, what can you say is the difference between gay dads and lesbian moms? Ooh, good question.
SPEAKER_03:
You want to know my superficial answer that is all the stereotypes.
Gavin:
We are gay, so we’re all about superficialities. We love stereotypes, yeah, marginalization. We love it.
SPEAKER_03:
Listen, the lesbians’ kids are a hot looking mess, and the gay kids are much more buttoned up and and quaft. Now that is a very stereotypical, you know, and it’s um superficial, and it’s so fucking true. Like it’s true.
David:
And I I am a little more lesbian in that. Like, I’ll just grab whatever’s on top in the drawer and put it on them. I don’t even match it. My husband is like matching bows and shoes, you know, like I so yeah, you’re right.
SPEAKER_03:
Especially stereotypes are real, especially the the girl children or the you know, the children that are identified as female at birth, let’s see, and and they’re still living that female life. Uh especially them, they are really put together in your gay household. And my daughter, like we had there’s this one thing, there’s this one story we still tell me and Anne, because when Rose, our daughter was like two, she was in swim class at the YMCA, right? And there was this other gay family, but it was gay dads, and they had their daughter, so it was our two daughters, same age, you know, and they would go into the guys’ dressing room after the class, and we’d go into the ladies, and we’d always see each other walking out. And I kid you not, our child would come out of that dressing room with like pants on backwards, hair all crazy, not brushed, still wet, like just a hot bay, maybe had shoes on, I don’t know, you know, and their little girl would have the ribbon, like the hair was done. I swear to god, the child probably had makeup on. Like in the most beautiful, like they were going to brunch right after, and we were going to, I don’t know where the hell is.
David:
Well, we were likely going to brunch afterwards. We were going hiking.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, we were going hiking. But yeah, and it’s it’s we joke about that to this day because it was like night and day the way we put our kids together.
Gavin:
And then do you do you feel like going with those cliches though, does that mean that sometimes lesbian parents are able to what uh relate to their sons, their male presenting super masculine kids more or any less?
SPEAKER_03:
Or I mean No, that’s one of my things. Well, I’m not because I’m super feminine and um I really do care about how I look and how everybody looks. I just don’t I I don’t take the time with my kids, I guess. I maybe I’m too selfish and I just put all the energy into me. I don’t know. But no, this is one of my things, you know, when you’re in a two-mom house and you have a little boy, um uh it’s um no, I feel like I feel like I am gonna do him a disservice at every turn, honestly. Like I second guess my parenting all the time because I’m not a guy, and there’s a lot of things. There’s a lot of things that go into raising boys.
David:
There is, and and also, did you feel what I felt having a girl when you had your boy where you were nervous about the genitalia? Because I and I was so embarrassed and ashamed to say it. And I didn’t I could barely say it to my husband, but when we were like we’re having a girl, I was literally like, I’m afraid, where do I white? I don’t know. I may have minimal experience from high school, and I uh like you know, uh shout out to my high school girlfriends. But like I was literally nervous about the genitalia, but I didn’t feel comfortable even asking the nurses because I was so embarrassed and ashamed. Did you feel that way at all?
Gavin:
And you don’t want to be a cliche, they’re gonna be like, of course you know nothing. And you’re like, you want to overcome that.
David:
But and of course, now three diaper changes later, I’m like, I got it. I’m I’m a I’m a vaginal expert. But like, what was this something that you’re doing?
SPEAKER_03:
I’m not a penile expert in any way. And um, uh no, okay. Well, there I had a lot of feelings. First of all, when I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I mourned. I was so upset. I was pissed. I’m very candid about this too. Like, yeah, it sounds awful, but I was like, I thought I wasn’t gonna love this baby. Honestly, like that sounds so fucked up.
Gavin:
But it’s helpful to know because we all can have those feelings. There are times that I thought I don’t love my child enough, and um, and it’s normal to feel that way.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, I was, I mean, I think I’m so I have issues with masculinity. I have, you know, uh with toxic masculinity, and that and a lot of times that’s the soup we’re living in. Um, I have issues with all that shit. So I had a lot of feelings that I had to work through in pregnancy, all the way up to the point where when I was giving birth, I was still very scared. Like, am I gonna connect to this person? Obviously, I have, and he is the light of my life. They both are, but like the feelings, whoo! It was deep, child. It was deep. And then um, and then the penis stuff. I’m still grappling with penis. I don’t know what I’m like, and he touched I happen to have one of those kids that it his hand is never off that penis.
