Full Transcript
As a parent and as a parent, period. It’s that that I I had an idea, but it didn’t come out very well.
David:
It’s kind of a metaphor for your life, isn’t it? Fuck off. And this is GTRX.
Gavin:
So we have a safe space in our house. Uh my kids are now getting to, and what I mean by that, my kids are now getting to an age where I can actually have a logical conversation with them and also be able to say, hey, I need to be able to say something to you. Like we’re we’re calm. It’s not going to be something you’re going to like, but I but can I say something? And, you know, it’s we’re in a safe space. And my daughter in particular has been like, okay. And it’s usually about, frankly, her grades and how she doesn’t care about her grades or, you know, this, that, and the other. Or talking about the ins and outs of being a middle schooler with friends and me giving advice, which of course I give way too much fucking advice, and she doesn’t want to hear any of it. Well, the other night, I am uh saying goodnight to her, and we’re just like having some last words and whatnot, and she’s all tucked in, and I’m, you know, making her a burrito and tucking the blanket in all nice and tight and cute. She goes, Dad, are we in a safe space? I’m like, Well, of course we are. We’re in like the safest space. She goes, When was the last time you brushed your teeth? And I’m like, uh, bitch crossing. Oh man. You know, I brush my teeth at least twice a day. She goes, Oh. Then maybe, oh no, I shouldn’t say it it’s it’s rude. And I’m like, oh no. Oh no, you’re gonna say that now. Yeah. Oh no. We’re in it, but I was able, you know, like, no, no, no, we’re in a safe space. Go ahead. She goes, Oh, then maybe when was the last time you showered? And I’m like, and we’re done here. Oh we’re done here. My I do believe it was because I had just taken a big scoop of peanut butter and a swig of wine before I nozzled in close to her to say goodnight. And my breath probably did smell like, you know, I had not showered in days.
David:
But that is, I think, you the peak embarrassment of that. It’s not BO, it’s not bad breath, it’s that you had a glove wine and peanut butter. It’s that you had this the breath of the saddest middle-aged man of all of this. Yes.
Gavin:
But at least she used a safe space to tell me, and I promise I did not lose my shit because we were in a safe space, and that’s what I wanted to honor. But I did walk out dejected.
David:
That is so funny. Safe spaces, I I have a family member who was telling me about like I was complimenting them. I was like, you know, your your your early 20s daughter and you are so close. You guys tell each other everything. Like I I very much hope that for my children. She she said, Well, just know that when they’re that close to you and they’re air safe space, they’ll tell you everything. Everything, every disgusting, horrible thing. Um, that is fucking hilarious. And I I I’m I can’t, I’m like, what is red wine and peanut butter smell like? I mean, clearly it smells like BO, but like I’m curious to know what that actually smells like. Um, it was nasty. That is that is fucking hilarious. Um, we went through a we talked about um quite a few times on the podcast the kind of the changes in your kids’ lives that are so unceremonious are the most impactful, right? Like it’s not kindergarten graduation that feels so impactful. It’s like when they learn to walk or whatever. Um, I had one of those the other day. Um, my daughter, who is not not quite even two yet, she sleeps in her crib, just her in her crib. There’s no toys, there’s no blankets, there’s no pillows, and she’s still just in her crib. And she has a blanket on the chair next to her, and she requested it the other day. She’s like, blanket, blanket. I said, All right, I’ll put the blanket on top of you. And every night she’s like, blanket. So now she’s a girl who sleeps with a blanket, which again to the non-parents out there, sounds like no fucking big deal. But it hit me. I was like, you now sleep with a blanket, and that is a time now. That is the baby I have, or the girl, or whatever. So I had another one of those uh changes in our lives. Oh boy, just the and the clock keeps ticking, and you get older, and your breath starts smelling worse and worse. But wait, speaking of changes, Gaben, tell us there’s a big change in your life. Is there not?
Gavin:
Okay, I have not been talking about this, and I’ve learned a lot in the process of not talking about it. But yes, I am now an elected member of my local board of ed. Yeah.
David:
Congratulations.
Gavin:
Uh thank uh or condolences. Um, thank you.
David:
The fucking board of ed, uh, you see it all over. It’s just full of fucking Nazis and book burners. Like, we gotta have somebody, even if they have bad breath, we gotta have somebody smart and logical like you on the board.
Gavin:
I appreciate that. And I did learn a lot in the process of like talking about to people saying, hey, I my priorities are um putting kids first and of course financial responsibility because I have to do like budgeting stuff. But of course, I’m not the one who makes the budget. I, with a committee, will help approve a budget that is, you know, submitted by teachers and administrators and the superintendent. So, you know, you don’t have to be a complete math genius, you have to be smart enough. And um, and also reflecting the values of my town. I’ve never sounded so conservative, but there were changes happening on our board that I didn’t agree with, and they were mainly coming from politics outside of my rural community of Connecticut, and you know, like Floridian kind of politics, with all due respect to you. Sorry, don’t respect my homeland. It’s a fucking trash fire. And so I definitely uh uh stood up. And also per our podcast here, I did want to be a voice of diversity. And of course, where I live is very, very, very white. Um, but uh there is no voice for queer people. And I thought this is something that I would like to be able to contribute. And uh so, you know, I’m that guy now. And I did win my election. I was um campaigning for months, and um which book are you gonna burn first?
David:
Like which book is gonna be on the band list?
Gavin:
Oh shit, I wish I had a really fast response to that. But you know what? Let me make a confession here to you, David, and our listener out there also, is I was um I I admit, I was sometimes worried that people would come after me based upon this podcast and based upon the things that have come out of our mouths. Because, hey, we love to fucking swear and we love to uh talk about our kids in the not most flattering um light. But then another friend of mine, a longtime listener, uh big fan, I know you’re out there, Dave, reminded me, another Dave, reminded me, no, no, it’s your fucking right to get out there and say those things. And what you’re saying and what we do say is always meant to help make the world a better place. We don’t mock people, we don’t kick people who are down. We actually want to lift up parenting and the process of parenting and let everybody know that it’s really tough, but you’re not alone, and we love our kids more than anything. So, you know, don’t fuck with my uh family. So um anyway, it’s been a learning process all along the way. And uh yeah, there you go.