David:
Yep, no, that that’s that’s called a boy. I’m still that way. I’m 43. So that’s very relatable and universal. And literally this morning, I I literally this morning, if you walked up to my kitchen right now, you would see a bunch of hair bows and hair ties all drying because my son is now in the piss anywhere he fucking wants phase. Oh yeah. So he would lit, he he lies and says, I missed the toilet. But what he does is he stands on the side of the toilet and pees across it. And we had a big basket of hairbows on the ground. Oh my god. And I hear I’m in the I’m in, I’m I’m putting on the shoes of my daughter and I hear screaming from the other room be like, Emmet, did you piss in Hannah’s hairbow set? Oh my god, just a little bit. It was like a bowl of piss. It was horrible. Okay, so like wow.
SPEAKER_03:
No, no, my head, my son hasn’t done that yet. But also, my son is he’s five, he’s almost six, but he’s he’s in a house of women. So yeah, so there’s many. I have I I have fears that I’m fucking this little boy up because first of all, he’s in a house full of women. He doesn’t see any of us stand to pee. So I think he came to the stand to pee game late in life, to be quite honest.
Gavin:
You know, because we’re just fine, it’s not gonna like screw him up for the rest of his life. He’ll have to go to therapy, but that’s what our job is. I mean like is to send him into therapy.
SPEAKER_03:
This is like a queer conundrum thing. My son recently so sweet, but so fucked up. My son recently asked me in all earnestness, Mom, when am I gonna get a vagina? Yeah, yeah, because that’s all he sees, right? And it’s funny, and it’s also like, oh shit, I need more men in his no, but I I will tell you that my son literally tripped and fell the other day and said, Oh, it hurt my vagina.
David:
And he’s just repeating words he heard because he heard us say it to his sister. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah. And it’s it, you know, but it’s a learning curve, and it’s also this what this is what goes into like being a saint being same-sex parents and then having a child of an the opposite gender, like so many questions I have. For instance, and also cleaning the penis, I’m like, that’s a whole is he circumcised or uncircumcised? Yes, he is, and now I feel bad that we even did that, but he is circumcised. And then like that was a whole conversation. That was a whole conversation.
David:
No, it was for it was for us. I mean, we we both we both have had boys, and it’s like it it even for somebody who owns a penis who is circumcised. I was like, we were really grappling with it. We were like, what do we do and what does it mean? And you’re trying to balance the medical with like the social, and the like it’s it’s it’s all like we talked about on your podcast, like everything is a decision for gay families. Um and it’s hard, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, yeah. So, you know, we grappled with that, then we ended up doing it. And then like the cleaning of it, you gotta pull it back, right? And clean it. So, like, do you?
Gavin:
Or no, see gave and uncircumcised, yeah, particularly with us when you are uncircumcised, that needs to be pulled back. No, he can’t do it.
David:
But I think what happens when they’re infants, it can mimic, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but yeah, yeah, there’s there’s cleaning. Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_03:
It’s and it’s and here’s the thing I think he’s well endowed. I don’t even know.
David:
Like, this is I can I can tell you from as as a as a as a penis haver and as a person who has has seen penises and not afraid of them, it is still real fucking weird to have to clean your infant child’s penis. It is weird and gross and uncomfortable. It doesn’t get any easier whether you’re a man or a woman or a lesbian or guy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Well, I have to, but I have to make him do it now, you know, in the bath. So it’s like a whole pull it, pull it back, O’Rion. Pull it out.
Gavin:
It’s a part of a process. But I can’t stop thinking about how you’re saying he has his hands on his penis all the time. And it I think it’s very important what David said is like, A, that’s called being a boy. Never goes away. And and and and frankly, don’t shame it. Like he’ll grow out of it. It’s a tough balance. It’s definitely a tough balance.
SPEAKER_03:
But because yeah, sometimes it’s like you you gotta take your hand off your penis right now. Like, we this is not you have like it’s been This is Nana’s funeral.
David:
Can you please take your hand off of your penis?
SPEAKER_03:
And so we do say it sometimes, like, do you have to go to the bathroom? Okay, let’s let’s not touch our penis now. But I’m trying not to shame him, but I feel like inevitably I’m gonna penis shame my poor boy.
David:
No, it it it’s not shaming because you’re not shaming him for having your penis or wanting to touch it or pleasure or anything. It’s like, no, we are literally at a McDonald’s. You cannot have your penis out. I had no, I I said this, I said this a couple weeks ago, but my my mom was here to visit, and I literally had to say out loud in front of my mom to my son, you can’t pull your penis out in front of grandma. Like I had to say those words, and and that is not shaming and for dude. I mean, it’s just it’s so crazy.
Gavin:
Now, wait a minute, we’ve been talking about body parts, but I I I do have a burden question that I’m bringing up also from our conversation on your podcast, which is vagina versus vulva. Big classes age old customer. I feel like, listen, where where we were growing up, where where my kids were originally growing up, um, we were in a super progressive neighborhood, and it was very people felt a way about the terminology, but you are uh you’re a you’re vagina all the way, and vulva’s weird.
SPEAKER_03:
I’m all the way vagina. I don’t, I’ve never said vulva until the today on with you too. I don’t say vulva. That’s like not a word.
Gavin:
Well, vagina all the way. This is definitely not the the the f the flag we’re going to start flying or anything, but I am curious to talk. I’m thank you.
David:
Yeah, it’s educational for me. It’s educational for me because like so my my daughter had like a special cream because she was having like a yeast infection or whatever, and I she also had a cream for her face that was in a similar tube. So I got a marker and I wrote Hannah Face, Hannah Vulva. So upstairs, there is a tube that says Hannah Vulva. And now I need to scratch out and put vagina.
SPEAKER_03:
I mean, you know what? When I was little, I had a nickname for it that I made up. Like my mother was not one of my way, let’s call it a kiki. No, I called it a my tutu.
David:
Oh, that’s pretty cool. I feel like that makes sense.
SPEAKER_03:
But I made it up myself, and then my mom was like, it’s a vagina.
David:
So I’m glad she didn’t shame you out of that. Yes, David, go. I I was just gonna say, listen, parenting sucks and is stupid and weird and gross. But tell us about one of the things that we love about you is that you are also from the musical theater stock. Like you, like we have all kind of gone, kind of our tree has kind of expanded. But like back in the day, you were a hoofer. Tell us about that.
SPEAKER_03:
I was. I was I was pounding the pound in the the pet pound in that pavement. I was at those open calls. Yes, I was. Yes, ma’am. Um I was up at 6 a.m. in line. Yes, I was.
David:
And you were Boston Conservatory, right? You went to the Boston Conservatory. Oh, you’re like for real. You’re for real.
SPEAKER_03:
But I went equity uh like the first three months in the city. So, but you still had to wait in the lines for equity calls, too.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_03:
Um, those days. It’s different now, I hear. I haven’t done an audition in so long, but now you get to like sign up online. They’re so pampered, these young ones.
David:
Yes, but the system has changed to where casting is mostly done privately in agent calls and and private calls and everything. Those, those are just kind of shells of like it’s it. That is not really like back in the day when we were auditioning, it was it that was one of the doors you could go through. You could like I booked my first Broadway show in an open call on an ECC. But then, but but nowadays it’s a little more for show because like when Wicked has their ECC, they’re not pulling people from there. They’re not they’re pulling people from there. You know what I mean? So they’re anyway. Yeah, so you were poured in the pavement and you did tours. Like I did. Yeah, tell us about your tour.
SPEAKER_03:
Oh god. I did. Well, I started out with Theater Works USA. That all bag. Yes, that’s where I met my stage manager girlfriend. Um, and so we did Theater Works a couple times because it was just a fun life for us. No doubt because we just, you know, traveled in the set van together, and we were like, we would like binge Ani DeFranco and Indigo girls in our little set van, just the two of us. You know, the rest of the cast would be in the passenger van.
David:
That’s like the secret road. Yeah, and you were having a yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
It was secret, yeah. Yeah, I didn’t tell anyone. I wasn’t out yet. Have you been my first sorry?
Gavin:
Have you been to all 50 states by now with all of that theater works track?
SPEAKER_03:
No, I haven’t because theater works, uh all the theater works tours. I did three. Did I do three or two? I did three, I think. They were all along the eastern eastern coast. So we went all the way down in the south and uh like I think we went as far as like I don’t know how far west we went, but we didn’t get past the middle of the country.
Gavin:
So well still it’s a great way to see the country though. Have fun.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then um, you know, I did a show in Tokyo, I did a cruise ship for a couple years, um, and then I did just like a lot of regional theater, a lot of it. I never I never did the Broadway, um, but it’s always there. It it’s there. Uh I I fully believe I’m gonna get to it someday. So it’s you know, it’s it’s back there one day.