David:
But now you’re a big congresswoman. So I’m very we’re very excited to have we we know people.
Gavin:
My pant suit and my and my kitten heels, you just wait for those inaugural pictures we’ll put on and as surf.
David:
Oh man, I can’t wait. Oh, I can’t wait. Um, speaking of uh dressing up and decorations, we at Katriarchs have had a wonderful year. This was our first year on the air. Thank you for being patient, uh, all of our listeners uh with our audio and and finding what the show is. Um we have gone, we’ve had a new episode every single week since we started, which is a huge feat. We’re gonna take a fucking break. We’re taking a break because it’s the holidays. It’s already, you know, we just had Thanksgiving and we are about to go into Christmas, and it’s just a crazy time. So we are gonna take a little bit of a break. We are gonna come back with brand new episodes on January 3rd, which is in 2024.
Gavin:
For those of you who are how is that I mean, that’s a that’s a Star Trek episode in the in the far future.
David:
2024. What? I know. So what we’re gonna do is we’re not gonna leave you hanging. We’re still gonna release an episode um every week on Wednesdays as we normally do, except we’re gonna re-re-airing four episodes that we love um or that our listener loves, and uh, you know, just give you a little little voice to listen to. But we will be back with brand new episodes starting January 3rd. So please come back to us. Please share the show. Please rate us, review us. You know how we go on and on on the other podcast. We want more listener, not just you, Dave. Uh so with that, let’s move on to one of my favorite things we do, which is the top three list. Gatriarch, top three list, three, two, one. So this week is my week. It is the top three travel snacks. Now, I will admit that I made this category simply because we are traveling next month quite a bit, and I need help because I only know a few travel snack hacks, um, which is why my top three is really just gonna be one because I didn’t prep this well enough and I haven’t traveled enough with kids to know. So I’m gonna just tell you my only piece of advice. So it’s my top, it’s my number one, it’s my number one, my number two, and then my number three is on long flights for snacks, better to have lots of little things instead of a lot of one thing. So if your kid loves goldfish, don’t bring a giant, giant bag of goldfish on. Bring a little bag of goldfish, a little bag of raisins, a little bag of pretzels, a little bag of grapes, a little bag of this, a little bag of that. Because the process of seeing something new and trying a new thing draws that shit out. Yeah. So my only piece of advice, I have failed on my top three. Whatever, it’s my first time.
Gavin:
This isn’t what I would also, I’m interrupting clearly your top three, but I would also say that no matter how much we want to talk about snacking hacks, that it’s really just like uh it’s everything’s just a fucking experiment. And you never know what’s actually gonna happen. Uh because the because kids are unpredictable, but it isn’t like you can reinvent the wheel. You just kind of like need to roll with the with the kids. And I would say your top one there is absolutely critical. It’s just having a poo-poo platter of snacks and be prepared for everything, knowing that no matter how much preparation you have, it’s all still gonna be a fucking disaster.
David:
Yep. All right. So Gavin, why don’t you give us a real top three list?
Gavin:
At number three is a snack that my kids loved as little kids and they still snack on now as preteens. They’re a complete mess because it gets all over them, but it is seaweed. Those little seaweed packets, they’re so cheap, and you actually don’t feel guilty whatsoever because they’re um they’re actually healthy for you, right? So those are my uh number three. Number two, those little fruit bar y things that kids gnaw on. Not like a granola bar, but I don’t even remember what they’re called. Do they still make them? They’re like mini-sized for kids, and they the kids can hold on to them really well. And it was the same company that makes those squeezy packets. Um I guess I should have Googled that first, huh?
David:
This was from the 1800s, I assume, right? You got these from the Wells Fargo wagon.
Gavin:
And it was just a piece of elk muscle. Yes. Well, I’m gonna come back to that one. But like those they they don’t they can’t eat them too quickly, and so they just hold on to them. But then they also like, you know, they’re drooling all over the place. It’s disgusting, of course. But um, and then also finally, dried apples, because dried apples are something you have to gnaw on for a while, so they take a while, and you can only eat so many of them. So believe it or not, the um dried apples were our uh number one go-to.
David:
No, I believe that because if you notice in both of our answers, it’s all about drawing out the process because it’s not about enjoying the flight, it’s about getting through the flight so we cannot be on the plane anymore. Um, excellent. So we’re not gonna have a top three list again until 2024, Gavin. Are you gonna tell us what the top three list is for 2024?
Gavin:
For the top of 2024, I want to hear the top three ways that you celebrated New Year’s that didn’t make you feel like an old hag.
David:
Our guest this week is a funny dad on TikTok who actually started out making car content. And yes, I know he’s straight. But when his videos about being a dad went viral, he veered out of his lane. See what I did there? And became the social media juggernaut he is today. From car shows to car seats, please welcome to Gatriarch’s Tyler Champagne. Woo! Welcome. First of all, let’s get this out of the way. You were not named by a stripper in Florida, right?
SPEAKER_00:
No, I was named by a French Canadian woman from Canada. They can be the same.
David:
But yes.
unknown:
Right.
David:
But yeah. Because I asked you in our pre-interview, I was like, this is your like your your handle, this is your social media name. You’re like, nope, nope, this is my name.
SPEAKER_00:
To be fair, I mean, most French Canadian women, most French Canadian women probably end up as strippers in Florida, anyways.
David:
Luckily, my mom was not. So yeah. You’re Canadian, which is uh maybe the first Canadian we’ve had on this show. I don’t I don’t know if that’s true or not, but you’re like Canadian Canadian. You’re like talking about like backyard hockey rinks, winter sports Canadian. Is that true?
SPEAKER_00:
Oh yeah, yeah. I played hockey pretty much my whole life. Um grew up with backyard rinks in my neighborhood, you know, go home when uh when the street lights come on, type of thing. It’s like it’s it’s like like from a children’s book, yeah.
Gavin:
Which is fantastic. And you live now where, and do you still play hockey there where you live in Canadia?