David:
Um yeah, but it theater is such a weird, like Broadway is it’s we don’t talk about it all the time. It is a powerful, powerful, powerful word when it comes to other things, right? Like you’ve been at a Broadway show, wow, now you’re legitimate or whatever. But the people who are kind of inside the system realize that Broadway is not like a mark of talent or whatever. It is you have to be a certain amount of talent, maybe a certain amount of experience. And then at some point you’re just in this bucket and people just pull out at random. And some people I know people who have been in the business for 20 years who are more talented than anybody I’ve ever met in my entire life who have cannot get on Broadway. And we all know people who are currently in a Broadway show who cannot sing to save their life. It’s like I can’t believe that’s it.
SPEAKER_03:
I can’t even go to shows. Like at this point, sometimes I have to vet the shows I go to because if I’m gonna be sitting there pissed off, it’s just not worth it for me. Like, if I’m gonna go.
David:
Keep in mind, Gavin has done multiple Broadway shows, zero talent, not a zero talented bone in his body.
SPEAKER_03:
I see that. I see that Gavin.
Gavin:
It’s just all it’s all about fitting the costumes. Honestly, it that was my first gig was fitting the costumes. I am not exaggerating.
SPEAKER_03:
No, that’s true. I was almost in Apple Tree with Kristen Chenoweth to be her body devil.
David:
I could see that because you have a probably yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:
We’re the exact same height, yeah. And um, they chose the girl with the brown hair. It’s it’s very, it’s a it’s a messed up world, and I don’t miss auditioning. And I I miss performing because I stopped as soon as my daughter uh my last show uh was a chorus line, um and it closed when my wife was seven months pregnant. That was my last show. I stopped auditioning after that because I knew if I got a job job, I would want to take it, and it would always include traveling because that’s just my life.
SPEAKER_02:
Yep.
SPEAKER_03:
So I just stopped and I don’t miss that. I don’t miss it. I miss performing, and every once in a while I go to go to a show and the musical start, and I do get that. Like I get a tear in my eye for a second, and then I’m like, oh my god, shh, stop. This is stupid, and then I get get it back together.
Gavin:
But many people ask me, Am I done with performing? And I always want to leave the door open to say, listen, this is something I’m gonna keep my equity card, and uh, you know, in another 20 years when I’m a hundred and seven, there might be a role for a hundred and seven-year-old man to you know come creaking onto the stage at some point. You can always come back. But speaking of like um that asshole ishness of that entire messed up world, let’s talk about the messed up world of podcasting also. Because you are still performing to a certain degree. I mean, this is absolutely performing, but you get to control it and you don’t have to have full beat on. But what has been the best and worst of podcasting for you?
David:
And uh obviously us, our interview was the best of your podcast. It was united there. So let you go ahead and not say that one.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, this one, yeah, this one is highlight. Yeah, listen, I love. It’s it’s a creative outlet. I’m still I’m still being an artist, which is great. And I do love being able to it’s I’m making my show on my terms, and that is amazing. And I feel like I’m doing something that makes a difference in the world way more than if I had been performing in music random musicals in like upstate New York. You know what I mean? Like I’m making I am making a difference and it feels really good. Do you want to know what I don’t like?
David:
Yeah, that’s what we’re here for. Absolutely. Bring on the negative nothing kind to say, sit next to us.
SPEAKER_03:
I’ve said it on my show to my audience. I am getting pissed off. And I just listened to you, uh David, saying that you’re, you know, you want the podcasters off of your front lawn. Is that what it was? Um podcasting in general.
David:
I’m like too many podcasts.
SPEAKER_03:
Too many. But for me, it’s not that there’s too many. I’m getting pissed off at all these um celebrities getting these huge contracts to make these produced and beautiful podcasts. They’re great, they’re amazing, but it’s it’s making it even harder for us little independent podcasts to get traction, you know.
David:
It was the same way in the commercial voiceover world where like it was commercial voiceover actors. Why is John? I know, but that’s what I’m saying. Is like, and then all of a sudden it’s like, why is John Krasinski constantly doing Allstate or whatever? And then and then now there was no room for it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
No, no, right, exactly. And um so it it just it makes me angry because then all the sponsors, you know, are like your numbers, you’re too niche. We need like Rosie O’Donnell’s numbers. I’m like, well, I’m not fucking Rosie O’Donnell. Right.
Gavin:
This is a and also Rosie O’Donnell is not you, she’s not bringing what you have.
SPEAKER_03:
Right, right, right. Although I do love Rosie. I love I love your okay, shout out. Um she is my BFF. I tell I have her, I have her number. She I I interviewed her.
Gavin:
And oh nice.
SPEAKER_03:
And um, I’ve had phone calls with her, and I text her sometimes, and sometimes she texts me back.
Gavin:
Oh which shows that it’s a real it’s a true relationship.
SPEAKER_03:
BFFs shows that shows that.
Gavin:
Um who we you don’t have to name names, but who’s been the biggest asshole guest?
SPEAKER_03:
Oh, oh, well, you want to know another I have a lot of pet peeves, but you want to know another pet peeve of mine. I’ve been okay, so I’ve been podcasting for a while now. I do have a following. Um you know, we have a good audience for for the genre that we’re in, the niche genre that I get told we’re in all the fucking time. Uh uh and so I get a lot of pitches from PR agents for big time.
Gavin:
You’re classy.
SPEAKER_03:
I mean it’s not, it’s not classy at all, you know, for their client to come on my show and sell their wares, basically, like somebody who wrote a book, or somebody has uh a parenting coaching business, or somebody who has like all these things, right? And they’re trying to make money off my audience for free. They’re trying to get free advertising, basically.
SPEAKER_02:
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
And for the longest time, I I have I also have no shortage of guests. People uh are write in a lot and want to be on the show because they want to tell their stories. We want to tell our family stories because we don’t have an outlet to tell them in. So I don’t have a shortage of getting guests. That’s not one of my issues. Um, but I was saying yes to a lot of these PR agents if they were, if their guest was aligned, if their guest was also a gay parent, and you know, um and I I started recently getting really pissed because you know, these PR agents are so rude, and then they’d be like, all right, here’s what you have to include in the show notes. I I didn’t tell you you were getting anything in the show fucking notes.
SPEAKER_02:
No excuse me, like so much.
SPEAKER_03:
And can you please and and writing back once I say that sounds like a great fit, I’m happy to have them on, let’s do a pre-call. You know, oh well, can’t I need to know your numbers first? Excuse me?
David:
Uh no name to me, bitch. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:
Exactly. So I’m getting I got really, really um pissed. I’m getting so pissed at these PR agents. So I just came up with a plan that I um uh they’re not gonna get free advertising anymore, basically. Good. Um good and you’re the boss, yeah. And then I’m probably gonna stop hearing from the PR agents.
Gavin:
I think it’s what’s gonna happen. We can just trade our guests back and forth.
SPEAKER_03:
Well, who’s a gay parent?
Gavin:
But who’s a gay parent that you’ve always wanted to interview but haven’t?
SPEAKER_03:
Um, Wanda Sykes.
David:
Oh, yes, I fucking love her. I fucking love that one. Let’s tag team her, huh?
SPEAKER_03:
Oh my god. That would be great.
David:
We should do a that would be amazing.
SPEAKER_03:
I’ve tried. I’ve tried. She’s very busy. She’s very busy, and also she’s one of those people I would be so nervous for. Like I was so nervous for Rosie too. Um, but God, Wanda, I don’t know. Like, there’s others like Brandy Carlisle. I would love to interview Brandy. Um, all of them. I want all of them. I want to interview all of them.
David:
Well, let’s this has been fun. Like we talked about on your show. I could go on for hours and hours and hours with you, but we only have a certain amount of time. But I do want to end with one question that I like to ask everyone is like, how did you earn your parenting merit badge?
SPEAKER_03:
I really, oh my God, you guys. I mean, like, I have thrown away so many poopy underwear in restaurant bathrooms. I have stunk up so many restaurant bathrooms with just poop all over my child. Like my child has pooped his pants in every public place possible.
David:
Every Olive Garden within a two-mile radius of your house has had your dirty underwear in.
SPEAKER_03:
The my my son’s dirty underwear have been in lots of garbages across New York City. That for sure. My son, oh, my son peed on the bus. Oh my God. My son, we were on the way home from school. He was in pre-K, and he gave me this look, and I’m pretty sure there was poop involved too. And all of a sudden, I saw pee running down the aisle of the bus. Like it was so much pee, and it was pulled in his seat and then like dripping down off the seat and run, and it was a crowded ass bus. And I was like, oh my God, oh my, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, everyone. And I tried to get, I had like did people notice? Yes. There was so much pee. There was so much, and then we were getting off the bus too at the next stop. So I like grabbed whatever other whatever napkins I had in my bag, and I like socked it up as best I could. And I’m like, as I’m walking out of the bus, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. And I just left the bus.