SPEAKER_00:
I live just outside of Toronto, so uh about an hour outside of Toronto. Well, depending on traffic, I mean you can an hour outside of Toronto is still in Toronto, if you’re if you’re being honest. Um, but as the bird flies, or the crow flies, I don’t know anything about birds, um, it’s about an hour, and I do still play hockey. I played hockey a couple days ago, actually. I play in a men’s beer league, um, which is I mean, it’s a complete disaster, if if we’re being if we’re being quite honest, because it’s just men and fathers in their 30s and 40s fighting like children on the getting into fixed fights. Not me. I’m not that oh yeah, it’s crazy. It’s like we all I played a game that started at 11 30 p.m. on Wednesday.
David:
Oh come on.
SPEAKER_00:
I’ve been asleep for two hours at that point. What are you talking about? Exactly. My son’s already woken up twice. Like, let’s literally and it’s it people just like getting into fights. It’s like, you’re dude, you’re a plumber with a neck tattoo. Stop fighting other grown men on the ice. This is insane. This is childish.
David:
There’s not even money on this. You’re not in the Olympics. What are you thinking?
Gavin:
And what is behind that psychology though? Like, why is it fighting is so often I mean, as spectators, of course you want to see fights because it’s just fun. But uh as a player, I mean, are you out there too? I mean, not you obviously, but some people are out there to just because they want to beat the shit out of somebody.
SPEAKER_00:
I think they just have terrible lives, yeah. I mean, why else would you want to fight other grown men at midnight on a Wednesday? I mean, there can’t be another you’re not going home to like an amazing picturesque home with you know a great home life where you you know you tuck yourself into bed nicely and there’s you know, you got maybe six pillows or something. There’s not you’re not going home to a nice, a nice life if you’re fighting other people constantly on uh on a Wednesday night, I feel like.
David:
So I feel like you just said pillows are a metric of happiness, and I would like you to tell that to my husband who complains that every season there is a new round of pillows on our bed and couch.
SPEAKER_00:
Okay, but an important distinction or important question I have to ask, is there a recycling of old ones, or do you keep adding? Because that’s insane. I feel like a little.
David:
Can I say both? So, like we have Halloween pillows, but I’m not gonna let I’m gonna bring all the Halloween pillows out, right? Like, let’s say there’s four, right? Four couch Halloween pillows. I’m not gonna not add one every year. So, yes, the number grows, but I am recycling the old ones. Halloween pillows, that’s that’s fantastic. And I’m not talking about like we have like bells sewn on them and like like not comfortable. We’re talking about like really comfortable pillows, but you know, spider webs, skulls, dark stuff. Of course, practical practical, creepy pillows.
Gavin:
Correct. Okay, but do any of them get booted the next year when you pull them out and you’re like, oh, this old cobweb.
David:
Only if my child throws up on them or colors them or whatever. That’s the only way they go. I keep everything.
Gavin:
Tyler, um, I would imagine you could probably write a book about all I have ever needed to teach my kid I learned from hockey. In which case, are there lessons for parenting you take from hockey that you’re gonna be able to impart to your offspring?
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I would say I would point at the people who fight and I go, don’t ever fucking end up like that guy. That’s I mean, that’s a pretty valuable lesson.
David:
Fill the neck tattoo plumber.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, don’t be a neck. If you’re gonna be a neck tattoo plumber, that’s fine. We need plumbers. Yeah, but don’t be fighting other grown men on Wednesday nights. I think that’s an important lesson. It’s sort of a metaphor for greater things, yeah.
David:
There’s just such a beautiful elegance to the sadness of that statement of just like a Wednesday night. Like if it had been a Friday night, it wouldn’t be as sad as like a Wednesday night at midnight.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I play on Wednesdays. I play on the saddest day of the week, yeah. So yeah.
David:
So wait, so you you are again, this is what we’ve said a lot about about a lot of our uh social media people, but like you, if you don’t know who he is, you absolutely know who he is. You just have to kind of like literally search his name and you’re like, oh yeah, I know this guy, he’s hilarious. But like you’re doing a lot of like dad content now, but that is not how you started. And one of the reasons I know that is because your handle is at heated seats. What the fuck does that mean?
Gavin:
I it’s another stripper name, it’s an ongoing theme in your life. Yep.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so it’s uh, you know, right when COVID started, I had this idea. I’d done comedy before, I’ve done stand-up, um, I did it for a couple of years. I was in school for comedy, actually. Um, and I just I had you know had a passion for cars. I work in the automotive industry, and I just I was like, you know what? I need to start creating car, funny car content because I’m not seeing any of it. So I came up with the idea that eventually I wanted to get to having a podcast. So I came up with the name Heated Seats as sort of a car-related thing, but also a podcast thing of like a double, uh, you know, double meaning. The seats are heated, we’re having heated conversations about various automotive things. So that’s why I made that my arguments.
Gavin:
Like you’re bringing um violent verbiage from hockey into car talk so that you can uh have heated conversations about the cars.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I mean, people get heated about cars. It’s crazy. There’s there was one of the reasons I stopped doing a lot of the car content because I did I had this whole thing where I would roast people’s cars. Um I called it roast my I called it roast my ride, which I don’t I I absolutely don’t think I came up with that name. I’m sure it had been done before, but I just decided to make to make fun of people. And it all started with a stand-up joke I had actually from almost 10 years ago, that it was basically the the the point of the joke was that people who guys who drive Range Rovers cheat on their wives. So exclusively. Yeah. So then it became like uh um this, you know, I would be like uh this type of car owner, and I would just act like a Range Rover owner, and I would, you know, have do a joke about how cheating on my how I was cheating on my wife or whatever. And then that’s and then but people get you make fun of the wrong car group. Oh yeah, brand, the wrong I mean it gets aggressive. I was like nearly getting death threats from from folks who were like, How dare you, you know, saying horrible, horrible things to me. And it gets eventually it gets to you.
Gavin:
I mean, it was locals. It was Canadians who were giving you death threats over this.
SPEAKER_00:
It no, I’d started to go have some videos go viral in the in the US and and and across the world a little bit. So it was it was a lot of US folks who were who were upset. BMW owners specifically, Dodge Ram owners.