SPEAKER_02:
It was so bad.
SPEAKER_03:
And I’m pretty sure he had poop in his pants too. So that was slowly. There was oh, there was another time we were walking down the street and pellets of poop were just falling out of his pant leg. And I was like, Orion, what is happening? I don’t know. It’s just poop came out. I’m like, why is it coming out of your pants right now?
David:
Just little rabbit pellets. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you pooping like a rabbit? Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, there’s been a lot of that.
SPEAKER_03:
We earned the station was tough. I have one question for you guys though.
Gavin:
Oh, okay. I mean, this is our planet. Do we allow this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:
Can I do that? Go ahead. You can cut this, but I really do want to know because you’re too, you’re dads. Um, so please uh we don’t allow guns in gun toy guns. Like obviously we don’t allow gun guns, but we don’t allow toy guns in our child children’s lives. Like we don’t do shoot, we don’t shoot, we don’t do pow pow, we don’t do any of that. I feel like it’s very lesbian, and also like maybe I’m stifling my little boy’s like natural tendencies because he’s violent tendencies, yeah. Well, right, exactly. But he is also just like he gravitates to that stuff. He gravitates to guns, he gravitates towards um all the things stereotypically you would say, Oh, that’s so boyish, right? Um, and we’re like sometimes I’m worried that we’re really like stifling a part of him, like his violent side, like you said. But we were just with friends this weekend who are all about the guns for their boys, and they have two boys, and it’s a straight couple. They have so many freaking nerf guns. I so they were like for the entire weekend running around, shooting each other. Like there was a 10-minute argument from the brothers about who shot who in the face first, and it was like every cringe worthy, like Anne and I would just look at each other across the room, like, oh my god, oh my god, like it’s so much.
David:
This is why straight people should not be allowed to have children. I say this all the time. They should not have children.
SPEAKER_03:
Wait, so I and then, like, you know, like the argument of that the dads say of, well, boys will be boys and they need this and they need to get this stuff out. Like, what what are your gay takes on this? Because I came home thinking, are we doing him a disservice? Like, do we have to allow some of this? Do we have to do this with like certain parameters? Like, what how do we navigate this shit? Like, I’m really grappling with this. I don’t know.
Gavin:
First of all, the philosophical element of all of this is absolutely my jam. I mean, I definitely have a podcasting heart on so bad for this to be able to go down a deep rabbit hole of what about human nature, and we should have a bottle of wine to talk about it. But I will say personally, my entire parenting philosophy has always been no embargoes and teach your kids to deal with the world that’s around them. Right. We at first, I’m sure my partner and I looked at each other like, are we really buying a gun the first time we bought a gun? Uh-huh. And um, and my kid, he went through a phase of like every single Nerf gun he wanted, and thank God they were kind of cheap. Like we never really went over$20, which was kind of nice because my daughter wanted much more expensive shit all the time. Of course. But um, I don’t know. It was a phase. And he went. So you allowed it. We are 1 billion percent anti-gun.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah.
Gavin:
But uh anti-gun in life, but uh it we kind of like got steamrolled. A lot of our a lot of our parenting has been like, oh shit, we’ve just been steamrolled by our children. We didn’t see this coming. They already have whatever nonsense it is that they wanted, and then it ended up not being a big deal because we didn’t make it a big deal. Right.
SPEAKER_03:
Well, now at this point, it’s a big deal in my house because he because he’s obsessed with them because he never gets to get them, right?
David:
I think my kids are too young for this, but like my we are so anti-gun. Like, I don’t ever put me in charge. Don’t ever let me be elected to office because I will I will take your guns. But um, I I our kids are too young, I think, at this point. But I think my philosophy is like absolutely not guns in the house, but also like David said, like, guns exist in the world, so we need to talk about them. But I’m I’m trying, this is so arrogant of me because I’m not there yet, but trying to redirect all of that to like, okay, you want to be violent and hit people. We have like a stomp rocket thing where you put rockets down, you like stomp and it shoots. And he loves shooting people with that. And that to me is like a weird redirect to where it doesn’t feel like I’m pulling out a handgun, yeah, and he has a bazooka instead. Correct. Yeah, I’m just yeah, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:
I’m just blasting them.