David:
I guarantee you a lot of those guys were fist fighting in the parking lot on a Wednesday at midnight. The type of guy. Do you know what I mean? Same guys.
SPEAKER_00:
Same dudes who were telling me that like my jokes make me want to off themselves. Like, all right, dude, that’s you’re taking it a bit seriously. Whoa. Multiple times.
David:
Oh yeah. What made you pivot to dadness? Like what like how did that pivot happen if you were this heated seats car guy getting into uh dealing with the internet trolls?
SPEAKER_00:
A human came out of my wife’s vagina, and that really was the Is that how it happens? Pretty much. It’s yeah, yeah. So but I was doing I was doing both for a while after my son was born. And you know, like I um I I had sports cars and stuff, and I had a sports car right before my my son, my son was born. So I was in that world. I was at car meets and I was you know going to to racetracks with it and had a lot of friends and and people in that community a lot that I’m still that I’m still friends with. But when you’re when you take yourself out of that world, you know, my brain, my comedic brain, I’m I’m coming up with what’s in front of me, with what I’m living with, with what I’m around. Right? So all of a sudden you take me out of that car world and you put me in this parenting world that none of us know what we’re doing, by the way. I don’t care how many books you read or podcasts you listen to. You’ve no fucking idea. So all of a sudden you take you put me into this new world, and my comedic brain goes, I’m you know, I’m coming up with dad jokes, with jokes about, you know, my son this, my son that. It was, you know, three things you know every new dad should do was was a video series I had, or things I did things you no one tells you about parenting was and then that sort of started taking off. And what was funny is that it grew on TikTok immediately, but Instagram for over a year, I was getting like you know, let’s say I would get 20 to 30,000 views on a car video, I was getting 1100 on a parenting video. I was getting under a thousand. It just wasn’t I wasn’t in that algorithm of the parenting side of Instagram, and then all of a sudden, um I was stuck at you know 17 to 18,000 followers for a full year after my son was born. But I figured, you know what, I have the videos, I’m making them for TikTok anyways. It’s not much more effort to put them on Instagram. I’m gonna keep posting. Eventually, I’ll I’ll either you know post them and and it’ll do well or I’ll die trying.
David:
Or there’s only fans. I mean, there’s always another option. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:
Absolutely. Um and you know, I’ve and then all of a sudden the parenting stuff started picking up. And I went from you know, 18,000 followers in like March of 23 to 100 by June. And then now it’s at like 150. So it’s you know, I’ve gotten into that world and I’ve stopped posting the car stuff because again, it’s it’s the stuff that gets get gets the traction now is the parenting stuff. That’s the world I’m involved in. Um, you know, and it it could easily switch up at any point. I you know, two years from now I get a sports car again, and then there’s uh some of that content comes back, or or I, you know, I post with what I think of. I I don’t know what other content creators do, but I am like flying by the seat of my pants with every single post. I never film more than like one day in advance.
David:
Yeah. But that’s the thing, is like you’re in the world of parenting now in a way where like, of course it’s the that’s that’s what you’re doing right now because it is so you’re so deep in it and it’s so fucking insane. Not only parenting your child every day, your relationship with your wife, your family, the people at large, Facebook, like it’s just there’s too much comedy to be your hockey league.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. All those all all there’s a lot of dads. You know what’s actually funny? So we occasionally, because the league I play in is not like a 30 over league, it there are some younger whipper snappers, if you will. Um and you can tell the second they go out, you’re like, oh no, we’re gonna get absolutely smoked by these kids. And they’ll like if they’re sh talking shit, they’ll be like, Yeah, why don’t you fucking go home to your kids? As like uh making fun of us. And we’re all like, Yeah, we’re going to. Like, we have all actually have kids. Like they’re trying to call us old, but it’s like, yeah, 90% of us have children. So like that’s not a good thing.
David:
You’re right. It’s actually it’s actually nap time. I need to go feed my actually thanks for the reminder, kids. I remember that. Yeah, thank you for the reminder. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s so you you did those videos about like things you don’t know about going to parenting. What was one of those things that you were like, I did, I had no idea, and somebody should have told me.
SPEAKER_00:
Well, it was um it was little tips and tricks and and things like you know, um, like having something as simple as having like wireless headphones when you’re um, you know, putting your baby to sleep or doing contact naps or whatever, because you know, baby starts rolling, you have the old style iPod headphones, your baby’s gonna look like a like a sirloin wrapped up um by you know by the time they’re ready to wake up. You know, it was it was little things like that, or or you know, d one one of the ones I said was like the you know, as a dad, don’t ever tell your wife out loud that you’re tired. She’d rather you say that you’re moving to Turks and Caicos and without her. Um, little little things like that.
Gavin:
So much of the feed actually is tips and tricks, basically, like, hey, everybody, learn from my mistakes. Do you ever feel like you’re a better dad because you’ve you’ve expunged all of the mistakes and now you’re like, I got this, y’all. I got this.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, I mean, you know, that’s kind of why I do the content is to make people feel not alone with their you know their mistakes or their trials and tribulations. Or like this past weekend, we had a family photo shoot booked um with a photographer that we’ve worked with before who’s fantastic, and and you know, she was excited to see us again, and we were excited. It’s been a year since we’ve done it, and my son was a fucking nightmare and ruined the whole thing. We got zero pictures of him. My wife and I got like three pictures where we’re like pretending to smile, meanwhile, he’s screaming in a Christmas tree field in the background. It it was it was a fucking nightmare, and I feel like that happens a lot, and people can relate to that.
Gavin:
I so appreciate the people who just lean into the screaming kid, though, pictures, and like it’s all this we’re pretending it’s perfect, and then the kid is screaming in the middle, and that is a framer. So please, is there something to salvage there of the kid being a nightmare and you uh grinning?
SPEAKER_00:
Unfortunately not. Again, because the photographer we worked with, um, we know her. Um, she offered to do to do a redo, which we’re doing tomorrow, actually. So it was like uh, hey, I’ll take a couple pictures of of you and your wife. Um, we’ll do I’ll do a redo, uh, and hopefully that goes better. But if it’s a nightmare tomorrow, I’m absolutely getting the where we’re perfect, and there’s just this like screaming demon in between us.
David:
I mean it’s Mania and Devil. It’s definitely like those, you know, like we try to do a funny Christmas card every year, but you know, the one like silent night, and it’s the parents like surrounded by screaming children. Like you gotta lean into that shit. Um now you’re a big fucking social media star. So um please. Um, so what what you have a regular job too, though, right? Like, I I think a lot of people are interested, and we talked a little bit about this with one of our other guests, but like what it what you don’t have to tell us actual numbers, but like what is the money like? Like, how do you earn money doing this, if at all?
SPEAKER_00:
Um, it it’s it’s a lot harder to earn money on social media in Canada. You know, in in the US, there’s the TikTok creator fund, which there’s none of that in Canada. There’s it’s very difficult to monetize. I don’t think you can actually monetize views on Instagram in Canada. It’s basically just through through partnerships or or companies you know reaching out to you, offering you products, or offering you, you know, sort of brand deals type of thing, or selling merch or that type of thing. Um, you know, it’s it’s I also I’m also a fucking idiot and don’t know what I’m doing. So that could be a huge part of the problem. Yeah. Um relatable. I I yeah, I’m I’m a self-admitted fool, and uh I’m not trying to trick anybody with that. I’m sure there’s someone out there who could be like, oh, you could actually be making a ton of money by doing these three things, and I’d be like, oh, well, I never would have thought of that. So if you’re one of those people, please send me a fucking letter.
David:
Yes, but also the all the problem with something like that is that becomes a slippery slope. And we all have the accounts we follow that are so funny and so organic and so real. They start doing sponsorships, and all of a sudden you see them just stopping doing what they want and just trying to do the pivot to where they all, and then the feed just becomes a fucking advertisement. Nothing is funny, nothing is edgy, nothing is dangerous. And then people start unfollowing them, right? So it’s it a lot of this is rooted in like, do you still enjoy it? And and obviously the money is great, but you want to make sure that your authenticity is still there. Um speaking of authenticity, what I love about your content is it’s very funny, but it’s also very real and unvarnished. And I can’t help but think a lot of it doesn’t come from the fact that you did stand-up comedy for so long that people beat you down mercilessly in a way where you are unafraid to go out there. Tell us a little bit about your stand-up life.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah, so I did it for a couple of years. I, you know, I would far I’m far from a stand-up comic now. You know, I that that would be a a um a disrespectful thing to say to the friends and and comedians that I still know who are still doing it and and grinding it out and such. But I did, you know, about 150 shows and open mics in a couple years span. Wow. Um, and it was, yeah, it is, I mean, the the people who can still keep going with it and and doing it and actually make a career out of it. I, you know, huge respect to those those people. And I I have a few friends who who have done it, and it’s like I can’t even imagine really doing it. The you know, the the unsureness, the insecurity financially of it. But you know, it’s uh you you develop a pretty thick skin fairly quickly when you’re you know, like like I had I had one show once where it was actually in my hometown. It was back in Guelph, Guelph, Ontario. Um, I was living in Toronto at the time, which is where I went to school for it. And a friend of mine was was putting on a show at a bar in Guelph, and I was like, yeah, it’ll be kind of like a fun homecoming for me. I’d been doing stand-up for almost two years. I was had some some decent jokes, you know. You think you’re pretty good a couple years in, and when you look back, you’re probably fucking terrible. But um, so I was like, this will be this will be a lot of fun. I was going with five or six other comedians that I quite liked and knew, and we all drove down and we’re doing the show, and um, it’s you know, it’s in a bar, so it’s it’s the whole thing’s lit up. It’s a nightmare scenario for for stand-up comedy, right? You want stand-up comedy, you want a dark room with low ceilings, and this was the exact opposite. Um, but what you know, it was there was a little sort of stage in the corner where I guess they usually do live music, and um, it’s always fun though when you have like a chalkboard sign out front that says stand-up comedy show tonight and no one reads it, and then you surprise people with like a blitzkrieg type comedy show. Like the like the bar regulars are like having to turn around. Why are people fucking talking about their wieners right now? Um, so I’m so we we do the show, or we’re doing the show, there’s you know, three comedians come up and then they announce that there’s like a a break for a bit. And I was like, I go to the diet that’s hosting, I’m like, why is there a break? Like, usually we just run through hour, hour and a half, and then we get out of here. And he goes, Oh, there’s some um there’s a young girl who’s gonna be performing music. And I was like, What? Excuse me? I’m like in the middle of our adult male stand-up comedy show, and they’re like, Yeah, so this this girl in like I don’t know how old she was, I’m gonna say 12, probably, in like fishnet gloves, like old Avra Levine style, like you know, socks pulled up, leather boots, starts setting up all this equipment, and her parents are sitting in like the first booth that’s like right by it’s four feet from where this stage is. And and I’m like, oh god, and they’re like, by the way, you’re going up after her. And I was like, fuck, like Jesus. I’m like, all right, well, what let’s how bad could this possibly be? So after way too long, I mean the the whole point of a comedy show is momentum. So after 20 minutes of having like a guitar and a stool set up, this this child goes up and goes, I’m gonna do four covers and three originals. Wow. I’m gonna start with a song I wrote. It’s called Take the Bullet Out of the Gun. I fucking wish that I was kidding you right now. And I’m like, Jesus Christ, I have to follow this sad emo guitar girl.
David:
With the first with a story of the first time I jerked off, like, oh my god, what am I doing?
SPEAKER_00:
Jesus Christ, people actually like it. She did like covers of what I would imagine was Avra Levine type type songs. I don’t I don’t remember exactly. I do remember that the name of that song, though, it’s stuck with me ever since. I mean, how could you forget? No, yeah, take the bullet out of the gun. I hope it’s on Spotify. I’m gonna look it up after, actually.
Gavin:
But um we’ll put it in our show notes that don’t exist.
SPEAKER_00:
She she does, I mean, again, way too long. Like seven, eight songs in the middle of a comedy show after setting up for 20 minutes is a complete disaster. Then the host goes back up. People had started to leave. It was like, all right, this is getting weird. So I go up to a room of people that are starting to exit. And I actually a proud moment of mine that I again, one of these the moments from this night that I’ll remember forever, is that a group of four people actually stopped at the door and watched me finish my set before leaving. So that that to me was a big win. That’s a big win.