David:
Yeah, I’m how I’m I’m giving him like a scientific lab so he can create a new super virus. No, but like I I I I yes, I I am so anti-gun, but I also want to be like Gabin said, like no embargoes and try to just maybe help redirect what if there is a violent tendency. He my son does not, he likes to wear fucking Elsa dresses and that’s what I was supposed to get.
SPEAKER_03:
I was supposed to get one of those boys, but I didn’t. I was like, you don’t want to put a dress on?
unknown:
No, no.
Gavin:
This does remind me of a I have a I had a philosophy teacher in high school uh in college who was totally anti-gun. I went to school in Boulder, Colorado, so super hippie. Yeah, yeah. And um, I don’t know that she was a lesbian, but you know, maybe she was. And she had a son, and she said, We have no guns in our house. And then meanwhile, we we were talking about literally the the um human nature, the violence in our human nature. Again, a philosophy class of philosophy and society. And she said, and then all of my children, my son goes to the drawer with all of my you know, wooden utensils and whisks and stuff. He lays them out on the couch and he says, and welcome to my gun store. Would you like a bazooka or would you like a Glock, or would you like a nine millimeter? So you’re like human nature, what do you do?
SPEAKER_03:
And my son is it like he’ll take anything, he’ll take a pencil, mom, it’s a gun. I’m like, no, we don’t do that.
David:
But I think all we’ve learned is that our kids are broken and we should return them.
SPEAKER_03:
Yeah, there’s that. It really is, it really is crazy. And then we sat them down and had a talk at dinner last night about how yes, there were all the guns, and this is why we don’t really like guns and blah, blah, blah. But I I agree with you about the no embargo thing, and like there’s only so much you can ban, right? There’s only so much you can do. And at some point, you need to figure out a way to allow them to figure themselves out, but also keep them like in check, sort of.
Gavin:
Yeah, totally. And that is always the struggle.
David:
And I’m I I’m just shocked and disappointed you’re not a perfect parent, Jamie. So we’re gonna have to end this interview because this is just not wait.
SPEAKER_03:
I am perfect, wait, you didn’t he didn’t hear that from like I am perfect.
David:
That’s right, you’re the perfect, classy parenting popcorn. I drink wine. You do, you drink wine. I’m classy. Thank you so much for joining us on our stupid little podcast. And we love you. And please, everyone, go check out the Queer Family Podcast, um, hosted by um Jamie. And we love you and thank you for coming by.
SPEAKER_03:
Thank you. I love you too, and I love that you’re doing your show. So keep keep doing what you’re doing.
David:
Thanks so much. So, my something great this week is something on your iPhone. So the most recent update, maybe, or maybe an update ago, I’m not sure, has a thing where if you take a photo of a plant anywhere, if you just swipe up one of the options at the bottom, you know, you can change the contrast or you can adjust live photo. There’s a lot of options. Now there’s a plant ID option on iOS, and you just swipe up on your photo in your camera roll, and you click on plant ID, and it will say, Oh, that’s a you know, geranium or tulip or whatever. Wow. It’s fucking incredible. I tried it on so many plants and trees around my area. It totally fucking works. Wow. So, anyway, that’s my something great this week.
Gavin:
I mean, I knew that there were apps out there, but I didn’t realize it had been integrated. I wonder what their mission in doing that is to like just educate the world or are we all that? I mean, I guess we do walk around in life thinking what I wonder what that is. That’s very cool. I’m that is something great. Thank you for sharing. My something great is um a personal thing where I have recently recently realized that uh my two kids enter the shower like their biological dads do. My son turns the water on outside of the shower, right? And leans in and then crawls around the back of the shower after he’s already turned the shower on so that he doesn’t get the cold water, right? And I’m like, oh, that’s very industrious of you. You figured that out on your own. Last night I saw that my daughter, who is biologically mine, uh gets in the shower, turns the water on, flicks the shower, and then immediately runs to the back of the shower and like holds her leg up so that she doesn’t get sprayed for too long by the cold water. And that’s exactly how I enter the shower. And I that just made me just made my day that um they are following in our footsteps in unique ways.
David:
And that’s our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge avoiding cold water wherever he can. Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts. And even just text us your actual review after you give us the five-star review online and your dick picks. Thanks. And we’ll joke here. Next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.