David:
Of course, you did the bit about you having a gun full of bullets on you, and that just didn’t that didn’t apply well.
SPEAKER_00:
Oddly enough, I had a joke called put the bullet back in the gun.
David:
Put the bullet back in the gun, bitch.
SPEAKER_00:
Which I almost did.
Gavin:
So in comedy, I feel like so often you talk about it being such a grind and you have so much respect for people who are still out there doing it. And it also seems like so often comedians are really unhappy people. Tell me what was the draw? What did you love about comedy?
SPEAKER_00:
Well, it was kind of a way making other people laugh is is a huge rush. Um, and it’s a way of dealing with trauma. Like, you know, that’s if you I I don’t know a successful comedian that had like this perfect picket fence life growing up. Um, you know, there’s always there’s you know, that’s one way of dealing with trauma. I mean, you have to be kind of a really fucked up person to go in front of a room with hundreds, thousands of people, take a microphone by yourself, and be like, everyone stop talking, listen to the things that I have to say. Just that summary of it. The fact that you’re you know, you’re writing your own jokes, you’re trying to get laughs, and then you’re, you know, and then you’re trying to make all these strangers laugh at other stuff. And you know, like I I always talked about things that happen to me, kind of like my videos that I do now, right? It’s it’s a way to release um you know some tension in your life and and some trauma. And it’s you know, oftentimes, whether I know it or not, when I put out a video of a problem I’m having, I get really helpful advice in the comments. Oh, and I go, fuck yeah, that’s actually maybe subconsciously that’s why I posted this video, because people are like, you know, I do videos about how tough it is to brush a toddler’s teeth, and then I get you know 20, 30, 40 comments of people being like, try this, this, and this. And I’m like, God, it actually is actually a way of me reaching out. So I’m actually the one being helped. You know, it’s like the like that whole like that saying of like the therapists are more fucked up than their patients or whatever, like the comedians more fucked up than the audience, right? I’m I’m getting advice and people are helping. People, you know, I get messages all the time, which is uh fantastic of people being like, Thank you for doing what you’re doing, all this stuff. But it’s actually in a lot of ways, I’m the one who’s getting help from from my audience, my followers.
Gavin:
You could have a side gig uh where you’re actually doling out advice, which is much less funny and much more patronizing, but still could be helpful.
David:
Yeah, you could talk about the trauma of being Canadian with free healthcare and pre-marriage. You can talk about how hard that was for you.
SPEAKER_00:
To be honest, the the free healthcare has some some massive downsides. But you know, obviously it’s there are advantages, but there are some some big old downsides as well.
Gavin:
Listen, we refer to Canada as the promised land all the time. We do not need you shitting on your own country.
David:
Okay. Yeah, especially because you and I are gonna get married when our country crumbles. We’re both gonna divorce our partners, you and I are gonna get married so I can get to Canada, then we’re gonna divorce again and get remarried to our old partners. Just FBI, don’t listen, don’t listen to this right now. But that is 100% the plan.
SPEAKER_00:
That’s smart. That’s almost like a Shania Twain thing. What’s the Shania Twain thing? Where her, do you know what I’m talking about? No, Kavanaugh? So Shania Twain and her best friend like uh cheated on each other. I don’t know if they cheated, but they married each other’s uh partners, like they switched, they switched husbands.
David:
Oh. Well, did it work out? And are they still married to those people?
SPEAKER_00:
I think so.
David:
I mean, listen, that’s how she was Canadian. Isn’t Shania Canadian? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
But it wasn’t it wasn’t a uh, you know, screw the FBI border green card thing, but it was like a switching of spouses, yeah.
David:
Which was you know that Shania Twain was my first concert at 14? Little gay David Bond just str just amongst the country people watching Shania Twain and me telling everyone she’s so hot and sexy.
SPEAKER_00:
Did people believe you?
David:
I I think you know the answer to that question.
Gavin:
If you said it with that tone, no, but it was not believable at all. Are you already a hockey playing family as well?
SPEAKER_00:
My son is I’m gonna try to get him into hockey. You know, that’s he he has a little hockey stick in uh in in the living room that he it he uses it more as a weapon of mass destruction, I’ll say, right now, because he’s not even he’s not two yet, but you know, he has the instincts in him, he has the violence in him. He actually I might actually be accidentally neck tattoo plumber, yeah. I may accidentally be raising one of those. Um, but it you know, if it is sort of my athletic escape, if you will, um, right now. But you know, eventually, like, you know, my family used to have backyard rinks, my cousins still do. Um, you know, it’s it’s it’s pretty popular around here to have backyard rinks. So he’s been out on a rink before, and you know, he’ll get a pair of skates at some point. And you know, if he wants to play hockey, I would be more than thrilled. If he wants to do other stuff, then you know, I’m not I’m not gonna be like one of those. My goal is to not end up on Dr. Phil or whatever the current version of that is.
unknown:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
I try to live like vicariously through my kid and just make him miserable and resent me forever. Yeah, that’s not my goal.
David:
Every time I hear Dr. Phil, all I can think of is catch me outside. Catch me outside.
SPEAKER_00:
Like, I can’t believe that that was that really happened.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
Um speaking of OnlyFans, yeah, she makes like a million dollars a month.
David:
Or more. I mean, you’re we’re all in the wrong business. Every one of us is the fool or the idiot. Um, so you and I, Tyler, we have very, very young children. So we’re not super experienced parents, just like Gavin is. He’s kind of our our little mentor. But I do have two questions for you I want to wrap up with is what is the best part of parenting and what is the worst part of parenting?
SPEAKER_00:
Okay, I’ll start with worst. Um when they’re I think it’s it’s like what it’s when they’re sick or when there’s there’s some sort of ailment and you you feel helpless because you can’t in a lot of ways you can’t really uh help them. Um like you know, when kids get stomach flu or anything like this, especially when they’re young and can’t properly communicate, you know, like right now my son can kind of like point to where it hurts. Um, which is helpful, but you know, when their babies are or they’re sick or they’re cold, you know, for example, my my son had a uh had a tongue tie when he was when he was born, so we had to get that dealt with by like a dental surgeon. And by the way, okay, so my wife and I go, I had this written down in my notes actually, but my wife and I go into this dental surgeon to get deal with the tongue tie because it was preventing him from breastfeeding properly, it was preventing him from from from breathing and and eating and feeding properly. So it was something that our doctor was like, you should get it dealt with because he had a tongue tie and a lip tie. So we go into this doctor, and the doctor dentist, sorry, he’s wearing off-white Jordan ones.
David:
Yeah. That’s a pro immediate no. Immediate no. The red flags. That’s a five. I’ve seen all I need to see, I’ve heard all I need to hear, immediate no for me.
SPEAKER_00:
It’s a$5,000 pair of sneakers, and not a subtle one either. Like, if he was wearing, I don’t know, like Farragamo loafers or something expensive, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed. But he’s wearing like white and blue off-white Jordan 1s, and I was like, this is a fucking medical professional. Anyways, we’re already there, so we get the thing done. But the when you have to do something, so with with the tongue tie, you have to like stretch it out with q-tips for like two weeks so that it doesn’t regrow. Right? So you have this this brand new beautiful baby that you love more than anything, and you have to like rip the inside of its mouth eight times a day for two weeks so that and it’s helping them eventually, but at the time you’re feel you I mean you feel absolutely horrible because they’re just screaming constantly. So things like that I find are the worst, where it’s like you have to do something like you know, you’re trying to suck boogers out of their nose, or you’re trying to brush their teeth, or you’re trying to do anything that’s like it’s helping them, but you can’t communicate that you’re trying to help them. So it just feels like you’re torturing your own child.
David:
I feel like that’s a humble brag, Tyler, that you just chose the worst part of parenting as like you can’t help them more. I’m gonna deny that. I’m gonna that’s denied. No, no. The answer is having kids.
Gavin:
But I have to say that with the amount of trauma that you have just uh described imparting upon your kid, he’s gonna be a hell of a comedian. He’s gonna be so funny.
SPEAKER_00:
He’s gonna be so funny. I’m hoping. Yeah. Was that was that kind of like like that episode of The Office where Michael Scott’s like, what are my flaws? I don’t know. I care too much, I sing in the shower.
David:
Like that’s literally, you literally just did that. You’re like, what’s your worst quality? And you’re like, I just I’m too rich. I’m too hung. It’s just a problem. Too good of a father, I would say is sort of the weird. All right, fine. We’ll skip that because you clearly refuse to answer that question. All right, what’s the best part of parenting so far in two years?
SPEAKER_00:
Uh torturing your kid when with cute sits, holding them underwater until they stop moving. Yeah. Best part is God, there’s so many, honestly, there’s there’s so many fun parts. Watching them, you know, the different phases they go through when they’re learning different things. You know, the downside of them learning things is that, you know, they get sleep regressions or whatever you want to call them. Um, but the upside, you know, starting to see them figure things out, get a little bit of a personality, learn things, learn words. You’re like watching this tiny human figure out the universe, it’s fucking it’s fascinating to me. And it’s like, I don’t really do content about that because it’s not terribly funny, right? It’s but it’s you know, I just watching my son figure things out and and you know, um, like he he loves dogs, so he’ll just every time he sees a dog outside of the car, we’re taking him to the park, he’ll just point dog, dog, dog, dog, dog. He’s like obsessed. It’s you know, what just watching them grow and learn is is it’s hard to explain to non-parents, because that is true.
David:
I think that’s very true. I would say David probably agrees with that. Like, because you know, non-parents will hear a parent go, oh my god, little Billy said bunny today. Can you believe it? And non-parents are like, who fucking cares? He learned how to say words, that’s what kids do. But you don’t understand when you have a front row seat to watching this empty block of clay start to put itself together and see them for the first time learn, uh, understand, enjoy, experience something, it’s fucking intense. But from the outside, it’s like, who cares? They said money, who fucking cares?
SPEAKER_00:
But also, sort of on the other side of things, you start to see, like we start you know, when you start to see their little bits of personality, you also see negative parts of your personality in them, and it freaks you the fuck out. Like my son had, you know, I think most kids have it, it’s a little, it’s a blue thing with a yellow lid, and it’s got shapes. And you, you know, they put them in there to learn, you know, the square goes here, the triangle goes here. My son was was quite young. I don’t even think he was walking yet, so he was probably nine, eight, nine months, maybe, and he was, you know, going to put it in, and he was trying to put like the square in the triangle one, and it wasn’t working, and he just started fist smashing the thing, and I was like, Oh, that’s my impatience. That’s it. There it is.
David:
Hockey player, hockey player. Children are ugly mirrors, they will show you you in a way that you don’t want to see you.
SPEAKER_00:
And on top of that, they also they’ll humble you in ways accidentally that you don’t realize as possible. Like my son, um, you know, one time, he like he grabbed me by like the waddle, you know, like the turkey waddle, the double gym, whatever you want to call it. And I was just like, I didn’t know I had enough there for a human to get a full-on handful of. Or like, you know, they grab love handles or side tit or you know, whatever. It’s just like, and you’re like, oh fuck, like I maybe I do need to go to the gym. And they’re not meaning to do it, obviously, but you’re like, God damn it. Like, no adult would ever walk up to you and be like, you know what I mean? But a kid will. Humbling, humbling experience. And they’re also violent and extremely strong for their size.
David:
Yeah. Now, see, now we’re getting into the worst parts. You just called your child violent. I appreciate it. Now you’re finally getting to the subject.
SPEAKER_00:
This I didn’t even have this written down because this happened this morning. If we’re talking about actual worst parts. So I was playing with my son before taking him to daycare. I take him, I take him one um on my days off because I’ve look because I have some time. Um, so he’s playing in his playpen, and um we still have um the like the big playpen set up, or as I call it, guan toddler Mobay. Just it’s it’s open. We keep the gate open, but it kind of keeps things contained. We’ll probably take it away when we got to put a Christmas tree up. But so he’s in there on the mat, and he’s like he’s in sort of like a turtle huddled up position. Um and he’s kind of like playing peekaboo. I can see him kind of peeking out from his hands. So I go over him, like like a blanket, like a human blanket. I’m in the same type of like turtle position, and I’m kind of peeking around him, just being silly, making noises, giving him kisses on the head or whatnot. So the position that he’s in, the position I’m in, he kicks his feet up and kicks me in the back of the testicles. Okay. Not the front, the back. Which you didn’t know you had. Very rarely do you ever get kicked in the back of the testicles. Usually it’s a front shot or a side shot. Or a little tap.
David:
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:
Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever been kicked in the back of the testicles before. So I kind of lurch forward in pain, and he shoots his head up and hits me in the jaw. Like if a UFC fighter did a combo like that, it would be on highlight reels for weeks.
David:
This was he would be arrested for a violent crime for us.
SPEAKER_00:
He might be kicked, he might be kicked out of the UFC because it’s too violent. Yeah. So a sweet moment with my toddler turned into one or more violent. It’s basically a crime. Yeah. I may I may have it looked at. I wish I had footage, but just all just back of the testicles, bottom of the chin. It was like in two seconds. I couldn’t believe it.
David:
Anyone who has kids is a psychopath already, even if they’re a comedian or not. Um we love you. Um, time is up. We can’t talk to you anymore because this podcast has to be way less uh time than it is. Um, thank you for joining us. Everyone, please follow him if you don’t. You already do. I guarantee you you already follow this guy. But if you don’t, please tell us where we can find you.
SPEAKER_00:
So on Instagram, it’s at heated underscore seats, as we discussed earlier in the pod. Um too afraid to change it. Um and then on TikTok, it’s at Champagne Tyler, um, which is uh, you know, a more traditional uh thing. It’s it’s you know my black supername and first name. Yeah, yeah. It’s my eventually moving to Florida to dance for money name. So yes.
David:
Well, well, everyone, break out your fives and go visit Tyler in Florida um as he dances to pour some sugar on me um and make it rain. Uh thank you for stopping by, Tyler. We love you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, guys.
Gavin:
So since you opened the door for me to be able to talk about my election, that of course only happened yesterday. Okay. Three days. So a month ago. But um something great is that um the way I won, frankly, is that I went door to door and I knocked hundreds of doors in my community, which is one of the reasons that one of the many reasons that I drive you crazy with our podcast, as I’m like, oh, I’m trying to do too many things. But knocking doors, it was so awesome to be able to be face to face with people. And nobody’s accustomed to ever having uh people knock their doors unless it’s literally the UPS man. And I was not that sexy guy with uh Or the police to report a body.
David:
Do you know what I mean?
Gavin:
But correct. Uh I was not the police. But it was um it was something great, honestly, was making eye contact with a lot of people, in particular like senior citizens who are home alone. And um sometimes I was overwhelmed with a little bit of loneliness, um, but enjoyed talking to them. And so honestly, oh God, I was hoping not to make this all schmaltzy, but the fact is I wanted to run it for the Board of Ed to hopefully help um schools uh be even better. And one of the main things is like, how do we get our kids not to be lonely in a world that is increasingly disconnected with social media and artificial intelligence? So my something great was getting out and knocking doors and just talking to strangers. I know we would all rather just sit home and Netflix and chill, but let’s face it, our souls are always better when we like get out and connect with human beings. So my something great was all of the months of September and October that I was talking to strangers.
David:
That is at the same time, no, no, it no, at the same time, that is like I watched all your uh if you guys aren’t following Gavin, follow Gavin and all his things because you can he post a lot of videos of him like driving his bike and being in the woods and talking and stuff like that. It’s part half of me is like, that sounds so fun and so sweet and getting to meet people. And the other half of me is like, that is my literal nightmare. Forget forget plane crashes, knocking on a person’s door and asking them to do something for me is my actual nightmare.
Gavin:
432 of them. I know. And even from back in the day, did you have to sell stuff when you were a little kid? Like door to the door. I did.
David:
I had to hand out flyers and stuff. Yeah, it’s it’s the great worst. And when you’re a kid, at least you have cuteness. An adult shows up at a door, people are gonna put a gun on your face. Um anyway. Um, well, that’s great. I’m sorry to you know shit all over it, but that’s what you do. Well, I’m totally accustomed to it. And what about you? What’s your something great that I can shit on, David? All right. Well, my something great is something schmultzy, so good luck. Um I went over to our the a friend, friends of the podcast, Rob and Carl, who were uh guests of ours back when talking about adoption scams.
Gavin:
Dozens of episodes ago, which dozens of episodes actually, honestly.
David:
And we all hung out and it was a wonderful evening. But one of the things that that was happening was they had this like little pop-up tent they put in the yard in. Their kid and our two kids all got in it, and it was so sweet, and there was like music playing, and it was like fall, and it was wonderful. And we were just like standing, you know, 20 feet away, watching these kids have a conversation in the tent. And it was just this like magical moment of witnessing these kids kind of start to create these memories that I remember having. And then I had this moment of realization where I went, because I thought about the memories I have like that. Like I remember one time getting at this like spinner art thing when I was a kid, and it was just such a solid memory. My it nowhere in my memory are my parents, but I realized my parents were just off-screen, a couple feet, watching me have this memory. Yep. And it was just this wild connection of all of my like wonderful childhood memories and realizing that my parents were there. They were just off screen in my mind witnessing it. So it’s kind of cool to kind of watch our kids. They’re like laughing and trading things and playing with leaves and stuff. They weren’t aware that we were kind of watching this, and it was just really cool. So uh it’s way too schmalty for me. I promised to in the in the new year to get better at this. But um, that was my something great.
Gavin:
There’s a way to shit on it though, because like, were you taking a hundred phone uh pictures of it while they were playing? Unlike your parents who were just in the moment, enjoying it and not necessarily documenting it with an iPhone.
David:
Ugh, and unfortunately, that’s our show. If you have any comment suggestions or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
Gavin:
Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at GatriarchsPodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at selloutpolitician on nothing.
David:
Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts.
Gavin:
Thanks. And we’ll knock on your door next year on another episode of Gatriarchs.